That was my favorite line of the week, although, Alexis' reaction to Diane's confession, about sleeping with Mac, was a close second. I love Funny-Epiphany. She's so much more enjoyable to watch than Angry-Epiphany.
This week, Epiphany had me in absolute stitches when she suggested that Ewen consider wearing turtlenecks, because he's clearly buttoned-challenged. I'm not sure why Ewen's shirt was in disarray after leaving the Haunted Star, where he and Ethan had been chatting up the mystery that is Cassandra, but hey, I'm willing to overlook it for a little laughter.
Am I shocked that Cassandra and Helena are in cahoots? Not really, but I'm sorry to say that this story, in just a few scenes, became painfully predictable. Cassandra was raised to be Helena's secret weapon, and naturally Cassandra has now fallen in love with her target, Ethan. Not that I blame Cassandra -- Ethan is a charming, sexy guy who is very easy on the eyes. However, I think that this story would have been much more compelling if the writers had had Cassandra playing him, including her attraction to him.
I want surprises, not cookie-cutter love stories. Had Cassandra been cackling, along with Helena, over their twisted plot to destroy the Spencers, I might have been intrigued enough to wonder from where Cassandra sprang, but her story is following a familiar soap pattern, so I'm not interested in her history, especially when it appears that she will likely be riding off into the sunset with Ethan when Nathan Parsons exits the show.
The clue, "IC," suggests that she's a Cassadine, probably an "Irina," or "Ivanka." I suspect that in the end, Cassandra will be revealed to be some long-lost cousin, or one of Olga's children or grandchildren. If you recall, Molly was flipping through an old Cassadine family photo album at Kelly's not too long ago when she noticed something odd:
Molly: The cook and her kids. They aren't in any more of the pictures. It's like they just disappeared.
Alexis: It's not "like." That's exactly what happened. They were there one day and gone the next. And we don't know what happened.
"IC" could easily stand for "Illegitimate Cassadine," as in the lovechild of Stefan and Olga's daughter. I doubt that Helena would be quick to raise one of Stavros' children, even illegitimate, as an assassin. Then again, this is the woman who detested her own son, because Stefan had the misfortune of being born second in line of succession.
Speaking of children, I'm delighted that Jason was revealed to be the father of Sam's baby, but I was a bit annoyed with Kelly for dragging it out like she did. Is she into torturing people, or what?
I confess, though, that I am a bit leery about the results. It didn't escape my notice that Kelly made a point of saying "the preliminary results" showed that Jason was the father. As a long-time viewer, this was a huge red flag. I'm also distrustful when something is resolved this quickly, with a happy ending that leaves two characters positively giddy with joy.
I've read rumors that suggest that this story is far from over, and that we are in for some very twisted turns. At first I dismissed them as nothing more than fan fiction, but then Soap Central reported that Robin Mattson is reprising her role as Heather Webber. Suddenly, those rumors grew teeth. Skip the next paragraph if you don't want to know what might happen.
Rumblings suggest that Franco's obsession with Jason stems from a long-held secret: Susan Moore gave birth to twin boys, Jason and Franco. From what I'm hearing, Heather is returning to Port Charles to drop this little bombshell. There are also hints that perhaps Tracy knew about it. If that is true, then it explains why the paternity test indicated that Jason is the father of Sam's baby. Does this mean that Franco is the father? No, not at all, but it will keep the possibility in play for a while longer, and create lots of soapy drama for Jason and Sam.
I totally understand why Sam wants Jason to be the baby's father, but regardless of what the results of that test had said, Jason would have been that baby's father. Sperm donation does not a father make. It's also important to remember that the baby also carries half of Sam's DNA. I hate that the writers have everyone so focused on the paternity of the baby, without mentioning its maternity. It's as if they are suggesting that a child of rape is somehow tainted, and therefore less worthy of being loved. That is simply not true.
I'm also a little annoyed by how the writers have Jason and Sam acting as if parenthood is new to them. Not only did Jason raise Michael for a year, but there was also this little girl named Hope whom Jason and Sam took care of, and were prepared to adopt and raise, until Hope's birthmother changed her mind. Sam's remark, that she had never changed diapers before, irked me, because she most certainly had. She took care of newborn Hope for months, and helped Lucky take care of Cam and Jake when she was dating Lucky.
I hope the new writing team takes the time to read the Who's Who in Port Charles character profiles on this site. They are rich with information that longtime viewers like me would appreciate being acknowledged.
Moving on, I'm getting a little tired of Dante complaining about Sonny's decision to donate money for a pulmonary wing at General Hospital in Dante's name. I love how everyone looks at Dante as if he's being a complete ass for whining about it, and Sonny's motivations.
I get that Dante is completely distrustful of Sonny, and sees the donation -- and dedication of the wing -- as an attempt to buy Dante's affections, but so what? If it does some good for a lot of people in need, then bribe away. It doesn't mean that Dante has to play into Sonny's hands, or forgive his father.
