Funny dialogue

by Nita
For the Week of October 30, 2006
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The bottom-blackened pots were busy and in rare form this past week, boiling over with all the finger pointing and name calling they were doing about their fellow scorched skillets.

The bottom-blackened pots were busy and in rare form this week, boiling over with all the finger pointing and name calling they were doing about their fellow scorched skillets. In fact, my jaw dropped in disbelief so many times I finally just decided to leave it hanging open to save myself the time and trouble of repeated re-closings. I didn't keep track of every comment that tickled my funny bone, nor will I swear I got every syllable absolutely correct, but hopefully I got the general gist of them. These were some of my favorites.

Phyllis says to Carmen: "I can't believe people don't see Dru as the wacko she is. More than anyone, I know what she's capable of." Then she added: "I'm tired of her getting away with stuff." One. What exactly qualifies Phyllis as an expert on the subject of Dru's capabilities? Did she ever put her hands on Phyllis? Cut up her clothes? Do anything more than just fill her mouth with empty threats and hurl them at Phyllis? Is Dru a whack job because she didn't want her daughter involved with the kind of boy all the information she had made her believe Daniel was? Or was the thing that made her dangerously wacko fearing telling Neil her medicated roll with his sober brother might have fathered the daughter he always thought was his, so just might put a little strain on the marriage? Or even because she failed to take the high road in the opposite direction when a woman tried to steal her married man instead of posing him on a gold embossed platter like Sharon did when she opened the stable and let Nick out so he could be free to frolic on sofas with his Phyllis mare.

Two. Of all people, Phyllis needs to fasten her flapping yap about what other people have gotten away with. Did someone smack her with the knotty end of a sense-stealing stick? Because this loud talking screech owl is in a class all her own when it comes to not being repaid in kind for almost all of her hate-filled, evil deeds. But thanks to kind and benevolent writers who apparently didn't like what she had become, Phyllis was granted an extreme and total makeover that turned this train wreck of a wanton woman into an unrecognizable paragon of pure and pristine virtues. One who giggles incessantly and seems regressed to the age of about 15. Newsflash Mrs. Newman. Many of us are sick and tired of you getting what you don't deserve as well.

Strange that the woman who used to moan and complain about the heart-wrenching pain of having her blackmail boy snatched from her very arms takes such unprecedented pleasure in the thought of Dru being snatched from her family and bundled off to prison.

And then there was pot Carmen putting in her two cents about skillet Paul's choice of bill-paying vocation. "Find a job you can be proud of," she hissed. "Because what you do is scum." Oh, and she should feel the button bursting pride of a job well done for what she has done? Since when does blackmailing your former and current employers into pinning your pouty lips closed with an exorbitant payoff, something to write home and brag to the family about?

Next up, I couldn't help but giggle every time one of the Winters' family members dangled a meaty morsel of close-knit family ties before Carmen like it was some tasty treat she would be irresistibly tempted to leap at and devour. If the woman gave a flying fig about the unbroken line of Neil's family, she wouldn't have deliberately set her sights on him in the first place and tried to tear it asunder.

And lastly, my favorite one of all, which made me laugh so uproariously, I fell right off the couch. I tried to walk away without commenting, but once they opened the door, it was just too tempting. I just had to waltz right in.

As Phyllis and Nick bantered lovingly together about the wedding tale they'd tell their daughter someday, though they were talking about the nature and human error calamities that never really came close to potentially cancelling the cowboy-themed ceremony, you know the way my warped mind works, so you had to know I would run with that comment way out to the middle of left field, cackling like a crazed hyena. And once I got out there, I started trying to calculate just how many coats of whitewash would have to be slapped on the story of their romantic journey to make it palatable to an impressionable young mind. Here's my catty version of what could be said, but, of course, won't. Picture with me fhe family sitting around a cozy fire some day in the distant future. So, dear daughter, you want to know why we got married in New Mexico when you were but a few weeks from delivery? Wellllll see, one day, Mommy and Daddy were so excited after an exhausting round of video gaming that the next thing we knew we had leaped into each other's arms, even though your Daddy was married to another woman at the time. Who just happened to be the daughter of the woman your Uncle Daniel was once accused of having caused her death, by the way. Now, honey, we weren't trying to hurt anyone. In fact, we agreed that we were just going to have one of those no harm, no foul, no strings kind of things behind Daddy's wife's back, but then didn't we just go and fall madly in love with each other. Why, hard as we tried, we just couldn't keep our clothes from flying right off our bodies, and before we knew it, why there you were and your Daddy, well once I figured out which one he was anyway, realized I was the love of his life and we decided to get hitched. But this mean old lady Judge said we couldn't get married here in Wisconsin for six months since technically Daddy wasn't really free of his other wife, even after I told her it would be morally unjust to make you come into the world with us not being married and all.

So we decided we would run off and get married in this cowboy bar, this place me and your Daddy messed around in, you know just kissing and stuff and dancing around, that his wife didn't know about. And there was a storm and a fire and a flood, but if a marriage wasn't gonna keep me and your Daddy from doing what we wanted, no natural catastrophes were either. And, little daughter, if you think that's a heck of a tale, wait until you hear the ones about all the stuff I did trying to trick your Uncle Daniel's Daddy into thinking he was a father.

