Jax vs. Jacks: Custody battle turns ugly

For the Week of July 11, 2011
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GH Two Scoops: Jax vs. Jacks
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Jasper Jacks may want to get his jet ready for takeoff. He didn't flinch at Sonny's brutal threat this week, but I did. If Jax doesn't drop this custody suit against Carly, I fear he soon will meet the sharp end of a meat hook, courtesy of Sonny.

Jasper Jacks may want to get his jet ready for takeoff. He didn't flinch at Sonny's brutal threat this week, but I did. If Jax doesn't drop this custody suit against Carly, I fear he soon will meet the sharp end of a meat hook, courtesy of Sonny.

I don't blame Jax for trying to keep his daughter out of the mob world of car bombs and flying bullets. (Although, why he was okay with marrying and having a child with Carly in the first place is a puzzler, considering her mob ties.) And I don't blame Carly for wanting more than just visitation with her daughter. But, I have to agree with the mediator on this one. Safety should be the first priority for children, and Carly/Sonny/Jason's world isn't safe.

What I find truly stunning is the hypocrisy of both Jason and Alexis, who both took drastic measures to keep their children from growing up in the mob environment. They both should be more sympathetic to Jax's argument.

I don't think there will be any winners in this case. If Jax is victorious, I'm sure Sonny will probably have him "taken care of" and exiled from Port Charles, either to the Pine Barrens or a meat hook far, far away. If Carly wins, Joss probably will grow up getting Kevlar vests in her Christmas stocking.


They must be making ice cubes in Hell because I've heard more Quartermaine family history thrown out this past week than I have in five years. A.J.,Ned, Dillon, and Jimmy Lee Holt all got mentions. Also, Bobbi and Zander were thrown in the mix, too. Thank you, new head writer Garin Wolf, for remembering the Quartermaines and the Spencers and that all current stories have strong and interesting ties to the past (or at least they should!)

I'm not sure which is more shocking: the fact that Patrick likes Sade enough to go to a concert, or that Spinelli hasn't lost his fingers yet for not recovering Sonny's twenty million bucks.

I know Anthony is a bad guy but, honestly, the guy just cracks me up most of the time. When he grabbed Kristina this week and threatened to make her disappear, he was chilling and funny at the same time. "Your daddy will lose what's left of his mind!" he quipped. Leave it to Anthony to take a dig at Sonny's mental history, while coldly delivering a threat. Loved it!

There is no way that egomaniac brain surgeon Patrick is going to be able to take orders from his wife, the new chief of staff. I don't know whether to say, "Congratulations, Robin, on the new job" or recommend a good divorce attorney.

I'm not sure if Brenda is cunning or just emotionally unstable. Either way, she threw Carly under the bus, in a matter of minutes, at the custody meeting. When Brenda started incoherently babbling to the judge about the shooting attempt on her and Alec the previously night, it was another mark against Carly. And Carly already had Sonny's volatile outburst against her. So, despite Sonny's demands for Brenda to not mention the shooting, she did just that. Shrewdness or emotional meltdown? You decide.

I hate to keep picking on Brenda, but after this week, I can't help it. Why was she so rude to Alexis, berating her for not knocking? (Milo let Alexis in! Alexis isn't Carly, the woman who does walk in Brenda's home unannounced.) Since Brenda got back to Port Charles, she's been griping at Diane, Maxie (who griped first), Carly, Sam, and Alexis. Brenda used to have girl friends. Now, she just seems combative on every front. If the "real" Brenda ever shows up, someone let me know.

Speaking of characters acting out of character, Jasper Jax, where are you? This guy walking around with Jax's face doesn't resemble the white knight I fell in love with. Jax was a bully this week toward Shawn, and has made some morally questionable choices lately. I want to erase the past few years of Jax history and return him to the surfing, loveable corporate raider we first met.

Kristina wasn't the only one acting "like a third grader" this week. I had to chuckle when Carly yelled at Jax, "I hate you!" before stomping off.

Bravo to Ethan for finding a barber. His new haircut is adorable!

Despite Ethan's protestations that Kristina is too young for him and that he needs "a woman, not a petulant little girl," I think Kristina is right. Ethan has feelings for her. This is one summer storyline I can't wait to watch.

I think that bullet did more damage to Michael's brain that originally thought. He (barely) has a high school diploma and should be doing cartwheels at the thought of working at a firm like ELQ. Yet, all he can do is whine about his plight and organize his paperclips. Hopefully Abby's ambition will rub off on him. If not, he belongs in that hot, steamy warehouse, lugging boxes of "coffee" until he learns to appreciate a great job opportunity.

