I only have ice for you: Beyond the Gates Two Scoops for the week of December 1, 2025

Derek told Ashley what time it was on Beyond the Gates

Are y'all ready to go Beyond the Gates? Derek finally told Ashley what time it was, while Smitty went up against Joey and Vanessa was mad because the casino owner's heart wouldn't attach. Then, Dani and Bill went retro and Madison didn't want to go into the past as Ted and Shanice elevated more than their minds and Tracy saw Vernon switching singing partners! Let's fill up those Two Scoops and find out what happened inside and outside the gates of Fairmont Crest!

PRODUCT PLACEMENT PLACARD:

FEBREZE WATCH: 1

TIDE WATCH: 1

White lines

I don't know what bug crawled up Derek's butt last week, but I liked it. First he nearly bit Andre's head off just for retrieving his dropped keys. Andre seemed ready to say something but thought better of it – and it sure started to look like Derek was going to brain Andre with his walker to extract the hidden words! However, the real recipient of the lava flowing from Mount Derek was Ashley, and y'all, she deserved it.

It was strange that Derek thought Ashley knew what Andre didn't want to say, but she did know enough to fill in the elephant-in-the-room blank. Yes, she had gone to Andre to see about finally getting the engine started on their implied romance...while her removed engagement ring from Derek was still giving off her body heat. Derek was mad! He deemed his ex incapable of honesty and clarity and railed at her for making him second best!

But oh, she said. Derek lied, too. Well, yeah, he did. And Derek now seems to see how dumb he was for doing that. I mean, what a cuck he made himself, pushing for a wedding and withholding his burgeoning recovery for fear that Ashley would leave him for Andre otherwise. Looks like he had reason for that rationale, but at least he admitted as such to Ashley; it was awesome to finally see him be a man about things.

Ashley did what she does, which was yelp – this time it was to Shanice. Was she really that awful? Was she supposed to start looking for another job? That was random, but yes, please. I need GATES to fulfill my fever dream of Ashley getting hired at Heart Attach and getting herself into hella trouble. Andre popped by, but when he ran out to be with Dani, Ashley's eyes welled over right there at the nurses station.

Oh, boo hoo, bitch! LOL Maybe Ashley can do a reset now. The last time she found herself going solo, she'd determined to take that time to grow, only to propose to Derek on the heels of finding out Andre was now Mr. Dupree. Ashley needs to develop as a character, and this is the perfect time to excise her from that Andre/Derek mess for good. In the meantime, Ashley is all alone, and I couldn't be happier.

Derek also needs to take a breath, and hallelujah that Jacob was there to tell his friend exactly that. This came on the heels of Jacob finding out that Derek nearly got some from hot-to-trot firehouse comrade Sheryl – who just happened to be sitting at a nearby Uptown table with Derek's other buddies, Liam and Bryce. Didn't Derek just light up being around his friends? He was more interesting in that one scene than he was the whole time he was with Ashley!

I look forward to Andre staying with Dani, Ashley getting into some non-romantic story, and Derek finding himself as he progresses in his victory over paralysis. The firefighter and the nurse looked good on paper, but after nine months of them, viewers are pretty much over them. Time for reinvention! As for Andre, he actually took up the Derek mantle and started acting like him, but we'll get to that.

Black ice

We found out last week that Joey's middle initial is “R”! How did we come upon this nomenclative info? Smitty found a check that Joey sent in as a contribution to Martin's new campaign for re-election. The Smiths wasn't about it and hightailed it to the Lakeview faster than you could say “buying a politician.” Our intrepid reporter can be a bit of a wuss and/or wet blanket...so seeing Smitty getting right up in Joey's face was fiyah!

GATES has a way of throwing lots of details at us; some go into the deep freeze while others are explored more regularly. Martin owing Joey a favor because the unscrupulous businessman helped the Duprees find Chelsea when Allison was holding her captive was something that could disappear into the background, but the show brought it back excellently with one simple check.

“You think I'm dangerous,” Joey commented after Smitty told him to take his check and get paper cuts where the sun don't shine. “I know you are,” Smitty replied, unmoved. Then Joey pulled a Sheila from B&B (20th century Sheila, not the cartoon she's been since) and leered, “You haven't got a clue.” Ooh, the tension! And Smitty stood there unafraid. My, my...do pass the smelling salts over here. I may faint.

