The passion of the crazies

For the Week of April 11, 2022
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Batten down the hatches, besties! There's a storm sweeping through Salem, and it's called Hurricane Crazy. The likes of Jan Spears, Satan, Andre, Gwen, and more keep making maniacal maneuvers that have most of us screaming, "Hey, a-what's going on?" Let's find out in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

So, friends, we're readying ourselves to attend a gender reveal party in Salem while the devil, Andre, and Jan Spears walk about. What could be worse than that? No, really. I'm asking. That scenario is horrifying.

Though before we get busy biting into pink or blue cake with "CIN" and company, we have last week to discuss. And boy (or girl!), it was wacky. Sanity flew the coop. Craziness flourished. Hell, even sane-ish Salemites seemed to make some sus choices. Let's start by discussing the pink (or blue) elephant in the room...

Ms. Spears is pregnant, but there's an even twistier twist! Shawn-D is not the father. She said, "Now that I have your daddy convinced you're his." Whew! There's that nugget of good news.

Of course, Shawn doesn't know that. Neither does Belle. So, "Shelle" is a bit broken at the moment, and by "broken," I mean she's sleeping on her parents' couch and day drinking. I kind of need a drink, too. 'Tink, make room.

For starters, let's be clear here. Shawn did not consent to have sex with Jan. Jan had sex with Shawn. That's rape. Even E.J. stated, "Shawn is the victim in all this." Absolutely.

My heart broke for Shawn-D. When he spoke of the shame and embarrassment, I just wanted to give him a reassuring hug. He brought it home when stating, "I just didn't know how to say the words." That's mighty powerful stuff, and, sadly, a very common reaction from rape survivors. Saying the words does make it real, and facing reality in such a situation is horrific. He was the victim. He needed to control the timeline and tell people when he felt ready. Jan has now taken that away from him, too.

But, sorry, Belle, that you felt "humiliated."

Okay. Everyone deserves their feels, and Belle is no different. I have some sympathy for her, too, but I just felt a lot of the focus was on "the lie" Shawn told rather than, you know, a rape survivor's story. While very, very well-acted, the entire rift seemed heavy-handedly written to distance Belle from Shawn and, I dunno, maybe push her toward E.J. Maybe.

It's not that Eej and his sister-in-lawyer don't have chemistry, but is now the time to explore that? Perhaps keeping them friends will keep them more interesting. After all, anticipation makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe that's absence. Anyway. Dr. Frank-N-Furter is right about antici...pation. It keeps us coming back for...more.

From "more" to "no more," Belle's affair with Philip (but not the other guy) was brought up. Um. I get that's low-hanging fruit in such a situation, but that noise needs to be squelched. Belle willfully slept with Philly. And that other guy. Shawn did not willingly sleep with Jan. Not even a bit. So, why is this being compared again? Right. We need every argument to justify "Bell-J." Or is it "EBelle?"

Speaking of arguments, couldn't "rape" be added to Jan's list of crimes now? Like, officially added. She basically admitted to it while bragging to Belle. Belle being a lawyer. Even if 'Tink was thrown off guard, she could have gone into attorney mode. What if Shawn were her client? How would she help him? That would be easier said than done, especially as emotions are running, I'm sure.

Still, Belle knows Shawn well enough to know that if he kept quiet about this because -- as he painfully admitted -- he "didn't know how to say the words," well, maybe she should take the blame game down a notch. Or ten. And more so, be there for a guy she's known and loved her entire life, and maybe she would even know how hurt he must have been, since he couldn't even get the words out. That's not typical Shawn. I'm glad he has Ciara in his corner. Supporting a victim is, like, a good thing, you know.

For comparison, nobody blamed Allie when she didn't admit to being raped at first. She was victimized, scared, and expecting a baby (too). How is this so different? I could see if Shawn put Belle's health at risk if he'd caught an STD from Jan and passed it to her, but other than that, I have a hard time believing sympathy shouldn't have won over "humiliation" in this case. Sure, there's a lot of hard work ahead, but "Shelle" has been through worse and worked through it. So, c'mon, you two.

Also, can we see the faux-flashback scene were Shawn -- using his skill set as a detective who has helped rape victims -- privately got screened for things right after his attack? If anyone could sympathize with Shawn professionally and personally, it would be Aunt Doctor Kayla. Seeing Sweetness help her nephew would be heartwarming, considering what he's been through. What they've both been through now.

Meanwhile, in Statesville, has Jan met fellow inmate Ms. Vivian Alamain? I'm not sure if Auntie Viv would be Anti-Jan, as she still loves John like a nephew and Belle is his daughter, or if she'd be Team Spears, as Belle has broken Philip's heart on more than one occasion, and she sees him as her son. You never know which side of the psycho coin Viv would land on, but I digress.