Okay, I've had my fun and I'm done now. Moving on.

Sometimes, in my favourite soap, it's the little things and the tender moments that I most adore. Like the Winters. Whether this is a family you dote on or detest, you have to admire their current stick together-ness. Too bad it took so long for Neil to find that font of forgiveness, but better locating it late than never finding it at all. I know a lot of fans talk about Dru; many hate what they call her over the top antics in so many situations. And there are times when even for me, a little of her dramatics can last a goodly long time. But one thing I like about the Winters is they act like real people. They get mad and scream at each other sometimes. They slam doors; their kids make smart remarks to their parents. Lily, both old and new, have been quite hateful at times. Everybody in this town isn't a Newman, an Abbott or a Chancellor, or married to one of these three. With the bottomless pockets that enables them to just keep tossing money at a situation until it's smothered out of existence. Or just hire someone to do the tossing then just submit a bill to their accountant for payment. Even though it was ill-advised, every one of those Winters stood up for Dru and let Carmen know they weren't going to just sit idly by while she walked all over them. Even Daniel did his part when he let the elevator close in her shocked face.

Then there are those nice little family moments that come across completely believable. I cracked up when Devon told Neil he just signed him "white" guy, instead of "wise" guy. Even better was the tender moment between mother and son when Devon told Dru she went straight to the guilt of 'breaking his father's heart' if he refused to return to the Indigo, bypassing all the ways she could have verbally flattered him to convince him to do it her way. Their light-hearted teasing was a nice change from a week of Winters' hand wringing.

Speaking of Dru, I noticed on many message boards, Dru's chosen head gear took quite a beating. Actually, I thought she looked cute. Yeah, she could have just scraped her hair back into a ponytail and tied a scarf on it the normal way, but I thought the way she wore that kerchief was so uniquely Dru. Before many women get into some serious, on your knees, even scrubbing those corners you usually ignore housecleaning, they like to pile their hair on top of their head or pull it back in a ponytail. Even then, there's always those stray strands that you're always blowing out of your eyes, or scraping back behind your ears until you bobby pin it to within an inch of its natural or unnatural life. Dru did hers in two braids and hid it under a colorful scarf. Well, I gotta tell ya, I can't speak for any of you, but she sure looked a heckuva lot better than I do in my baggy sweats cleanup gear and messy ponytail.

Sure, we all know Dru had no business snatching up that Mesta heifer, but you all know that woman manipulated the situation and did her best to provoke Dru into some kind of reaction, even if she just hoped to run her away from her marriage. I wonder how many of us would lose a little self control if some hoochie was sniffing around our man, then had the nerve to insist we were seeing tricks that she wasn't turning. And, just my opinion, but in spite of all D.A. Will's pontifications, what Dru did to Carmen isn't worth no 2 to 8 in an 8 by 10 concrete cell. Sure she cut up Carmen's trendy little designer frocks. But it wasn't like Dru did an armed B and. E. AC staff let her in. Not to say that she shouldn't be punished for destroying other people's property. And all that woman handling that supposedly launched Carmen into such a state of skin-prickling terror, I'm surprised she didn't hire an armed guard to follow her in and out of the elevators and breakrooms of Newman didn't leave so much as a faint red mark on her light complexioned skin. Just think it she'd attacked Carmen like Brad did Nick, Jack walloped Nick, or Damon half-killed that Alex thug while almost in a trance state. By the way, I don't remember Phyllis racing for the phone to call the law because Damon was a dangerous whack job. Anyway, good thing Carmen wasn't sporting any bruises. Or else Will might have Dru under the jail by now. Speaking of Carmen's alleged fear, funny how quickly it went away at the thought of the millions she might make for making herself disappear.

So, as is now turns out, this isn't the first time Carmen's been caught tottering around in some other woman's too tight high heels. It seems she's pouted those full lips at some other married woman's man, rolled around in the extramarital mud, and still managed to rise, reeking of roses, both fists clenched around go away cash and prizes. And was I the only fan laughing at how eager Brad and Victoria suddenly became to help line Carmen's getaway route with Newman money the moment they found out some of that bad PR mud might soil George/Brad's custom made clothing and force him out of that closet where they keep trying to convince us he's been hiding all these decades? Though I placed my ear right close to the screen, I didn't hear either of them volunteering that little tidbit to Mommy and Daddy megabucks.

Jack should be thankful he wasn't the once wincing in pain when his hind end made contact with the hot seat. Carmen could have been crying sexual harassment about him if Neil hadn't come bounding into the picture, tail wagging and tongue lolling out in hopeful anticipation,

In the end, though, all the Winterses worry and nail-nibbling over the outcome of a trial was for naught, since with Carmen's demise, said trial ended before the bailiff even got a chance to say, All rise. Of course, that doesn't let them off the hook. In fact, now that Carmen is no more, Dru is joined by many other suspects, a list which has now swelled to include Lily, Devon, Neil, Jack (trying to do damage control after Carmen learned his Jabot ownership secret). Considering how quickly Carmen muttered Jack's secret in the middle of where else, the community break-room, Jack was probably right to fear. Then there's also Brad and Victoria. Okay, maybe not Victoria. She'd never stoop to dirty her dainty, manicured hands with anything so uncivilized as physical violence or forceful coercion when she can just go to Daddy and prettily beg him to loosen the Newman purse springs so she can dip out enough to make even greedy Carmen finally cry Uncle.