I didn't think Martin needed to run in there to make sure his husband wasn't getting whacked, but at least he held firm that he couldn't be bought. The congressman waved Joey off, but Armstrong cryptically noted, “We'll never be done.” Smitty is right: Joey has them right where he wants them. It's rather genius for the show to tie Joey into Martin's campaign. So timely, too.

That is, if Martin doesn't get himself primaried or whatever happens with politicians. Former senator Vernon heard Martin's wannabe stump speech and could barely hide his boredom. He found Martin's approach too textbook and thought his grandson could humanize his campaign by posting videos from his everyday life. Martin wasn't opposed, but he didn't want Samantha and Tyrell involved after Chelsea had been cyber-stalked. Good touch.

Over at Orphey Gene's, Tyrell was all moody and sassed both Samantha and June to the point Smitty practically threatened to take away his chess set. Tyrell later confided in Smitty that he was freaking about Jessica possibly going away to UCLA – and that she might reject him for being in love with her. Smitty relayed his and Martin's recent experiences with leaning into truth and told the teen that was the way to go.

As for Samantha, her pouty grounded ass took an unexpected direction this week! Staying behind supposedly to help June, Sam grabbed the (landline!) phone the first second she got and made a mystery call. Uh oh, a lot of you thought. She's calling that skank Nathan, isn't she. Well PSYCHE! She actually phoned Eva! Now that I hadn't foreseen. Kat or Chelsea, maybe – Nathan would have been too predictable – but not Eva.

See, Samantha had an idea. She had heard from June that her lungs still weren't quite right after her bout with pneumonia; the girl wondered why June hadn't gotten medical check-ups that could have prevented her from being stricken in the first place. Ah, grasshoppa, the homeless don't get access to healthcare. Hell, even if you have a home and a job, you often can't get healthcare! So stupid. I'm an American living in Canada. Take a lesson down there, y'all.

Anyway, Samantha got it into her head to have a free clinic built. Martin was into it, but felt that if he took it on in Congress, it would only get trussed up with red tape. That's where Eva came in. Samantha knew that Leslie had donated a boatload of money so that one of Ted's patients could get the care he needed – how would the nouveau riche baddie feel about taking the next step? Eva promised she'd ask her mom about it.

Unfortunately for Samantha and Eva, Kat walked in right as they were discussing the possibility of the clinic providing birth control and misread the whole thing. She wouldn't have Eva's protestations, but after Eva left, Samantha explained about the clinic, and boy didn't Kat feel stupid. Samantha had noticed how Kat had changed, and she hadn't been brought up to be mean. She wanted the old Kat back! Ah, out of the mouths of babes.

Ice princess

I don't know how Vanessa is supposed to be such a great realtor, because last week she made one of the dumbest business moves I've ever seen. Realtor Barbie went around the country club...and handed out Heart Attach cards to its female members! Girl, what? Then she acted all surprised when some of them came back and flamed her for referring them to as disreputable a place as an escort service! The nerve!

Vanessa doesn't seem to have a working nerve in her brain. Did she really think she could blanket Fairmont Crest with business cards and the reality of what Heart Attach is wouldn't come back to bite her? “It's giving prostitution,” Dani said when Vanessa tried to spin it as mining a “target rich environment.” Van-Van sputtered that she was more her than she had been in years and that she finally felt alive!

No, she just got permission to go from being a private ho to a public one. And as if the entitlement stopped there, Vanessa got all huffy when Joey split from her house before her FC neighbors could see his car. She didn't give a s**t about those people, she said – in fact, she wanted Joey to take her to WinterFest! She thought she was being all careful by suggesting they arrive separately and “run into each other.”

Joey was too smart for the justification and reminded Vanessa that all it would take was one person to catch on that they were up to their designer duds in money laundering and they would be singing choruses of Elvis' “Jailhouse Rock.” But Vanessa damn near stamped her foot like she needed to be sent to her room! Joey was ashamed of her, she pouted, and he shouldn't call her again until he decided she was important to him!

WOW. Vanessa's gotten so deep into the Joey cult that she's making her own Kool-Aid She ditched her kids to be with him, she's made pushing paid companions okay for herself, and she's not even listening to Joey's admonitions. Her trajectory is indeed consistent, but she's really becoming less and less likable by the day. Any of y'all think she knows Joey had Doug killed but just doesn't care because freedom?

