Lisa is an editor at soapcentral.com, but she does not watch soaps. In fact, she watches almost no television. Recently she discovered (via TiVo's saved log, which was moved to another room and used by an actual television viewer) that her television had been unplugged since before Halloween of 2009. It remains unplugged. While Lisa doesn't watch soaps, she is conversant in all of them, due to her job of reading the daily recaps for every soap, reading the Two Scoops columns for every soap, reading all new news content for the site, and reading through many (soon to be all) character profiles.
In previous years, Lisa has made picks by using pseudoscience, with experiments that have included pets, hydrodynamics, aerial trajectory, and other exciting techniques. These experiments have not had a high rate of success. While she pondered a trip to the unconscious for these predictions, she opted instead to use a combination of previous methods, if needed, and a process of elimination involving information she has gleaned from the past two years of soapcentral.com reading, rather than by using the actual video footage (she read the summaries, but didn't watch -- it's important to still be random). So, without further ado, here are her predictions.
2009: 2 for 8
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR
I could not rule anyone out based on who they were. So, for this, I went to the old standby: flipping coins. To make it easier, I used three different coins, a quarter (Q), a dime (D), and a penny (P), each of which has two sides, heads (H) and tails (T). I assigned a combination to each actor, with some potential combinations that would go to waste. I knew enough about statistics to realize each candidate had an equal chance of being selected, so this was truly random. For Peter Bergman, QH, DH, PH; for Doug Davidson, QT, DT, PT; for Jon Lindstrom, QT, DH, PT; for Michael Park, QH, DT, PH; and for James Scott, QT, DT, PH. For the first combination, there was no winner. On the second try, Jon Lindstrom won.
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS
I think the "Otalia" story was the most adorable thing I've read in all the soaps. If one of the two actresses were a choice, nobody else stood a chance. No experiment required.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR
Billy J Miller
This will shock and surprise some people, but I like Billy Abbott. He hasn't seemed outright evil, just immature (and aren't a lot of young guys, because, well... they're young?) So, he's my pick. Yes, Y&R did a bit of It's a Wonderful Life two years in a row, but you can't blame him for the scriptwriting! He's a bad boy with potential to be good.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS
I could immediately rule out Jessica (the DID storylines made me cringe-and the ECT debacle was worse, not her fault) and Nicole (pure, calculating, manipulative, hedonistic narcissism). Which left three characters, none of whom stood out as a clear choice. So, it was off to the "lab" for this pick. The lab in question is my Labrador Retriever, a yellow lab by the name of Quincy (named after Jason's pet iguana in the Fox Trot cartoons), who was happy to comply. I placed three dog treats on a stepstool, each on a piece of paper with the name of an actress. I stood at the stepstool to record the results, while my lab assistant, Rachel, released the test subject. Quincy had a strong preference for Beth Chamberlin, followed by Carolyn Hennesy, with Julie Pinson taking a close third. Behold the power of liver treats!
OUTSTANDING YOUNGER ACTOR
Dylan Patton because he strikes me as somewhat realistic for a teenager. He's inconsistent, because teens are still developing their identities, but underneath it all, he seems like a good kid (and considering the parenting and family support he gets, that's an accomplishment).
OUTSTANDING YOUNGER ACTRESS
I'm not a fan or foe of any of these characters, so I had to utilize a random guessing technique. I mean "experiment." The earlier lab test led to a frenzy among the other pets, who I feared were not in a calm enough state to assist in further testing. It is very important for these tests to be as unbiased as possible, and I felt that their state of agitation would lead to bias. For this selection, I wrote the names on identical slips of paper, crumpled the paper, and, standing in the same location (marked with index cards for my toes) for each attempt, I tossed the paper balls at my ceiling fan, which was on at its fastest speed (the position was marked because I did not succeed at sending the choices flying on the first time with each try). The one that went furthest was to be the winner. With a trip all the way to the windowsill, Marnie Schulenburg was the obvious choice.
OUTSTANDING WRITING IN A DRAMA SERIES
The Bold and the Beautiful
I like the idea of death with dignity. I'm not sure if any soap has tackled assisted suicide (I haven't been reading that long), but these are issues with no clear-cut right or wrong answers, and to include that in a soap was noteworthy. As the number of older citizens in the country increases, these questions will need to be raised more often, too.
And, as a final note, no animals (or people) were harmed in these trials.