If you are not a SpongeBob Squarepants fan, that title won't bring you the same amount of glee that a SpongeBob fan will feel when reading those words. If you are a SpongeBob fan, those words will capture my sheer joy and anticipation knowing that the new writers' work will start airing next week.
I can hope we are about to turn a corner. I can dream that all that has been made wrong will be made right.
But not everything is wrong. There were some beautiful scenes this week on GH, and I will start there. When Sam went to Noodle Buddha on her anniversary and Jake was there, too, I was delighted. When Mrs. Yi was insistent that Jake was Jason (because he is!) and had them renew their vows, I liked that, too.
But I'm so ready, ready, ready for Jake to know he is Jason. I want to see the fallout. I want Elizabeth and Sam to have a catfight. I want Jason to punch Nikolas in his beautiful, perfect face. I want Monica to weep for joy that her son is alive. I want Carly to jump into the Sam/Liz catfight and pull Elizabeth's hair. I want all the drama. And I want the joy, too. Sam knowing Jason is alive. Spinelli coming home and saying, "See, I knew he was Jason!" I want to see Sonny pull through from his health crisis because his best friend is by his bedside, rooting for him.
When, oh when, will it happen? It feels close, but I have been tricked before.
There will be some heartache, too. The newly engaged Patrick and Sam will probably not make it to the altar. Emma and Danny will not be stepsiblings. Cam, Aiden, and Li'l Jake will not have Jake as their Daddy. But I'm okay with all that. I look forward to many gut-wrenching scenes where I will sob like a baby. Bring it! I'm so ready to cry real tears for pretend people.
This past year has been tied up in plotlines that never end and secrets that take far too long to be exposed -- and I'm not a patient woman. I like suspense, but I dislike boredom. So, new writers, here's to you! I'm hoping you can move this paused show forward.
Here are some storylines I don't care about at all. (Confession: I started that sentence with a reference to a rat and his derrière but then changed it in case youngsters were reading.)
• Kiki drinking. When I didn't see her for a whole week, I was hopeful she had gone far, far away, never to return. Sadly, she's back and has a drinking problem. I feel my fast-forward finger twitching on my hand already in anticipation of many bad drunken Kiki scenes.
• Dead Sloan. So, we had Kyle #1, recast him with Kyle #2, he had a fling with Anna, and we recast him again back to Kyle #1 and then just killed him off. Why did we even bother with that whole storyline? Are we to believe he was so broken up about Anna rejecting him after their one-night stand six months ago that he went on a bender and wanted to see her in jail? Sure, he was the catalyst to telling Paul that Anna shot Carlos, but anyone could have done that. As to Carlos, too many people have been talking about him this week; I think he somehow miraculously survived. Maybe Snorebrina has been nursing him back to health. We haven't seen her since Michael gave Avery back to Sonny.
• Valerie's mooning over Dante. So, she promised Dante she would never tell anyone. But now she has told Dillon on top of telling Jordan. She just can't stop telling people. I want to be able to like her character, but I just don't. The first week she was on, I thought, "Awesome! A new fiery Spencer!" but I was bamboozled. She is not fiery. She's weak, pitiful, whiny, and manipulative.
• Nikolas and Hayden. It seemed like that could be something, but after a few weeks of "I don't remember anything" and pointless scenes about rib bibs, I'm bored. I think the new writers could turn that around if they flesh out Hayden's character a little bit. Also on my wish list is for Nikolas' conscience to return and have him be a true prince again.
• Paul Hornsby being a bad guy. Back in the day, I loved Paul. He was a good guy who got lured into being a bad guy. But now, decades later and with a new actor, I'm just not invested. He knows Anna shot Carlos, he will probably use that info to blackmail her into doing something, and I couldn't care less. It's October! Bring me some real #GH villains! Give me Helena, Faison, or Heather for Halloween.
• The random film student who wanted to "charge his camera" on set and thus filmed Valerie's entire confession about sleeping with Dante. Seriously? I bet Lulu will find it while dusting at the Haunted Star! Please. Very contrived.
• Speaking of which, Dillon hallucinating Lulu's head when he was filming a scene with Maxie was super creepy!
• Kristina's return. We saw a lot of promos about Lexi Ainsworth's return, and then she was only in two scenes and vanished. What happened? Is she gone? Does she have some big scenes coming up next month? Has the most likely undead Carlos kidnapped her? No idea. I was so excited for her return, and I love her, so the only reason she's on the "don't care" list is because she has barely been on since her triumphant return.
Enough of that, back to the good stuff...
