If she only had a heart!

by Nita
For the Week of December 15, 2008
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Y&R Two Scoops: If she only had a heart!
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Instead of Dorothy, it should be Chloe Ashby beside the Tin Man, skipping down the yellow brick road going a-begging for a heart.

I guess it's not just Oz' Tin Man who beats on his metal chest and hears only echoes from the empty cavity within. Instead of Dorothy, it should be Chloe Ashby beside the Tin Man, skipping down the yellow brick road going a-begging for a heart too. And obviously I'm not the only fan who refuses to hop aboard the band wagon in order to pump my pom poms in support of the heartless ho ... err, homemaker. So, before I start hurling my opinionated spears, take a moment to enjoy what fan Kozmonat thinks about the manipulative Mrs.

Kozmonat - Welcome ladies and gents to The Pimpin' Redemption of Chloe Mitchell Bus Tour! By the end of this tour, if you don't love Chloe, then you don't love dead babies. First off on the tour, if you look to the right, you will see Chloe as a human being. Don't believe us? We can prove it! See how sad her childhood was. She had to go to school with a bunch of rich kids! They made her wear a uniform that wasn't designed by Forrester Creations! See how Chloe's cruel mommy threw away her toy giraffe. Ladies and gents, reach for your Kleenex boxes! They're next to the barf bags in front of your seats. See how Chloe cries? Don't her tears make you want to just rip out your heart, gouge out your eyes, chop off your head and crap in the hole? This just means Chloe's humanity is touching you. And now if you look to the left, you will see Chloe as a woman in love. See young Billy Abbott: rich, handsome, charismatic. If someone like him can love Chloe, then you will love her too. See how she is devoted to her love. She follows him everywhere, never wants to leave his side! From New York City to Genoa City, her devotion is relentlessly never ending yet strangely unrequited. We know! We can't believe it either! But not for long we're sure. After all, who could resist Chloe's charms? Continuing on our tour, please look to the back of the bus ladies and gentlemen, where you will see all the people it takes to keep The Pimpin' Redemption Bus Tour going. Lift your arms and give a friendly wave to: Lily, Billy, Jill, Esther and Katherine. For without them to prop and push this bus forward, the Pimpin' Redemption Tour would be going nowhere. Pushing the hardest is surely Maria Bell, Barbara Bloom and Nelson Branco. Put your backs into it ladies - this bus can't run on fan devotion alone! Tragically, we lost Cane Ashby during the tour as his body is now trapped under the bus mangled beyond recognition. And finally, let us look to the front of the bus to see what is to come for Chloe as a mother. After what will most assuredly be a loud and lengthy labor, she will give miraculous birth to a baby girl who will undoubtedly need an extended stay at the hospital as both mother and daughter cling to life. As we all wait with breath that is bated for this immaculate birth, let us hope a story that should take days, will surely take weeks, if not months to conclude. During this time, see how good a mother Chloe will be. Her devotion, her sacrifice, her selflessness and her reverence for the sanctity of motherhood will make all mothers before her, including The Virgin Mary - Mother of God himself, pale in comparison. We've now reached the end of our tour loyal Y&R riders. We hope you've enjoyed your time. As you exit, please kindly refrain from hurling obscenities, your We Love Chloe Mitchell t-shirts or brimming barf bags at the bus and have a pleasant day.

Okay, I hope you found that as amusing as I did. Now back to my opinions of the heartless one. Yes, I still despise Chloe and only because it's a make believe world can I safely say I wish it had been her wee one absorbed back into her body, instead of Lily's. That woman doesn't deserve a marriage, let alone a poor innocent, defenseless lass that she can ruin. Why doesn't she choke and die a slow and agonizing death on all those lying words about doing what's best for her baby. That is such bull-oney. How is it best for a baby to be legally linked to a Daddy who isn't really hers? How is it best for a baby born into a marriage whose fragile foundation is made up of lies and trickery, only a confession or a real DNA test away from crumbling into powdery cement dust? No, this has nothing to do with that unfortunate baby and everything to do with what's best for Chloe and what she's determined to take, whether it belongs to some other woman or not. Too bad that ladder fall didn't cause her to lose that baby and end up all by her selfish self. But, since it seems like retribution is again alive and well in Genoa City, I can only sit on my couch with crossed fingers and toes, hoping that one day Chloe will get hers in spades, or at least won't get anyone or anything good until she comes clean and fixes what she broke to bits.

