Wake me up when September ends
For the Week of September 26, 2016
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GH Two Scoops: Wake me up when September ends
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An acquittal, a motherly sacrifice, the closing of a beloved hospital, and a funeral should have made for an exciting and emotional week, but plot holes and rushed storytelling made it all fall flat.

A week after Sabrina was violently murdered, all traces of her were eradicated by the time her funeral rolled around on Friday. That's quick even by real-life standards, but the real tragedy is that all of this unfolded within a span of 24 hours in Port Charles.

I understand why the writers decided to kill off Sabrina. They wrote a storyline about a serial killer using the hospital as his hunting ground. To up the ante, they put someone many fans liked in his crosshairs.

The goal was to give the viewers a reason to be emotionally invested in the climax of the storyline when Paul is inevitably caught and made to face the piper.

Not everyone can catch a lucky break like Sonny, Ava, and Julian.

On the surface, it's a good plot, but scribes Jean Passanante and Shelly Altman really haven't pushed the envelope and taken risks, which is a shame, since there was tremendous potential with this storyline.

I don't have a problem with Paul being the killer because I think we are a bit cast heavy, and he's an expendable character. No one really likes him -- not even his son -- and despite an affair with Ava and being the district attorney, he doesn't have any real connections with anyone. I think Richard Burgi is an incredibly gifted actor, as evidenced by that scene in Kelly's courtyard when he yelled at Ava to keep Julian on a tight leash. It still gives me the shivers thinking about it, but Paul was written into a corner long ago when they had him tampering with evidence and killing Kyle Sloane in cold blood out of some sense of vengeance.

It's the decision to have Paul kill off Sabrina that demonstrated a fear of pushing the boundaries. Passanante and Altman had a perfect opportunity to shake things up by capitalizing on another exit. I'm referring to Bryan Craig's departure.

Before anyone starts firing off a rebuttal as to why Morgan shouldn't be killed off, I'd like to point out that the very reason you are outraged is exactly why the writers should have had Morgan cross paths with Paul. Viewers would have been blown away if Morgan had fallen victim to Paul's murder spree -- and his death would have forever impacted the lives of several key characters, including his parents, Sonny and Carly.

Sabrina was the safe choice because, other than Teddy, she didn't have any family in Port Charles. The fact that the writers were able to erase all traces of her within a single day shows how little she mattered in the scheme of things. Come Monday, Felix and Epiphany will have faded back into the woodwork to grieve in silence, and Michael will find succor from Nelle.

I liked Sabrina, but her death and funeral were sloppily written, so I didn't even tear up except when Epiphany sang, "You're Not Alone." There were plot holes I could drive a truck through, starting with how no one had heard Sabrina screaming in the Intensive Care Unit. I've been in ICUs, and there is no way someone screaming for help and banging on the window of a room could not be overheard. Those rooms are not soundproof -- and for good reason.

However, that really wasn't my main issue. The writers lost me by having Joe show up on Michael's doorstep, just hours after Sabrina was strangled to death, and whisk Teddy off to Puerto Rico his mother's body was even cold.

Additionally, Sabrina's autopsy was done in short order and her body shipped off for burial before the report was typed up. But my biggest problem with all of this was the lack of presence -- or even mention -- of any of Sabrina's family.

Are we truly to believe that Sabrina's father wouldn't want to say goodbye to his only child? What about Juan, who flew to Port Charles at the drop of a hat several times when his cousin needed him?

It was shameful that the writers couldn't have at least written it so that Joe and Teddy attended her funeral, especially since Michael had made it clear that he would not allow Teddy to become a pawn in a custody battle. Also, what does that say about Joe's feelings for Sabrina that he could leave with her son without paying his respects?

That brings me to another issue I had with the whole Joe taking Teddy twist. In what land does an estranged brother get custody of a child if there are other close family members in the picture who had an ongoing relationship with the deceased parent? More importantly, didn't Sabrina give Tracy guardianship of Teddy back when Carlos and Joe's cousin kidnapped her? At the very least, I expected Michael to talk to Sabrina's father about Teddy's custody before handing him over to Joe.

Sabrina falling victim to Paul's deadly reign of terror was clearly a last-minute decision, and it shows.

Morgan would have been a much more interesting victim. Admittedly, I'm not much of a fan of Morgan's because he annoys me more than he intrigues me. Part of the problem was that he was pigeonholed eons ago when they decided to turn the intelligent, sweet, and endearing boy he was into as a not-so bright perpetual frat boy who aimlessly drifts from job to job.

I don't generally like for legacy characters to be killed off without leaving one or two progeny behind, but in Morgan's case, the potential for gripping storylines would have been worth it.

Imagine the quest for vengeance Sonny would have gone on and the profound grief that Carly would have experienced losing a child that she had desperately tried to help. There's also the matter of Ava, who tampered with Morgan's meds, which could have been used to contribute in some way to Morgan's demise.

Instead, Sabrina was killed in horrific fashion, and other than Michael being blue for a while, there won't be any lasting impact of her death. By Christmas, Michael will be kissing Nelle under the mistletoe, and Sabrina will be a long-forgotten memory.

I don't think that Paul will actually confess to Tracy about what he's done. I suspect he'll cover his little confession by telling Tracy that he feels responsible for what happened to Sabrina because he failed to catch a killer.

