The son also rises: Beyond the Gates Two Scoops for the week of September 29, 2025

Kat already hit it, now she needs to quit it on Beyond the Gates

Are y'all ready to go Beyond the Gates? This week, Allison used the hell out of her one phone call while Kat wanted Tomás for all the wrong reasons. Smitty and Martin did a swapperoo, and Naomi faced her career having to take a pregnant pause. Then Dani, Andre, Bill, and Hayley were all up in each others' marriages, and Joey and Vanessa did their best to hustle Donnell, who came home smelling a New York subway station full of rats about his father's death! Let's fill up those Two Scoops and find out what happened inside and outside the gates of Fairmont Crest!

Mr. Wrong

Chelsea was finally feelin' good, at least a little bit. She'd found it in her to move past the horror of being kidnapped by Allison and having to marry her with a butcher knife being the something blue. On Anita's “au courant” suggestion, Chelsea and Kat decided to hold their Allison-delayed purse launch online, with Samantha moderating the feed. What could go wrong?

Nothing at first. The event was an unmitigated smash. Until Allison's crazy voice interrupted the thing to congratulate her “wifey”! On and on she prattled as Samantha seemingly couldn't figure out how to cut the jailbird off. I thought the whole point of her being there was to moderate the live? Shouldn't the first thing she was taught to do have been how to click an “off” button?

Poor Chelsea froze up, and Kat did a kind of “we'll be back after these commercial messages” thing as Samantha ran around the guest house checking the doors. There was no Allison – confirmed by Jacob, who surely laid down all the smackdowns on that rookie who lent Ally their phone. Samantha was held blameless (!), and, with Kat and Madison's help, Chelsea rallied, realizing she still held the victory cards.

Chels did a separate video for her fans, acknowledging that she had endured a violent crime – and that what had gotten her through was leaning on her fam jam, direct and extended, which she encouraged her followers to do in their own times of strife. It was a cool moment. But how come ChelseaKat never came back on to continue their launch? That's a helluva long break there, Kat!

Kat likely didn't have business on her mind anymore, because Chelsea gave her a talking-to about trying to control who Tomás could and couldn't be friends with. According to Chels, Kat could either keep battling Eva or embrace Tomás; she couldn't do both. Amazing what wisdom a few chains will impart, eh? Chelsea sent Kat to Eva's with a free purse to mend fences and keep an eye on her half-sis at the same time.

Good thing Kat didn't get to Eva's new/old apartment a few minutes earlier, because her eye would have been filled with visions of fast-moving tattoos and other rapid actions. See, Tomás was helping Eva move back in, but conversation again inappropriately turned to Tomás' sexy probs with Kat...and before you know it, Eva and Tomás were kissing and pulling back...and kissing...and more-than-thating.

It was inevitable! Teva (Emás?) have been generating mad tension for months – and to Tomás' mind, he and Kat were “on a break,” of Ross and Rachel Friends fame. Too bad Kat didn't realize she was on that same break, because when she saw Tomás' dripping self swaggering out of Eva's shower, she let Eva and Tomás have it but good, calling them both garbage and accusing her boo of taking a page out of her father's philandering playbook.

Eva didn't want to hear it. She reminded Kat that she had been a “top-tier bitch” to Tomás from the jump – she wasn't wrong. But suddenly Eva went all Leslie – something we've never seen before – purring about how a man held on tight once they got what they wanted. Kat was actually more hurt by the fact that Tomás had confided all her business to her rival...and she wasn't wrong, either. That was dog!

Kat took her purse and left, but when Eva looked forward to finally being able to pursue her own relationship with Tomás, he pulled the rug out from under her so fast she got third-degree burns. Yeah, that was nice, he said, but he'd kinda used Eva. They'd only done the deed as friends. Eva was understandably upset, fuming, “What, we supposed to be bros now?”