And there could be at least a couple of others beside those listed above. Like Mr. Kim. Sure, this is a stretch, but what if he was the one Carmen had the affair with? Anyone else see that Lifetime movie where the woman sued a company for sexual harassment, but was secretly in cahoots with her supposed harasser? Anyway, what if Carmen's been feeding Kim information and House of Kim actually manipulated Jack instead of the other way around? Now afraid his ties to her were about to be brought to light caused Kim to bump off Carmen and dump her in the alley behind Indigo. Okay, so I don't really buy that particular scenario, but it could still be the ex-lover. After Carmen called him, he knew he had to get rid of her because the previous payoff was so his rich wife didn't tumble to the truth. And now he's afraid his bar braggadocio to Paul the P.I. about his conquest with Carmen could shed a bright light of exposure on his infidelity, making it all come out in the public press wash. And if his wife is the woman who brings the lion's share of the money and power into the union (kind of like Brad and Victoria) even at this late date, an after the fact reveal might get him booted off the gravy train.

One thing we can be 100% certain of. The killer definitely isn't Nick or Phyllis. They can't get off the sofa long enough to do anything except shower occasionally (I sincerely hope) between lingerie changes. I could say a lot about that and them, and I actually wrote a handful of paragraphs along those lines, but I changed my mind. I'm going to leave them alone for a change. While their not legal in Wisconsin wedding was unorthodox and it was hard for me to receive anything they said without a lot of cynicism, considering Nick's status when they got together and that same status while they were making all those memories they lovingly spoke about, what's a Nick to do? It's not as if there is any other woman in this teensy town for him to involve himself with. Okay, so I did laugh a little when Phyllis said Nick "gets" her. The same way Jack "gets" Sharon, I guess.

Speaking of the newlyweds, boy, Jack and Sharon were a little less than believable in their emphatic avowal of uncaring-ness regarding the Phyllis/Nick New Mexico nuptials, weren't they? Despite what Jack said, you could tell he was really bothered because of all that vigorous apple munching and crunching. And even though Sharon took it well, on the surface, you knew she wasn't feeling like dancing a little jig of joy or raising her champagne flute in congratulation on their behalf.

Ah, Jack, Jack, Jack. I bet he can feel the walls and ceilings creeping ever closer to him. If he was a cartoon, big beads of sweat would be rolling down his face like a waterfall from the heat of Victor's breath on the back of his neck. Poor Jack, his reign is probably closer to the end than the beginning. I'm guessing his long fall from grace isn't too far away and I expect it will be very, very painful.

I like Nikki, but sometimes I want to tell her to go sit herself down someplace and cool her gushing jets. She and Phyllis are always so quick to complain about Jack's corporate high handedness and the decisions he makes without their input. But really, who do she and Phyllis think is running things when they are not? One frets about family so often, you can almost set your clock by her. And the other is too busy indulging in sexathons with her sort of lawfully wedded boy toy to pay much attention to NVP. As for Nick, he seems content to let Sis and her hubby run the CEO show.

So what is the real story about the reliquary and its seekers? Was the man Brad killed the only son of the father who was responsible for the Kaplan family murders? Perhaps he had a son, a daughter or one of each. Like Professor Korbel and Jana. Or am I just searching for a story that isn't actually there? And what about those murders? If the Kaplan family was killed for the reason Brad and his mother believe, presumably they weren't killed at the spur of the moment. Wouldn't there have been some surveillance conducted to monitor the movements of the family? Even the most mediocre Lifetime movie killers know to do that. And another thing, wouldn't the killers have pictures of the family members? If so, why wouldn't they realize they were murdering the Aunt, not the Mother? Why wouldn't they have waited for the missing Mother and son? Maybe I'm just too darn picky, but the gaping holes in this story have always bothered me. Decades later and apparently the son was no more competent than his father had been. How else to explain how he was able to connect the dots and come up with a picture of Brad, locate both his work place and home, but not be able to tell the difference between Brad's very brunette bride and the blonde who wished she were.

By the way, fan Cindy below had another way to explain Brad's perceived "wooden-ness". She makes a good argument. An argument I would be more than willing to swallow if only there had been a few hints along the way, which, of course, was impossible, given that things have been concocted years after the fact, as if it's hoped we fans might conveniently forget what's gone before. By the way, speaking of what was, where exactly did Lisa Lockup fit in Brad's history? Oh, and by the way, Cindy, I didn't say I didn't understand the grief and distress for Brad's tragedy. I just said he didn't make me feel it. I can't even imagine how horrible it would be to walk into your home and find your family slaughtered, because thankfully I have never had that experience, so it was Brad's job (as an actor) to make me see it and feel it through his portrayal. And I didn't. But that's just me. Others may have seen it completely opposite.

