I have SO many questions after watching DAYS last week, friends. Most important of which, how old does one have to be to enter an assisted living center!? Jolly Timothy Robicheaux, karaoke, and a Saturday night dance party!? Sign me up! Doug and Julie are the weekend entertainment coordinators, right? They've got to be! I'm so excited by all of this. Partying hardy with that crew and in bed by ten? Wins. So many wins.
Alas, the entire week wasn't made of such "wins." In fact, there were a lot of loses. Which leads me to another question on me brains. This one's aimed at Sarah: What's your damage?
While both Sarah and Xander make valid points, much like Left Twix vs. Right Twix, I must note: Sarah stated that Xander is "determined to take Victoria away." Is that much like Sarah's until-ten-minutes-ago determination to keep Xander away from Victoria? If so, is Sarah the pot or the kettle?
Okay. I'm not sure how that all works, but I'm sure Sarah could answer that. She seems to know everything about everything. She's always right, even when she's wrong. Just ask her. But! If you do exactly what she says, exactly when she wants you to despite what she's done and how you feel, she may deem you worthy enough and want to make out! Ugh. So much frustrating "ugh."
I'm not sugarcoating what Xander's done. Far from it. I'll just take a gray character with a little self-awareness over a smug hypocrite any day of the week, month, or year. Sarah's response to Justin's call should have been, "That's fair considering what I did to you, but now that we've talked..."
Instead, Sarah flipped her sanctimonious switch again over something that was set into motion earlier because of what she did even earlier. Oh, Doc Horton. Your logic makes about as much sense as Jan Spears judging a Sanity Contest. As in, it doesn't. I've never been so eager, or "ever been eager," I should say, to watch Sloan strike against someone, but I'll cheer on that leggy lawyer with pompoms and face paint, even though I believe joint custody would be best for Li'l Vickie Marg. #TeamWhatsBestForVictoria
But before I get off my Julia Sugarbaker soapbox, Doctor Sarah Horton, may I add that "sugarcoating" would look something like stating "I shortchanged you" when speaking of something really monstruous you've done to somebody. Monsters don't always wear clown masks, Doctor Horton. Sometimes they look like seemingly sweet, smart Salemites. And that, Doctor Horton -- just so you will know -- and your children will someday know -- is the night the lights went out in Salem! Sorry, I slipped into full Sugarbaker mode, but Sarah, know this -- you busted.
So, to sum up Sarah's week. She got to be an indignant a-hole AND she still got baklava!? That's not fair. No pastries for her, Konstantine!
Konstantine? More like Con-stantine! I guess if a baddy's gonna bad, the least they can do is make dessert. Baklava is a nice touch. I just hope Maggie doesn't return the favor with lemon bars. He does not deserve them, but I digress.
So, Konnie's a creep. He's in alliance with Theresa. Interesting. I'm guessing he knows the truth about Victor's will. I'm further guessing that Jeannie-T promised him some drachma for his help and silence. I suspect this is the debt she's in. This makes me believe we're going to find out who really is (if anyone) Victor's secret son. Though, Konstancreep is officially on notice -- hurt Maggie, and I'll unleash Bonnie on you.
Regarding Vic's secret son, the last page of that letter really stuck with me. The one that "Angelica" signed. It seemed like Maggie flipped the page, and there were simply Angie's valedictions on it. Meaning, that page could have easily been forged -- and likely was. Considering the other letters in the bundle were from Caroline, could she and Victor have another son? And could that son be Justin? I might be grasping, but this "Alex is the heir" stuff doesn't sit well. I guess we'll just have to wait for Konstantine to spill the spanakopita.
Meanwhile, oh, boy! Theresa is moving in with Alex. That's special. He'll probably feel different when she distracts him from thinking about the Roman Empire as he sits in his "bro pad" with his new plates. At least he has dishes now. Oh! Maybe he can hire Tate to wash them.
I guess we can just blame Ho-Hum Harris for taking the last room above the pub. He ruins everything. Though this is when the Martin House really needs to make a comeback. Couldn't Chad manage it as a favor to Eli and Julie? He has some free time now, but again, I digress.
To be fair, even Alex realizes it's probably a mistake to call Jeannie-T his roomie. Huh. I can for the first time say about you, pompous Prince Privilege, you are right.