Winter warz

There was an interesting scene on Tuesday where Bill admitted that he could have handled things better with Dani and Vernon admitted he could have let himself be closer to Bill, but I'm not sure what the point of any of it was. And why is Bill still prattling on about the Duprees allowing Hayley acceptance at Fairmont Crest? Hayley is totally peripheral to Bill lately; perhaps on some level he knows why.

That why is Hayley, and she's really getting anxious to get her hands on that 10 mil. The poison wasn't working fast enough, she complained to Randy – Bill was having no symptoms! So that answers the questions of many of you who were wondering why Bill hasn't keeled over yet. No, Hayley wanted the industrial strength stuff, and she didn't want to hear Randy telling her to pace herself so Bill's death looked natural.

Turns out, the reason for Hayley's rush job is...Dani! It isn't that Hayley is actually jealous of Dani, as she's play acted – it's that she saw Dani and Bill reconnected and wanted to off Bill while she was still Mrs. Hamilton. Then, Hayley saw Andre and sneered that his wife was probably with her husband as they spoke. Andre didn't care, he said. Andre better pay attention, Hayley said!

Over at the country club, Bill did ended up doing hang time with Dani – and their girls, who had just cooed “Hi, Dad!” to Andre in unison during Dani's video call. Classic. Bill was waiting for Hayley and didn't want to interrupt Dani's mother-daughters time, but Dani wasn't not insistent. Bill did join his fam, and within minutes he and Dani were carrying on so that both Naomi and Chelsea told each other they felt like their parents were still together!

The ex-Hamiltons told a story about how, in a hotel room with no power, Dani had nearly set the room on fire by toasting a marshmallow over a votive candle. And we saw this, via recreated flashback...with actors, who, shall we say, didn't look at all like their originals. The show tried, I guess; it must be hard to cast doppelgängers. “Dani” certainly had our Dani's mannerisms down, I'll say that.

Only thing was, the '90s Duprees were supposed to be coming from a wedding. So why were they dressed like they'd just raided the Blue Light Special at K-Mart? Petty rant over. Hayley showed up and started kissing on Bill in front of Dani, which was not unexpected; we know by now it's part of the character Hayley is playing. But Andre must have caught Derek disease from touching the firefighter's keys!

What was up with the swag, confident Andre acting like Derek and sticking his tongue down Dani's throat in Bill's presence, telling Dani's ex that surely he had somewhere better to be? Quite the comedown for Mr. Photographer. At least Dani assured Andre that he was the only one she wanted to be with...but that ain't gonna last long if he starts acting like a simp, as Tyrell would say.

Damn I'm cold

There's this weird thing going on with the show right now that major beats for characters are played off-screen, which not only has us doing double takes when we suddenly skip from Point A to Point C, but cheats us out of the conflict and drama we should be allowed to see. I submit to you Madison, who was pissed off with Chelsea for going along with the bizarro medical views of her mom, Willow.

It was only natural for Madison to feel let down when Chelsea, to her mind, stood by Willow instead of her (although I do believe that our thoughts contribute to ailments in our physical bodies). Chelsea couldn't see why Madison and her mother couldn't get along. Great, but...why were we being told about this? Wouldn't their spat have landed better if we had gotten a scene with Willow and the girlfriends to see for ourselves?

Miss Matriarch Anita felt that Chelsea had whiffed it on this one, which had left Madison feeling disrespected. Anita then shared a tale from her first Christmas with Vernon's family, where she'd wanted to embrace his Aunt Melba, only to pull back when she saw how Vernon and the others were giving Melba a wide berth. Hey! Is Melba a reference to 1972's The Melba Moore-Clifton Davis Show? Much love to Facebook's Gatekeepers for altering me to that one.

Meanwhile, Eva and Izaiah were halfway through their casual meet-up at the food court or whatever before I realized they were supposed to be on their first date. Wow, lamed out, didn't'cha, Iz? Maybe Izaiah sensed it, too, because he was soon talking about their second date watching the sunset all wrapped up together in blankets and stuff. Though Izaiah considered skipping the sunset and keeping the blankets...which were supposed to be on his bed.