And finally, Michael and Lauren and Fenmore makes three. A question. Can no scribe think of a storyline for Lauren independent of Sheila? They are not twins who were cruelly separated at birth. It would be nice to see the umbilical cord between these two severed once and for all. Of course, if Sheila is indeed dead, than it would seem I've been granted my wish. But is she? Dead I mean? I might be the only one, but I don't believe it for a second. This is Sheila we're talking about. It's said you can fool some of the people some of the time, but when it comes to Sheila, we know she has the uncanny ability to fool all of the people all of the time. So her DNA was found at the scene and it matched the corpse with Phyllis' face. Big whoop! That means nothing. How many times has Sheila (who apparently has more money than the Newmans, the Chancellors and the Abbott - combined) paid someone to make things look the way she wishes her enemies to see them. So why should this time be any different? I can't believe the scribes would just tell us she looked like Phyllis and then that is that. When it comes to Sheila and these scribes, there's always more to the story. Let's just hope whatever it is will be something worth sitting and/or suffering through.

Okay, I'm out of here. Enjoy the following comments.

* * * * * * *

TAD - Nita, I really enjoyed what everyone had to say last week. Such passion!! I'd like to say a few things, if I could. So Phyllis is testifying that Drucilla is out of control. Just for kicks, it would be amusing to see Michael run through the plethora of so-called stunts that Phyllis has pulled on cross exam. How uncomfortable would it be for Phyllis to sit through that session of her crimes against mankind? Phyllis has redefined the phrase, out of control, and the court would clearly see what out of control is really all about. I would have to believe that when Michael is finished, Drucilla would certainly walk. I know that Phyllis has changed her evil ways, and we now have the new scrupulous version of Phyllis that leaves many of us long time viewers perplexed. Of course, it seems unlikely that there will be a trial since the days of the plaintiff are numbered. Carmen's past behavior shouldn't be relevant to what Drucilla did. She could have slept with all of the married men in LA. She did nothing to provoke Drucilla at the time of these incidents. Kaly said it well. Carmen's no Sheila. She's not even Isabella. For the writers to attempt to portray her as such a villain at this late juncture is ridiculous. From how her character has been developed, she has done nothing different from what Phyllis, Sharon, Olivia, or Ashley have done. Nobody can steer a person to a place that they don't want to be. It seems preposterous how clueless Neil seems to be in this fiasco. I wouldn't be surprised to hear Neil ask Dru how all of this business with Carmen got started, as if he didn't know. Devon and Lily seem to be eager to view Neil as a victim, rather than viewing him as the willing participant that he was. I guess I can understand that, though. Nobody wants to think ill of his or her father, but what I don't understand is Neil is ever so willing to embrace that view as well. I was critical of Drucilla. Now it's time to be critical of Neil. There's a lesson to be learned here. Neil never addressed the issues that he had with Drucilla with her, and chose to focus his attention on something else, or someone else. He should make it apparent to his children that he had a lapse in judgment as a result of not communicating with his wife. I guess before he can do that, he needs to take a long look in the looking glass. Neil needs to face the fact that he was unfaithful, and he certainly was! He is not responsible for what Drucilla did. That's on her, as Kaly so eloquently broke it down for us last week. Accountability, however, is steadily becoming a foreign term on Y&R, the character of Daniel being excluded. Neil can be pompous, but he has always, in the past, been critical of his wrong doings. With the ever-changing profiles of our characters, and the demise of Carmen Mesta, I really wonder if Neil will ever accept his responsibility in fanning the flames on a fire that was destined to burn out of control.

CHANDRA - Nita. Every time I read your column, I learn something new. I don't know how long I will watch Y&R with their rehashing old storylines. I would love to see Dru with a handsome new charmer .... just to challenge Neil ... for all the injustice he did to his wife. He was just as guilty as Carmen. They played cat and mouse for so long. I don't like the storyline with Jack and Sharon at all. Jana and the Prof may be related. I did not know Kevin is going to be written off the show. What's up with Lauren's character? She used to be independent, fire-y and strong. If she owns her own business, why is she doing the work of store clerks/sales associates? How does Kevin suddenly "own" the cafe? Why is Victoria still with Brad? I liked the mystery at first with Brad, so disappointed with the outcome. Kay and Jill need a storyline. Also what happened to John Silva/DA? How come Will does not see through Gloria's manipulations? I don't understand how Victor and Nikki just so calmly accept Phyllis. Don't they care about Sharon? Victor should've said to Nicholas,"You are following in my footsteps of infidelity." Also with all of Victors' infidelities, he never suffered STD or AIDS. If all the soaps want to bring social issues to the forefront, the sex diseases need to be brought out. I don't know how these characters never use protection! I hope they give Mr. Kim a storyline. Dru's acting lately is over the top, and she is one of my favorite characters. Nita, keep up the good work. You are so perceptive. I look forward to reading Two Scoops every chance I get. You really have your readers thinking!