We know that Shawn-D doesn't appear to be the baby daddy, so that begs the question: who is!? Jan's been in Statesville for a while now. She's had plenty of time to secure a little bundle of cray. A crayby? Again, I digress.

We surely know Statesville prison guards can be bought, but did Jan need to spend big bucks on a baby daddy? First, Dr. Rolf is in the big hizzy. He likes to tinker with technology and, you know, life. He once had "Essenza di Stefano" on a chip and was also a smidge obsessed with someone siring a Stef-A-Clone. Did he convince Jan to carry a baby Phoenix, and, in exchange, he would help her with Shawn? Hmm.

There's also Orpheus or his wackadoodle son, Evan (Christian). They would be strong candidates. They hate everything Brady and love everything crazy. A baby might help them all seek vengeance. Or on the same revenge-minded mindset, maybe Clyde wanted to be a papa and grandpapa at the same time. Actually...

If Clyde turned out to be Jan's baby daddy and E.J. were to find out, he'd essentially be Belle's hero if he told her. Would he tell her if that meant "Shelle" patching things up? Again, "Hmm!"

Or is Satan simply the baby daddy? Perhaps Andre? I'm not sure how that works in hell. Any which way we spin it, this storyline is crazy, and we have many more baby bombshells to go. So, who do you think is the baby daddy?


I need volunteers. Folks to pick timeslots and ensure Chanel stays away from Sydney. While I believe Will is safe, Syd's a blank slate. I don't know anything about the youngest DiMera heiress' orientation, but Chanel does not need a sibling trifecta heartbreak. Seriously, though...

I felt horrible for Dupree. And Raven Bowens was brilliant! Of course, it was the devil who achy-breaky-hearted Chanel, but she didn't know that. Either time. And this will leave her with a helluva choice once she learns the truth. Which de-Satan-ed sibling will Chanel select once all is out in the open?

Was anyone else more interested in the fashion sites knocking off Basic Black originals than the rest of Nicole and Rafe's conversation? I'm asking for a friend. These fashion feuds would be a great way to bring designer Jeannie Theresa back. Just saying.

Clyde stated that, "My money is on Ciara." Always, Clyde. Always.

Fiddlesticks! Clyde is still carrying a torch for Kate. He wants to take another, um, shot at it. Kate's with Roman and claims she's not interested. At all. So, the affair will happen during May Sweeps? I kid. I kid. One thing is for sure, however -- Kate and Clyde showdowns are seldom boring, so watch out, Mr. Roman! There could be some crossfire there. Literally.

Jake said of Ava: "Well, it's just my opinion, but it doesn't seem like you were cut out to be some domestic goddess serving ziti to the commish. You're more badass than that." Say what you will about this potential paring, but he certainly knows Ava already. That sums her up fairly well. She's a badass, indeed.

Also, Ava really needs to buy the Bistro or, as Laurisa once suggested, Chez Rouge. It would not only showcase her sick culinary skill set but also give her a front if she needs one. Win meet win!

Plus, if Ava purchases a place, new besties Gwen and Gabi will have another watering hole. Okay. They're not besties -- yet -- but I did enjoy their scenes together. They do have a lot in common. Oddly a lot. It's kind of weird to hash it all out, as Ava is Gwen's frenemy, and Gabi is Abigail's frenemy, and so on. There's so much love and hate there, it all sort of balances out to, "Sure. Why not?" Though, for every hangout with Gwen, Gabs needs to balance it with some more Sonny time to keep her from going full Cruella.

In other Awful People News, water remained wet, the sky remained blue, and Gwen remained awful through and through. Oh, a little rhyme right there just to say, "Gwen, ya suck."

Oh! Maybe Gwen still has the OG antidote. So, there's still a chance of her doing the right thing after, you know, literally all the wrong ones.

Eccentric Anna did an erratic thing? "No way!" exclaimed nobody. I mean she's basically a beat away from recording an "Is it me? Am I the drama?" TikTok video. That's said with love. She's fabulous. And, well, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same take-charge thing in her shoes. These folks were standing around debating as if the experimental drug they got from the imprisoned mad scientist was going to be FDA approved upon arrival. The first dose came from a syringe on the floor of a makeshift dungeon. Errbody, calm down.

I'm more surprised Maggie never asked her good friend Marlena to consult regarding "Renee." Doc was one of the few people Ms. DuMonde also called a friend. And, well, Mar has a lot of free time right now. Sure. Sure. Marlena is still in somewhat of a hot seat, but, again, Sarah's loved ones consulted with an imprisoned mad scientist who brings people back to life, so a slightly disgraced shrink who was possessed by Satan shouldn't be THAT big of a deal.