Though "mistakes" regarding Theresa's return seem to be stacking up high and getting served up on those new plates. I love Jeannie-T, but this desperation thingy is not endearing. So much about this scenario is not endearing, really. I'm trying to give a lot about this storyline time to resonate, but I can't help but wonder if seasoned schemer Theresa actually has a plan, or has she flipped her wig and is winging it as she goes along?
Yet another question concerning Alex! How long will it take for Stephanie to end up across the hall? Chad's painting a rather unflattering portrait of himself right now -- so much so that nobody's going to want to soliloquy with it while sipping a glass of limoncello.
It's not that Chad doesn't have the right to be sad on Abigail's birthday or in general about his late wife, but he didn't use the right words or even actions. At all. He came across very un-Chad-like. Stephanie deserves better. He decided to fast-track cohabitation as a couple with kids. He can't put that genie back in the bottle or side-eye her excitement about the future when he's the one who placed his foot on the gas. It's completely unfair. I guess at least with all his past misbehavior, he has practice apologizing to her. There's that.
At this point, Stephanie's the reason they're still together. She forgave him and assured him that she was all in. His "all in" seems to follow the "Sarah Accords." "All in" when I want and how I want and when I decree it. Be better, Chad. Be sad, Chad, but let Stephanie in or else she's out, and you'll lose her for good.
On a positive note, a win will come from Ava's loss of control because we get to watch the terrific Tamara Braun square off against the marvelous James Read! This is like the acting Olympics, and I'm here for it. Sure, sure. I feel bad for Ava, but even if the storyline turns out to be a little suspect, we can be assured amazing acting will ensue.
Speaking of "suspect," well, in this case "suspects," I don't see Clyde sticking around Statesville or even Salem too long. He seems to be destined for Soap Heaven. Oh. I meant Soap Hell! He's had a seat reserved there for a long, long time. I'm thinking he'll be burning up somewhere between El Fideo and T.R. Coates. He'll certainly be playing poker in Hades with Trent Robbins, Curtis Reed, and Duke Johnson. Maybe he can meet up with Charlie Dale and learn more about Ava! But I guess he must get there first. And I'm guessing we're inching toward another question: Will we see "A Very Clyde Weston Whodunit!?"
Just last week, Chad and E.J. were talking about how nice it would have been if they'd taken Clyde down. Lucas lamented that he'd love to see that wily Weston die. And now, Ava has a Tripp-sized reason to want to see him sleeping with the fish. Kate still has a grudge. So do Jack and Jennifer. So, so many Salemites do, really. Surely Clyde and "death" seem to be on a collision course based on all the talks of his demise. So, who do you think will do it if it gets done!?
Another ponder, will Ava unwillingly assist Clyde while looking anxious around the law, or display some Vitali vengeance? We know she has it in her. One call, and she could capitalize on the family resources. Phone Angelo, Ava! We need your kickassness back. Enough of this boring banter with Ho-Hum. Will the real Ms. Vitali please stand up?
I'd also love to see Ava reach out to E.J. Tamara and Dan Feuerriegel have amazing rivalry chemistry. Watching Ava and E.J. hesitantly work together to eliminate Clyde one way or another would be wonderful to watch, please and thank you, writers.
Kayla's funny, y'all. Like. Look for an open mic night at a standup club. Oh! Shenanigans must reopen for the sidesplitting stylin's of Sweetness. I mean, last week, she opened with the zinger, "We have a strict protocol we follow here." ba dum tss.
Not to be outshone by Doc Sweetness Shemp Johnson, Gabi got one hell of a guffaw, too. She said. Wait. Hold up. I need to get the chuckles out before I can write this with a straight face. Um. Straight fingers. Anyway! Yo Gabba Gabs actually accounted, "Kristen is a good mother." Ha! Hold on while I get on the floor to laugh some more.
Oh, snap. This just in! Gabi was being serious. Well now. Don't I feel silly. I kid. I kid.
Gab's statement was hilarious because Kristen is a horrible mother. I mean she did try to bribe Holly to help little Rachie with her math skillset, but she settled for math wiz for matchmaker. Kristen needs to visit whatever AI facility they made RACH3L at and just buy her some friends flat out. She can name one Christopher and take some heat off Tater Tot. We're all kind of overly fried from her special brand of cringy craziness. You're welcome, Spud.
Speaking of said Spud Head, I was so thrilled that Brady shut down his privilege, which is oddly rich, as it were, coming from Brady, but here we are. He told Tate there's nothing embarrassing about being a dishwasher. Preach, Brady Black. Preach. And then gave him a loving lecture about not being a d-bag. It resonated for, like, a minute. Small victories, right, Brady?