This fool Tomás actually still wanted to be with Kat! And Kat was no better! When she went to Chelsea blaming herself for Tomás turning to Eva, Chels sat down and wrote her multiple reality checks. “Girl! You didn't even like the sex with him!” Chelsea had to remind her cuz, but Kat wasn't listening. She wanted Tomás back...because she couldn't let Eva win! Yeah, that's a great reason to have a boyfriend. Was Kat huffing hair spray off-stage before the ChelseaKat launch? This is gonna be a mess.

He's mine

Ted was not happy to learn that he and Leslie were now sharing the same hotel, as Leslie had traded spaces with Eva. The plastic surgeon seemed to think that he...now had less of a chance to get close to his daughter? Leslie correctly reminded him that he would still see her at work every day – and, when Ted scoffed that he wasn't going to pay for Leslie's room, she was like, please! I've got my own cheddar now.

Leslie wanted Ted to deposit something else – no, not that. Well, yes, that, but she shelved her seduction in favor of asking her often-mad ex-sorta-present lover to put at least some of the bad feelings aside. She wanted to be seen for herself. Ted was almost tempted, but he didn't end up going for it. Unlike Leslie, who wanted to find out what that caviar stuff was all about. She immediately deemed it gross! Ya think?

Now, both Ted and Andre have created major snafus for themselves recently with their drinking – shouldn't've-done-that sex and blacked out weddings, respectively. So why were these guys drowning their sorrows again at the country club? They need to be sticking to Kool Aid right about now, and not the spiked kind. Maybe the liquor was the reason Ted reasoned he needed to appeal to Nicole's soft spot.

But he didn't really do that. He saw Nicole on a date with that fine-ass Carlton and told Nic how pretty she looked. But that was the end of it. As soon as Carlton one-upped Ted with his own compliment, it was on, with Nicole sassing Ted and Ted snarking at Carlton. What soft spot was that, now? Andre threw his gold chain into the ring, too, defending his marriage to Nicole and imploring his aunt/sister-in-law not to turn her back on Dani.

Well, that went well! Seriously, Ted – take the divorce like a man and shut up. He already looked cucked as all hell watching Nicole and Carlton sharing their first kiss from across the room. At this point, I am all for a Carlton/Nicole pairing, and Carlton doesn't let Ted trip, either; I'm gonna guess that'll cause major hassles for the clinic partners. Team Narlton, baby! Cicole?

Ted might've had some new love luck in the form of waitress and recovering addict June, but he's gonna get ghosted before they even start thanks to Naomi and Jacob. Yeah, when the Hawthornes learned that it was Ted on whom June was crushing, they labeled him a bad news bear real quick, and June seemed to get the message. Nice touch, too, with Naomi choosing not to also get into the fact that Ted is the grandfather-by-adoption of June's kids! Do they make Hallmark cards for that?

I'd rather go blind

Hey, speaking of Naomi, she went ten rounds with Andre, telling the guy he'd better get a post-nup (cold! But understandable) and deducing that Andre had only married Dani because Ashley was set to marry Derek! Preach, girl, preach! The one bit of truth Andre broke off was that the Duprees couldn't handle his and Dani's marriage because it didn't fit their vision of what matrimony is supposed to be. Can't argue that!

Naomi grudgingly welcomed Andre into the family, but it seemed to her the throwdown left her feeling out of sorts...to the point Jacob brought her some Orphey Gene's chicken soup to perk her up. (That sounded good!) But by that point, Naomi had whipped out the First Response and gotten a response she didn't want first. She was pregnant!

Jacob practically had to be scraped off the ceiling in his joy, talking about childproofing their place or getting a bigger one (yeah, considering they live in one room, wink). Naomi, on the other hand, did not want to go there. Mrs. Hawthorne impressed upon Mr. Hawthorne that they had gone into marriage agreeing not to have children. And Naomi hadn't changed her stance.

