A strange and beautiful thing has happened in Port Charles, dear readers; the writers of General Hospital remembered the name of the show.
GH hasn't been a medical drama for a long time. I have sarcastically called it General Mobspital in the past when there were more shootouts and fewer doctors. But we have taken a happy turn.
Bobbie, played by the beautiful GH legend Jackie Zeman, has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. It wasn't a passing mention; her condition was discussed in multiple scenes with multiple characters, just like it would be in real life. Several people in my family have type 2 diabetes, so I know it's no joke. I am glad they are exploring this storyline and educating the viewers about this disease. I guess she won't be able to eat the stack of syrupy pancakes at Kelly's anymore.
Next, Carly and Sonny received the news that their unborn child will likely be born with spina bifida. My cousin's son has spina bifida, and he is now in his twenties. I hope they cover that, that it's not a death sentence. It hasn't been an easy life, but he's a kid who has brought great joy to our family. I absolutely loved the dialogue between Carly and Sonny as they decided whether or not they were up to the challenge of raising a special needs child and landed on "yes." Whichever GH writer wrote that dialogue, I want to hug you so tight. But not in a creepy way.
Jordan is still recovering from a kidney transplant. (And, of course, Ryan is recovering, as well, back in Pentonville. Not to mention that cutting off his own arm thing.) Mike is still battling Alzheimer's and trying to find ways to enjoy life even while struggling to remember. It's all very welcome and very compelling storytelling. I'm thankful GH is getting back to its medical roots.
There is only one small problem here, we have so many medical stories and barely any doctors left at GH. We have exactly four actively working doctors: Lucas, Finn, Kim, and Terry. But Kim is in no shape to practice medicine right now; she's having a full-on, grief-inspired meltdown. We haven't seen Terry since Oscar died. We have one med student --T.J., but he's about to drop out of school over financial burdens. Finn's focus is infectious diseases. That leaves Lucas, who is the sole general practitioner, I think...
We have three nurses: Liz, Felix, and Epiphany, but I can't recall the last time I saw Felix. We have Brad the sleazy lab tech and Franco the art therapist. We have one shrink, Kevin Collins. Monica and Bobbie are on hand, but neither is doing day-to-day patient care.
Forgive me for saying so, readers, but I would be happy to trade out all of the Dawn of Day characters to get Griffin, Robin, and Patrick to come back to town. Reinstate Dr. Obrecht -- some mystery illness that only she can cure. Or maybe Noah Drake has been put out to pasture by Doctors Without Borders like Robert was by the WSB, so bring him home to help Bobbie. Or how about Liz's brother Steven Webber? Keep giving me medical drama, but please beef up your pool of doctors. And for an added touch of fun, how about bringing back Nurse Amy?
But don't get me wrong! Even though I love the medical drama, I love the plain old drama-drama, too.
As I mentioned, part of me is really ready for the Dawn of Day stuff to wrap up, but another part of me is willing to give it another minute because I am enjoying the new twists and turns brought about by Carol the Beecher's Corner waitress. Fake lawyer Jason broke through Harmony's fog of faithfulness to Shiloh and uncovered a bombshell. Shiloh murdered Willow's father right before sleeping with her in his creepy initiation! What a sleaze. He must die. But who will kill him? My money is on Harmony. I think Jason's revelations finally convinced her that Shiloh isn't the man she thought he was.
But... a bone to pick. My husband and I have a friend who is in prison. When we go to visit him, here is what we are able to take: a clear Ziploc bag with quarters for the vending machine so we can buy him a coffee, and our car key. That's it. And we had to pre-register and get background checked and preapproved to even be on his visitors list. We had to go through metal detectors and body scanners and get patted down by hand. On the other hand, Jason just waltzed in and pretended to be a lawyer with a briefcase full of who knows what and slid right in. Must be some mobster scam that I am unaware of. Maybe there is a "sneaking into prison for dummies" book that thugs get when entering the life. Jason has had a super fun week, getting arrested by creepy cult cop Billy, getting broken out of jail by fake drunk Michael, and becoming a fake prison lawyer.