Also, I loved everything about Brady, Roman, and Kate sitting around talking about parenting. This scene was sidesplitting and brilliant. Between Roman and Kate, they really do have the gamut of parenting covered from sinners to saints to psychos to Samis. Loved it!
Though, Ro Ro should shut down the shade he's tossing toward Theresa. "Parents who live in
glass Sami houses shouldn't throw stones." I think that's the saying.
Also, Brady Black, don't go along with Gabi's plan. I know he loves to dive onto dumb and declare it's "the love of his life," but resist, good sir. Resist!
"Stabi" mentioned Steven Hawk again (along with other DiMeras). It got me to wonder: is he the guy that ghosted Stephanie in Seattle!? One would think she already knew him, since Steve and Kayla were close to his dead dad, Benji, but you know how Salem connections go -- even the obvious ones aren't always what they should be.
There's a plethora of reasons I miss Sonny, but his influence on Gabi is perhaps the greatest at the moment. She needs a "Ying" to her "Yang." Bestie and co-parent Care Bear grounded Gabs. As it is now, she's up in the scheming stratosphere, living out the same redundant plot. She and Stefan are rich. They can afford a new storyline. "Stabi" deserves better.
Then again, maybe Gabi deserves storyline rinse and repeat. Stefan is more forgiving than I. I'm still fuming at her for turning in her mother-in-law, Madame. Vivian deserved WAY better. Still, a superfluous storyline will be the least of Gabi's worries. Auntie Viv won't strike at Stefan, but Gabi should worry some about what kind of revenge could be coming her way. Buried Alive Part 3: Six Feet Deep Daughter-in-Law, perhaps?
Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll be grateful. VERY grateful. A little Louise Sorel was better than none. There's that brilliant, but brief, reprieve.
On the topic of Salemites we'd love to see more of, between Gwen's exit (leaving the Spectator) and Abigail's birthday, wouldn't this be a great time for a little Jack and Jennifer visit to repurchase the paper and mourn with the family? I miss Matthew and Cady! Plus, Jack and Jen would add some more suspects to the pool of a possible, abovementioned, "Clyde Weston: Whodunit!?"
I'm along for the ride with Abe and Paulina re-falling in love. James Reynolds and Jackée are all shades of adorable. More so, storylines where one person doesn't remember work so, so, SO much better when the amnesiac has a knowing, loving support system, which, c'mon, John and Abe were amazing together last week, and Mar Mar amazingly got through to Paulina. Like, this storyline is the opposite of the one with Theo and Ciara. Thankfully!
I love that Wendy's adulting so hard and going to the unemployment office. More Salemites should learn from her. Though I'm shocked Mr. Shin would let one of his kin do that. He has an image to maintain and all. Oh, right. She's the girl. Never mind. Keep fighting the patriarchy, Wendy, and good luck on the job search!
Ho-Hum landed a job with the Salem PD. Oh! He'll bore suspects into making a confession. Got it. Smart hiring, Rafe.
I'm impressed by how quickly Talia got out of dodge! I mean, I'd be moving fast, too, if Belle had given me one of those throwdowns. Mrs. Brady was not messing around.
Still, it would take me longer than that just to pack my Maggie-like bric-à-brac. Talia booked a ticket, packed, and got back downstairs within a Salem minute. Imagine if she'd been this savvy in all her life choices while in town. Anyway. If she doesn't land a doctoring job, Doc Hunter should investigate becoming a contestant on Supermarket Sweep.
Moreover, I wish all the best to Aketra Sevillian! Talia's time in Salem was troublesome, but she did terrific work with the material. I hope there's a tremendous storyline waiting if she returns someday. Thanks for the entertainment, Aketra!
In the meantime, Rafe and Kate are there to support Jada. I adore that Kate and Jada's friendship hasn't been forgotten. I believe Kate when she said, "I'm here for you, always." Jada needs to meet with Chad and get the 4-1-1 on being one of Kate's quasi kids.
Although. Kate did kind of forget Billie when going down her list of children, sooo... Whoops!
While we already predicted Clyde being caught in someone's crosshairs, can we make another ghastly guess? And this is gross -- really, really gross -- and I apologize now, but am I the only one worried Kristen is so going to want Tater Tot to be her "Benjamin Braddock"? "Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson," and all. Kristen hasn't met a line she didn't cross, and this would sadly be on par for her above stated "special brand of cringy craziness."
