Ready, set, drink

For the Week of August 2, 2010
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GH Two Scoops: Ready, set, drink
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I proposed a drinking game to my GH Twitter followers that every time a character said, "It's all my fault" we all do a shot.

Last week, GH was riveting. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. This week, not so much. We got a lot of...repetitive filler. For instance, I proposed a drinking game to my GH Twitter followers that every time a character said, "It's all my fault" we all do a shot.

Another GH Tweetie countered with a game whereby we all take a drink anytime Sonny says "my kids" as in - "No one is going to keep me away from my kids." Or "You know I love my kids." Or, "I'd do anything to protect my kids!" Seriously, we could all be hammered by the end of the hour.

Point being, we heard a lot of conversations in an endless loop. After the action-packed week we had previously, the follow-up was somewhat dull. But, we have to give them time to breathe, I know. With Brenda's return upcoming, I'm willing to wait through a somewhat slow week so they can emerge full force with Brenda. I'd kind of like to see a Brenda/Claire catfight. And she might be tiny, but Brenda could totally take Claire.

Next, I want to say a big fat "I told you so!" to all of you who wrote last week to tell me I was wrong and that Franco was dead. Clearly he's NOT dead, as I predicted. Instead, he's up walking around and giving Elizabeth and Nikolas' baby away to his loopy, deranged mother. Her parenting skills must be called into question because the last kid she raised turned into a serial killer. I hope Aiden gets rescued soon before the crazy bat warps him.

I had to admit Franco's line about Liz and Nikolas being bad parents because they couldn't even keep track of their baby in the hospital was pretty comical. That "Bobby" Franco is pretty funny for an insane person.

James Franco himself is quite an enigma in real life, too. One of my readers sent me a fascinating article about all the projects he's working on at present and each section was prefaced by a GH quote. Just reading all of his projects made me dizzy. If you'd like to give it a read, click here.

Last week I mentioned that there seems to be some connection between Ronnie and Franco. Further evidence has presented itself this week when Ronnie helped himself to Dante's private file from the LAPD about Franco. If Dante hadn't walked in right then, do you suppose Ronnie would have tossed the file and never let Dante know that Franco wasn't really dead? That's my guess. Ronnie seems to help Franco cover his tracks. But why? All we can do is speculate for now, but I hope they give us the answer; I'd hate to have such a big mystery left unsolved.

Here's a mystery I'd like to solve... Why have they made Lisa Ms. Fatal Attraction? I'll tell you why this bothers makes Patrick look like a victim and he is NOT a victim, he's an adulterer. Now everyone feels so sorry for him because Lisa's gone mental that Patrick's getting a free pass for cheating on his wife while she was in Africa doing charity work.

My friend Joe and I talked about it this week and he said jokingly, "Well, really, what choice did Patrick have? His wife was out of town!" and we laughed and laughed, but it's not really funny.

Patrick needs to man up, tell Robin he cheated, promise it won't happen again, and get a restraining order on Lisa. Otherwise, she's going to keep turning up naked in patient rooms and trying to blow his life apart. He just needs to bite the bullet and face the consequences. After all, he forgave Robin when she ran away and started calling herself Nancy and making out with strange men in Rochester during her PPD. He also forgave her for leaving their baby in a tree and under a coat rack at Kelly's. In my humble opinion she owes him one free pass! All I can say is it's a good thing Robin and Patrick don't have any pets for Lisa to boil. However, I will tell you that Robin's going to find an ugly surprise in her locker next week!

Readers, I think I missed something this week. One day, Jason had a gun pointed at Dante's head at the end of the episode. The next day, they were standing in Jason's penthouse. I get the feeling I missed something. I went back to the last episode I saw and reviewed the end to make sure there wasn't a final scene after the last commercial, and - nothing. Did my DVR cut something off? Was there a resolution that I missed? I think we were just left to assume that Jason "did the right thing" and let Dante go.

Although Jason and Dante hate each other, they make a great team. They have both had a chance to kill each other, and haven't - so perhaps somewhere down the road we can at least hope for a grudging respect between the two. When Jason pulled the gun on Dante and blamed him for Michael ending up in prison - it made me a little angry. The whole mob logic is lopsided. No, Jason, Michael went to prison because he killed someone and his crazy criminal family staged a giant cover-up. Not because Dante told - it was the fact that it HAPPENED.