What's the deal with Billy? When he urged new waitress Sam to check out Dawn of Day, it felt a little like he's Shiloh's pimp. Does he spot out new babes for Shiloh to violate? What does Shiloh give him in return? A finder's fee? His pick of the pledges to violate? It's all so disgusting and creepy.
My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, occasionally gets obsessed over small details of the show. He was very troubled that Sam gave Billy a piece of pie "on the house," and then Billy left without eating the pie. The fact that Billy left free pie on the counter was a sticking point to the hubby. "He didn't even eat the pie! And it was free!" He actually asked me to mention this in my column because he wanted to make sure that you were as outraged as he was at the pie-wasting scene. His other concern: that the only three people in the entire diner were Sam, Billy, and Carol. Where were all the other pie eaters? It's a GH mystery.
But seriously, Jason needs to put Billy on Sonny's radar. Bye-bye, Billy!
At least we finally learned what the truth behind Kristina's pledge was. See, I had totally discounted it because everyone knew about it at the time it happened, public knowledge. But I didn't know the twist that Kristina intentionally lied about the accident and said Alexis killed Kiefer on purpose. I'm glad Neil agreed to mediate the session between Kristina and Alexis, but I was okay with him ditching her as a patient because that would mean they could date. Since it's clear that GH will never, ever heed our pleas to reunite Julexis, I at least want poor Alexis to get some action.
Across town, Drew was talking to some kid, and I thought, "Oh, no, Drew is losing it, too. He's talking to the imaginary new kid he and Kim haven't had yet." But then I realized it was a SORASed Scout. (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome, for the uninitiated.) GH (and all soaps) does this a lot, but the hard part is that Spencer Cassadine -- whom I adore -- used to be the same age as Joss and Cam, and when they aged the other two, they didn't age him. And I do not want them to age him because Nicholas J Bechtel forever, am I right? Maybe they will make Scout 14 next week, so Spencer has a new babe to crush on, since Emma moved away.
Readers, if you have read my column at any time over the past 16 years (I just found my audition column for June 2003 while packing boxes to move!), you will know I am a LONG-time viewer of GH. I started watching in 1978, which is 41 years ago! So, let me tell you, I have seen the first few rounds of Bobbie and Scotty, and it hasn't always ended so well. But maybe it will this time.
Scott botched his proposal and compared his relationship with Bobbie to a comfortable old shoe, which went over as well as you'd think it would. But what do you think? Can these two on-again, off-again lovers find a real romance in their AARP stage of life? (I can say that because I'm in mine, too.) I think they can. And GH has decades of flashback scenes to show as they move toward love. I hope they use all 40 years' worth. I posted one episode on my Twitter account last night, but just in case you aren't on Twitter, happy viewing! https://youtu.be/5GyHY2iceOQ
I know Scott was hoping for something with Ava, but she's not interested. I enjoy their friendship, but let's face it, the person Ava has the most chemistry with right now is Jax. I know he hates her for her role in Connie's death, but I see the sizzle when they are together. If they fought their way into bed, I wouldn't complain, would you? Sure, Jax would hate himself in the morning, but maybe he'd accidentally bring out the best in Ava, and she'd bring him back to life. I can hardly wait to see that Crimson cover story. I hope Ava really does get to tell her side of things and honor Kiki, but since Jax and Nina hate her, it's unlikely.
I think the show is aiming for a Jax/Nina pairing instead as soon as Nina finds out about Valentin's deception when it comes to Sasha. But truthfully, I'm not invested in NuNina yet. We have barely seen her since she arrived, and I'm not quite sure why. On the other hand, The Young and the Rest.ess is making great use of Michelle Stafford and immediately threw her into the action. This makes me happy because I love her, and I just want to see her work.
