Please don't talk about love tonight

For the Week of October 1, 2018
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Jennifer returns her engagement ring to Eric
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It's all over! *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* It's all over! *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* "Jeneric" is done. "Breve" is a goner. Let's talk breakups, shakeups, and shack-ups in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

It's happened! Eric finally uttered those magical words to Jennifer that I've been longing to hear. He told her, "I can't even deal with you." Yep. That sums up "Jeneric" for me, ex-Padre. Things weren't any better for Brady and Eve.

Yes, in one glorious week, two lackluster couples have been taken off life support, and Belle didn't even have to fight to make it happen. They simply imploded. If they had taken Bonnie with them, I would have considered it a trifecta, but I digress.

That all leads to the big question. Jenny Bear's returned the ring. All the cats are out of the bag. So, I ask, when is Eric going to cut off that stupid friendship bracelet? I have a sympathetic shoulder, a pair of scissors, and a hankering to find Nicole, too, Eric. That's all I'm saying.

Look, I'd be lying if I said I even remotely enjoyed Eric and Jennifer's relationship. They were a one-way ticket to Yawnsville. That's no fault of Greg Vaughan and Melissa Reeves. They absolutely gave it their all. One can easily tell both actors are on top of their games by watching, but they were handed a wonky storyline that went from strung out to nauseatingly saccharine to, well, who cares. So, they broke up. The only sleep I'll be losing over that is from being overly excited about what's next for them!

That is, Eric is on the hunt for Nicole! Yes, please. So. Much. Yes. I nearly tripped over myself getting my Rollerblades back on as he decided finding Nicole is at the top of his to-do list. Only Maggie didn't seem as excited. She hid the fact she has Nicole on speed dial. Hmm, Mags. That was shady, lady. Still, Eric is a man on a mission and will not be deterred. I hope so, at least!

Meanwhile, Jennifer is licking her wounds and oversharing her sorrow with anyone who will listen. Sure. Jennifer eventually told Eric the truth. That's grand, but does telling the truth two months later really make someone so brave and selfless? If that's the case, yep, it was me. I ate the last doughnut leftover from the would-be Independence Day barbeque, even though I knew Roman really wanted it. I was hungry. But, yay! Look how brave I am for confessing. I'm like a hero or something. Anyway...

Kayla's compassion is one of the many things I love about her. Still, part of me wished she had been just a tad sassy with Jennifer. At least one, "You crushed my nephew, woman!" would have been nice. But, again, I digress, as Kayla was being the bestie she's always known to be.

J.J.'s talk with Jennifer was a little peculiar, though. I know J.J. stating, "It's Eric. He forgives," was well-meaning to make Mama Jen feel better, but that statement was a little presumptuous of Jack Pat. Just because Eric does generally forgive people (not you right now, Brady, and sorry), doesn't mean he should have to. Eric really didn't do anything wrong except trust in Jennifer. I doubt he'll hold a grudge, though. After all. It is Eric.

With that, I'm not holding a grudge with Jennifer. She knows what she did. I'm also not going to beat her up about it. That's what Eve's for. For me, my biggest gripe with the character is, and has been for a while now, the writers are not tapping into her inner Jenniferness.

When Jenny Bear goes into plucky reporter mode, I'm all in. Jen has always been her best when fighting the good fight. Love triangles and, dear Soap Gods, addiction scenarios don't work well for her. At all. I want Jennifer to be more provoking in a Lois Lane kind of way rather than the friend you promise to "do lunch" with but never really have intentions of following through with, as they're a bit annoying.

Since the current writers love themselves some umbrella storylines, here's food for thought. Jennifer could be the linchpin to it all. She (and maybe even Will as her sidekick and protégé) should be jumping from plot to plot, connecting Salem scandals via the Spectator. She certainly has the ties in town from a cousin commissioner to a chief of staff sister-in-law. She and the mayor are right, too. Most of the Salem P.D. are always snacking in the blue room, so a few doughnuts would get them talking. Oh, oh! Her once bestie is even the psycho du jour! See, connections.

On the other side of Salem, Brady and Eve found their connection crumbling. Upon J-Ho's confession, Eve decided it was best that Brady heard about the "drastic things" she initiated with Victor. I'm shocked. I didn't see that ending badly for her. I kid, I kid. I think we all saw that Acme anvil looming over Wile Eve Coyote.

Then again, Eve had a feeling she and Brady were going to make it. Sure, girl. Sure. And Will may ultimately pick Paul for real. I repeat, "Sure." Please. Eve might as well have gotten Brady's name tattooed somewhere because, like declaring "We're going to make it," that's a one-way ticket to Splitsville.

