Why the hate for Dean Forester needs to stop—A Gilmore Girls rethink

The Gilmore Girls fandom can be one of the most loving yet divisive places on the internet. Every rewatch or every viewer's opinion seems to always reopen the eternal debate: who was Rory’s best boyfriend?

While many of you might jump on the bandwagon to say Jess or Logan, I’m here to say something that seems to grow unpopular by the very second – Dean Forester deserves far more credit, and the hate against him needs to stop.

Author's Disclaimer: The following is an opinion piece rooted in my personal perspective as a long-time Gilmore Girls fan. All views expressed here are my own.

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Dean was never the villain in Gilmore Girls. The audience just wanted him to be.

The tide of Gilmore Girls sentiments seems to have turned sharply against Dean over the years, and it's absolutely baffling to me. Many fans argue that he was controlling or dull, but if you rewatch the earlier seasons without the Jess-coded red glasses, what you see is a genuinely kind, earnest teenager trying his absolute best to simply love someone.

Dean did not destroy Rory’s car; he built her one instead. Neither did he ever take out his anger on her when she refused to have s*x with him at a party. He read Jane Austen and was intellectually on par with Rory during the earlier seasons until Jess came along.

He never ghosted her, left her feeling unwanted, and neither did he show up at Yale and convince Rory to quit Yale and run away with him.

Yes, I know that Jess is the one who actually drilled sense back into her during Season 6, but does that mean we ignore all of his previous in-your-face red flags?

Dean, in contrast, was the boyfriend who loved her in the purest of teenage love ways. He was kind to Lorelai, the one person who meant the most to Rory, if not anything, and he got the Gilmore Girls and their dynamic.

He took Rory to dinner dates and the dance she wanted to go to, and he became a part of her world.

People on the internet always term Dean to be insecure – but, wouldn’t you be if your girlfriend constantly made up excuses to hang out with another guy (Jess) who clearly had no respect for your relationship, let alone her?

For instance, Gilmore Girls Episode 13, Season 2 titled "A Tisket, A Tasket" is a prime example of the above. Rory is setting off on a picnic with Jess because of "town rules," leaving Dean stranded and all alone to be by himself.

Dean did not get possessive out of nowhere; he saw Rory lying and flirting behind his back. That’s not insecurity, that’s intuition.

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Emotional stability should never be overlooked

In Gilmore Girls, Jess is often glamorized and put on a pedestal for being mysterious, having a brooding personality, and for being a ‘stereotypical bad boy character’. But what gets buried to some fans is how emotionally unavailable and flat-out disrespectful he was during his earlier years on the show.

He made extremely little to no effort not just with Lorelai but with Richard and Emily too. He time and time again vanished when things got too real for him. However, fans love to excuse this behaviour of his because ‘he was misunderstood, had a bad upbringing and was only 17.’

Dean, on the other hand, who was 16, was much more of a stable character. He had a good relationship with his family – something that both Jess and Logan lacked.

Dean worked hard. He wasn’t a rebel without a cause, and neither was he a rich brat baby. He was a character who was reliable. And in a town like Stars Hollow, a town filled with chaotic energy, Dean’s dependability sure did matter.

He wasn’t perfect by any means. He made mistakes, especially during the later on Gilmore Girls seasons. However, all of his mistakes stemmed from loving Rory a bit too much.

Even when Rory hesitated to say “I love you” back the very first time he said it, he did get a bit upset, but not as much as shaming her for it. He did eventually give her the desired space.

Jess, on the other hand, always made a run for it when it came to stepping up emotionally for a girl he loved.

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Dean supported Rory’s dreams—even when they didn’t include him

Dean never asked Rory to compromise on her ambitions in Gilmore Girls. Now you might ask the question: what about when Dean said that he couldn't care less about Harvard?

Well, this piece in no way excuses his behaviour in any way. He did say the wrong thing. However, it came out of frustration because Rory would not give him enough of her time and kept ignoring him and dragging him along in this relationship.

However, even though he did not share the Ivy League college path, he still respected it. He cheered her for her wins at all times, no matter how big or small they were.

Whenever Rory needed a ride, he was there. When he asked him to go to a Friday Night Dinner, he was there again. He cared about the things and people she cared about, even when they (Emily and Richard) looked down on him.

Now, anti-Dean fans love to point to his later marriage flaws and his affair with Rory while being married to Lindsay as evidence of his ongoing downfall. And yes, that storyline was as awful as it could get. The story was flawed, yes, but so was Rory.

Gilmore Girls made mistakes with all of Rory’s boyfriends. Yet, Dean remains the only one to be judged horribly at all times, being judged endlessly for perhaps not being exciting enough.

If stability, loyalty, and genuine affection are boring, then maybe boring is exactly what Rory needed.

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Fans of Gilmore Girls love to champion growth and complexity in a character, but they often refuse to extend that very same generosity to Dean.

He was Rory's first love, not her worst mistake.

Maybe it's time we stop pushing him for not being a poetic mess and start appreciating him for being the one guy who always truly showed up for Rory.

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