I loved the sweet scene where Sam put on her beautiful dress, filled the house with rose petals, and held up the "Yes I will marry you" sign. It reminded me of the "George Lassos Moon" drawing in It's a Wonderful Life. She finally accepted Patrick's proposal, and his speech afterward about wanting to remember every minute of that moment was precious! I was glad that the wardrobe department let Kelly Monaco wear something other than a tank top. She's a beautiful woman, and I am so glad they let her get all dolled up and wear a pretty dress for a change.
The sweetness of that scene was countered with our knowledge that their wedding most likely won't happen. After Sam finds out about Jason, where does that leave Patrick? Would he ever go back to Sabrina? Please, no. Will he seek comfort with the suddenly single Elizabeth? No, I think he will be as angry with her for lying as the rest of the town will be. I can't decide who would be a good fit for him. Any ideas? Maybe it's time for Britt to come back and get a second chance. That would make Nikolas crazy!
Now to Sonny. It appears that this will be a challenging season for our favorite mob kingpin. Will he be able to walk? Will he have brain damage? Will he be able to speak or see or remember his life? Will he and Carly ever be able to complete their vows? Until he wakes up, all of this is unknown. Michael temporarily stepped into the role of mob boss with the Five Families, and although he promised Carly he would not get sucked into that world, while Sonny is recovering, someone has to fill that role, and they don't trust Ric (rightly so), and Morgan isn't thinking clearly right now. It looks like for the time being, Michael is the new don.
After all the talk about Morgan possibly being bipolar, he has not gotten a medical exam or gone to seek help and is just walking around town completely out of control. Maybe they are waiting for him to crash into depression so we see both sides of the coin? I don't know, but I don't want them to drop this. I would love to see it fully addressed.
I pity poor Avery. Of all the parental choices she has, I honestly think Carly is the most stable person in that equation, and that's a scary thought. Sadly, Carly isn't her mom, so she has gone back to being raised by the murderous, treacherous Ava Jerome. I think Ava will want to protect her daughter just as Sonny wanted to protect his kids, but it's never ended well for Sonny. How long will it be until a rival kidnaps, injures, or kills Avery? Ava should ask Laura Spencer to raise her daughter now that she's in town with nothing to do.
Laura is my next topic. Is she only on hand to spill the beans about Jason, and will she then be on her way, or is she going to stick around? I hope she sticks around. Lulu will surely need her once she finds out about Dante's infidelity, and Laura has a little experience with that topic to advise her daughter. I think Laura could be a shoulder for Liz to cry on in the wake of losing Jake, too. GH is missing the wise older person who advises the younger people on the show. That person used to be Lila, but since her death, the role has been vacant. I think Laura would be a great matriarch to all of Port Charles.
Finally, on Friday, we finally saw Franco and Nina. There is a couple I am invested in, and they just agreed to move in together. Hooray! Bring on the kookiness. They are both slightly off center, mentally unbalanced, and crazy in love (pun intended). I can't wait to see what sort of hijinks happen when they move in together. I think a great angle to play with that relationship is to show that these two broken people have the most stable romance of anyone in town. They are faithful to one another. They adore one another. They trust one another. But all the "normal" people in Port Charles have totally jacked-up relationships.
And now, a random tip... Sometimes when GH gets too mob-centric, I like to call it General Mobspital. I used to call it that regularly during the Chuck Pratt years because it was all mob violence and no romance. I think that Ron Carlivati had a much more balanced show. We had mob-centric storylines, but also actual hospital drama. But lately, we have lost a lot of that. Patrick seems to be the only doctor in the hospital lately. Where is Epiphany? Where is Dr. Obrecht? Where are Felix, Brad, and Lucas? I think it's time for Steven Webber to get out of jail and be reinstated. If Ava can get off, so can Steve.
Do any of you watch Scandal? I think they balance brilliantly. In the forefront, we have all the drama between Olivia, Fitz, Mellie, and Jake. In the background, David Rosen, Cyrus, and the Gladiator team are working on other things You can have both plots intermingling without focusing solely on one or the other. Maybe GH writers should sign up for a seminar taught by Shonda Rhimes.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Carlos come back to life and redeem Anna from being a cold-blooded killer? Will Lulu and Dante be able to survive his affair after Valerie puts their affair news on the Yankees' scoreboard? Will Michael reminding Ava that he killed Claudia for stealing his baby sister fill her heart with fear? Will Tracy not get any decent airtime until Tony Geary comes out of retirement? Will anyone in the Webber family ever throw a little party to celebrate the fact that Jake has come back to life, or will they just leave him upstairs, invisibly playing until he's 15? Will Carly believe that she brought Jason back to life by praying to him? Will Spinelli come and save Sam and Anna when their investigation is fruitless? Will Maxie have to provide her own wardrobe for the entire movie like she did with the lingerie?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.