Now, I've seen some of y'all online dissing Naomi for not wanting kids, but you know what? Not every couple needs to. How many parents, and yes, children, have ended up miserable because their families were borne out of fitting into societal expectations? Better a child is truly wanted instead of brought into the world because of “supposed to”s – or because of “whoopsy!”s.

Jacob concurred that he and Naomi had had a no-kids agreement, but the idea of parenthood certainly appealed to him. Not so Naomi, who not only didn't want to ditch her career, but remembered growing up having witnessed the undertone of Dani, who had always seemed slightly defeated having exchanged supermodeling for supermoming. And these are two very good points.

For Jacob's part, he said that there was no rule saying Naomi had to give up her career, but she countered that the rules were different for women, and that she would be judged as not having her priorities straight. (Given what I've seen online...yup!) She saw how excited Jacob was, and she could envision those holidays and Christmas mornings he talked about...but she just couldn't be happy about it.

This is gonna be good. It's such a real conflict for a couple to have – and the Hawthornes haven't had many of those yet. I wonder how Jacob's soon-to-arrive brother Izaiah is going to tie into any of this? Across town, well...I know from experience that gay male couples often wear each others' clothes, but Smitty and Martin swapping stances instead of wardrobe made my head hurt.

Smitty got all romantic over a dinner Martin had made for them and moved to kiss him, but Martin pulled back. Isn't that Smitty's move? Martin had to admit that he'd felt used when Smitty had only had sex with him to fulfill his own needs (not gonna lie – that was crappy), and the congressman decided he couldn't keep living under Smitty's roof as a guest. It was either as a husband, or nothing.

So this time, Martin basically threw himself out. And I get his point. But it was weird that Smitty seemed to be giving over to reconciling, only for Martin to pull the plug. Maybe he thought Smitty was only going to use him again. Why was Smitty weakening, anyway? It's been three months since the “Kenneth” reveal and Smitty has held his ground up 'til now. “But you'll be back?” Smitty asked, nearly in tears.

Only if Smitty was willing to fully accept Martin back into his life, Mr. Richardson said. And then Smitty got all butt-hurt. I dunno, Scoopers...felt like this couple did some kind of bait-and-switch to me. I guess I just can't ship these two – let's not forget that Martin treated Smitty like poo even before his secret-keeping came to light, with Martin demanding Smitty not go back to work and doing him out of a job and all. You're well out of it, Smits!

Peaches & eggplants

Shanice wanted to know if Ashley and Derek had set a wedding date. They hadn't, Ashley said, because they were still figuring out the whole living together bit. I wonder if there are any scratches left on Ashley's refrigerator to remind her what cohabitation was like the last time. Derek popped a wheelie into the hospital but was ready to wheel out when Shanice, ahem, wanted him to do some PT.

In this case, that was code for, “I'm gonna get in your face about this keeping-your-progress-a-secret thing,” and Shanice did just that once she was able to get Derek alone. We love her because she doesn't mince words – she damn near juliennes them, and here she straight out said the only reason Derek was keeping the twinges of feelings in his legs from Ashley was because he was afraid Ashley would run to Andre if he healed. Sing it up, Shanice!

Derek must not keep up on your gossip site of choice, because Shanice had to tell him that Andre was now married to Dani. Well, that woke Derek up real good. He supposed the time was right to tell Ashley all about his thigh thoughts! But, as usual, Derek happens upon Ashley at the worst times, because as he literally rolled in, Ash was telling Andre it was good that he was married because it made him unmistakably unavailable.

And so, of course, Derek decided to keep his mouth shut anew. As for Ash, she made Derek a tasty ol' dinner, but her smile turned upside down the second she got a notification on her phone from some TMZ-style site talking about whether or not Andre's marriage would last. Even Derek, not the most observant in the bunch, noticed the black cloud appearing over Ashley's head.

Maybe that was the reason when, as their conversation turned to matters more coital, Ashley made sure to ask Derek if he was sure he was ready. You know, because of the paralysis and all. Uh huh. They opted to go for it, however, and somehow tiny Ashley got the big hulking dude into the bed and emerged in a skimpy teddy. Derek's “prowess”, you may remember, still works (though I'm not sure how if he's paralyzed below the waist?)...it was just that his legs didn't.