You know what else makes me happy? The Scorpio brothers working together again. I don't care that we just found out that Robert went to law school 40 years ago on his summer vacation from the WSB or whatever cockamamie story they made up. I will suspend my disbelief to the moon and back to keep those two in the PCPD, working together on cases. I hope Jordan never gets well enough to come back to work. I hope she decides to become Sam's new partner in the P.I. business and stays away from the PCPD altogether. No, wait. I want Spinelli to come back full-time and partner with Sam, and I don't care what Jordan does for a living.
Curtis ditched Sam to pretend to work for Jax but secretly spy for Valentin. In a battle between Jax and Valentin, I think we would suppose that Jax is the good guy in that scenario. But hear me out...Valentin has never been quite as ruthless as we were first led to believe. Helena was afraid of Valentin and said he was the worst of the Cassadines. But seriously, he's not anywhere near as scary as she was. Basically, he's a French-speaking, piano-playing, glorious crooner; a doting father; and an adoring husband...who has done a few shady things. But he's not offing people right and left like Helena used to do. So, maybe Jax and Valentin are more alike than they are different. Valentin's evil deeds would tip the scales further than Jax's, for sure, but not that much further.
Readers, who do you think was booking an airplane ticket from Paris to Port Charles? My first guess is Cassandra Pierce, since her name has come up a few times recently. Here are some other possibilities: Spencer? Nikolas? Lucky? Jerry? Faison? Hayden? Luke? Tracy? What say you? Who do you hope is on their way to Port Charles?
Maybe it's another of Sonny's cousins. Dev is now officially a relative of Sonny, due to a little bribery and criminal activity. I get the feeling Sonny is going to take Dev under his wing like he did for Stone and like he did for Jason. Will he turn him into a criminal? Probably so, because that's what he does, but on the upside, Sonny will protect him from the people who are chasing him in Turkey. Joss and Dev are so going to fall for each other. This is okay because Sonny isn't Joss's real father, so they can legitimately be kissing stepcousins. The teen romantic quadrangle is heating up. Trina likes Cam. Dev likes Trina. Cam likes Joss. Joss is still grieving Oscar. Should make for a fun summer.
Sometimes I hear people say, "Too many teenage storylines," but I disagree 100%. Every summer for the past four decades that I have watched soaps, all the soaps feature young storylines. Why? Because teenagers are out of school for the summer, and this is how we get the next generation hooked so GH can live on for another 40 years! I started watching in high school because all the cool girls were talking about Scott, Bobbie, Laura, and Luke. I didn't care about Jessie Brewer or Audrey and Steve Hardy; they were my grandparents' age. I only wanted all the hot Laura Webber drama. And now, I hope my grandkids are home in the summer when it's too hot to be outside, watching Joss, Dev, Cam, and Trina and getting sucked into the soap vortex for life.
I think Cam is right to be worried about the wedding, because the previews I have seen feature a drunken Dr. Obrecht. That can't be good! Maybe she will get up on the piano and sing an inappropriate song. Maybe she will kill someone. You just never know. I'm just happy that she is there. What other chaos will happen? I can hardly wait to see. Get your popcorn and Champagne ready.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Brad put us all out of our misery and tell everyone that Shiloh and Willow's baby died? Will Shiloh's head explode when the DNA test comes back and says he is not Wiley's father, or will it just reopen his never-healing bloody face wound? Will Sonny be able to bribe Zahra away from Shiloh, and if he does, will Diane catfight her for Sonny's legal bankroll and her shoe fund? Will Willow toughen up in prison like Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black?
Will Aunt Stella's DNA test reveal that she is related to someone we already know, or will it open a door to a whole new family of characters? Will pimpy Officer Billy ever come back for his free pie? Will GH get so desperate for doctors that it invites cray-cray Lisa Niles back? Will The Young and the Restless steal back more of their former cast members and give us back Patrick Drake? (I'm going to keep saying this until it happens.)
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
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