Sorry. I buried the lead. Sarah now knows she's Sarah! Sort of. The youthful way she said, "I'm Sarah Horton, and you're my mommy," makes believe we're about to see the Muppet Babies version of "Sawah Howton." Oh, joy. Though if that's the case, I'm not too worried. She can be sent to boarding school and will come back as an adult in a few months, right? Thanks, SORAS-ing!

Extra Scoops

The ever-talented Thaao Penghlis didn't skip a sinister beat bringing Andre back to life, and I completely loved it! I was terrified, but I loved it. And, well. Not back to life. Andre's now one of Satan's foot soldiers, but you know what I mean. Thaao does terrifying better than any actor I know. Those sly, scary grins. The satisfied snickers as Andre does his dirty work. Just everything about Thaao's performances as Andre makes me glad we won't be bumping into him in the square anytime soon. Spook-tacular, good sir!

If "Last Week" is a Basic Black collection, then last week, Belle was wearing that fashion site knockoff label "Last Weak." It was not a fit for her. At all. I'm not mad, just disappointed. 'Tink, lets book a sesh with Mama Mar Headshrinker at Large and sanely hash thing out. Deal?

Andre (to Johnny): "Ah, it was a rhetorical question. Asked for dramatic effect, not an answer."


An honorable mention to "LINE OF THE WEEK" was Chad asking Abigail, "Okay, one question, Nancy Drew."

Heather Lindell's delivery of, "Best Christmas Eve ever! My BFF, Satan..." had me howling.

Also amazingly amusing delivery, Anna stating, "...and I'm guessing it hasn't started working yet."

Gwen is terrible, but Emily O'Brien is flipping terrific! Seriously. This lady needs an Emmy.

Dan Feuerriegel has to be Emmy bound, as well. He's amazing! Like, E.J. scenes can't come quickly enough.

Sarah called Shawn-D "Roman." I enjoyed that. In Sarah Land, that makes complete sense.

It must be hard traveling outside of Joburg right now. Neither Hope nor Claire Bear can get back to Salem right now. And what a time it would be for either of them to come home. Their loved ones could use some -- or like a lot of -- support.

Also, I'll be forever bummed that Sami and Claire were not in Salem for most of the Satan stuff. Maybe Beelzebub was scared of Sami, but Claire is like chum for the Prince of Darkness. Not that Ye Ole Prince of Darkness needs to jump into another Salemite at this point, please. I think the sun needs to get low on this storyline.

Nicole brought up Liz Chandler! Yes. Yes, please. Can we please get her back for a song or two?

Oh! Maybe Liz can return with Noelle, and she and Holly and Joy can create a group like the Puppini Sisters and sing holiday tunes.

Woot! I loved the Gwen Davies shout-out. That was a deep dive and well played with the Gwen-Gwen angle. Sarah's mind is a nutty ride, and sometimes you just have to go with it or risk getting all twisted trying to make sense of it.

Was I the only one wondering why Abigail couldn't have walked further down the hall to avoid Anna's outcries?

Ha! Nicole feigning she's afraid of what Ava might do is hilarious. "Poor Nicole" or "Helpless Nicole" Ms. Walker is not. I'm sending a martini over to her place and hoping she gets her groove back.

Meanwhile, should we talk about the people who used to worry what Nicole would do to them? Flesheatingbacteriasaywhat!?

I ask this with love, but did anyone else find it very Ciara-like to worry about the cake rather than why she hasn't heard from her cousin, whose store remained unopened well after opening hours?

"Undead zombie Renee DuMonde" was pretty hilarious.

A music montage on a random Wednesday? Again, "Yes, please!"

I love that Ava was rocking the blue and gold DAYS colors.

As per Allie's tale, this Aiden Conroy kid made fun of her unicorn backpack, and the twins teamed up to torment him back. Sami must have been beaming from ear to ear with pride that day.

Flash-forward 20 years, and Aiden's dancing at Unicorn Highway with that same backpack on.

Uh-oh! Someone's still a little salty that Abigail bashed his head in with a martini shaker.

Speaking of Andre, he works for the devil now? That just completely tracks.


So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for April 11. As this time of year is good for spotting cute baby bunnies and ducklings, and bunnies and ducklings made of chocolate, I'm off to support my sanity with a stroll through the park and, perhaps, stopping by the candy shoppe in Horton Town Square on the way home. Laurisa is back next week with a brimming basket full of Two Scoops. As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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