I hate that moose and squirrel

For the Week of August 6, 2007
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 I hate that moose and squirrel
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Well, Natasha Fatale is in town, so Boris Badenov can't be far behind.

Well, Natasha Fatale is in town, so Boris Badenov can't be far behind. She has seemingly given up the blue eye shadow, so she must have updated her colors. The presumably dead Irina's appearance makes me ask 2 questions: 1.What did Jerry ever see in her? And 2.Why is she so friggin' horny - hasn't she had any since Jerry left her for dead? Every minute of every scene she's throwing herself at Jax who continues to say, "No, no, no." (Sorry, got that Rehab song stuck in my brain.) Irina's plan is to kill Jax while Jerry watches, but that's obviously not going to happen.

Here are my guesses. Carly will walk in on Jax and Irina in a compromising position and think he cheated on her, and run off and bed Jerry for revenge. Or perhaps she will grab Irina by her chemically processed hair and throw her down like a rag doll. It's really hard to say with Carly. Even though Irina is armed, I think Carly could take her. I think Jax is too much of a gentleman to knock away her gun and crack her in the head with it, but Carly will have no such qualms.

How is all this nonsense supposed to save Jason you may ask? Well, one can't have a murder trial if the supposed victim is still alive, and a rumor is floating about that Lorenzo Alcazar IS still alive. Wouldn't that be delicious? We haven't seen hide nor hair of Skye since Lorenzo's "murder", and even though they truly weren't writing for him near the end, he could easily be written back onto the canvas. He's a great nemesis for Sonny, but who knows, maybe since they both want to be family men now, they'll call a truce and go into the Coffee biz together. (HA!)

Well, Ric did it. He made Liz admit under oath that she and Jason were lovers. The truth is out, Lucky knows, and he's none too happy. In my favorite scene of the week, Lucky's brother Nikolas gives him a reality check and reminds him about the circumstances under which Elizabeth was unfaithful. Lucky was strung out and drugs and sleeping with Maxie for MONTHS, while Liz slept with Jason ONCE after coming home and finding Lucky in HER bed, in HER house with Skankie Maxie. Those of you who think Liz is the bad guy here don't have very good memories. Nikolas reminded Lucky that he'd best not get too high and mighty, as Liz only slept with Jason in reaction to his own long term infidelity. Sure, she kept it quiet, but frankly, I don't know many people who willingly admit their greatest sins and mistakes - we all have secrets and things we hope no one finds out. We are human, flesh and blood, and flawed, and none of us wants our worst impulses to be the moments by which we are judged.

Liz is still lying about Jake's paternity, but the thing open for debate is why. I believe it's an issue of safety, as well as an issue of guilt, and toss in a little "I don't want to crush Lucky's world. Sam thought it was more a more nefarious reason, which led Liz to lie, to make sure Jason could never claim Jake without Liz being prosecuted for perjury.

My late, great Daddy used to say that the thing we accuse people of is the thing we are guilty of ourselves. For instance, if you always think everyone else is lying, it's because you're a liar, so you assume everyone else lies, too. Sam is accusing Liz of being a manipulative con woman, and well- wonder where she would get the idea that someone would behave like that? Oh yeah, the mirror. Sam has spent her entire life conning people, and so she assumes that Liz is doing the same thing. But that's not in Elizabeth's nature. She is honest by nature and lying and keeping secrets rips her up inside and she isn't a routinely duplicitous person.

I'll give one thing to Sam; it's clear she still loves Jason and is trying to get him to open his eyes to Liz so he can claim the child that is rightfully his. She believes she is acting in Jason's best interest, but I think she's just plain wrong about Liz's motives. Sam's character is extremely insecure, and with good reason. She grew up believing she was abandoned by her mother, and her Dad was a criminal who taught her to break the law while she was still a toddler. She doesn't have a good image of herself. When she sees Jason idolize someone like Liz, it reminds her of all the things she's not. She's not a pillar of the community, from a good family, with lots of adoring friends. She's not wife, she's not a Mom, and she has no education or skill like being a Nurse. She knows if it weren't for Amelia's revenge, she wouldn't even have Everyday Heroes. She wants to bring Liz down because she knows she can't measure up. The thing is Jason loved Sam for who she was, and he never asked her to be like Liz or anyone else. Her Baby Craze became so intense that it was mind numbing. The day Sam said to Jason "What if I told you if we don't have a baby together it's over?", if I were Jason, I would have grabbed a duffle bag out of the Gun in the Shoebox closet and started packing her stuff. Ultimatums never work. I don't hate Sam, but I don't like her much right now either. I think it would do Sam a lot of good to get in a few sessions with Lainey and work on her plethora of ISSUES.