CINDY - Releasing Davetta is a definite mistake, she's an actress with class that she brings to Lily's character which will now go backwards. But why so hard on Brad? You say you can't understand the grief/distress .... the Holocaust did happen ... and if he's "wooden", seeing his family murdered, etc. could detach a character, Great acting job, and I see real tenderness and growth between him and Victoria, as she reaches out, such as the picture of his sister Stephanie, she so thoughtfully placed!

LINDA A - Very interesting column and I loved some of the comments. Y&R is the only soap I watch because most of the time it's the most real so please don't go to places that make it like all the other soaps with outrageous storylines. I love Nick and Sharon together as the chemistry is palpable and they can't not smile when they talk to each other. The new Billy is baaad. Love the new Lily and agree with others about the lack of chemistry with Daniel and the previous Lily. Sheila ... boring ... thank God for FF. Love John Abbott's "appearances" to Jack. I don't spend anytime hating Jack though, as karma has already got him. He is miserable, unhappy and always gets what is coming to him in the end. Just wish Phyllis would stop telling him how wonderful he is. Is she blind and deaf? Sorry to hear that no one likes Brad. May not be an award winning actor but I like his role and he is certainly the best eye candy on daytime TV. Although I could kick Gloria, I like the role and look forward to seeing her. Make her vindictive but not totally evil please.

FRIEDA - I just wanted to put my 2 cents in about Lily. I liked the new Lily from the very beginning because I could not stand the old sing-songy Lily. Davetta made the role her own right from the start for me and as another reader said she looks more like she came from the union of Dru & Neil than Khalil. Since I'm on the subject of the Winters family, Dru does deserve some sort of punishment other than a slap on the wrist, but 2 years in prison is going a little far for me. Thirty days in jail, a long probation period and some community service, okay. Ms. Mesta should be glad Dru didn't do more, plus she has to realize that Neil is back with Dru, so the threat to have her butt kicked no longer exists. There was never any blood shed, she wasn't held prisoner in some basement, shoot, now that I think about it - maybe she should let Dru off the hook for not doing more to her, she got off easy as far as I'm concerned.

NERO - Feedback form mailed itself while I was typing my comments! Annoying but, if you could have seen my reaction at the time, kinda funny, LOL. I can't remember everything I said earlier but, if it's okay, I'd like to pick up where the first email left off. Little Kevin Fisher's story has some gaping holes. Okay, he learned about violence from Daddy Smacksalot and that explains his actions towards Colleen, Lauren, and others. But where does the sexual manipulation come from? His actions towards Lily, and who knows how many others, had to be learned somewhere. From someone. Is there something more about his childhood that hasn't been brought to light? Any other adults in his life? Smacks and Not-so-Glorious would leave him home alone, locked in the closet or chained to the Whisper Flush, and go out to dinner. Could someone have taken advantage of the situation? What if the Widder Abbott is keeping more secrets? I wish TPTB could understand that trite plots are easier to swallow if they don't have gaping holes and they just don't fade away mid-story. And, really ... can't there be "one" nice person in this freaking city, LOL? Thanks for the venue for venting. Sorry again for the snafu.

LINDA - I cannot believe how much sympathy has been garnered for Dru. She has always been probably my most disliked character on Y&R and I cannot believe viewers with their selective memory think Carmen is the culprit here. Slashing clothes and pushing seems to be accepted as the norm for these people. After Neil found out about Lily's paternity he was as distanced from Dru as the sun is from the earth. The amount of flirting that went on was nothing abnormal and yet everyone wants to jump on Carmen's bones. How soon we forget what a conniving female Dru is .... anyone that watched the Abby/Victor/Ashley saga knows that. I for one would feel so blessed if Dru was written out of the whole soap or at least spend the next 20 years in jail. Must be the difference in the air up here in Canada because my friends all feel the same way about Dru.

CABC - I hear you Nita. I agree with most of what's happening, because I'm a long time viewer as well. However, they can leave my man Jack alone! He has done no more and can never be as ruthless as Victor has been. ack's a businessman just like Victor, so I don't know why everyone wants to see Jack fall. Keep Victor nice and Jack's friend, I think it's great to have a different approach; after all they're both getting older. Let the next generation fight it out. Go pick on somebody else sick Vic! Why do the Newmans always get every freaking thing they want. It's time Nick falls all the way down and takes his pinched-nosed mother with him. Nikki of all people should show more compassion for Sharon and her situation because if no other reason she's been there! I'm so tired of Nick and Phyllis and this make believe world they're in, If we can have what we want, we'll just take it. Oh yeah, I can't forget the perfect son who has to be the most mature kid I know in America who has taken all this divorce, new wicked stepmammy, and his lustful pappy's shenanigans like a pro (yea right). At least they put Neil and Dru back together, because they were truly messing up with that one. Oh yeah I forgot, old Lily's back! Dam, Dam, Dam, Dam, Dam. Are they smoking Crack? Can it at least be Jack's baby. Thank Goodness I record, that way I can FF right threw the crap. I said it once and I'll say it again, the new writer is taking advice from the Bells. That has to be it, there's no other logical explanation!

