Growing up in Ohio, I never really understood the "April Fresh" slogan of Downy Fabric Softener. April was muddy and rainy and not at all conducive to clean soft laundry. I am certain Liz could explain it to me though, as well as the finer points of Niagara Spray Starch, and hand washing my delicates in Woolite. The chick is ALWAYS doing laundry or some sort - folding baby clothes or ironing things, or moving neatly stacked clothes from one side of the room to the other. No wonder Lucky is always so crabby; the chick never makes dinner for him, and after a card day as a Cop/Skank Bodyguard, he's HUNGRY. But Liz is apparently obsessed with ring around the collar.
Sam never wears collars, because if she did, it would be harder to see her protruding bosoms and thus, make seducing a married man so much harder. Of course after seducing her step-daddy Ric, she's an old pro. She acts as if she is the wounded party, and the truth is Jason slept with Liz after finding Sam having sex with her stepfather Ric. Has she forgotten she's the one who set the train in motion? I have a hard time deciding if I hate Sam more than Maxie or vice versa. It's a toss up; they are both such despicable women.
Maxie blackmailed Logan in to sex. Isn't it a pity Irina's dead? I bet she and Maxie could have bonded. If Logan actually had feelings for Lulu, he just blew it big time. Bedding Maxie to keep her mouth shut was ridiculous and will surely backfire on him. Lucky could have warned him about that - Maxie will just rub their encounter in Lulu's face like she did to Liz while she was Skanking around with Lucky. Logan developed genuine feelings for Lulu along the way, and it's sad that this is all going to blow up in his face. I was actually starting to enjoy the two of them together. But, maybe poor loyal Spinelli will finally get a fair shake after Lulu realizes she's been duped. If this is a real soap caliber story, Maxie will end up pregnant with another batch of bad condoms and won't be able to carry the baby because of her bad heart and Lulu will have to be the surrogate mother for Logan's baby.
Trevor Lansing blew into town, supposedly to help Kate out of a legal jam, but has a much larger agenda. Turns out Ric's dad is a Mob Lawyer for some previously unheard of thug named Anthony Zacchara. It's been awhile since we had a good rival gangster around. Lorenzo is dead, Faith Roscoe is gone, and we're left with remnants of the 5 Families, so I guess we should have seen this coming.
Meeting Trevor helps me understand why Ric is so twisted. I confess I have a soft spot for Ric, even when he is at his smarmiest. I know a real heart beats underneath all that anger and rage. He's just in need of a good counselor. Ever heard the saying "An enemy of my enemy is my friend."? I think Sonny and Ric may have to actually join forces, as they both hate Trevor more than they hate one another. It could be the catalyst that finally brings them back together. Just speculation, dear readers; I have no hard evidence to back up that theory.
One thing I hate about this new twist in the storyline is finding out that Kate "slept her way to the top" so to speak. It was a much more powerful story to me that a girl from Bensonhurst made it on her own with sheer pluck, determination and talent. Now, we find out Kate had a rich mentor opening doors for her. Personally, I think that cheapens her character's integrity. I liked her better when I though she had made it on her own. Sonny saw Kate kissing Trevor and went home and started hitting the sauce again. He's been avoiding booze since his bi-polar disorder was diagnosed last year, but seeing his old high school girlfriend kiss his archrival knocked him back off the wagon. That can't be good. We know Sonny gets crazy when he's hammered.
Just for this week, I am switching teams. I've always been firmly in the 'Carly Rocks!' team, but this week, I am switching sides to the 'Carly Sucks' team. Jax has obviously been beaten mercilessly - abused and tortured, and slept with Irina only under threat of harm coming to his wife and kids. But Carly spends their flight home yelling at him. Are you kidding me? What should be a sweet reunion and a praise fest where she thanks God they both made it out of their latest debacle alive, instead became a b*tchfest where she lights into him about ...basically being raped.
Can you imagine if a man did that to a woman? Can you imagine how viewers would react if a woman was forced to have sex by a captor and then accused by her husband of "cheating on him"??? There would be picket lines around ABC. That's insane. I want to slap Carly silly. Mind you, I do understand and agree with her argument that he shouldn't have left her at all - she is totally justified in that point of view. But really, couldn't the "I told you so's" wait at least until the bruises on his face clear up and he's had a chance to bathe and sleep for a night? Couldn't she be happy he had made it out alive, bad decisions aside before she started hurling accusations about infidelity in his direction? Carly can be disgustingly selfish, or wholly selfless - this week, she landed on the selfish side.
But Carly's tirade aside, she isn't nearly as selfish as Sam who is well into her plan to seduce Lucky to get revenge on Liz. When Sam bounced into her apartment so delighted by her Skanky Success and flipped on her light to find Jason sitting in the dark on her sofa, I was riveted. I was hoping he'd make her disappear for good, but instead just gave her a stern talking to, possibly thanks to Spinelli's fervent pleas on her behalf. Jason made it quite clear that if Sam ever did another thing to harm Liz or Jake, he would kill her. Sam seemed startled that her ex-hitman boyfriend would threaten to kill her. Um, that's who he is, you moron. Like if your ex was a lawyer, he'd be suing you.
Nikolas made fervent pleas on Emily's behalf- no, scratch that, Nikolas made rude demands and threats on Emily's behalf and she was NOT amused. Mind you, Emily has more character than I do, as if my boyfriend the Prince got me out of work to take me on a jaunt around the world, I would not object at all, but instead I would thank him in ways I cannot mention in a family friendly column. Emily wants to be treated like everyone else and not take a vacation around the world. I think this makes her mentally unbalanced.
What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Lulu find her bracelet in Logan's pocket and smell Skank germs on it? Will Moose and Squirrel mourn Irina's death? Will Sonny push Trevor down the steps just for kicks? Will Amelia get a new love interest since Sonny is otherwise occupied, or will she have to do a random stage hand? Will Liz take a day off from doing laundry and feed her kids lunch? Will Jax's bruises magically vanish by Monday?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
P.S. Thanks to Liz for filling in for me while I was moving last week, and thanks in advance to Liz or whomever will be filling in for me while I am on vacation. :
You guys are the best - thanks for worrying about me and writing to see if I was okay. It means so much to me that you genuinely care about me. Xo xo