In the end, Brady just doesn't know where he and Eve could go from here. Here's an idea, B-Man. Stop relationship hopping. It's exhausting. You're exhausting. I had a hard time coughing up any sympathy for him when he exclaimed, "Just like every other woman." Sure. Some of those gals were not playing with a full deck, but they all do have one thing in common. Hmm. Wonder what that is? Oh. Right. It's Brady "You're the Love of My Life after One Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino" Black. Slow your roll, dude.

Just like Jennifer needs to fill her time with fabulous journalistic adventures, Brady needs to fill his time either working or visiting his son. Or house hunting. Dude's still living in a hotel. More so, he needs to be single for a while. He can ask Roman or Lucas what that means. They're experts despite recent relations. I'm sure they'll explain what single means, have plenty of pointers, and a plethora of coupons for Duncan Hines Perfect Size for 1 treats. And if Brady really wants companionship, maybe he can borrow Jordan's cat, Arthur. Well, as long as he doesn't pet him too hard.

As for Eve, like Jennifer, she knows what she did. While there wasn't much to love about the "Breve," I absolutely adore Kassie DePaiva and want Eve to get a fresh storyline. Kassie's kind of talent needs to stick firmly around Salem!

How much do I love Sami being back in Salem? Well, I don't have time to gush that much, but I do. I really do. I'd pay to watch her give it to Stefan all day. Their scenes were great. But, oh, that chump won't even know what hit him if she unleashes the full Sami Gene on him. Please, Stefan, keep poking that bear. Please.

Justin told Sami, "People don't stop being dead." Umm. About that. Maybe he should ask his ex-son-in-law, or pretty much anyone else in Salem. Half the town's population has bounced back from the great beyond at some point. Despite his best attempt to sell E.J.'s demise to Sami as his cause of death was different than Will's, it just made Justin look a little naïve. I'd much rather see a smart man like Justin McDimples shrug it off and say, "Anything's possible."

Conversely, Sami told Justin he was the best lawyer in town. Oh, sweetie. You have been gone a while. Sami certainly didn't see Tate's custody hearing. #BetterOffTed

Stefan describing someone else as delusional was rich. Seriously, dude? Check your crazy kettle before you start calling the pot black. Okay. Technically, even a broken clock is right twice a day, so where as he might not be that wrong about Kristen's special brand of cray, he should meet my friends "Shut" and "Up" before bashing his big sister again. I mean, really. As if I needed another reason to hate that guy.

Also, I know Kristen is preoccupied with vengeance right now, but, good grief, there is not a part of me that believes she couldn't destroy Stefan if she wanted to. In addition to being passed the Phoenix mantle and the fact that she studied under the big guy himself, Stefan doesn't have his mommy around this time to fight his fight. If Kristen wanted to reclaim the empire, my bet's on big sis. She carries a bigger, crazier stick.

Hattie said to Kristen, "One doppelgänger to another." While that's rather meta of DAYS, maybe it's time to trim the twinsie storylines. Apart from Hattie for the most part, look-alike tales have gone from sly plot points good for some drama or simply a chuckle or two to eye-roll inducing, unimaginative filler. The show's been banking too much on the wow-factor of the dops lately. We get it, DAYS. It's fun, but I'm not going to wave every time you pass on the merry-go-round. After a while, it's just tiring.

Like Jennifer, Adrienne needs a storyline. Pronto. Like, a for-real, her very own storyline. No more bogus Bonnie business. Wilson has fans, she can put down the pompoms and tissues for a while. She needs her own stuff to do. As it is, she's the sole Johnson sibling left in Salem. Her brother was just suspiciously arrested. Hmm, what does Adrienne do? Right! She co-owns a newspaper. That paper has investigative reporters. Jennifer so happens to be one of them. Jennifer also needs a new storyline since *gleeful giggling* she and Eric broke up. That would be a "two birds, one stone" storyline for two characters who could use a little pizazz in their lives.

Regarding "Wilson," they're not together, as Will picked placating a paralyzed Paul as the perfect plan. Please. At least respect Paul enough to let him go, Will. Paul is related to Brady. Those Black men bounce back quickly after heartbreaks, just not three-story falls, as it were. Ultimately, the casting news pretty much made this storyline a slow, tedious walk to the gallows for Paul and Will.

Update! Kimberly is getting better. This makes me happy. I love Kimberly. She needs to visit when she's back on her feet. Just saying.

Another update? Tater Tot is sticking around SoCal! Brady is a mess. Umm. A bigger mess than usual. Too bad he doesn't have access to a private plane or something.

Hope is looking guiltier and guiltier. That can only mean one thing. She's innocent. Totally unrelated, did anyone check Tripp's browser history lately to see if he Googled "accelerant." Ben's apparent guilt is doing wonders for Tripp's love life. Dots are connecting. Hmm.