Speaking of which, I'm not exactly sure why Dante is so mad at Sonny about what went down at the warehouse. I thought that Dante and Sonny were in a good place, of sorts, before the shooting. There hasn't been a shred of evidence that Sonny was even remotely involved in what had gone down on that fateful night, so why is Dante blaming him? Sonny didn't ask Dante to go to the warehouse; that was something that Dante decided to do all on his own during his and Lucky's investigation of the drug ring that had ties to the Zacchara organization.
I'm also a bit baffled about why Lulu mentioned to Dante that she wanted to get a job because they needed the money. Doesn't Lulu own the Haunted Star? How is she able to afford keeping that ship docked on the pier, running with electricity, cleaned, and fully stocked with booze, even though it hasn't been open and operational in eons, if money is tight? Shut it down, put the ship in storage, and find a buyer.
My parents live in Connecticut, so I know that gas, housing, and the general cost of living isn't cheap in that area of the country. I also know that the pay isn't exactly great, even for detectives, in the law enforcement field, but if Dante and Lulu can afford to keep the Haunted Star afloat then Lulu shouldn't feel the need to get a job right away.
I would rather see Lulu take the job at the police station because it is her passion. Lulu isn't just Luke's daughter, she's Laura's daughter too. There's nothing wrong with both of Laura's children wanting to be more like their mother rather than grifters like their father.
So, what is going on with Kate? Is she suffering from some type of multiple personality disorder, or is something else at work here? I suspect it is the latter. It was ultra creepy to see her clutching that bloodstained wedding dress, and even more disturbing to learn that she had kept it locked in a closet for years. I get why she would want a reminder of why she shouldn't go near Sonny, but at this point, it's a little too late for that. I can't help but wonder if perhaps this Marc guy, who clearly freaked her out, might be an FBI agent. At first I thought it was her therapist, but then I realized that psychiatrists don't make a habit of slipping notes to their patients on napkins in bars, asking them to call. If a doctor needed to reach his patient, he'd simply call.
I would fully understand why Kate would want to take Sonny down, once and for all, given that he almost got her killed when his enemy targeted her to punish Sonny. Time will tell, but I find myself listening carefully to everything that Kate now says, and watching her closely, as I try to unravel this interesting mystery.
Another mystery that has snagged my attention is Delores. It's not because she appears to be raiding Michael Jackson's closet for jackets, and buying her police badge at Giants R Us, but rather because of her increasingly strange relationship with her husband Eddie.
Admittedly, I'm not a big Delores fan, because that chip on her shoulder irritates me to distraction, mainly because it seems so unnecessary. She's not the first female cop on the police force -- Anna Devane shattered that particular glass ceiling ages ago when she became the police chief -- nor is Delores the only minority on the force. Her own partner is of Latin decent. It seems silly to have Delores acting like she's constantly discriminated against, especially when a guy like Mac is running things.
What got my attention was Delores' confession that she hadn't told Eddie about the attack, and Eddie's lack of appearance on date night with Dante and Lulu. Why wouldn't Delores tell Eddie that she was attacked? In the beginning, I suspected that she had made up the husband to keep guys from making passes at her, but then she started talking to Eddie on the phone. The first time was on the day that Abby was killed in a freak construction site accident in Chicago. We learned through Delores' end of the conversation that Eddie was working at a construction site out of town. Coincidence? Perhaps, but this is a soap.
I'm beginning to wonder if the man that Delores and Dante are looking for is Eddie. He seems to fit the profile to a degree, and he has a connection to Delores' sister. Eddie might be a red herring, or the person who has been assaulting the women in Port Charles. It's too soon to tell right now, but I'm going to pay close attention to what Delores has to say about her husband.
Now, onto T.J. and Molly. I'm trying very hard to like T.J., because I feel that he's the victim of a somewhat poisoned pen. For some reason, the writers appear to have this belief that every young teen has to be introduced as an angry, law-breaking, mouthy, rebellious punk in order to be interesting. It's such a disservice to young kids. I asked both of my kids -- 17 and 15 -- to watch the scenes with T.J. and Molly, and then give me their take on the storyline. Both of them agreed that it wasn't at all realistic, which confirmed what I had already known.
According to both of my children, reading disabilities like dyslexia are not a big deal to other kids, nor anything that kids would make fun of someone for. There are some who might make fun of kids with special needs, but the majority of students would stick up for the kid with special needs, so the bully would end up being bullied for picking on someone weaker than they are.
My daughter takes drama, with a senior who has Asperger's, a form of autism. She told me that he's actually one of the more popular kids in the class.
Both of my kids agree that depression is the biggest problem that teens face. Most of the depression stems from body image issues, like bad acne and weight problems, bullying, or they have bad home lives. Many of those kids turn to drugs for escape, which are readily available to anyone who wants them. The main drugs of choice: pot and heroin, and alcohol. Those who are angry tend to be angry because they are the recipients of vicious rumors about promiscuous behavior (for the girls) or they have a need to appear tough. Note that tough isn't picking on the handicapped, but rather targeting a peer.
The writers are not hitting a nerve with teens with their current teen storyline, so they need to go back to the drawing board. T.J. and Shawn have the potential for a very powerful story, if the writers would just take the time to properly tell it.
The hot topic of the day was the frustration that viewers felt about the revelation that Claudia is Johnny's mother: