Dear readers, we had a pretty decent hunch that this double wedding would be double trouble from the moment it was mentioned. As soon as it came up, I said in my head, "Oh, no, this won't end well." Not that I am prophetic or anything. Most GH weddings have a hiccup or two. This particular double wedding with four people, three of whom were holding onto major secrets, had a zero percent chance of success.
The thing about secrets is that even when the secret keeper has the best of intentions, no one will believe them when the secret comes out. Anna kept the mystery of Peter's parentage and crimes because she sincerely believed that he had changed, become a new man, and put his criminal ways behind him. Anna felt Peter had shaken off the hold Faison had on him and turned the page on his sad life story to write a new story with a happy ending. She was rooting for him.
Anna didn't intend to hurt Maxie. She thought she was helping both of them to be happy. Now, lying to Finn is an entirely different matter. Anna avoided telling her fiancÚ the truth about her "son" because she knew Finn would disapprove and disagree. She didn't want to have the fight. She didn't want to lose him. Anna banked on being right about Peter and that he was not a danger to Finn, Maxie, Violet, or anyone else she loved.
To her credit, when Anna discovered that she was wrong, she worked with Valentin to stop the wedding and to ensure Peter didn't hurt anyone else. But that meddling, brainwashed, do-gooder Dante sprung Peter from the broom closet Valentin had clumsily stashed him in. I mean, you would think two former super spies wouldn't have left the man they kidnapped in a place where the people they were hiding him from would hear him scream. Total spy fail.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention the spectacular Finola Hughes by name. I have watched her on GH for so many years. I have written this column for so long that sometimes it seems silly to gush -- of course, she gave a fantastic performance. She always gives her all to her craft. She conjures up tears that hang in the bottom of her eyes and spill down like a waterfall of heartbreak. I find myself whimpering in pain for Anna Devane.
But to not mention it would be worse, let that go unacknowledged even though it's a constant truth that she is phenomenal. It's like when Meryl Streep is in a film. All the other actresses in her Oscar category put on their gowns and jewels and makeup for the ceremony, knowing they will lose. Finola Hughes is brilliant and always gives us nuanced and layered performances. I believe her as an unflappable spy and a heartbroken bride. Her wedding fell apart due to her own deception and decisions. Brava.
Back to the story... At least Valentin didn't crack Peter in the head with a tire iron like Franco did. I do not want Franco's brain tumor to make him into a full-fledged serial killer again, but I'll allow him one exception. If the entire Franco brain tumor storyline was just to make it so someone could kill Peter and get away with it, I'd suspend my disbelief. But is Peter actually dead or just "Massive Head Wound Harry"? Will he wake up and introduce himself as Henrik?
Now that Franco remembered what happened to Drew, I hope it will open the door to Drew's return from whatever island his plane crashed on to defend Franco's actions.
I feel like if Franco hadn't clunked Peter in the head, Sam would have pushed him down the stairs. I think as Sam examines her life, she will realize she made the wrong choice. I miss Billy Miller. Since Suits is canceled, Billy doesn't have any more guest spots as Harvey's brother, and I need him on my TV.
I know some of you will hate me for saying this, but I prefer Drew and Sam to Jason and Sam. Drew and Sam are fun and light, and there is more joy in their union than the constant angst of JaSam. I am old school. I like the "Love in the Afternoon" days. If you are too young, check out a little montage of some classic 80's ABC Daytime promos here. I promise it will make your day. https://youtu.be/VIOiCeiEil4
I want a little more romance and a little less heartache. For instance, I can hardly wait for the Ned and Olivia reunion to happen because I adore Wally Kurth and Lisa LoCicero together. They *must* make up.
Meanwhile, across town, Willow is weeping because Nina told Wiley that Nelle is his real Mommy. I hate seeing Willow cry. She's just so... Willow-y. She's delicate. Readers, here's the thing. I like Cynthia Watros. However, I do not care about Nina right now. If they wrote her off and I never saw her again, I wouldn't be sad. The past two weeks of Nina's shenanigans just made me say, "Ew, Nina."
I don't like her, I don't feel sorry for her, I don't want her in Wiley's life, I don't care that she is Nelle's mom, and I don't want her back with Valentin anymore. She doesn't deserve him. I suppose I could be persuaded to change my mind if the writers change direction for her, but I just don't like the character right now. I'd rather see Valentin with Anna. I hate it when the writers redeem someone and then un-redeem them.
I realize some people hate that Carly always gets her way, and you want Nina to prevail over Carly just for spite, but not me. I want Carly to bitch slap Nina and send her packing.
What about the rest of the lonely people? Perhaps Finn can help Alexis get sober, Jackie can have a fling with Martin because they are not siblings on GH. Sam can have a fling with Brando before Cyrus kills him. Maxie can get Spinelli back after Ellie dies in a tragic lab explosion. Britt can have a fling with Jason and help him find his smile again. "Mike" can have a fling with Kim Nero and impregnate her with his magic sperm, so Julian's kid has a half-sibling. We can see Sonny and Old Carly together.
Or perhaps Julian can show up at the Tan-O, also an amnesiac. He and Sonny can become besties before one of them remembers they are archrivals. (Unless The Bold and the Beautiful's writers are really considering bringing Storm back from the dead, in which case, I want that.) Carly will definitely sleep with Jax before she finds out Sonny is alive. Cam can keep bouncing between Joss and Trina until one of them finds a new boy to crush on, and then he will want the one who is taken. Nikolas and Ava can have their second wedding and try to win over Spencer. He can secretly come to town and befriend a SORASed Charlotte as two angsty teens pissed at their dads. I mean, where is Charlotte, anyway? I haven't heard Valentin speak French to her for ages.
Dr. Obrecht, the sensational Kathleen Gati, can bed a drunken Scott Baldwin (the quirky and endearing Kin Shriner). Those two crazy kids can be our comic relief for a while. They are both highly watchable. I never want to fast-forward through any of their scenes because they are hilarious and bring me joy. Brook Lynn can come back, and Lulu can come out of her coma, and they can fight over Dante. Brad can get released from prison after Britt and Dr. O make up fake evidence exonerating him. He can try to rebuild his relationship with Lucas. Bobbie and Monica can do an entire episode devoted to their previous catfights and then team up for a GH hospital fundraiser.
Ryan can stop pretending he is in a coma, attempt to kill Nikolas and Ava, fail miserably, and accidentally kill Cyrus, thereby ending this annoying storyline. Elizabeth can care for Franco during chemo, also shave her head in solidarity, and start a new bald chick trend for the next GH Nurses Ball. Lucy Coe can do a Deception campaign around it, and Sasha can take over Crimson when Nina vanishes forever. Nelle can come back and fight Sasha for the reins of her mother's magazine, but the two will end up becoming friends and a force to be reckoned with.
Chase and Willow will reconnect, but Michael will be brokenhearted and alone again after Sasha betrays him by befriending Nelle. Then, it can come out that Sasha really was Nina's daughter because she and Nelle were twins. Sabrina will come back from the dead and come back to Michael. But she will be pre-Cinderella Sabrina, with her giant dorky glasses before they glammed her up. Michael won't recognize her and will have to rediscover her and fall in love all over again.
Are you sick of my imagination yet? I am -- time to stop for today and to leave more ideas for another column.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Anna and Finn come back together and find a way to trust each other again? Will Curtis and Jordan find their way back together, or will everyone swap, and Taggert will end up with Jordan. Curtis will end up with Portia once she admits Trina is really Curtis' daughter. (Oops, I am still doing it.) Will Cam regret shaving his head once he realizes Franco still has all of his hair while Cam is bald?
Will we ever see Dr. Terry in a non-medical-related storyline, like where she gets a relationship? Will Britt be diagnosed with Huntington's and have to step down at GH and let her mom take over again? Will Violet get over the fact that she has lost another mother in one year? Will Hayden come back and reclaim her daughter and her lost love Finn? Will Brenda show up at the Tan-O and take "Mike" home with her and then to bed? (Still doing it!) Will Maxie give birth in her wedding gown?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
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