Hard not feel for the guy as he lamented not being able to show Ashley affection with his entire body. Ashley went with it, and let her fiancé know that they would just have to get creative. That was really sweet! It would have been more so, except I can't believe in this couple. She's still jonesing for Andre and he's still afraid she'll dump him for Andre. This pairing can't work. Where are they getting their relationship advice from, Kat?

Need U bad

Two marriages, one common denominator – and that would be Miss Dani, or rather Mrs., as in Mrs. Richardson. Articulette Anita came in singing the tune of Alcoholics Anonymous, which she thought her daughter needed to check out, because clearly Dani had a drinking problem! Finally! I've thought that for months and I so much wanted to hear one of these characters say it. You go on, Lady Anita!

Dani did rather sidestep the issue, but she brought up an interesting point – it wasn't booze she was addicted to, but Bill. This has come up before, perhaps not so directly. Anita didn't debate it; she just added that next time, instead of shooting up Bill's wedding, Dani might actually put Bill in the ground with her drunken antics. The former model had to get her strut straight before it was too late!

For better or worse, Dani took that to mean she should sever all ties with Bill, and she went to his office to do so. And Dani had a rare gracious moment in that she said their continued friendship was putting both their marriages in danger. Dani even implying she'd do something for Hayley's benefit? Wow. The former Hamiltons figured the best way to create distance between them would be to piss each other off.

And so came the insults – well, really, they each only got one shot off. Bill's next shot was to call Dani beautiful and kiss her! This time he instigated it! I think Hayley has a lot more to worry about than she thinks, but more on that later. Bill backtracked, while Dani, instead of taking the buss as an indicator of reconciliation, did a 180 and called it Bill's “standard macho ownership.” He just couldn't stand that Dani was now with someone who was better for her than him!

And...yeah, I would agree with that. Bill didn't – he insisted that Dani had only married Andre to get back at him for putting the kibosh on their friendship. And...yeah, can't disagree with that, either. Bill apologized for being so harsh about it; Dani bemoaned that she had just begun to trust Bill before he'd cut her off. But as it turned out, Dani liked who she could be when she was with Andre. She was Dani Dupree again!

Dani went one better and made the most interesting point – Hayley was just pretending to be insecure! It was her way of getting Bill to follow her game plan. A few months ago I would have served Dani some sour grapes, but by now Hayley's pulled enough stunts that I'm with Dani on this one. Plus, Dani's olive branch was for her and Bill to agree that they would each stop talking s**t about the other's marriage. Growth!

Bill assented, with the proviso that he and Dani pretend the kiss never happened. That was easier for Dani than Bill, who came home to find Hayley wanting to get in some “babymaking practice” on the heels of her being blue over her negative Clearblue. Bill had a good start, but he couldn't stop thinking about Dani: her playing through his office with a golf club, her target practice at his wedding...and the kiss.

Hayley practically got thrown off Bill's lap like she was a greenhorn rodeo star. Bill tried it, saying his mind was on this case and that. But Hayley knew he was trippin' because all of those cases were already handled, and she blew up on Bill's ass! Not that he didn't deserve it – Hayley correctly called him out for letting Dani play on his mind's screen in full 4K.

Bill denied it and went all caveman, carrying Hayley over his shoulder and up to their boudoir to show her just who he had on his mind, all right. Except...well...Bill experienced what you'd call a...plumbing problem. Rut-ro! Sounds like his roto needs rootered! Hayley even suggested Bill see a doctor but BILL BIG MAN ME NO SEE DOCTOR, and after he very masculinely ran out and came back, he swore up and down that Dani was Andre's problem now, not his.