TARA - I can't stand that professor; he's so arrogant and pushy. And, Colleen, could you be more stupid - telling him your personal family business?! There is definitely some funny business going on with him and yes, I agree, with Jana, too. Notice how Katherine immediately picked up on that? Get that horrible actor playing Billy out of there! And, on the flip, keep Davetta Sherwood instead of returning that whiny Lily. I hate it when they swap characters like that. Sometimes it's necessary, but this one doesn't seem necessary.

PAM - Hi Nita, got to say you are right on the money every week. I agree with your sentiments. Everyone is all out of character, all at the same time. I had hope a few months back, when it seemed the writers were building up to something. Now it seems the air has been let out and the S/Ls all fell flat. Have to agree with Barbara too about Devon's scene with Carmen. Brilliant piece of acting on his part. I particularly loved when he said "I swear everybody else is deaf and not me". Tee hee hee, that really tickled me! Also have to agree with Eve in that Devon just may responsible for Carmen's death by accident probably, due to his hearing. Also a big S/L was promised for him and this cannot be the extent of it.

SANDI - Well, I can give expertise to this student-professor relationship. I work at the UW-Madison, Dept. of Art History. 1) NO professor meets his/her student and works at a coffee shop, let alone her apartment - this is 2006, what about improper behavior, sexual harassment, etc? 2) No image slides are taken out of their controlled environment for fear of causing damage to the slide - dampness, warping, discoloring. All of UW Madison's slides are kept at the campus building where they are used and never taken outside. I think there is a tie in to Jana and the professor and Brad's history. Either Jana or the professor stole Victoria's portfolio. If I see Phyllis laughing like a school girl with Nick one more time, I swear I will barf. What do those two have in common but sex?

JOANNE - Nita, I love your column. I can't wait for the new week to start to see what you have to say. More often than not, you say what I am thinking about the storylines and characters/actors. I too have watched the Y&R since 1973 as a youngster and got hooked with the Brooks/Foster clans. I have gone and come back several times (marriage, work, children) but the last few years have gotten hooked with my two teenage daughters. We cannot understand what the writers are doing. We were sickened to see Phyllis and Nick together after Cassie's death and my daughters cannot believe how everyone cheats on everyone (so Hollywood!). When we saw that Sheila had changed her face to look like Phyllis we got the chills. My eldest daughter thinks Phyllis is really Sheila (even though Paul said the DNA proved Sheila was dead). Maybe the miraculous pregnancy is not so miraculous after all if it really is Sheila and not Phyllis. That could explain why Phyllis does not act like her old self anymore (all giggly and finger sucking). I have never liked Phyllis and think the idea that Sheila chose her to look like is inspired writing. They are both evil, sick characters who have done nothing but hurt everyone they come in contact with. I think Sheila has found a way to change Phyllis' DNA results to match hers (farfetched in reality but not so for the soap world.) I too am soooo tired of the Sheila story. Kill her off already! But if it would mean Phyllis is gone, I may be open to Sheila/Phyllis coming back. As long as she is finally killed off this time with no chance for return. The wedding scene was gross and the three of us cringe when Nick and Phyllis kiss (same for Sharon and Jack). The only couples that really suit each other are Nikki and Victor and Dru and Neil. They seem real. The whole Carmen storyline has been ridiculous from the onset. The old Dru would not behave as she has done. She would tell Carmen what she thought of her and tell Neil as well and would get on with her life. The assault scene was so badly acted because it was just not realistic at all. Give me a break! Of course Phyllis being the one to assist Carmen in her evil deeds came as no surprise. I do hope the writers let Daniel and the Winters family find out Phyllis assisted with this bit of incriminating evidence. But, as usual, Phyllis will just slink or slither away and be happy in her new and strange life as the new Mrs. Newman. I think Jana and the Professor are working together to bring down Brad and his mother and of course, the sniveling Colleen will give them the information they need. If she leaves the show I would not be unhappy. I prefer the old Colleen. Billy's character is also not very endearing and not necessary. Maybe it is time I get a life and stop watching this drivel! It is too frustrating to sit through each new storyline. Thanks for letting me share and thanks for your insightful comments.

SK - I love, love, love your column! You might as well have reached into my head for your comments last week. I too have become disappointed in Y&R. I actually stopped watching a couple of weeks ago when Nick and Phyllis started this whole wedding thing. That pairing might be the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I do not see the chemistry, they make me cringe and look away when I have to see them kiss and that dancing Phyllis did? Puh-lease! Michelle must have felt like a fool doing that scene. But I do have hope and, will wonders never cease, they come in the form of Sheila! Think about it, it could undo so many terrible s/ls if Phyllis turns out to be Sheila. For one, it would explain why Phyllis is not her usual don't put up with nothing self. The nail biter/finger sucker has been Sheila this whole time! It would also explain the miraculous pregnancy for the barren Phyllis. Nick was the only one who saw the results and they only said his DNA didn't match, not who's did. I bet the baby is Terrible Tom's! Now how's that for a twist? It could right so many wrongs, get Nick out of the clouds and back with his "babe" where he belongs. And on a personal note, Nick need to clean up his appearance and lay off the tanning, his teeth are glowing! Lighten up that hair and loose the goatee, you're not 22 anymore! I used to think he was he best looking thing out there (besides Matt Crane on AW) and now he looks sleazy.

