Jessi Ngatikaura has opened up about a previous traumatic experience. The reality star opened up during the season 3 special of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. At the time, the cast was discussing Mikayla Matthews and her husband Jace Terry's ongoing work on their intimacy issues. The pair was asked if there was any improvement in connecting physically and emotionally this season when Jessi Ngatikaura began tearing up. She then recounted an alleged incident that she said she'd never told anyone about before. "I actually loved watching Mikayla's story because I knew that it happened to her, but seeing it play out, seeing her thoughts and feelings behind it, I can relate. I've been doing a lot of therapy because of mine and Jordan's situation, and I actually uncovered the memory that I was raped when I was 19," she said.Jessi Ngatikaura is a 33-year-old reality television star. She is the owner of JZ Styles and is a professional hairdresser. She is married to Jordan Ngatikaura and has three kids with him. She is also most known for being the oldest member of the MomTok group on social media. Jessi Ngatikaura admits she had an affair: Read more During the Thursday, December 4, episode of the hit Hulu series, Jessi Ngatikaura opened up about the abuse she suffered as a child: “It really started a lot of my issues about going emotionally numb and pushing people away and feeling not good enough," she recalled. “Me and Jordan already had our struggles but it made it worse. I don’t want him to touch me — and it’s not his fault — but it’s so crazy how your body reacts. It’s not just your emotions. So that’s just been another layer of healing for me,” she continued. “Watching [Mikayla]’s story, it just really hit home for me and I understand fully how that can feel.”Whitney Leavitt's husband, Conner Leavitt, offered his support to Jessi Ngatikaura as he previously revealed that his sexual abuse culminated in a porn addiction.“I feel like I can’t relate in the same way. I struggled with intimacy in polarizing ways. I don’t want to speak for Mikayla or Jessi or anyone else but it can be challenging to rewire your brain,” he noted. “At least for me, the two polarizing parts were like, ‘Please don’t touch me, I don’t have control here and it scares me.’ It was also hypersexuality. Like, ‘I want to have as much sex as possible to put distance between me and that event. I just need to get that out of my system.’ I don’t know if I can necessarily relate with your relationships but I do know that the patience that you are giving your spouses is healing and it is breeding intimacy between the healing.” People Magazine has reported that season 3 of the hit Hulu show chronicles the lives of Jordan and Jessi Ngatikaura after the influencer admitted that she had an affair with Marciano Brunette. In an interview with the outlet, she claimed that her husband's "emotional abuse" contributed to the "toxic dynamic" in their marriage. "I would say we both made mistakes for sure," Jessi acknowledged to PEOPLE. "Mine being the affair and his being the emotional abuse, but I think it takes two to tango. And having that toxic dynamic definitely got me into the mindset of where I was and why I did what I did." At the time, her husband told the outlet in a statement, "I take full accountability for the pain I caused Jessi during our marriage. At that time in my life, I was deeply unhealed, and as the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. That doesn’t excuse my behavior in any way, it’s something I’ve had to face and take full responsibility for." The pair consequently separated for three months, though the recent season of the reality television show ended with them reuniting and working on their bond with the help of therapy. Stay tuned to SoapCentral for more