Back to the future present and the past perfect

Victor's business troubles had connections in the past, present, and future. Jill and Colin contemplated past and present attraction. Neil's hopes for a present and future with Leslie were dashed. Sharon got ECT, and ten years of past craziness disappeared. Lauren got a blast from the past while Michael contemplated the future perfect.

First off, if you've been following the news articles on Soap Central, you know that we've got two new doctors reporting to Genoa City General Hospital -- oops, strike that -- I mean, Memorial Hospital. According to the casting call, The Young and the Restless is looking for an African-American man, in his late thirties, whom I assume will be Leslie's husband -- more on that later. Y&R has already cast Helen Slater as an OB/GYN.

So far, in the spirit of fairness, I've resisted critiquing current management at Y&R or berating them for their second tenure at General Hospital, which was, kindly speaking, second rate. Now, with all these new doctors heading into town, I wonder if Y&R is about to become GH: Genoa City, you know, like NCIS: Los Angeles -- the same show, but different.

There is a possibility that I would like that change, because I sure liked GH the first time around when this same management team was in charge, but then again, maybe not, because Genoa City is not Port Charles. I don't think that more hospital stories, gangster stories, crime stories, or larger-than-life science fiction stories will improve Y&R as much as picking up the pace, having different-length story arcs, plugging the plot holes, and tying up loose ends. My advice to management is to finish something and move on!

I was reading another soap website (Please, don't tell Dan!), and I ran across a comment in one of the articles that reported a rumor that MM was going to GH as Jason. I went, "Wait a minute! Didn't I suggest that with tongue-in-cheek last November?" I wondered if I had caused that rumor. So please, friends, don't tell anyone that I said that Y&R has been renamed GH: Genoa City!

Here's an even better rumor that originated with my imaginary psychic friend, Madam Zelda. So far, I have only shared this secret with my friend Bessie, but now I am sharing it with you. Madam Z thinks that Adam is behind Victor's troubles with Bonaventure and is the person on the phone that Colin contacted after he bamboozled Jill into believing his protestations of love.

It makes perfect sense to me. Way back when Jill and Jack were plotting revenge on "the mustache," Adam said that he had his own plan. Maybe this is it. I think that Ian Ward is an even better person to cast as the ubr villain in this story. And besides, Ian needs the money that Colin is plotting to get from Jill, and Adam doesn't. What are your thoughts on this?

I got lots of letters about Lauren's pregnancy in last week's mail. Everyone was incredulous that 50-something Lauren was miraculously pregnant. I can think of several explanations. Number one, she lives on the SOFT (Soap Opera Flex Time) side of town, which means that she ages one year for every three human years. So while Lauren has only reached 30, her high school chum Traci has turned 50 -- I heard that the waiting list for Lauren's building is very long.

A second explanation could be that soap rules dictate that happy couples who want children are infertile for one obscure reason or another, and couples who don't want children because they are in middle age like Michael and Lauren, or have adulterous one-night stands like Kelly and Billy or have comfort sex like Stitch and Victoria, need only one attempt to conceive, no matter how much protection they use or how impossible it was in the past to get pregnant with their chosen partner.

Now that Lauren has been rushed to the hospital, other possibilities exist. She may miscarry, or better yet -- and much more sensible, as you readers suggested -- Lauren will learn that she is premenopausal. This would be an excellent story and one that is not being told anywhere else at this time. This is an opportunity for Y&R writers to lead the pack instead of being stampeded by the herd. Let's hope that the writers are smarter than they have looked so far!

So, whom will the new OB/GYN be treating? It could be a pregnant or menopausal Lauren or it could be Victoria or Kelly, because either could be with child. I don't think it will be Kelly, or we would have had some symptoms by now, but it could be Victoria, who has tried so hard to get pregnant by Billy without success. It makes perfect soap opera sense to have Victoria pregnant by Stitch instead. It puts the nail in the coffin of her relationship to Billy, gives Stitch another child to love, and gives Victoria the second child that she wants.

Many of you, including Bessie, commented on how horrible Billy has been to Victoria and Stitch, especially in light of his own behavior with Kelly. I told Bessie that the behavior she abhorred had been done by the Billy she loved, so perhaps it was good that she could get mad at the recast Billy instead of the Billy she liked best.

Bessie replied: "Like you said, even though the other Billy's actions were what they were, we all seemed to be more forgiving of that one because he was so lovable, even when he was his bad self, but this Billy, I, and lots of fans, don't have a problem not liking, because of his overall attitude of 'How can she do this to me!' Oh, please, I don't feel sorry for his sorry butt, he did this to himself!"