LORNA - Nita, I love, love your column. I have been reading faithfully for the past four years! Now, how come no one is talking about the scene in the elevator with Daniel when he told Mesta monster that he could not reach the buttons! I lovvvvved that scene, it was so comical. I loved that the other two NE employees snickered behind Mesta monster! Looking forward to the next column!

ROSEMARY - I've been waiting to read you column, which I love. I had a thought that may be ridiculous to some but would be too funny! What if Victor would own Jabot once he finds out what his best pal Jack has been up to and also knew about the 2nd will of John's? Now suppose Victor decided to give Jabot to Glo? Indeed a stretch but I have a vivid imagination. The way this mess has been going you never know. I, too, miss the "old" storylines. And where has Nikki been? I miss her and maybe if Kay and Jill start fighting again I'll return to Genoa City.

ANGIE - It's funny. I get more pleasure from reading Two Scoops than actually watching Y&R. I'm really considering ending my long term affair with the show. I'm bored and quite annoyed with the elementary storylines. Every time I think that the writers are giving me a flash of what's going to be a great storyline, I'm disappointed.

LINDA W - I have always hated Gloria now she is after another man for money. It's time for her cream secret to come out and Michael and Kevin need to go down with her. She has everybody fooled like she has been done wrong. John never would have gotten back with her if it was not for her giving him Viagra and the lies she told. She is trash and needs to go back to the gutter with her sons. I don't like all of the dishonesty they do to get ahead just because they had bad childhoods. We all have issues but do we have to lie, cheat and steal to make it? Jabot has been a fine company until Gloria brought it down to her level; she needs to go to jail for the cream and for murder of that customer instead of the lawsuit that Michael was involved with knowing all along his mother done it. He needs to lose his license and go back to jail where he belongs. He doesn't deserve a family. Let Lauren and Paul get together and raise that baby.

LORRAINE - Ok, first of all Dru was drunk when she cut up Carmen's clothes, unacceptable yes but Neil offered to pay. Two, Carmen should have fought Dru back in the breakroom. There is no way I would let another female toss me around and choke hold me like that. I love Dru but she should have stayed away from Carmen. She deserves probation, no more. Now that Carmen is murdered and we know about her past from Michael's background check, obviously she is into $$$$$$$. Look how she presented an outrageous amount to Victoria and knew that Jack already has $$$$$$$ available to her and got the large payout from her other affair. Keep in mind, she called the guy she had the affair with so did they do it on purpose and split the $$$$$? How can you sue the company you work for after going after a married man and then have a seemingly still friendly relationship with him? Devon and Lily need to stay out of it but we all know that family is thick as thieves even though they have issues. Brad is the one that probably did it and then we can find out more about his past then we already do. Phyllis and Nick are such a turn off in a sense. I mean if I was that sensual while pregnant, I would have to look myself in the mirror. They don't really seem focused on the baby, they just seem focused on when they can hit the sack again and I believe it is Jack's baby also. Jill and Mr. Kim may have some serious issues going forward and hopefully, Jill gets some love in her life. I like Davetta and am gravely disappointed that she was let go. I was proud of Paul the way he totally did not respond to Carmen. It was funny finally seeing her come unhinged. Also, why was she at the club? Was she coming to the club to hurt Dru since she saw that everyone was turning against her? I wish we had a trial to watch on the charges against Dru to see Carmen purse those lips and whine, whine, whine, cause that is all she did "poor me" - please, grow up and learn to handle your own business w/o bringing the police into it. Learn how to get your own man. Neil was disappointing in how he treated Dru around Carmen and I think Dru should have taken the high road and ignored him and eventually he would have crawled back.

KAREN - I think Bell must be rolling over in his grave over what is happening at Young and Restless! I can hardly watch it anymore and I have watched it since its conception. I am beginning not to care about the characters. Most of the storylines are fillers with no meaning, the relationships really don't make sense anymore. And where is Ashley? Brad's new mom is a terrible actress. Plus Victoria and Brad do not have the chemistry to carry. The youngsters on the show are boring. Where is Kay. Victor was ruined for months. Jack's nuts and pairing him with Sharon is unbelievable. No chemistry again. Sharon is unbelievable. What has happened to her? She is like a different person. Too many changes in relationships too quick to care. Personally I watch less and less. Bring back some of the old writers to work with the new ones; we need some connections.

