Adios, Alcazar

For the Week of May 28, 2007
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Adios, Alcazar
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The executives in Network Television have been decidedly cruel to me this past month.

I'm a Soap Chick. No sense denying it I get to know fictional characters, and then I get...attached to them. Maybe that makes me a nerd, but I'm okay with that. The executives in Network Television have been decidedly cruel to me this past month. It's difficult for me (and maybe you, too) to deal with all these losses at once. No more witty banter from the Gilmore Girls? Veronica Mars abandoned with no more mysteries to solve? Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip cancelled before we resolve the relationship of Harriet and Matt? Are you kidding me? And now, Lorenzo Alcazar, the intellectual gangster has left me, too. Would it be weird if I said I'm in mourning?

When Lorenzo initially hit the scene, I was a skeptic "Oh, give me a break, Luis has a twin brother?" but as soon as he opened his mouth, I knew he wasn't the same guy as Luis. I was deeply smitten with Lorenzo. Sure, he was a mobster, and an enemy of Sonny's, but even when he did truly dreadful things, I found myself totally digging him.

The deal was sealed for me when he kidnapped Carly. Carly had been a captive of Ric's, chained to a wall in bad clothes in a panic room. But Lorenzo knew how to kidnap a girl the right way. When Lorenzo busted Carly out of the panic room to kidnap her himself, he took her out to sea on his yacht and bought her lovely dresses and played backgammon with her as they sailed along in the sunlight. I found myself daydreaming about what *I* could do to get a poetically minded mobster to kidnap me and take me sailing and play board games, but I came up empty handed.

Ted King was a gem and I'm going to sorely miss him. He wasn't your average gangster, he was a brilliant man, educated in history and art, a dream of being a professor, but got roped into mob life by his crazy criminal brother. He didn't choose that life, it chose him and he wore the hat of a criminal very reluctantly at first. Sadly, as the dangerous life he was entangled in took away his beloved family members one by one, his bitterness and anger made that hat fit better and better until he truly lost his way.

In the end, Skye betrayed him and left him to Jason and Sonny's wrath. She feared for the safety of their daughter Lila Rae, and for her own safety, too. After he spent months faking brain damage and leaving her to run his business, she just couldn't trust him anymore, although I do believe she loved him. But, she chose to erase him from her life. Which brings me to something I must correct from last week's column; I mentioned a conversation I had with a friend and summarized what I believed was our conversation. He read said column and told me I had misrepresented him. We had the conversation again and he clarified his meaning which I hadn't gotten right the first time around. To sum up, he does not think you can erase people from your life, which is a good thing as I would hate for him to erase me. I'm sure over the many years he's known me he's been sorely tempted, as I'm a high maintenance kind of girl.

So is Skye. Before Lorenzo was gone 24 hours, she went crawling back to the Q's trying to find her old place in the family. At present, they're not biting the bait of Lila Rae. Just as she can't trust Lorenzo after his betrayal, the Q's can't trust Skye after hers. They blame her for Alan's death as she stayed silent about her information during the hostage crisis. But have no fear; the Q's can't resist a baby as cute as Lila Rae forever. Besides, Alan keeps tossing out those ominous claps of thunder...

Apparently Amelia can't resist Sonny either, as the instant she escaped the Jerry Jax incident; she made a beeline to Sonny's office to get laid. She's missing one key ingredient for one of Sonny's girls; passion. I mean, the chick doesn't go in and clear Sonny's desk with one brush of her arm like Kevin Costner does in Bull Durham, instead she neatly boxes up his knick knacks (I think I saw her wrapping them in tissue paper) before she quietly lays herself flat on her back and asks Sonny to climb aboard. Zzzzz. Kate Howard is a much better match for Sonny, and the two of them have far more passion and chemistry, although Kate's a selfish beyotch. No more than Carly however, so he should be used to that.

Speaking of Carly, I have to tell you, I understood her point this week in the fight with Alexis. Sure, Alexis was just there to help Jax, but if you knew a woman who had slept with your first husband and gotten pregnant, would you let her near your second husband? No, Me neither. Not to mention Carly is under a lot of pressure. Jax has his head up his a** and doesn't seem to grasp the concept that the brother he played tag with in the backyard isn't the maniac who held people hostage and tortured them although everyone in town has told him so. It's hard to believe the worst about the people you love even when it's true.

Now that everyone knows Jerry is James Craig, (except for poor deluded Lady Jane) everyone wants to kill him, but no one does thanks to his evidence against Emily. I have read that the Powers That Be turned Craig into Jerry because they didn't want to lose Sebastian Roche. I understand that impulse, he's a fabulous villain. But I don't know how they can redeem him, he's done such awful things, I don't know how anyone in Port Charles will ever be able to get past that.

Random thoughts. Every time I see Maxie, her hair is 3 inches longer. Pretty soon the weight of her extensions will make her topple over. It should be apparent that Logan is Scott's son, as they are both the same breed of weasels. Has it been Tracy all these months in Laura's wig when they show the back of Laura's head? Now the back of Laura's head is gone and Tracy is still in possession of the wig. Robin's arguments about the two of them not moving in together were instantly validated when Patrick went skipping off with the injured Hoochie Mama and her two hoochie friends.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will the rest of the neighbor's in Sonny's Block Watch complain about Kate landing a chopper on her roof at 2 AM? Will Monica ever be able to see Alan and get one last other worldly Ooopsie Daisy? Will conniving Ric finally be the one to outsmart the Jackal? Will Elizabeth and Jason continue having conversations about The Baby's Daddy in hospital rooms with open doors and stalkers milling about until someone other than Sam overhears them? Will Diane quit working for Sonny so she can switch teams and get some free outfits from Kate? Will Jerry's complexion wash out when he dons the orange jumpsuit in jail?

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