No mention was made of Izaiah's attempt at rebounding, but thankfully Eva slowed his roll and said she was tempted, but that she needed to listen to her head after letting her heart jump in with Tomás. Whew. Eva hoped Izaiah would agree to taking “the scenic route” (I'll have to remember that phrase) – he did, with a “Hell, yeah.” Like Eva, I'm thinking this pairing has promise – so let's not rush them into it.

Thawing out

If you've been following my columns here, you'll know that I've been wondering for a while why Peaches didn't have a last name. Well, thanks to Dr. Wilkes (hawt), we got one: it's Evans! And Peaches Evans, though prevented from speaking from her oxygen mask that rather made her look like she was living through the apocalypse, took to her whiteboard to tell Leslie that the clinical trial she was about to take part in didn't matter, because she was just going to die anyway.

And didn't Leslie do something unexpected next! Okay, she always does unexpected ish, but work with me. She went to Nicole and made a pleading case for the shrink to have a talk with the fatalistic Peaches. And she really seemed to be sincere...she probably just should have left out the part about how Nicole had helped her when she'd been looking to jump off the hospital roof, which Nicole reminded her – and us – had only been a farce.

But Leslie wanting help for Peaches wasn't a farce, so Nicole decided to have a talk with her rival's surrogate mom. Peaches couldn't write fast enough, scrawling that doctors lied...and wanting to know if “Dana” was a friend of Nicole's! Nicole was like honey please – though she got a strained laugh out of Peaches when she asked if the girl she had raised had always been extra. Peaches didn't have to say a word to tell us yes!

Nicole was almost motherly herself as she told Leslie's for-all-intents-and-purposes mama that she should let Leslie spoil her now that she had the funds to do so...to make up for being such a handful. Peaches could totally see this point and agreed to literally get with the program...the experimental drug program, that is. Do you guys see Peaches surviving? I know a lot of you think Peaches is really Barbara, but the woman displayed at the Articulettes concert didn't look anything like her...

Then there's Shanice, who has basically become a fan favorite, and I'm in that club. Shanice is funny, determined – and she can get real when she has to. We found out a lot more about her the past few episodes, even if we had to trip through some soap tropes to get there. Dropping a bunch of papers so her hand could touch a man's when she went to pick them up? Oldest trick in the book.

We didn't stop there with the soap clichés – Shanice proceeded to get stuck in the hospital elevator with Ted...like that'snever been done before! I'd say it was worth going down the well-worn path, though. It wasn't just that we got details from Shanice's life (she's afraid of birds!), it's that Ted lit up the whole time he was trapped with her.

Ted certainly never has that reaction to Leslie, or even “the old Dana”; it's hard to gauge what Keith D. Robinson's Ted might have been like before Leslie torpedoed his marriage to Nicole, since we only ever saw Maurice Johnson's Ted happily married. But though a lot of you still want to see Nicole reunite with Ted, I am Team Shanice over here. Team Tanice? Team Shed?

Shanice was a catalyst in another story, as Carlton had to cancel his WinterFest friend date with Nicole owing to a family emergency. I could kind of see where Kat gets her self-absorption from: Nicole was more upset that she might be seen as “that divorced Dupree daughter” than she was that Carlton couldn't take her! I have actually wanted to see Nicole get with Carlton, but I think the show might be going in another direction.

When Nicole found herself dateless, Shanice suggested setting her up with a date of the blind variety. No, not the kind with a red-tipped cane, though that would have been cool. The other kind. Nicole was mostly not about it, but when her mystery man arrived at Shanice's behest, and Nicole turned around to see him, there was definitely a change of mind there.

Only thing was, she saw the identity of the man...but we didn't. That was cool as an episode cliffhanger, but Nicole didn't even mention him in the next installment. I wasn't the only one who found that more than a little odd. The scuttlebutt seems to be that “Dr. Rollins” (I misspelled it “Rawlins” in my Thursday recap) will be played by GH and DAYS vet Greg Vaughn. I don't know who I want the doc with, but I hope it's not Nicole. I need to see her with Carlton!

Winter schemes

So the day of the much-talked about WinterFest arrived, with Jacob finding out that Izaiah was still hanging out with Eva and trying to talk his brother off her. Yet, when Izaiah wanted to trust his own instincts instead of the tea spilling of the Duprees, Jacob let his little bro know that Eva was going to be at the gala. That's what you call a 180 when he was channelling Elon just moments before!