And, a word of advice to Dante - Before you get all jealous over Brook seeing Johnny, talk to Patrick about what happens when you act like a jealous boyfriend of a girl who's not your girlfriend. It won't end well, Dante.

Johnny made it clear to Brook he's not interested and is still in love with Olivia, but if Brooke throws herself at Johnny long enough, and Olivia holds out, he'll cave eventually. I figure it will be just about the time that Olivia finds out she is pregnant. The way I envision it in my head is that Olivia will go to Johnny's to divulge her delicate condition, and catch Brook writhing naked on the sofa and decide to lie to yet another mobster about another baby's paternity.

Oh wait, I forgot about the....Spoiler! (Skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know...) Once Jason goes back to Pentonville, he's going to see a familiar face because Johnny is going to get arrested for murder and will probably end up being Jason's new cellmate. So, it will be awhile before Johnny gets to see Brook or Olivia as he'll be in the slammer.

As Claire wandered onto the docks and encountered Max and Diane, she had no idea she was about to be schooled in Sonny 101. I loved Diane and Max's futile attempt to give Claire the 4-1-1 on Sonny's moves with the ladies. But they left out a very important one - the trip to the private island for a night of gambling and the new dress. That's one of his best moves!

Claire begged Sonny for a sweet sample of his magic sperm, but he refused. First, I would suppose that a woman with Claire's job makes enough money and has health coverage. Thus, she could use a sperm bank for her baby-making needs and find a dimpled donor who was NOT in the mob. Or, perhaps she thinks she can get Sonny to confess to all his crimes while they're between the sheets. Or, maybe like all lady Feds before her, she's just an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, Warren Bauer is gone and I'm glad. I keep waiting for his shrieking harpy of a wife to appear seeking vengeance for him and Kiefer. Or, perhaps she will be thankful Mac shot Warren because he probably beat her, too.

Michael's rage when he beat the crap out of Warren was visible and frightening to Kristina, and she called him on it. Perhaps her shrink will give a discount to two kids in the same family. Although Jason offered to coach Michael on how to handle rage, I don't think he's the best person for the job. I've always heard that you should only seek advice from people who are successful in that field, and I think we can all agree that Jason does not always keep his rage in check. Like say when he offed Carter in the prison shower.

In the same reasoning, no one should ask Maxie for advice on how to keep their panties on. As you might have noted, Maxie's way of thanking Dr. Hunter for a successful surgery on Mac was to nail him in the supply closet. That hospital has to be the most unsanitary place in town. If 20/20 came through with their "bodily fluids" black light, that whole joint would be glowing.

I want to give special attention to Nancy Lee Grahn this week - her meltdown after hearing about Warren Bauer shooting up the hospital was truly wonderful. She has the uncanny knack of making me laugh and cry in the same exact scene. Her emotions are real and raw and sometimes hilarious. My favorite line to Sonny was "You always blame yourself for what happens to Michael, so I get to blame myself for what happens to Kristina!"

Another special mention this week; Rebecca Herbst is doing a stellar job playing the tortured mother of a kidnapped newborn. The pain on her face and the intensity in every line she speaks is visible and the emotion hangs in the air. She's doing a brilliant job in this storyline. I know a lot of viewers are still mad at her for cheating on Lucky, but I think this week maybe they might cut her a little slack because if you don't feel sad for her, there's something wrong with your heart.

My husband Jeff and I watch the news of missing kids and spouses very carefully. If the person left behind doesn't seem sad enough, we look at each other and say, "He did it." But we would never think Elizabeth killed or kidnapped her own baby because she's appropriately sad and scared.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Ethan teach other victims who've been shot in the throat how to talk without a rasp the next day? Will GH dig out Lanie again so Maya can get some much-needed PTSD therapy? Will Luke return to town since it's probably a little more important to visit his wounded son than try to make Tracy lonely for him? Will Brenda still wear shirts where her sleeves cover her hands? Will Dante EVER get a lock on that elevator door so Ronnie can't burst in on his sleeper sofa sex life?

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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