If Mrs. Ashby lacks a beating heart, her Mr. can surely be unfavorably compared to the Tin Man's best bud, the brainless, straw-stuffed scarecrow. It's kind of appropriate that Cane fell head over heels for Lily. They are definitely two gullible peas in a pod. It's hard to believe Cane was rumored to be some wild, hard-partying, heartbreaking man back in the days of down under. I guess he lost those heartless traits during the long flight to Genoa City. Because since he came to town, instead of the ladies being bamboozled, it's he who has been tricked him with an ease likened to a grown up snatching a Tootsie pop from a two-year old tot. I was a big fan of Cane and Lily and though they were likable enough together, even if they didn't set the place afire with their heat. I know some fans compare Cane and Lily to drying paint, but every pairing doesn't have to bare 99% of their flesh and lunge at each other repeatedly to be considered a good and watchable match. Case in point: Lauren and Michael. It's hard to believe they're celebrating their third anniversary. With no cheating and not much lying, their entire storyline has been based around Michael extricating his family members from one illegality or another. Like Michael and Lauren, Lily and Cane were simply a nice couple who seemed to really like each other. Too bad Lily didn't meet him after the Wizard had deposited a brain in his cranium.

And since I'm on the Wizard theme, I might as well go ahead and send Lily down the yellow brick road to beg the great and powerful Oz for two handfuls of courage to deal with that manipulative munchkin, Chloe. Because Lily is way too accommodating and civil, and in Genoa City, that can be a serious character defect. Didn't she inherit any spunk and fire from her late mother? For example, only too-nice Lily could call someone the B word and not have it come out sounding like an insult. And, I swear, if she apologizes to that greedy little gremlin one more time, I will reach through the screen and wash her mouth out with the harshest soap I can find. I'm sorry, Chloe, I will stay away from your man from now on, she mewled, head bent in supplication. Wherever we are, if he slips in, I'll sidle right out. In fact, let me go and buy a special beeper so you can alert me when you two are in the vicinity. That way I can break my behind getting out of sight. Aargh! Chloe has repeatedly reached up and yanked the wool over Lily's na´ve eyes, and though Lily has several inches on her, Chloe easily shoved her aside and snatched her man right out of her arms. Of course, maybe if Chloe wasn't so busy stalking Billy, she and her pretend beloved wouldn't run into Lily nearly so often. But, go ahead, Lily, every time you see that wicked witch waddling toward you, prostrate yourself on the floor so she can walk on you again. Of course, I don't know why I would be so surprised that Lily is so quick to let Chloe make little high heels dents all over her. Kids are said to imitate what they've seen and for years Daddy Neil has presented a fine example of how to be an accommodating doormat. By the way, does anyone think Lily actually believed what she assured Billy, that there would never be good lovin' between Cane and Chloe? Or did she just hope to make it true simply by saying so? Call me crazy, but I thought Cane sent her packing, for the second or third time, to make sure he'd be in the perfect position to love both mother and daughter? To half-quote Chloe: grow a damn backbone, Lily! You're making me mad!