Ha! Hattie outsmarted John. While I have some compassion for John, I'd feel worse for him lately if he hadn't blinded his best friend earlier in the year. Karma can kind of be a bitch, Black Man. Enjoy being Mr. Hattie Adams. I know I'm enjoying this.

Oh, and Marlena's awake! The real Marlena. Well, we think. It could be an undead Samantha Evans or another look-alike. It's hard to keep track these days. Regardless, Mar Mar made it, and now Kristen is holding her at gunpoint. At least seeing Kristen is a less confusing coma wake-up than seeing John and Roman dressed alike in blue button-downs, standing above her. There's that.

Extra Scoops

Sure the storylines might have been subpar, but superb actors shine regardless. Major kudos to Greg Vaughan, Melissa Reeves, Kassie DePaiva, and Eric Martsolf! Their tour de force performances were riveting.

I just can't with the Baby Bonnie storyline. The baby's cute, no doubt, but can Bonnie just go into "the other room" or go mail a letter? Judi Evans does an amazing job crafting a very different character from Adrienne, but Bonnie is such a one-trick pony, and that horse died a long time ago. There's no reason to keep on beating it.

Sami (to Stefan): "That's funny. I'm not really good at doing what I'm told."

Sami: "We'll come home and maybe kick Stefan out of this house once and for all."
Harold: "An attractive thought."

After last week, it's pretty clear Hope and Jennifer need to spend some quality cousin/bestie time together.

Speaking of hangouts, I want to hang in the square with Belle and Shawn, too!

Victor said upon learning of Bonnie's release from jail, "Oh, great. Just what we need. Another fruitcake in town." That. Just that.

Though I'm still a little salty with Maggie for her continued scolding of Victor (I mean, love it or list it, Mags), she did have some fun zingers, too. I laughed when she said, "Your word and five bucks might get me this cup of tea."

Instead of Bonnie being, um, some sort of comic relief, I'd much rather have Eugene and Calliope back in Salem for a visit.

All things Victor and Susan were kind of hilarious.

The look on Eli's face while interacting with Susan was priceless. You could tell Lamon Archey was trying to hold it together. And he almost did.

I don't know why, but every time someone mentions the drug Halo, I chuckle.

Eric and Brady's battle was epic. Greg and Eric just bring it. They aren't afraid to get ugly. I feel like I need to send them both a thank-you note.

How long will it take Hope to become Princess Gina again? Maybe Gina and Fafe (Fake Rafe) can go on double dates with Hope and Rafe. That would be, um, fun.

I hate watching Gabi do horrible things to Chad and Abigail but could binge watch her messing with Stefan all day. Either way, Camila Banus is Must-See TV!

I missed Harold. He's hilarious. More, please.

Wait! What ever happened to the DiMera maid, Mary? Does she go to the same invisible game nights that Nurse Maxine, Rory, and Anne Milbauer do?

I think Harold is the first one to ask about Johnny and Sydney. Sami told him that the children are growing fast. And that he would hardly recognize them. Hmm. They're probably about thirty now, maybe? Soap ages are so confusing. Nevertheless, I think it's time we caught up with them. Oh, and Allie, too. Poor Allie.

I need to remember, "Good. No flies on you." Thanks, Hattie.

No one does tortured like Greg Vaughan. No. One. And the Emmy goes to...

I forgot forensics were Shawn-D's thing. He needs to stick around and keep reminding us of that.

Eric exclaimed that Brady destroyed his life. True. But then he ended up with Jennifer. That part was on him.

Question time! When Jennifer told J.J., "It's Eric, and I think that it's over," and "I'm pretty sure I've lost him," was I the only one who responded, "You think!?" and "Pretty sure there, Jen!"

Oh, okay! Rafe and Eli both searched the crime scene at the cabin. Now I feel better. They're always on top of their game. Wait!? It's not Opposite Day? Then, yeah, that evidence could have been there all along with a neon sign reading "Evidence!" and they might have missed it.

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for the week of October 1. As many of you may have read, our beloved "Pop," Frank Parker, has passed away. Though his character's been gone from the DAYS landscape for nearly a decade, I have such fond memories of Frank's earnest approach to the role of Shawn Brady, Sr. He really personified "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." Frank also crafted a sincere family man whose warmth and humbleness were something special to hold onto, especially when storylines ventured from satanic to virtual. Frank kept Shawn grounded, and that kept fans grounded. He will continue to be missed. My sincere condolences to Frank's loved ones.

Laurisa will be back next week to see if any of our wayward couples patch things up, and I'll be lurking in the shadows like Gabi to ensure they don't. And, "That's a fact!"

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