Let's end with one last question! Does anyone really think Nicole's records will reveal the truth? Methinks this baby bombshell will be incubating for a wee bit longer.
Braun vs. Read!? Yes, please. Wannabe actors should take notes. This is and will be how it's done. Let the games begin!
Oh, dear, Soap Lords and Ladies. Who let Sarah into the whiskey? She was drunk last week, right!? Possessed at the very least? Tripped and fell face first into an idiot patch? Had an allergic reaction to sanity? Any which way, congrats, Sarah! Your customized "A-Hole of the Month" plaque will arrive in a few short weeks.
LINE OF THE WEEK
"He was sold the minute he found out they had a karaoke machine and a Saturday night dance party, and I swear, he's probably getting ready to bust out his bell bottom pants and ruffled shirts." John to Marlena regarding Tim's excitement about his new home
LINE OF THE WEAK
"I shortchanged you." Sarah to Xander
Holy Snazzy, Batman! We got the Deluxe Platinum Edition of his catchphrase when John confirmed to Abe, "And that, my friend, is a fact." Take two shots for that!
On topic, Drake Hogestyn and James Reynolds completely cracked me up during Wednesday's episode. I could watch this comedic duo all day.
"Line delivery of the week" must go to Mary Beth Evans. Kayla slurring, "Yeah, I'm getting better all the time," while raising her glass was hysterical!
Chad's actions might be hard to back, but Billy Flynn is always brilliant!
Holly kinda hates RACH3L. Ho Jo, pull up a seat. Let's have some tea, girl.
It's too bad Philip left Salem before talking to Spud Boy. In addition to flinging his body parts into the river, Philly also knows a thing or two about being incubated in a weirdo's womb. The discussion they could have had that we'll never see makes me sad.
I rolled when Gabi equated a DiMera kidnapping to a quinceañera. She's not wrong. They're both rites of passage.
Seeing Bryan Dattilo is like a little shot of nostalgia. Always welcomed, and much appreciated. He never seems to be without a happy little glimmer in his eyes that reads, "I love what I do!" It's infectious. Welcome back, good friend!
According to Maggie, the Salem hot spots are the docks, Brady Pub, and Horton Town Square. I thought the "blue office" and DiMera tunnels would make the list.
Aw! Hat tip to the writers. I loved Eric talking about Grandpa Shawn's smile. It was heartwarming.
I seriously want to know who made up the DiMera shareholder rule that one can't be incarcerated to vote. Like, had that person ever met this family? That's like stating a person who sleeps can't be a shareholder. Know your audience, rule makers.
I think Alex acknowledging his apartment is a "bro pad" is perhaps the most self-aware he's ever been.
Of course, E.J. would take the yogurt! He was totally the "I'm taking my things and going home" kid. I guess he still is.
Hold the phone. Did we know Leo has a therapist!? It MUST be Dr. Charlotte Taylor, right? She's the only one insane enough to treat him.
Sarah's turning into Salem's version of the G.I. Joe villain Serpentor. He would loudly proclaim, "This I command!"
Given their history, is it odd that Marlena and Maggie haven't visited one another yet? I mean, I'm living for Mar and Kate's random, pop-up gossip sessions, but Doc and Mags used to be great friends. Maybe a possessed Mar-Devil broke one of Maggie's tchotchkes, perhaps? There's tea there. It needs to be spilled.
I love that Roman readily called Kimberly. She really does need to visit Salem soon. And bring Andrew and Paul!
I hope we get to visit Tim at his right "up the road" assisted living center. I love this for John, though.
"Two law-abiding citizens." Rrriiiggghhhttt. Who else laughed?
I'll give it to the letch. "What would Lucy and Ethel do?" totally cracked me up. Well played, Leona.
To earn money faster, Tate should start his own organizational bin business called "Tater Totes." I'll call Shark Tank now, Spud Boy. You're welcome.
So, friends and fellow fans, that's it for October 23! Are you excited to see what spooktacular surprises Salem has in store for us this Halloween!? We only have to wait a week or so.
We also have to wait another week for the return of Laurisa who's on a special assignment with the ISA. Okay. I begged her to go to Ye Ole Candy Shoppe in Horton Town Square, and it was a lengthy list. She'll be there for a while. And, since she's doing this shorty a solid, I'll be back with T. Swift shampoo to bribe you all to be my friends again next week. As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."
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