In keeping with this Oz stuff I started, I guess you all know who I might be referring to when I pull out a moth-eaten broom and swat the Wicked Witch of Genoa City, the red haired she-devil, Phyllis. Why do certain Genoa Citians (Phyllis, Chloe, Gloria, to quickly name a few) think they are the only ones entitled to be happy, even if it's at the expense of someone else's joy? So Phyllis finally came clean about seeing the kiss. Did I feel her pain? Not even a smidgen. In fact, I giggled at her twisted, trembling lips and fast-blinking eyes. It was a damn kiss. And for a kiss, Phyllis purposely destroyed a marriage. A marriage of the man she was calling friend not so long ago, when she thought he could still be used for something. The self-serving old thing. I almost wish Sharon had let Nick take her back to her hotel room and ravish her. Even though that would have brought down the wrath of fans who hate her upon her hapless head. But it would have almost been worth it to have Phyllis really know how it feels to be cheated on. I get that she's insecure, though it really makes little sense since she can clearly see and feel the only woman really on Nick's mind is her scheming behind. She deserves to have her marriage destroyed in turn. What is it with her, anyway? Hasn't she done enough to Sharon? Having already played a big part in finishing off what was left of the Newman marriage, she obviously wasn't going to stop until she'd destroyed her second one too. Maybe she should just go ahead and put Sharon out of her misery, much like a farmer would do to one of his mortally injured mares, shoot her and put her out of her pain. Instead of simply killing her bit by bit. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm sick to death of hearing Phyllis groan, moan, mumble and grumble about Sharon. And I know couldn't have been the only fan who noticed that even when Nick shamefacedly admitted Sharon was the one wielding the stick that drew the do not pass go line, Phyllis still showed not a quiver of compunction for what she had set in motion. And she had the gall to complain to Nick that because of his kiss, they now had secrets. When the only secrets between them are the nasty ones she's keeping. I'm so ready for her to lose that Newman man.

Speaking of Phyllis' putrid little plot, why is Jack not blasting that credit card delivering bimbo right out of the water? While she was standing by Nick's side, delivering her verbal body blows and smarty-panties wisecracks every time her hubby took a breath to form another of his, Jack could have blown her and her little game sky high. No, he doesn't have any proof, but I'd wager my son's last dollar, it wouldn't have been that hard to convince Nick there was something rancid and rotten in his wife's black soul. It wasn't all about sexing him to unconsciousness that night. But, I haven't given up hope that the Ms. Phyllis has a little something coming to her in payback. Like I said earlier, the flames of retribution in Genoa City might not exactly be roaring yet, but the flames are definitely starting to devour the dry wood in the fireplace and if there is any justice, some of the heat should one day make Phyllis extremely uncomfortable. At least that's the present I'm requesting from Santa.

Thanks to Gloria, the forehead leading Lowell is shackle and prison attire free. Unfortunately, thanks to her jealous mate, she has taken Lowell's place in lock-up. And I know I wasn't the only fan dancing with delight when Jeffrey made good on what he has long threatened. Finally, finally, finally, Gloria has received what we fans have long been screaming for. Her comeuppance. Boy, it was a very looooong time coming but her day has finally arrived. I always wondered how Jeffrey could put the blame for the tainted cream where it rightly belonged, given the broken chain of evidence. It was pure genius and was done in a way where her family members were not even implicated. Of course we all know Gloria isn't going any further than Genoa City lockup. Michael will likely have her out on bail in no time and his expertise will probably get her off the hook with a light slap on the back of her wrist. But that doesn't matter. I don't even want her to actually be sent to prison. We went there and did that with Phyllis and Jana and watching that was one of the most excruciatingly boring periods in my Genoa City watching history. I could care less if she's never truly punished. I just wanted her caught so Jack could be free to once again work and wreak havoc at Jabot instead of spending all his waking hours working on his Victor vendetta.

So, Lowell hasn't even been free 12 hours and already Michael has discovered he may not be quite the admirable man he thought. Not that I really care. Lowell never grew on me the least little bit, nor did his storyline. It probably served its purpose, though, which was to dilute most of the bad feelings between Michael and his Ma. And who knows, though it certainly appears Lowell may have waltzed out of the burning bank with a bundle of large bills, he may yet come out of this with his character unsmirched when he proves he came by his windfall by some other avenue. Then he can return to the Ashram forever, perhaps only to be referred to in passing conversation between his former family members. As for Eden, I haven't heard one way or the other if she is to remain a Genoa City resident, but if she does, I'm sure she will simply continue to reside with her brother and associate secretly with Noah until such time as no more can be written for her or she trades her dysfunctional Baldwin family for the equally dysfunctional Newmans. Oh, by the way, while I'm on the subject of the new Eden, is there really any discernable difference between her and the old one that made the change in actress worthwhile? Maybe it's just me, but once the smirking and twisted mouth of the former were dealt with, I thought she was doing just fine and seemed a good fit for Noah. Oh well, what do I know? I'm just a fan.