Yeah. This coupling is also done. It would have been bad enough had Hayley droned on with her insecurities if they were meritless, but now she's accurately sensing which wife Bill really wants to be with. Maybe Hayley started it with her insecurity? Who knows. Or maybe, as Dani has insinuated more than once, Bill simply can't stay with the one he's with. Hayley better forget about having a baby with this dude and go for a divorce where she gets 50% of everything!

Marriage looked well on Andre, however, and especially Dani, who was grooving on the unconventionality of their arrangement. So she moved to make it even more unconventional: they didn't have to be monogamous, they did have to 'fess up if their union wasn't fun anymore – and Andre had to give Dani three orgasms a week. Only thing she wouldn't allow was Andre moving in. She'd come to like living alone!

I know there are those of you who don't like some of the less traditional parameters that couples explore on this show. Lemme share something personal. I was in an open relationship for 15 years. Not because I wanted one; I just didn't want to lose my guy by not agreeing to one. My takeaway was, people can have any kind of relationship they want...as long as both partners agree to it. No one else has to like it. Non-monogamy isn't for me, but if Dani and Andre are good with it...who are we to object?

A thug's love story

In the back of Vanessa's mind, she knows something isn't right about Doug's death – outside of him being dead, that is. That's why she asked Jacob if the cops suspected foul play (who's fouler than Joey?)...and Van-Van even brought up how Laura Peterson was mysteriously sideswiped and nobody figured out who did that! Yeah! When are we gonna bring Leslie to justice on that one instead of giving her money?

Jacob candidly, but macabrely, informed the widow McBride that Doug's car had caught fire after hitting a tree, and that the autopsy on him would likely prove his blood alcohol level was higher than the flames. Vanessa was all boo-hoo when Jacob produced Doug's surviving belongings (none of which were the least bit scorched), but she can miss me with them tears. She does bear some responsibility in this!

No, she didn't handcuff Doug to a poker table, nor did she pour whiskey down Doug's gullet – but certainly she picked up that he only started drinking heavily after he found out she was gittin' jiggy wit Joey. Van-Van could have done the merciful thing and divorced Doug instead of flaunting her affair in his face, but no, she had to have her cake and eat it, too. I'm not feeling sympathy for her, sorry not sorry.

Personally, I still think Doug is alive somewhere! No on-screen death, a charred body? One of the oldest soap tricks in the book. Randy suddenly came sniffing around the casino, too – who's to say he didn't swap Doug out for some other rando with a pickled liver? I can't imagine it's a coincidence that Randy went to Joey to ask for his job back and repaid the mob boss twice what he stole from him into the bargain.

Randy said he wanted to be in the Lakeview's employ again because he didn't relish the idea of looking over his shoulder the rest of his life, but that seems too pat to me. He could either be attempting to avenge Doug's death – or maybe the attempt on Doug's life, if Randy managed to save Doug from Marcel somehow...which part of me still heavily suspects. I dunno, guys – what do you think?

Vanessa couldn't reconcile what had happened between her bitter phone call with Doug and the man meeting his bitter end – and she wanted to visit the crash site to try to make sense of it. Too bad she mentioned that course of action to Joey, who naturally talked her out of it. She may have a blind spot where Joey is concerned, but Jacob doesn't – by his tally, Joey was now connected to two dead bodies! Justice for “Kenneth”! Well, sort of.

Bill certainly put the pieces together – but only because he was the one who painted a bullseye on Doug's back the way Bob Ross used to brush on his happy trees. Joey wouldn't confirm, instead scoffing that there was nothing Doug could have done to stop his illegality anyway. So Bill needn't worry about having signed Doug's death warrant. I'd think Dani and Hayley should worry. When they find out Bill caused someone else to get killed, ain't neither of 'em gonna want his ass.

Joey thought he was in the clear, and Vanessa at least didn't have to have a guilty conscience about shtupping Joey on poker tables anymore – but all hail the arrival of prodigal son Donnell McBride! Was he going to be another one of Joey's patsies, or a thorn in his side? Turned out, Donnell was kinda both. I did feel bad for him – not on screen two seconds and he finds out from Shanice that Doug had quit Garland months earlier...and neither of his parents had bothered to tell him.

