The best of intentions with the worst of results

For the Week of August 16, 2010
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GH Two Scoops: The best of intentions with the worst of results
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I hesitate to pounce on GH about Brenda's return, because I know they are trying to give us fans what we want

That was my Facebook status recently. I did something I thought would be a welcome gesture, but instead, I was slammed to the floor and rejected. I intended to bless and uplift a friend, but my words hit them the wrong way, and they basically told me to suck it and to take my words of love and support and go away. Ouch.

So, I hesitate to pounce on GH about Brenda's return, because I know they are trying to give us fans what we want, which is bringing back one of our favorite characters. But the word that filled my e-mail inbox regarding Brenda's return this week was... "Boring."

How did they muck it up so badly? After all the hype and promos, the talk shows, the all-day ABC Soap lineup preempted to herald her return -- they failed to give us the entrance we wanted -- Brenda in Port Charles cavorting with Port Charles citizens.

Rumor has it that Brenda won't be back in Port Charles until after the first of September. So brace yourselves, fans, we have three more weeks of watching Brenda wander around with characters we don't know, and couldn't care less about, instead of Jax, Sonny, and Jason.

The Powers That Be have done this before -- they publicized Robin Christopher coming back as Skye and then had no clue what to do with her once she arrived. A few months later, she's gone again. Great timing, bringing her back during Tony Geary's yearly vacation when the most obvious role for Skye would be to come between Luke and Tracy.

And let's not forget the triumphant return of Genie Francis' beloved Laura, whose return lasted all of three weeks and sent Laura packing to Paris for therapy, never to return. You'd think after years of therapy, she would at least be well enough to come home for Christmas. Or, say, when she heard that both of her sons were banging Elizabeth and seriously needed some maternal input. Or when her daughter got strapped to a bomb by a serial killer.

But I digress. The GH team obviously knows we like it when our old favorites come back onto the canvas, but they don't seem to know why we want them back or what we're hoping for after they arrive.

So, ABC, I'm gonna do you a favor and tell you: We want to see Brenda with Sonny. We want to see Brenda with Jax. We want to see Brenda with Jason. A nice catfight with Carly and Brenda would be agreeable, too. We want to know what Franco has to do with this. Leave out the Russian mob. Seriously, didn't Sonny kill that Russian mob kingpin and his goons last year?

To note another pet peeve -- the whole storyline with Lisa is out of control. When Lisa came to town, she was flirty with Patrick, but she was a strong and competent surgeon as well. Why must they make her go insane after one night in bed with Patrick? The whole Fatal Attraction angle is a reach.

The implication is that women go mental after getting laid and lose all sense of self-worth and control. If Lisa was manipulative and tried to undermine Patrick's marriage because she wanted him, that I could believe -- but to have her start cutting Robin's face out of photos and breaking into his house is verging on the cheese level of The Bold and the Beautiful. Maybe she'll wear a mask to the next Nurses Ball and Patrick will mistake her for Robin.

Spoiler haters, skip ahead to the next paragraph, because if you're like me and you despise this angle, what's coming next is even worse. Lisa is going to jump in front of Robin's car and make it look like Robin purposely ran her down. And when that happens, it's going to make me really, really mad. Lisa confessed that she was in love with Patrick, and he looked downright sympathetic for a minute. I fear he'll have pity sex with her again and then she'll kidnap Emma or put a severed head in Robin's locker or something.

Why don't they just go the Sonny route and make Lisa pregnant with Patrick's love child. Then someone can push her down the steps at the Q house when she goes to have coffee with Maya. Or perhaps Lisa and Olivia can share a room in the maternity ward when Olivia gives birth to a baby Zacharra.

Another spoiler coming, so jump ahead if you like to be surprised... Carly's plan to ruin Dante is going to be ruined by her precious son Michael. When Michael discovers that it's Carly and Spinelli who are behind the trouble that is about to befall Dante, Michael rats them out. Good for him. Maybe Dante has been a bad influence after all. Michael is going to confront Brook Lynn, who is going to confess her evil deeds. And I don't want to give too much away, but Brook Lynn is going to look for solace from everyone's anger at her in some very surprising arms. In fact, it's someone we haven't seen her with since she's been back in town and someone you wouldn't expect...

Dear GH Writers, please spring Jason from prison. Yes, the paperwork is in process, but please make it speedy. If I have to watch one more dimly lit prison visit before he's sprung, I might scream at my TV. I've been to prison visiting rooms, and guess what? They have lights. At any rate, Steve Burton's strong but silent Jason is one of the central players in town. Whole orbits swirl around his gravitational pull. Without him, Sam and Spinelli in particular are adrift and lost. Sonny goes mad; Carly has no one to make her behave. Michael tries to compensate. Johnny gets reckless. Seriously, if the steady hand of Jason Morgan isn't out of prison soon, the whole town will end up in Shadybrooke.

Claire is an enigma. Is she playing Sonny or is Sonny getting to her? Is she lying to Ronnie, or to herself? It's hard to say, but I think she's going to get that dose of Sonny sperm she's been asking for -- I mean, after she gets Jason of out Pentonville, how can he possibly deny Claire's request to impregnate her?

I predict Sonny and Claire will end up in bed right about the time Brenda shows up in town, because heaven forbid we have a happy and passionate reunion between two characters we've been dying to see reunited for years. No, let's trump up a romance with another hot law enforcement agent, instead, and create conflict. But I've already beaten the Brenda return horse, so I'll move along. At least Adrienne Barbeau got a meaty role out of it after that long dry spell after Maude and The Fog.

On to the wonderful and poignant moments of the week...When Lucky was holding baby Aiden on the plane and gave that heartfelt confession about how much he wished Aiden was his son, I cried off all my mascara. I don't know why, but Jonathan Jackson can make me cry without fail -- whenever Lucky gets a hangnail, I cry. There is something so tender and beautiful in Jonathan Jackson's acting that when he reveals that part of his soul through Lucky, I am moved every time.

When ABC aired the flashback episodes of Brenda this week and I saw little Lucky, his trusty dog Foster, and Amber Tamblyn's Emily in the opening credits, even that made me cry. Maybe it's my hormones getting the best of me -- I'm a sentimental girl. When Lucky returned Aiden safely into Elizabeth's arms, it was a sweet moment that will mean so much more down the road when Lucky learns the truth.

In other good news, Dante finally got a lock on the elevator! No more Ronnie, Claire, and Olivia barging in unannounced. That had gotten really ridiculous. (I wanted to say another politically incorrect word and I censored myself.) It's bad enough that Olivia stopped by her adult son's house and kicked his girlfriend out of bed to tell Dante to propose, but at least he actually opened the door this time. For a while there, I thought Lulu and Dante were secretly exhibitionists and liked people walking in on them having sex.

I'm also enjoying the tentative romance of Maxie and Matt. I know that's sacrilege because I always liked Maxie with Spinelli, but the truth is they outgrew one another. Spinelli did such a good job at helping Maxie become a better person that he lost his job as her coach with benefits. Spinelli needs another Georgie in his life, someone who looks at him and sees a prince.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Ethan hop off the elevator and kiss other women at the hospital, or just Maya? Will Robin find a better hiding place for her house key than one of those fake plastic rocks? Will Shirley's daughter take her jewelry onto QVC to hawk it on television? Will Elizabeth have a puppy-tracking chip embedded in Aiden's earlobe? Will Brook ever try to seduce Dante when she's dry? Will Carly start selling Standing Sun wines at the Metro Court bar? Will Lulu say yes when Dante gets around to proposing? Will Lulu and Dante have Lante Cupcakes at their wedding?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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