At the moment, the passionate pairing between Amber and Daniel is worry and rival free. In fact, the two are deliriously happy, having both quit their day jobs (RSM jobs they seldom reported to anyway) in order to spend Katherine's financial legacy full time. Unfortunately, their unadulterated bliss can only mean one thing. That there is soon likely to be an unlucky fly fighting for life and falling in the sticky ointment between them. What made me think so was hearing Phyllis, after recently shaking hands to cement a truce with the platinum-tinted tresses girlfriend of her beloved boy, suddenly worrying aloud that Amber may again cheat on her beloved boy. Phyllis apparently believes once having been a lowdown sneaky cheater, you're always one (like Sharon and Amber, for two, but not Nick obviously). Could this possibly be a portent of cheating things to come? I mean, there is that recent rumor out there, you know, about a B&B crossover by Rick Forrester. Who better to jump start Amber's new clothing company perhaps jumping Amber herself, than the man with whom she shares a history and for whom she might still have a fond feeling or two.

Speaking of the generous benefactor, Kay is still living Marge's life, though clearly, her forgotten memories will soon be floating to the surface. I was happy to see Pearlie wasn't a jewelry thief at all, but just a woman trying to help out a friend. I did have a giggle or two listening to her talk about all they could do with the five grand the pawn shop owner said he's gladly pay. Las Vegas for three, painting the town. I wouldn't think that a measly five thou would stretch that far. So, when Kay's memory returns, what will she do with the knowledge? Immediately return to her life, or eavesdrop on it in disguise? When she does return for good, for Amber, I'm guessing it will likely be a win-win situation. I can't imagine Kay taking back the money she gave her, and as a bonus, Amber will get back the woman she loves. I do kind of feel for Esther, however, because although I'm sure she'll be happy to don her Maid's uniform to do all her beloved Mrs. C's bidding, she is definitely going to have to pay dearly for each and every one of those snide and snippy comments she directed at Jill.

I absolutely loved the conversation between Victor and Adam. Yes, I know it was wrong of Adam to help with that diary when he didn't know for certain that Victor killed anyone. But I understand why Adam would want payback for the Newman family mistreatment. And he's right. Victor forgave his other children all their wrongs against him. Given the callous way Adam was received and treated, up until the whole diary mess, what he did in return wasn't really all that bad. I was really hoping, though, that he would take Victor up on his offer and turn on Jack. It would be one way for them to work their slow way toward reconciliation. But Adam is apparently as stubborn as the man who sired him so a sentimental mend doesn't look very likely. Unfortunately, if they don't make up, Adam may not be long for Genoa City. Too bad. I still think Adam's presence has the potential for some really good storytelling and I'm still hoping he will get to stick around so we can see some of it.

When you look up wishy-washy in Webster's, do you see a picture of Paul? When Victor grunted jump, could Paul have yelped how high any louder or leaped any faster? After his little sleepover with Nikki, and all his commiseration with her over Victor's ill-treatment, I was really hoping Paul would man up and coldly turn Victor down flat. But, alas, he didn't. He just rushed to do his bidding, even though he knew he'd be working against his daughter. Not that I blame him much for the Heather part of it though. Heather's decisions, most notably when it has anything whatsoever to do with Victor, have not been her brightest nor best, and her stubborn pigheadness doesn't bode well for her continued career in the DA's office. Not that her Victor fixation differs greatly from her predecessors who also had a habit of repeatedly and erroneously pursuing the gazzillionaire. But Victor has tossed her a lifeline in the form of Frank's handwritten confession, and if she ignores this evidence, the way she once butted aside contradictory proof in JiMin's murder, she will only have herself to blame for whatever career-ending fate may follow. As for her relationship with Adam, I would be surprised to see her still willing to enter into holy matrimony with him once she knows for sure he led her blithely down the primrose path to career annihilation.

