You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in

For the Week of August 13, 2007
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You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in
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The week of August 13, 2007
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Wow. Who knew about the dangers of poisonous snakes in koi ponds before Kate's near lethal incident this week?

Wow. Who knew about the dangers of poisonous snakes in koi ponds before Kate's near lethal incident this week? Certainly not me. But as usual, I have a few questions... What manner of Incredibly Deadly Viper slithers into a backyard pond and doesn't eat the Koi, nor the small tasty morsel named Morgan, but instead waits for Fashionista Kate's leg to quench his snack attack? How deep is this koi pond that Kate dove in and had to swim to rescue Morgan? I Googled it, and it says the average depth for a koi pond is 3 feet deep. Why did Kate have to swim in water that should have been maybe, up to her thigh? Last, but not least, since Sonny is always surrounded by someone nearly dying from gunshots, or poison, or even a freak snake bit, shouldn't he go down to the Red Cross and take the CPR class or something? Unanswered questions of the universe aside, I'm delighted for this scene if only because it gave me this last paragraph.

The snake in Kate's koi pond wasn't the only one slithering around this week, a viper named Sam wriggled into Lucky and Liz's house to dispense some poison of her own. Sam dropped clues to a mystery that doesn't exist and hinted at crimes not committed. She played on Lucky's insecurities and fears and made him question his marriage even further. It was Sam's intent to make Lucky fear that Liz and Jason have been lovers all along, although she knows for a fact that isn't true. She's out for revenge, and wants to break up Liz's marriage just for kicks because she is shallow and spiteful.

Some of your have written and said "Give Sam some sympathy; she's had a hard life." Please. I do have sympathy for people who have had hard lives, but your past isn't an excuse for your present. If you had a crappy childhood - get counseling, work out your issues, move on - it doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life. Many people use their bad upbringings as an excuse for making bad choices for the rest of their lives, but that's a lie. An adult can't blame anyone for their bad choices but themselves. No one I know had a worse childhood than my father, and he did amazing things with his life. He took all the bad things that happened to him turned them around to help other people. Sam having a rough life isn't the reason she's vindictive and hateful now - she is choosing that course of behavior - it has nothing to do with having crappy parents.

Liz, on the other hand, is making stupid choices, too. If she really wants her marriage to work with Lucky, she should stop going to visit Jason every 20 minutes. That would tend to make her husband insecure. Since her testimony is done now, she should leave the kids at Gram's and take Lucky away for some weekend Bed and Breakfast romance - try to explain everything to him and tell him the truth. But something tells me she won't do that - she'll keep popping by the jail to visit Jason because she's obsessed with him and can't manage to keep herself away. If her marriage falls apart, she will be as much to blame for it as Sam's manipulations.

Jason's trial has taken several unexpected turns - first, a surprise "witness" whom Ric dig up someplace with a vendetta against Jason and willing to lie under oath for revenge to say he saw Jason carrying Lorenzo's body out and dumping it into his SUV, and on Friday's cliffhanger, supposed photos of Lorenzo alive! The trial is playing out very well, I honestly don't think Sonny has ever had a more delightful attorney than Diane. I like her more every minute. She's a wonderful actress, and she nabbed a wonderful role. Diane is written brilliantly and Carolyn Hennesy is playing it to the hilt. She makes me laugh every single day I see her. The way she roles her eyes in disgust, the way she stops the mobsters from telling her things she doesn't want to know- it's priceless. This week when she and Jason were talking about why the witness would lie about him and Jason starts to talk and she gives him the stern "Don't you dare tell me something I don't want to know" look and he sheepishly says "Let's say I hypothetically killed his brother."

Ric and the mayor are in cahoots, but I think they're going to lose their case and lose respect in the public eye as well if Jerry and Carly are successful in their mission to make the court believe Lorenzo isn't really dead. Is he alive? Well, in Soap Logic, unless you find a body, the person is not dead. Sometimes, even them, I mean I saw Robin's Mom Anna blow up in a boat explosion years ago and we see she is quite alive and having a delicious time trying to live out her rock star groupie fantasies.

Of course, this will be short lived, since Noah is off the wagon and sneaking shots here and there. Boy that will be great for his transplanted liver, ay? I hope when Patrick finds out he punches him square in the jaw. Can you imagine giving up a body part for someone and then having them disrespect it so totally, and take that enormous sacrifice for granted? Shame on you Noah. But he's still so damned cute, I just can't hate him. They should have just let him sleep with Anna, he could have gotten his sexual frustrations worked out and not even needed a drink!

Question...Have you ever seen a rock star's summer concert schedule? Friday night Milwaukee, Tuesday night Chicago, Wednesday night...Port Charles? Well, no, of course, we would never see a tiny town on a concert schedule. But that amusement aside- since when does a rock star breeze into town WEEKS before his concert? Eli Love has been in the hospital, had surgery and been recouping in GH. I have to wonder- where's his band staying? His sound guys? His manager? The roadies? Where's the entourage? Who's watching the instruments? Shouldn't this concert have come, gone and the tour moving on to Cleveland, Ohio by now? You know me, ever inquisitive.

Here's a question, where did Jerry learn to kill a man with a ballpoint pen? And where do you get a pen that strong? I have had pens break when I press down on them too hard, but Jerry can jab a dude through the neck and go back to writing a letter after rinsing off the blood. Confession- I am starting to like Jerry. After the hotel hostage situation, I could not envision ever seeing this creep as Jerry Jax, but, he's winning me over. I realize he's got his own selfish motives for helping Carly, but I think he's actually beginning to like her, and I think she...doesn't hate him as much as she once did. His plan to show activity in Lorenzo's accounts, to have an impressionist do Alcazar's voice on phone calls, etc- is a brilliant one. If Lorenzo isn't dead, Jason can't be convicted of his murder. But my confusion in all of this, is that Jason has acted as though he DID kill Lorenzo, and thus I can't decide if Lorenzo is actually alive, or not. Time will tell, rumors are swirling though, that he is indeed alive. If so, who did Jason kill?

Another persistent rumor is that all those years ago when Connie Falconeri fled Bensonhurst, she did so because she was knocked up. Hey, you don't know, the enigma of Sonny's ultra potent sperm may have started at puberty! At any rate, there is chatter that Spinelli could possibly be Sonny and Connie's son. That would just be too funny, if Sonny had to actually learn to LOVE Spinelli. Keep your eyes open, this is one rumor I hope is true.

The rumor about Logan being Scott's son was true, not that it's done us any good, as Scott stubbornly refuses to admit it's even possible. Logan is instead focused in on Lulu. I believe he has genuinely fallen for her, but when she finds out about the bet with Maxie, it will crush any progress in the delicate trust they have built up. I wonder if she will find out before, or after they make love? Cooper walked in on Maxie and Logan in a compromising embrace and I wonder how the skanky snake will slither out of this one. (Still working the snake thing, isn't it fun to use the world Slither?) I like it better over on Night Shift where she is flat on her back in the hospital.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Kate's arrest turn out to be for endangering a protected poisonous snake? Will Ric find more people who hate Jason to lie about witnessing murders? Will Alice bake Lulu a birthday cake and slam her face into it to show her some cool lady wrestler moves? Will Ghost Alan ever learn that cool "Slide a penny up the door" trick from the weirdo ghost in the subway who taught Patrick Swayze? Will Skye take Lila Rae and skip town if she finds out Lorenzo really is alive and knows she let Jason in to nail him? Will Spinelli's testimony in court require an interpreter? Will any of my crafty readers figure out the pop culture reference behind this week's title?

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