Ethan enlisting Abby to make Kristina jealous, with Michael's approval, was a little strange to me. What guy is going to be okay with his girlfriend pretending to date a cutie like Ethan? I think Michael may get a visit from the green-eyed monster before this thing is over.

Is it wrong that I want Siobohn to catch the next flight out of Port Charles? I'm sure this malpractice plot will give Elizabeth and the GH doctors plenty of soapy storyline, but I just don't think Siobohn has sparks with Lucky. There are plenty of other Port Charles ladies that could have given Liz some competition for his affections.

Sam and Jason leave me more confused than clear when they have their "talks." I get that Jason isn't the greatest communicator, but trying to keep up with whether or not they want a baby or a marriage isn't easy, when they contradict their own opinions on a daily basis. They seem to repeat the same lines over and over: that their lifestyle isn't a place for children, yet they'll be happy to be parents, and that they don't need marriage to keep their relationship intact, but if it's what the other one wants, why not? Jason and Sam are one of the show's most stable couples lately, so if anyone should tie the knot, it probably should be them. Although, I would give just about anything to see Sam, at Jake's on karaoke night, serenading Jason with, "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it."

Kate should have hired Lulu as a model instead of an assistant. She is totally rocking that lingerie in her new job.

Best Lines of the Week

(Edward tries to convince Carly that Michael and Abby's first day at ELQ was a success.)
Edward: "Tell Carly about your day, Abby."
Abbey: "I figured out the phone system."
Michael: "I counted two hawks and ten seagulls. That's all I got."

(Ethan discusses his fear of Sonny hurting him, if Kristina doesn't stop chasing Ethan.)
Ethan: "If Kristina pushes Sonny any further, things will get ugly for me. ...Do you think car bombs hurt much?"

(When Johnny arrives home, Anthony jumps out from behind the door to scare him.)
Johnny: "What are you, nuts?"
Anthony: "Do you want an answer or an argument? "

(Amnesiac Spinelli insults Sonny and his guards.)
Sonny: "Okay, I'm calling Max and Milo."
Spinelli: "The no-neck squad. Bring it on!"

Reader Spotlight

Thanks everyone for such great reader feedback the last couple weeks. Keep them coming! (Click the Feedback option at the top of the page, the email link at the end of the column, or by clicking here.) I only hope the new GH regime will listen to what fans want. I am constantly amazed at how creative you are with storyline ideas. For example, my favorite suggestion this week came from Two Scoops reader Kalinda, who among other returns, would like to see the Baldwins back in the mix. She suggested Scott Baldwin, as Anthony's attorney, and Scott as a potential suitor for Diane, to give Max "a run for his money!" Brilliant idea, Kalinda. Scott and Diane would be must-see-TV. Are you listening, Mr. Wolf?

  • I'm loving seeing Maurice Benard flex his substantial comedic muscles lately! He was funny with Alexis and Kristina, and then hilarious with Maxie and "Jackel PI". I had almost forgotten how funny he could be--he hasn't been anything but dark for so long. I remember when his scenes with Edward and Mike used to be laugh riots. Kudos to the show for making good use of their talented actors again and for making the show light and entertaining again! --- Annie

  • I've watched GH and the rest of the ABC soaps since the beginning, and it's hard to imagine daytime without them. When I couldn't watch, there would be an update on my work computer everyday! If the 'powers-that-be' assume that reality shows are what we want, they should think again. I don't believe that another hashed out version of 'The View', even with Top Chef contestants, is a fair assessment of what Daytime audiences want to see...and if 'Daytime Wipeout' or 101 Ways to Leave the Price is Right' ever shows up, I'll then sell my Disney Stock! --- Donna

  • I didn't think that it was possible that ANYTHING could be worse than last year's Emmys. WRONG! This year was pitiful. When they were whipping through the list of nominees, they couldn't even be bothered to say what show the actors and actresses were with. How sad to work so hard to earn an Emmy and have it presented in such a shoddy manner. I turned the show off after an hour because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I used to look forward to watching the Daytime Emmy awards so much; this was the last time that I will waste my time. Love your GH column. You have me watching again. --- Mary

  • My heart broke in two when ABC announced the cancellation of OLTL and AMC. The low blow came when Katie Couric was going to take GH's time slot. I have been watching soaps as far as I can remember and that is when Dynasty was on. I thank my mother for that. I am now thirty years old and GH is my favorite. I can go back to when Felicia was the Aztec Princess with Frisco. I agree with my other fellow GHers that another ridiculous talk show is not needed. Last time I checked the 18 year old demographic is too busy with social networking to be worried about talk shows and the older demographic apparently doesn't want their soaps gone. I will definitely boycott ABC and any other station that continues to cancel my beloved soaps. --- Elizabeth

Jennifer Biller
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