Universal Good Karma, my foot! If I were Kevin, I would be a bit put out by Jana's generosity with his money. When it came to Kevin's found funds, wasn't it only last week Jana was heard to rather pompously pronounce, something along the lines of it's not up to me, Kevin, it's up to you. The only thing she left out were the words Tsk, tsk, tsk before her declaration. So when exactly did she decide it was up to her and her alone after all? Regardless of how Kevin came by that money, Jana had no right to give it away without his direct say so. And to Lowell, of all people. Isn't there a homeless shelter in Genoa City that could have put the money to better use than some Malibu Ashram inhabitants? Funny, I didn't see her putting up a For Sale sign on that scooter which was purchased with those same ill-gotten gains. In keeping it for her personal enjoyment, I guess we can just chalk it up to some kind of cosmic karma if someone smashes it to smithereens in a hit and run.

Lastly, I can't take off without having a big old Santa Clause belly laugh at Jack's expense. I don't know how he can mince all those sex addict words without bursting into a bunch of Ho-ho-hos and hard-de-har-hars. It was too funny, even though Victor seems to be the only resident who is appreciating the joke. Everyone else is taking it for the total truth. Ashley was wonderful, though, in her exasperation and anger at how Jack has fooled her and lied to her for the uncountable time.

Of course, Jack's supposed sex addiction is about the only thing left in his life that might bring about a tiny chuckle. Because I don't imagine a grin is cracking his grim face at Ashley's words that she now isn't inclined to let him insert so much as a clean pinky finger in the juicy Jabot pie. Once he finds out about Gloria, though, it is likely to be a battle among Jabot siblings as Jack tries to reclaim his rightful place on Jabot's executive staff. Also leaving him at no real reason for merriment or mirth is the fact that he's been put out of his own mansion and is on his way to yet another marital dissolution.

I guess I've said just about all I'm going to for this week. My fellow opinionated fans will take it from here.

* * * * * * *

Nina - I am enjoying watching the show these days. I feel bad for Lily, since she is a nice girl, but am actually liking the character of Chloe (the actress plays the role of villain well, just like Gloria and Phyllis) now that we see tiny glimpses of humanity, like sympathy for her mother when Katherine died and how she loves Billy so much she pathetically follows him around. I hope she sees she's got it good with Cane and have them fall in love and be a happy family (for awhile). Cane & Lily were boring! She needs to be with Billy. He is charming, gorgeous, self-assured and smart. A Billy/Lily pairing will make her stronger, grow a back-bone and bring out some of the traits Dru had. Right now, she is a door-mat, nothing like Dru. Seeing her and Billy together would drive both Cane and Chloe insane and they would deserve it! What is wrong with Olivia? Why is she so against Karen and putting those thoughts in Neil's mind? And why is Neil so stupid that he takes her opinion so seriously? He obviously doesn't love Karen enough to tell Olivia to back off. Either let Karen and Neil be happy or let her move on to bigger and better things, like Victor or Paul. And please get Olivia and Jill men of their own so they aren't so meddlesome in others' lives! Olivia could be good with Victor, Jack or Paul and it would be a fresh relationship. She needs to stop meddling with Neil and Karen and find something else to focus on. Jill needs a man, period. She is so bitter and needs a softer side. Maybe her and Paul would be good together, but it would be nice to see her happy. Tyra is boring! Snoring-boring. There are way too many interesting characters that are put on the back-burner to put her front and center. I like Devon and wish he had a better s/l. It would be nice if social services allowed Ana to be with her biological bro, Devon and his girlfriend, Roxanne. Kevin is just like Jack, lies constantly and it'll cost him Jana. Hopefully when that happens, Little Nate will come to town and console her!

Vivien - Nick turned Victor into the federal government some years back, but never lost the love his father had for him. The fact is Victor never gave Adam a real chance, never truly accepted him as one of his children and he never really tried to encourage his other children accept him or give him a chance. In fact, he enjoyed playing them against each other. The first time Adam fought back, Victor turned on him like a rattlesnake. I hope the writers find a way to keep Adam on the show. Victor needs to make amends to Adam and they all need to start over as a family. I think the dynamics would be wonderful.

