Hi there and hello, fellow DAYS Fans! So. We were handed down a special assignment, which started with last week's column (The Golden Donut Hole Awards). That is, reflect on the first half of the year and celebrate Team DAYS. On it! We decided to head to the Two Scoops kitchen and whip up some Golden Donut Holes as a way to treat our tastebuds to all things terrific about the show until we sink into the full gilded donuts at the end of the year.
We had fun. We laughed. We smiled. We had a little too much Limoncello, perhaps, but you know what happens in a kitchen in the middle of the summer during a heatwave? Nothing good.
We became irritable, cranky, and covered in flour. Nope. We do not pull off kitchen chic as well as Chanel in her heels and general fabulousness. So, what started out as a celebration and handing out some Golden Donut Hole Awards, became, well, an irritable, cranky, flour-coated complain-fest, which reminded us of our other favorite end-of-the-year tradition -- the Alex North Memorial Awards.
So, this week, we're lamenting over what we loathed about the year so far, and we have decided to toss some Mini-Me Alex North Memorial Awards toward some unlucky Salemites. Sorry, not sorry. Just like last week, we picked only a sampling of awards and will see how they fare at the end of the year. Will they be less loser-y or will they be handed the full-sized Alex North Memorial Award cyber statuette!?
Also, a quick reminder that was shared last week -- these picks were all selected around the middle of July. So, they really represent the first half of 2023. Anything that happened later last month or currently airing will factor into the full awards at the end of the year.
This guy was the embodiment of "cringe." There was nary a second that we didn't want to throw something at our screens when he appeared. His sole purpose was to prop Sloan and Talia, but when he laid hands on our Abe, all bets were off. We hated him through and through.
That's not true, actually. We hated him for what he did to Talia first. Truly despicable, and we despised him. Oh! Jada despised him, too, but she's a decent person and detective and needed to be there for her little sister, but we wouldn't have been opposed to seeing the Patch Man verbally knock the snot out of that cringy little coward for hurting one of his best bud's daughters and so many other people he loves. We'd say next time, but if we see Colin again, it'll be way, way, way too soon. And if we do, we will gladly take some of the bonkers biscuits so we don't remember.
Next, we kind of hated his reasoning for targeting the Price-Carver family. Revenge. Okay. Sure. A tale as old as time. If Sloan was the psychological and monetary attack, he was the physical one. We can understand what the writers were going for, but Colin failed to muster any sympathy from us. At all. He hurt innocent people and came across like a weak, whiny sod. It also didn't help that by the time he stomped into Salem, waving the revenge flag, we'd all decided that Chanel was taken advantage of and that the whole thing was an accident.
Then the entire Bedford timeline thingy didn't help. That was weird, right? Were he and Sloan twins? Nope. They were barely raised together. There was a huge age gap. They're not close, but super close. Huh!? It was confusing and seemed hastily thrown together.
Finally. You hurt Abe, Colin, and we're coming for you. We know people in the pen. Nope. Statesville is not safe for you, bad sir.
Jing-Wen jumped into our hearts when we met beyond Salem. She was fiery. She was fabulous. She fought the patriarchy. Yep. She seemed to have it all together. "Seemed to."
Time proved us wrong. Her love triangle with Tripp and Johnny just dragged on way too long. On a soap, you can be silly, scary, campy, or even possessed, but don't be boring. Alas, they were Snoozeville sponsored by Zzzquil, Sleepytime tea, and Bo's latest coma, a.k.a., bring a book to that party.
More so, for someone as fierce as Wendy to be so indecisive didn't make sense. Like anyone, we're sure she was flattered by the attention, but it seemed to soon infect her. She acted na´ve and needy. She acted flat-out greedy for the attention, too. If she had a tagline, it would be a faux, "Who me!?"
Nope. None of that was our gal we first met in Seattle. It needs to be fixed. She should be Black Patch's techxpert "person in the chair," not withered away to a wishy-washy woman who needs Li -- LI, of all people -- to give her relationship advice. We hope the rest of the year treats Wendy much, much better!
Kate's Purple Urn
Really, Team DAYS. A purple urn for the "Blue Streak" diva!? You're better than that. Yep. We're still sore about this. One job, people. One. Job.
A Depressing Bope Non-Reunion Reunion
If last summer's Beyond Salem 2 brought us a heavenly "Bope" reunion complete with a side of Zack, moving this storyline to the flagship sunk like the Titanic. Well. At least the ending did!
The beginning of the "Bope" reunion started out like a soaptacular salute to one of the most celebrated supercouples ever! The returns, the spotlight to nearly each Salemite at one point or another, the umbrella storyline, and the love, action, adventure, and, sure, campy absurdity of it all. Megan had returned (yeah!). Hope returned to being a badass. Our gal Fancy Face dumped the latest inter-Bope-er. Yep. Things were going terrific -- until they weren't.
Bo was shot, we didn't get a proper reunion, Roman nearly broke his voice box repeating, "They're moving Bo to a long-term care facility," AND then we got stuck with ho-hum Harris!? C'mon! Not cool, Team DAYS. That's all so bleak.
I'm fairly certain if this were an episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! and we approached whoever decided to take the storyline in that particularly dreary direction, we could tug off a rubber mask (or one of Dr. Rolf's super-duper, hyper realistic masks). Then, instead of whomever it was supposed to be, it would be former DAYS "Debbie Downer" head writer Dena Higley. She was gifted with the written word, no doubt, but she and happiness seemed to have had a personality conflict that kept us miserable most of her previous tenure. Just as Ciara and Julie's precious Horton heirloom settee.
To go from jumping up and down in unmitigated soapy jubilation to complete misery for Bope, Bope Fans, Shawn-Douglas, and poor Roman's voice box AND to be stuck with Harris who we hate like the beach because sand is coarse, well, it sucks. A good time had by none. Nada. Maybe Beyond Salem 3 or Beyonder Salem: The Bopenning" can serve us up a sunnier fate for this superest of supercouples. We can only hope, as it were.
So, friends and fellow fans, those are your winning losers so far this year! Of course, it must be reminded that we love Team DAYS, and this column was simply some tough love, but we stress that "love" is the message. We're always grateful for the crew and cast's hard work and dedication to bringing Salem alive for our entertainment each week. We love and support you, now and always. Viva la DAYS!
If you need a positive palate cleanser, be sure to check out the Golden Donut Hole Awards!
Now that all of our halfiness is out of the way, Laurisa will return with an all-new, traditional Two Scoops next week! We suspect there will be a lot of Salem shenanigans to catch up on. Until then, stay safe, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."
Laurisa and Tony
What are your thoughts on Days of our Lives? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.