Anita welcomed her fellow Articulettes, and Y&R's Devon Winters (who guested in August) got a mention; we followed up on the convo Devon had had with Anita about the Articulettes re-recording a hit of theirs and including Barbara's surviving vocals. La Dupree also told Tracy and Sharon that Leslie was Barbara's daughter (“That's impossible!” Tracy exclaimed), and how she had stopped putting money into the trust for Barbara, since Leslie was getting it all.

Sharon seemed distracted, though, staring at a picture of Vernon and Anita, with Tracy remarking that Sharon had been so out of it, she'd been hard to pin down for rehearsals. Ms. Winger gave an excuse about wanting alone time to work on her voice, but when Vernon came home, he asked if they were alone before Anita playfully “caught them.” Is Vernon really fooling around with Sharon, as we're being led to believe?

After Kat, Naomi, and Nicole all got treatment from a Damone Roberts, “Eyebrow King” to the stars (I guess that's meaningful?), Miss Brat asked her mom and cousin if she was self-centered. When the meter leaned toward the affirmative, Kat defended herself by repeating that she saw the evil in Eva while no one else did. And Ted was escorting Eva to WinterFest. So fine, Kat said. Then I won't go!

Nicole replied that if Kat couldn't brave the family's yearly jubilee simply because she didn't want to see Eva, then Kat had her self-centeredness answer. Dude! When even Nicole tells you it's time to move on, then it's also time to find a new hill to die on. Kat has essentially isolated herself from all her loved ones by refusing to give up the blood feud. I kind of like it. It's a natural consequence of her behavior.

But I fear Tomás may be showing us who he really is. Finding Kat chugging martinis at Uptown, he listened for a while as she talked about wasting WinterFest because of Eva, then changed the subject and was all my bed is so empty without you. He wanted Kat to move in with him! I might be for this if we didn't know Bill put permanence in Tomás's head by saying he'd have a better chance of making partner if he was in a stable relationship. Run, Kat, run!

Marcel was assigned to do plainclothes security at WinterFest, where he only had to monitor one potential perp – Leslie. Little did the Duprees know, Malone was already doing that. He did a “haven't I seen you somewhere before” with Lulu at the hospital and then brought her a drink as the gala started. Is Marcel doing a sting on Leslie, or is he genuinely interested? And am I the only one who thought he looked hot in his mock ski instructor duds?

Eva, having been encouraged to take her “rightful place” amongst Fairmont Crest society, felt a little self-conscious in her Forrester Creations shawl (now that's “product placement” I'm all right with) but composed herself well with Ted in tow. Once alone, she was not displeased that Izaiah showed up. But why was he still in his flannel coat and hoodie? He could glow for Thanksgiving but not WinterFest?

Mona promised the apprehensive Laura that she would be her personal bodyguard against Leslie, and personally, I'm hoping to actually see Mona play bouncer on Laura's ass. Then there were the Hawthornes, and weren't Jacob and Naomi just getting along? This when Naomi could barely spare a kind word for her hubby after their pregnancy sitch.

Oh, but we found out what had prompted Naomi's paradigm shift. They had been to couples therapy! Whaaaaat? We knew they were talking about going, but here was another important moment that needed to happen on-screen but didn't. There was discord galore we could have watched, and we weren't allowed to see any of it. At least they actually went to therapy; Martin and Smitty talked a big game about attending as well but seem to have skipped out on it.

Finally, both Vernon and Sharon seemed to be in search of ways to steal a moment away together...at WinterFest. That's not exactly alone! The Duprees know everybody, and Vernon was already worried about one constituent spotting him with Sharon back at Uptown. But it's on now, since Tracy actually caught them in conference. Busted? We'll soon see! I still think Sharon's only giving Vernon singing lessons...and not anything else!

This brings us to the end of another Two Scoops, D.C. Edition. WinterFest is here – what do you think will happen before the party's over? Thaw out your thoughts and put 'em in the comments below. Until next we meet, Scoopers, live your life beyond!

(Purchase Adam-Michael James' ”Bewitched” books on Amazon.)

(Listen to isletunes, AMJ's podcast featuring nothing but music from the artists of Prince Edward Island, Canada.)