Moving on, Hayden confronted her mother about Franco's revelation that Jeff Webber is Hayden's father. Naomi reluctantly confirmed that it was true and grudgingly admitted that Raymond knew, as well, which was why Raymond has repeatedly rejected Hayden's requests to visit him in jail. To make amends, Naomi decided to fall on her sword and confess to stealing the diamonds that the Feds intended to auction off to compensate the victims of Raymond's Ponzi scheme. Before Naomi was carted off to jail in a blue dress with chains -- how appropriate -- she urged Hayden to stay in Port Charles and follow her heart.

And just like that, Naomi was forgiven for a lifetime of lies.

After Hayden said farewell to her mother, she skipped over to Perks to fetch some coffee for her and Finn. No way was Hayden about to let a little thing like her mother spending the next 20 years in prison for a crime that Hayden committed get in the way of Hayden living her life.

I don't really like Hayden except when she's with Finn. She has an unbelievable sense of self-entitlement and a skewed way of looking at things. Finn makes her likeable because he manages draw out the softer side of her and makes her see reason. Without Finn, I always have an overwhelming urge to reach through the television screen to shake some sense into Hayden.

I understand why Hayden and Elizabeth dislike each other. They both have very good reason to, and being sisters doesn't make it all magically disappear. As Finn wisely pointed out, they have work to do.

However, the first step is for Hayden to accept that Elizabeth had good reason to suspect Hayden of shoving her down the stairs because of the altercation, Hayden's threat, and the fact that Hayden was standing over Elizabeth minutes after the fall. Also, no one bothered to tell Elizabeth why Hayden was released from jail, so Elizabeth thought a guilty person had gotten away with attempted murder.

If I had been in Elizabeth's shoes, I probably would have done the same thing and asked a friend to take proof of Hayden's criminal activity to the police.

More importantly, though, Hayden has to accept that her own poor choices put her in the position that she was in. If she hadn't taken those diamonds in the first place and lied to the Feds, then she wouldn't have been arrested.

I'm sure that Elizabeth and Hayden will have a few more heated exchanges before the men in their lives force them to sit down and hash things out like the adults they are.

Meanwhile, Claudette announced that she's on the run from a violent ex-boyfriend who is locked up in prison, but he has powerful friends and seedy ties to other criminals. According to Claudette, the ex threatened her secret daughter, who just so happens to be Nathan's daughter too. Claudette knows this because even though Charlotte was conceived around the time Claudette was knocking boots with Dr. Father Griffin, she and the Catholic priest were "careful."

Claudette is a compulsive liar who loves to toy with people, so I wouldn't have trusted anything she said or any lock of hair she plucked from a locket around her neck. Maxie was right to demand a paternity test, especially when she noticed that the lock of hair was dark brown, while Charlotte's hair in the picture is decidedly blonde.

I don't care how much Sun-In or lemon juice you squeeze onto your hair, it will never go from dark brown to light blonde in the sun.

Something is definitely off with Claudette's story, and if that is her child, I agree with Maxie that Charlotte is Griffin's daughter.

Finally, Julian was acquitted this week because Paul arranged for the search warrant for the wiretap to have a clerical error. I also suspect that Paul drugged Alexis with that cup of water he gave her during the short recess.

I've been quite vocal about my love for William deVry, so I'm happy that Julian is sticking around. Sadly, the writers seem determined to keep Julian tap dancing on the edge of insanity and delusion, which means I'm probably not going to like where his story is headed.

I hope I'm wrong, but I'm getting a bad vibe. It's like several people -- Sonny, Alexis, and Morgan -- are being set up to look like prime suspects in Julian's murder.

Random observations and things that tickled my fancy
A demerit to whoever didn't proofread Liesl's dialog. The German word for grandmother is Oma/Omama or the more formal Grossmutter/Grossmutti. There is no such thing as a "Grandmutter," and no German/Austrian woman would ever refer to herself as such.

I don't have any doubt that GH will reopen because it's the name of the show, but I thought it was rather ridiculous that they managed to pack up everything, evacuate the patients, and close the hospital in a matter of a few hours. Even with Liz going home to recuperate, there had to be some serious overcrowding issues at Mercy Hospital.

Why exactly can Finn not ask Sonny to arrange another trip for medicine, given the situation at the hospital?

Claudette tells Nathan that she hooked up with a dangerous man after Nathan and Griffin dumped her
Nathan
: [Chuckles] "A cop, a priest, and a crook. I got to say, Claudette, that's quite the trifecta."

Griffin gets a call while helping Michael and Tracy plan Sabrina's funeral
Griffin
: "I thought I turned this thing off. I have to take this. Excuse me."
Tracy
: "Really?" [Looks at Michael] "There goes our shepherd."

Reader feedback
I'm lightweight offended by Lulu's current storyline. Her seeking this embryo is comparable to her going up to Stavros, the man who kidnapped her and hoped to sexually assault her, and asking him to please get her pregnant. -- Stacy Logan

Fans keep better track of the history on a soap than the writers do -- and it's the writers' job to have a storyboard up on the wall and use it. I'm so sick of all the same plots being recycled. Every time I go on Twitter or speak with anyone, they have an idea that is better than anything ANY of these writers come up with. -- Peter Radcliff

Oh, I like the idea of Michael Park as Jeff Webber! I said in another post that if it wasn't Richard Dean Anderson, it wouldn't be the same, but if it's Michael Park, who cares? -- Kymbia O

Now, I turn the spotlight on you, dear readers. Please, share your thoughts about the show in the comments section below. I love reading what everyone has to say.

Until next time, take care.
Liz Masters

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? Share your thoughts on the show or this week's column with us. Leave your comments in the Comments area further down the page. If you prefer, you can click here to send our columnist a note by Feedback. You can also call our 24/7 caller feedback hotline at 267.341.7627 and voice your thoughts.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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