That ain't nothin' compared to the disillusionment this kid is gonna feel toward his mom and dad before long. Donnell had also gotten from Shanice that Doug liked his gambling, so Donnell made a beeline for the Lakeview (still love the As the World Turns reference to that show's hotel) and ran into Randy. Neither recognized the other until the subject of Doug came up, and Randy recalled how Doug used to bring boy Donnell along to watch them shoot hoops.

The visit went from sentimental to dark, though, as Donnell started asking questions and learned that his dad would come to the casino not so much to hang with Randy, but to drink and play poker. Dude was even more upset to hear that Doug had sat in the very chair he was now in just hours before he died. How had Doug ended up with booze instead of blood in his veins? How, indeed, Donnell. How indeed.

While Vanessa was wailing to Nicole and Anita that she had failed her family (yet not one word about her infidelity and how it contributed to her becoming a widow), her kid was getting right up in Joey's face, wondering why the hell Lakeview bartenders hadn't cut Doug off and threatening to file a wrongful death suit! Whoo! Donnell had more balls in his first couple of scenes than Doug had pretty much his entire time on screen. I know – speaking ill of the dead and all. But it's true.

Joey must have gotten tango lessons from that guy Tomás hired for Kat weeks ago, because there's no situation he can't shimmy his way out of and still stay on his feet. Well, there were going to be new protocols in place regarding “overserving” and arranging rides for those too out of it to drive, Joey told Donnell. And if ya hafta blame somebody – how 'bout taking a piece outta my “son of a bitch bartender”?

In came Drake, dealer of cards and drinks – and wearing the watch Doug had lost during his final game at that. Joey was horrified! Had this man no compassion? And letting Doug knock back as many has he wanted? Say it isn't so! Like, you are so fired! Drake skulked out as Donnell cradled his dad's watch, grateful to Joey for helping him get at least the beginnings of closure. No, Donnell, don't fall for it!

Now, had Joey left it at that, his superpowers would have remained in effect over the college student. But he stupidly texted Vanessa to “come get your son” – and of course the second Vanessa strolled in, Donnell wondered how the hell his realtor mom and this strange casino guy knew each other and why hadn't Joey mentioned being acquainted with Vanessa before?

Joey's solo dance became a duet, with both he and Vanessa stepping overtime to explain that they were business partners. Vanessa couldn't resist saying that she couldn't “resist the opportunity”; bad form, Van. She was right to question the appropriateness of Joey offering Donnell his first drink when his pop had just bit the dust driving drunk, but Joey raised a glass and toasted Doug...the man he'd had killed. This guy is stone cold.

Donnell wasn't completely under Joey's spell, though. He did ponder how Doug, who had taught him about fiscal responsibility, had managed to lose his beloved watch in a poker game. Vanessa and Joey added a final touch to their snow job before Mrs. McBride escorted her son out – and Joey immediately called the not fired Drake (did you really think he was?), praising his performance and saying there was no way Donnell was going to figure out that he six-feet-undered Doug.

Except that usually means the bad guy will be found out! Not to mention...wait 'til Donnell find out his mama a ho! Major thot! Do people still use that word? Anyway, I like Donnell's spirit so far – as I said, he's shown more than Doug, even if he allowed himself to be led astray by master manipulator Joey. I have to hope that Donnell will get his mojo back and be able to stick Joey in jail simply because his father couldn't!

This brings us to the end of another Two Scoops, D.C. Edition. Rise up and have your say about these DMV denizens in the comments below – and until next we meet, Scoopers, live your life beyond!

(Purchase Adam-Michael James' ”Bewitched” books on Amazon.)

(Listen to isletunes, AMJ's podcast featuring nothing but music from the artists of Prince Edward Island, Canada.)