Tamara - The character of Chloe has proven that she is a liar. So why is it that Jill and Cane have not verified the paternity test to a positive match opposed to being ruled as a possible match. Why didn't Cane wait to get that positive match? Does he have a mental disability that Y&R has not elaborated on yet? It is frustrating to watch soap writers make a character really stupid without explaining why. Cane has become extremely dislikable. I do not understand how I could have ever liked this character, and the same goes for Victor and Phyllis. When there are no longer enough characters for me to root for, I stop watching, and Y&R is the last soap that I continue to watch. The year 2008 may be my last year as a daytime drama viewer.

Eireanne - One of the things I enjoy best about Y&R is reading your take on it. While I don't always agree with you, I always love your comments - your writing is superb (and very amusing). I'm really enjoying watching Kay as Marge, and I'd love to see her have a love interest in Murph (she's been alone too long). It's been wonderful to see Amber get some screen time doing something other than scheming or screwing up a relationship - you can really feel her pain in losing Katherine. I'm looking forward to the reunion (especially Jill's reaction). As for the Jabot takeover SL, huh? How is it that Jeff and Glo knew they had 51% of the stock (with Kay's 5%), but had no idea how much stock they actually jointly/individually owned? And why would Jack go along with the plan without proof they now had the necessary 51%? I wish Adam could be redeemed. If Phyllis and Michael were, then it can happen, and that's what I want for Christmas. I like him with Heather, but otherwise, I can't stand her. By the way, in what state can a prosecutor handle a case in which her boyfriend is a material witness? Silly.

Poppycock - Jack, my man, how bad do you wanna stick it to the ol' geezer that you would throw your marriage under the bus and stick with the sex addict label? Maybe when Nick gets a brain and moves on from this marriage, Phyllis can pull out that S&M outfit she used to distract Nick on the new resident perv! Finally, Nick has the realization that Phyllis was in Paris, to have her whining and crying about how hurt she was (brought glee to this poster!) to see him in a passionate kiss with Sharon, because, in her words, it looked like two people in love! Duh! Why else would you enlist Brad and paint on trashy lingerie to hold onto a man who's falling for his ex all over again! Nick's explanation was so lackluster and unconvincing, I almost thought Phyllis wasn't gonna buy it, but of course she did, because in her mind, it's all Sharon's doing! Anyone else think this marriage is the next to fall over a cliff? I'd give it the first push, but I think Phyllis is doing a great job all by herself!

Dee - Victor Newman gave the only real reaction when told Jack Abbott says he's a sex addict. He laughed! That's exactly what I and everyone I talk to did; laughed hysterically! Jack Abbott is the most inventive liar there is. Well, maybe not. Cold hearted it's all about me Chloe holds that title.

Carolyn - Gloria's finally in handcuffs. It's about time. I didn't think I'd ever see the day that gold-digging schemer would be arrested for tainting the Jabot cream, but lo and behold, that day has come and all I can say is Whoopee. I don't quite understand Jeffrey's petty jealous act, though. I not only want Gloria to be arrested, but I want her to serve some time. Michael shouldn't be the only one in the Baldwin/Fisher/Abbott clan to have served time in prison. I was so glad when Billy told Cane that Cane got a CEO position he did not deserve. The truth hurts sometimes. Cane is starting to annoy me with his holier-than-thou attitude towards Billy. Jill lost Jabot. Yes! I only wish that lying coward Jack Abbott wouldn't be able to get his hands on Jabot, either, but that won't be the case once he finds out why Gloria has been arrested! Then again, Gloria may not be the only Abbott behind bars. She and Jack may soon be sharing a cell. Adam tries to act so tough when he faces Victor or talks about justice where Victor is concerned, yet he runs to his pathetic girlfriend and begs her to flee Genoa City with him. Why? What is Adam so afraid of? Paul warned his revenge-seeking, hard-headed daughter about Adam's involvement in the forged diary scam, but she refuses to listen to reason, so in my book, when the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth comes out, she will rightfully get the justice she deserves! I'm curious as to what kind of trouble River is in now since all charges have been dropped against him for that bombing. I guess River and Eden will be sticking around a little while longer. Lastly, Victor sure gets a lot of visitors, doesn't he? Those he wants to see and those he'd rather not see at all! I guess in Genoa City jails, there's no such thing as a visitor's list or visiting hours.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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