Disclaimer: Dear Readers, first, allow me to apologize for the tardiness of today's column. I woke up this morning in excruciating pain, my face was swollen, my jaw and teeth hurt, my ears were totally plugged, and I could not hear people talking to me. I went to Urgent Care and left with a bag of drugs including Z-Pack, Vicodin, prednisone, and Claritin D for what appears to be the sinus infection from Hell. I took all of these drugs and -- that's the last anyone heard from me until this evening. So, please forgive me.
But it isn't a sinus infection I didn't see coming; it was plot twists, bombshell revelations, and surprise guests.
I've watched soaps for 40 years. Many times I see a scene, I pause my DVR, and I say to my husband, Jeff (who pretends he doesn't watch GH), "Here's what's going to happen next." I can almost always see a plot twist coming from ten miles away. For instance, if people in town suddenly start talking about a character who hasn't been on-screen for ten years, the obvious reveal is that the long-lost character will make a return.
But no one was talking about Bobbie. And no one was talking about Nikolas. Their returns weren't obvious because the usual soap banter wasn't building up to their return weeks in advance.
But perhaps the biggest shock this week was the revelation that the evil Dr. Britt Westbourne is the daughter of the evil Natasha, or wait, that's Boris' wife who hates the moose and squirrel... I meant Dr. Obrecht's daughter.
You remember her -- Faison's lackey from the Swiss clinic? The one holding Robin while her daughter works Patrick? Did not see that coming at all, but now that we know -- it's brilliant and beautiful. There is a plot involving two evil doctors, Robin, and Patrick, and somehow Faison and Jerry are involved. We have new pieces of the puzzle, and I for one can't wait until Monday to see where the next piece lands.
After that scene, my phone exploded with texts and tweets from truly stunned GH viewers in a moment of absolute shared ecstasy.
I love to be surprised, dear readers. I love it when I can't see what's coming next. I love to have my mind blown, to scream at the TV -- "WHAT?!" I want to kiss Ron Carlivati in the worst way. He loves my show as much as I love my show, and thus, I love him.
Not only do we have every favorite character for the last 30 years on canvas (save Lucky Spencer, who is busy over on Nashville), Ron is writing real plots for them and not just bit parts to show their faces. This is not mere fluff. Aunt Bobbie and Nikolas came home to find Lulu kidnapped. Laura came home and became engaged to Scott, and Luke had to bust up their wedding. Felicia was torn between Frisco and Mac, and finally made a choice. Duke and Anna keep trying and failing to rekindle their legendary love. Lucy is planning the Nurses Ball, and all is right with the Port Charles universe.
On a sad note, we lost all of our Llanview residents for reasons we don't really believe -- Todd's daughter Dani called and mumbled something on the phone, John was forcibly drafted back into the FBI, Starr is being called off to do something somewhere -- it's rushed and unfinished, but we know they will be back, so I won't panic.
John and Sam came thisclose to kissing, but held back. My guess is that this is so John can go to OLTL and resolve things with Natalie, and she can remove his "bad parent" accusations so he can come back to GH and adopt Rafe. Or maybe they are going to pair Sam up with someone new and let Natalie have John? Hard to say, but I'd prefer the vampire and almost vampire to end up together and find out why they both have identical twins in the netherworld.
Molly is smitten with Rafe even though T.J. got Kate/Connie to give her book back. It turns out the readers are interested is the 50 Shades of Naughty aspects of the book and not her innocent pre-smut version. Poor Molly. The adorable Halley Pullos is so passionate and wonderful in this role that whichever guy ends up with her is one lucky man. I still miss Lexi Ainsworth as Kristina, and I will probably say it 100 more times, even though I know that won't bring her back.
One of my favorite scenes this week was Epiphany calling out Britt on her crimes and the revelation that Patrick had hired Spinelli to clear Sabrina's name. The sad part of this storyline is that I predict Patrick will discover his feelings for Sabrina and hook up with her right about the time Robin comes back to town. Probably Nurses Ball night. Should we place bets?
And one more thing -- the fabulous Felix is a great friend helping the ladies with their love lives, but how about letting him have a little romance, too? It's time he met someone special and had a spectacular date to the ball.
Maxie's dream sequence this week was a gift, I think. Since Julie Marie Berman is leaving GH -- I think the writer's gave us the confrontation we wanted to see between Lulu and Maxie, even though it wasn't real. We got to see the scene we wanted with the actors we wanted to see perform the scene.
I remember years ago when Michael was kidnapped and Carly was played by Tamara Braun. By the time Michael came home, Braun had left the show, Michael reunited with the wrong mom, and it made me mad. And when Anna Lee died and GH had unceremoniously let go of John Ingle, we saw the wrong Edward mourn Lila, and I don't think I was ever more angry with a soap.
So, thanks, GH writing team, for giving us a glimpse of the payoff we'd hoped for. And in another plot twist I didn't see coming -- Ellie doesn't want kids and Spinelli does? Oh, please, Maxie, just tell him already. Just blurt it out as you are prone to do, and let us collectively rejoice for Damien.
Maxie is in multiple tough spots right now -- she is enjoying bonding with her dad, but totally unwilling to side with him in the battle for her mom over Uncle Mac who raised her. She is lying to her best friend and trying to pass on Jackal Jr. as Lulu and Dante's child. I just said to my BFF Betsy (who has taken pity on me and is spending the night so I won't be alone, even though I am sick and no fun), "If I ever carry a baby for you and trip over a dog and lose it, then whore around and get pregnant on the same night I lost your baby, I would just tell you." She thanked me profusely.
One scene completely melted me this week: Todd and Carly. Todd was trying to convince Carly to take him back, she visibly fought and resisted the urge for as long as she possibly could, we saw her inner battle play out on her face, and she finally fell into his arms I nearly had an... (This column is family-friendly so I can't finish that sentence.) I want those two together. Hey, Todd: forget Blair, forget Llanview, come back to Carly. Keep working on her. She will cave. She has to -- they are soul mates.
Happy 18th Anniversary to Soap Central, Happy 50th Birthday to General Hospital, and here's hoping they both have many more years to celebrate Magical Soapaliciousness.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Aunt Bobbie keep shopping at the "World's Worst Baby Gift" store? Will Olivia have another vision that everyone ignores until it comes true and then apologize to her? Will Lucy strong-arm Kevin into standing up for Luke and Laura's wedding should the whole Scotty thing not work out? Will Nikolas embrace his inner Spencer or his inner Cassadine this time around? Will Relish Hypnosis become the new therapy rage for people with too much money? Will Elizabeth forgive A.J. so she can try to recreate Jake by sleeping with him and getting some of that potent Quartermaine DNA?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in as long as there are tomorrows.