Kate has a few issues too, like sometimes she still enjoys being Connie. Seeing her sitting on the ground playing with Michael and Morgan made Sonny's heart smile, and mine, too. Sonny is smitten with Kate this week as she made Ric look like a Ninny while she was on the witness stand by answering all his questions in such a logical and rational way, he looked ignorant for even asking them in the first place.

Another great scene this week was an actual Bobbie sighting. Bobbie came upon Noah, masquerading as Eli Love and had a heart to heart with him about his sobriety. You know you have a true friend when they are willing to chug down your vodka to keep you from drinking it. Nice to see Bobbie can still toss back a shot with the best of them. Patrick is enjoying the show. He is living vicariously via his Dad's version of Eli Love. Patrick told Robin he enjoys being in a relationship with her, but can't help but notice that being a rock star looks kind of fun, too. On Nightshift, he's getting pretty chummy with Layla, but on GH, he's not, so I have to try to remember to separate the two shows in my mind.

On that note, a quick mention of Nightshift. If you don't get SoapNet, you can download episodes of Nightshift from www.abc.com - just go to the Daytime link and look for the Downloads tab. Is it worth the time and effort? Yes. In fact, it made me cry 3 times this past episode, once, when Lainey is struggling to get her Dad who has Alzheimer's to recognize her, once when Corey, the drug addicted vet came in and spoke to Lainey's dad in military terms and got him to respond when Lainey couldn't, and once when Spinelli reached out to comfort Nurse Jolene when he found her crying in the break room with a picture of her deceased father on the anniversary of his death. When she kissed him on the cheek, he got this look of sheer ecstasy - it was so precious. I love this show. The writers are really tugging at heart strings here, and I for one am eating it up.

But, back to the show I am actually supposed to be commenting on, GH... Lulu was determined not to have fun on her date with Logan, but he surprised her with an impromptu hike and pseudo camping experience. Apparently, a fact previously unbeknownst to us, Lulu wanted to experience camping for years. Me? I would have gone for Dillon's Parisian themed date instead, as camping to me is a hotel without room service. Lulu, on the other hand, enjoyed a day of the Simple Life. She's softening to Logan, and he's a better person with Lulu than he is without her. She is reminding him of the person he was before the war, I think, and helping him find his soul again. And he is helping her open her heart's door which she slammed shut after last summer's fiasco with Dillon. I like them together, but I can assure you, Luke won't. I found myself humming the old, old song Laughter in the Rain when the two of them got caught in the downpour. Sweet.

I am anxious to see what the Big Secret is from Iraq - what did Cody, Logan, and Coop go through over there that affected them in such a dire manner? I hope the writers really sink their teeth into this storyline. I hope they interview some real vets and get some real tales from the frontlines. I live in San Diego which is a military town, and my own son-in-law is in the Navy, so I feel personally invested in this war. I have friends who have been to Iraq and have heard some pretty gritty tales, I hope those make it to the small screen in Port Charles and out into the U.S. to bring to light some of the things are troops are enduring. Do not assume a political stance from me, you're not getting one. My only politics on this are that I want all our young men and women home safely and as soon as possible.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Scott ever look at Logan and say "Damn, that kid DOES kind of look like me!" Will Jax bite off Irina's tongue next time she shoves it into his mouth? Will Carly go back to nursing school since she has to keep sewing people's wounds up anyway? Will Liz finally turn Ric in for holding Carly hostage in their Panic Room now that he totally trashed her life? Will Georgie take a shot at Spinelli so she has something to do with her life beside bus tables at Kelly's? Will Kate decide to give up the fashion world and teach finger-painting to toddlers at the YMCA? Will Diane get turned on by Ric's legal stylings and do him in the D.A.'s office? Will they give Jason's cell bed away since he's always in the visitor's room and apparently doesn't need it?

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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