Happiness is for dogs and Americans

For the Week of October 21, 2013
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Happiness is for dogs and Americans
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Prince Nikolas is the first person from Port Charles to stumble upon a very alive Robin -- but will he be her rescuer? And has Dr. Obrecht been redeemed? Read more in this week's Two Scoops.

When Dr. Obrecht spit that line out at Faison, I laughed. And when I thought about it again ten minutes later, I laughed again. And then I tweeted it and laughed again. And I'm laughing right now. Imagine the writers sitting around the table and coming up with that line? Oh, man, to be in that room.

But I would not want to be in the room with Faison and Liesl, because that creepy Anna mask is laying there in the bed. Dolls, puppets, masks with wigs, and other lifeless things give me the heebie-jeebies.

Poor Dr. Obrecht tried her best to seduce Faison with her hot animal print bra and ruby red lipstick, but he was more interested in baby Ben/Caesar and the creepy wigged mask than he was in her. And while it was comical, I almost felt sad for her when Faison asked her to wear the Anna mask, because don't we all know how it feels to be madly in love with someone who doesn't return our affections? I spent a good three years of my life in college mooning over such a man before finding out that he was gay. "She should have told him to put the Duke mask on!" (Said my husband who pretends he doesn't watch General Hospital.)

But I digress. The magnificent Kathleen Gati brings Obrecht to life. She is on one hand an evil caricature like Natasha Fatale to Faison's Boris Badenof, and in the next breath, she morphs into a sympathetic love-struck woman whom I can empathize with and pity. She loves Faison in the same deluded way he loves Anna, but they don't even see the parallels in the midst of their own twisted madness. Faison and Obrecht are wonderful, delicious villains, and although I want Robin to be set free, I don't necessarily want the League of Doom members to get caught just yet.

Liesl Obrcht truly believed if she brought Faison a namesake grandson, he would be grateful enough to fall into bed with her, even if it wasn't love that was enough for her. And suddenly, all the twisted things she has done for months fell into place -- why she was helping Britt with Patrick, why she switched paternity tests -- all those crazy things she did were for the hope that Faison might love her. Ms. Gati can play Obrecht for campiness and sometimes does, but she can also turn on the genuine tender moments that make me almost want to root for her...but not quite, because she' s still super crazy. She is down on the floor now, but I refuse to count her out.

There is so much mayhem going on in Greece on Cassadine Island, I don't even know where to begin. Obrecht is down on the ground, Britt is in a room with her baby and Daddy Faison, Jerry is heading to Port Charles, and Prince Nikolas has found our imprisoned fair maiden, and it's apropos because they have a long and sweet past. I love that they let him be the first one to find her, and I just pray that he doesn't get konked over the head by one of the roving League of Doom members before he can get her out of there. Or will he get her out of there? Her parents are on the way, Tracy is trying to convince Luke to go back, Britt might have a heroic act in her -- you just never know who might be the one to actually free Robin!

In fact, all of the citizens of Port Charles have me all wound up -- Luke is hopefully cured and flying home with Spanky Buns, who is waiting for him to say healthy what he said when he was dying. Sonny is getting wise to the double identity of the very handsome Derek Wells (a.k.a. Julian Jerome). Todd has (unsuccessfully) taken up boxing, and Carly has inexplicably gotten stupid. Does she really think Franco is sleeping with Diane?

Ava sleeps with Morgan but sees Silas' face, and Morgan sleeps with Ava and sees Kiki's face. Michael and Kiki do it and see...each other. (Not much of an acting gig when your on-screen love is your off-screen love, too.) Michael, wanting to support his new flame, felt compelled to ask Sonny for a job again for the eight millionth time, but instead of shutting him down, Sonny actually agreed to consider it. I fear this is leading to a mob battle of epic proportions with Morgan on the side of Ava and Julian Jerome pitted against Michael on the side of Sonny and the Corinthos clan. It's been awhile since we had a giant mob war, but let's face it -- no one has ever bested Sonny.

Patrick proposed to Sabrina after she and Elizabeth convinced him that his "dead" wife didn't call him. The scenes with Patrick and Elizabeth as she sadly reminisced about calling her live son by her dead son's name just broke my heart. My only hope is that Robin gets him before Patrick marries Sabrina and not after -- I don't know how many annulment hearings I can take.

Readers, I don't know about you, but I simply can't look away! GH is riveting, and the numbers prove it -- it finally beat Y&R in the key 18-49 demographic (of which I am no longer a part. #50isthenew30...?)

This week had moments that made me laugh, like Diane saying, "Morgan, you've been busy! I remember not so long ago you could entertain yourself with just a bucket of Legos!"

There were also moments that made me shudder, like when Faison had Anna pinned up against the wall, and I thought she was actually falling under his spell and kissing him, only to reveal that it was the obsessively loyal Dr. Obrecht in an Anna mask. Seriously, who keeps making these masks for her and Faison? They are almost scarier than clowns and Chuckie dolls.

I have to admit it, and I know just saying it makes me a clear candidate for counseling, but Faison both repulses and fascinates me. He's like the Phantom of the Opera of Port Charles -- he kind of creeps me out and turns me on at the same time. What is it about romantic obsession that is so compelling? If I were Anna, I would totally kiss him and then tell people it was just a ruse to get info on my missing daughter, but I secretly would have liked it.

I loved the tender scenes with Elizabeth and Patrick as they spoke from their hearts on grief and loss -- holding on and letting go. I winced as Robin tried to get the "can you hear me now?" bars on the cell phone, and the phone died just as Patrick finally heard her. I cried for Patrick when he was convinced he had heard Robin's voice (because he did) and the sadness in his eyes when Sabrina convinced him it couldn't have happened.

Don't hate me, readers, but Sabrina is really starting to get on my nerves, and I'm glad Robin is coming home soon so Sabrina can go back to her gangster boyfriend Carlos. I liked her better when she was sweet and insecure and never brushed her hair and wore giant Sally Jesse Rafael glasses.

Maybe when Lucas comes to town to meet his new half-sister, Sam, he can move in with Sabrina and Felix and be a new love match for Felix so he doesn't have to date Brad, who is apparently the only other gay man in all of Port Charles.

On a side note, GH is full of music, and we have certain songs we associate with certain couples, and one such song was "Smile" by the ultra talented Ryan Webster. I knew that GH fans would want to know that he has a new album out on iTunes this week, so we can support his efforts at bringing more great songs into our lives.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Jonathan Paget, Mr. Craig, Dr. Von Schemerman, and Derek Wells meet for a hand of Imposter Poker? Will Michael go to work at Sonny's coffee warehouse and see his own blood on the concrete from when he got shot in the head and go catatonic again? Will Franco convince Carly he isn't sleeping with Diane just in time for Heather to show up again with another painting of a BLT? Will Kiki seek therapy to overcome the shock of knowing her mom is shacking up with her estranged husband? Will Uncle Mac send Mr. Marbles with Robert and Anna on their big secret adventure? Will Jax show up in Port Charles when he discovers Jerry has been holding Robin hostage for a year? Will the Halloween Costume shop in Port Charles go bankrupt since everyone is making their own masks these days?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.


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