BETSY - Carmen - as soon as she came on board AND we knew Carmen would be murdered, I figured Mr. Kim would make her 'see the light.' Mr. Kim: He looks like a bad guy - yet I find him very charming and warmed up to him much faster than any other new or replacement actor. By bringing in the Asian influence, writers have opened up lots of possibilities - Asian Mafia, why has House of Kim grown so quickly, and the Asian way of doing business vs. U.S. For example, women may complain about the glass ceiling in the US, but women in Asia have it even tougher. Thus, Mr. Kim's mandated security changes in Ashley's precious lab (besides being needed) opens up exploring women's rights vs. what really happens - here and abroad. Eileen Davidson will be perfect for that part. Jack - tsk, tsk. Daddy's still watching...what goes around...spoiled...blah, blah, ditto, ditto...agree with everyone else. Sheila - could she really be dead? I'd like to think so, but I don't remember news that the actress was released from the show. Nor has she shown up elsewhere in a new part. If she is dead, will Lauren ever believe it? Why hasn't Lauren figured out that Sheila is TALL - so she'd have to have a new face of someone else that is TALL? Victor - makin' me smile. I love the gradual return to normal - yet retaining some of what he learned of the softer side. It actually makes for a better, more subtle and effective Victor Newman instead of My-Way-Or-The-Highway Newman. Dru - if she acted contrite, remorseful, and did what Michael says (shaddupalready!) - I'd have no problem with her using her Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card. What always intrigues me is how the writers push the actor's parts into a corner -- and they slip out of the noose. When Carmen gets dead, do the charges get dropped? (Fan Kaly dissected the situation extremely well and exactly how I see it, too.)

J - The fans of "The Young and the Restless" have been let down tragically by the release and firing of Davetta Sherwood playing the character of "Lily". You guys must be on crack because Davetta Sherwood was impressive in her own right. She has an edge and is a mirror image of "Drucilla"! I have seen Khalil's acting on Y&R and have been unimpressed. From what I have seen, anyone can be nominated for an Emmy. It's not that hard. Khalil is weak and unimpressive, a doormat with no fire, no edge, not sexy, a wimp, boring, and may as well be "white". She is no "black" girl. What is the matter with you people at CBS Y&R?

SUE - Does anyone think Jana looks like she could be related to Carmen?! My guess is she is the one that offed Carmen as we all know that it will not be one of the main characters!

LATOYA - First of all, ding dong the wicked witch is dead! Carmen Hot Messta is gone. So, who is the killer - Jack (all those phone messages are going to come back to bite him in the behind), the professor (he was coming in when Dru was leaving), Devon, Brad (that doggone reliquary thing has him sckizophrenic), or Dru (we all know they will blame her at first and then drag it on forever until they find the real killer). But, in true Y&R fashion, it will be someone outside the current circle - probably the executive she had the previous affair with whom she spoke with on the phone. Now on to the new Newmans. I have been a fan of the Nick and Phyllis pairing, but they are starting to get on my nerves and gross me out. They have sex in every scene. Ok, I just gave birth 2 months ago, so I know firsthand that you are not in the mood that much towards the end of your pregnancy. Either you are too tired for anything, or you just don't want anyone touching you because everything aggravates you. That poor baby is gonna get sea sick! The scenes with Kevin and Billy are hilarious. I love how Kevin is very tongue in cheek with responding to Billy's advances towards Kool-Aid color hair girl. (Why is her hair a different color every scene?) Billy is so spoiled, but why is the chick allowing him to come on to her like that. I mean if you are really dating Kevin, don't try to flirt with Billy. Crazy! I loved how Sharon was showing the beginnings of a strong woman once again. Her telling Carmen a piece of her mind, and standing up to Nick is great. You go girl! Writers, please find her a better leading man, maybe Paul, Jack is just not a good fit. Lastly - bring the old Victor back! Please bring him back ready equipped with a good ol' fight scene with Jack. We haven't had a good one in a while. Payday is coming!

JUNE - Is it just me or does everyone who has a secret say it out loud while they are on the phone or having a conversation with someone? Jack is talking to Mr. Kim and says "I hope this money will keep Carmen quiet about my secretly owning Jabot". Brad is talking to Victoria and wonders out loud if Carmen overheard that "I have a fake identity". And can someone tell me why no one in Genoa City can keep a secret? Why would Colleen tell her professor about her grandmother's past? Everything about her original story is supposed to be a secret. Does Colleen not realize this could be a matter of life and death? On to Carmen's death, I was hoping she would not be killed off because I wanted all of her past secrets to come out in the trial. She obviously has affairs and then creates a scandal and sues her employer to get money. I just wanted her to admit just once the part she played in this whole Neil/Dru mess. I also don't like the way they have changed Dru's character, granted she does have a temper and it was probably a good idea for her to have therapy since she does have a lot of baggage, but they have turned her character into a lunatic. She has always put her family first and realizes she is a role model, so why would she say ... "That woman needs to die!" Come on. They can have each member of the Winters family be suspects just based on their hatred for the woman without each of them screaming at the top of theirs lungs in the coffeehouse or running through the halls of Newman looking for Carmen to give her a piece of their mind. At least Neil has the good sense to keep it strictly business and when he does have something to say that is not business he lowers his voice. Now on to Nick and Phyllis, I have tried very hard not to hit the FF button but after a few seconds I just can't take it anymore! And can someone please tell Phyllis that walking around work looking like a boa constrictor that just swallowed his prey is just wrong! The dress was hideous without her jutting out her stomach and walking like she is going to drop the baby any second. I thought the wedding dress was bad enough, but the frilly blouse she wore to work the day after just made her look ridiculous. Pregnant woman are beautiful, but Phyllis' version just makes her look like a hooker who just doesn't want to buy new clothes, so she just squeezes it all in. Oh, and I don't think Sheila is really dead.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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