Many of you are still bemoaning the loss of Billy Miller as Billy Abbott and wondered why Y&R could not give him time off to do movies and TV. I think the answer to that is that he would have to be off-camera several times each year, perhaps months at a time if he got a movie part. Realistically, I don't think any of us want the character of Billy to be "out of town on business" for months at a time. I would be content if Billy Miller had an understudy, like in a play, who could take over the part when Miller got a better offer, but I don't think Y&R is likely to do that even if Miller offered to pay the understudy out of his paycheck!

I think of David Tom as the understudy, because I am sure that Y&R would axe Tom for Miller if Miller wanted to return. That happened to at least two actors at GH who were let go when popular actors wanted to return to roles that had been recast after they left the show.

I did see Billy Miller play a SWAT officer on CSI recently, so he has already been getting work elsewhere. I wish him the very best. I'm sure that Miller knows that he has lots of fans that would welcome him back if Miller should ultimately decide that daytime is the place for him.

In other hospital news, Sharon seems to be recovering nicely from her ECT treatment. She remembers everything except tampering with Summer's paternity test, being with Phyllis when she fell, and touching fake Cassie. How very, very convenient that is. I wish that I could remember my past in the same golden glow without all the pesky reminders of my harmful mistakes.

Y&R writers have wiped out all of Sharon's crazy behavior and returned her to the golden girl that Nick loved in the past when Sharon had the loving approval of Nikki and Victor. Nikki has given Nick her grudging approval, and even Victor seems to have relented a little. I absolutely loved the music during that romantic bath scene between Nick and Sharon. Many fans, including Bessie, made the same comment. It was beautiful and perfect for the scene.

I would like to see this duo get a do-over in the future, so please, Y&R, please, please, pretty please, resolve the paternity story and tie up the loose ends so somebody can finally be happy in the present.

Okay, so I'm a sucker for Bad Boy-o Scorpio, but I have to say that after being so happy for Jill, I was let down rather quickly. I was as convinced as Jill was that Colin was sincere when he vowed his love for her, so I was really disappointed when Colin made that call to his cohort in crime. No wonder Jill is so cynical about men. I'm rooting for Jill to catch on soon and do some serious psychological torture to Colin's ego. I don't like being fooled in love, especially by my soap opera crush, so I think that it is perfectly rational to plot revenge on my imaginary lovers!

Another former crush -- I believe that I've mentioned how fickle I am -- Neil, reached the "Ick" level today when he planted a fat one on Hilary after she bolstered his manly pride in the wake of his finding out that Leslie, who had refused to marry Neil in the past, had met a man online, gone to Vegas, and impulsively married that man in the heat of the moment. Personally, I think that Leslie was right not to marry Neil because she was not in love with him. Had she been, Leslie would have run off to Las Vegas and married Neil instead of a man she had know only a few weeks.

Leslie's new doctor husband means that another attractive man is arriving in town that is not related to the Winters clan. This will provide new story opportunities as well as different pairings for present and future couplings. I consider this a positive move by the writers to introduce a new character.

As to a future between Neil and Hilary, I say, "No way." I'm just too old-fashioned to accept such a huge age difference. Neil is at least 20 and perhaps 30 years older than Hilary. After that speech about love that Neil made to her, Hilary would be easy pickings if she really were a nave, inexperienced, lonely girl, and I can see why she would be flattered by Neil's attentions.

However, I don't find it credible that Neil fell out of love with Leslie and into love with Hilary without even pausing for breath. He went from identifying as a father figure the same age as Hilary's mother to a love interest without blinking. Devon's interest in Hilary is as obvious as Hilary's interest is in Devon.

Of course, there is always the possibility that Lily is right about Hilary -- that Hilary is playing both Devon and Neil like fish on a line. Hilary is certainly capable of that kind of Machiavellian thinking, and as the blogger, Hilary proved that she had the determination and deceptive ability to carry out any scheme. And, as I recall, Hilary was neither shy nor nave with Mason. If Hilary's long-term future includes separating Devon from his money, Lily would do well to dial it down so that Hilary will have to show her true nature to someone else.

Whether or not Lily is ultimately right about Hilary does not excuse Lily's sarcasm and rude behavior. Lily has initiated the mudslinging every time and blamed Hilary for it, and then sought consolation and support from the men in her life. That behavior does not flatter Lily or any person. There are much better ways to handle a potential enemy. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar," and "Kill them with kindness" spring to mind. I have had very effective success and definitely the last word and the last laugh when I have adhered to those platitudes. There is no revenge sweeter than making a friend of your enemy.

I'm in complete agreement with all of you who complained about Lily's attitude, short tight dresses, and the alarming frequency with which she and Cane share trysting moments in various areas of the hotel. It's a wonder that no one ever stumbles across them or that they manage to get any work done at all.

Even though I know I should have more sympathy for Chloe, I don't. But then, I am not and have never been a parent, so I can't say what the kind of loss that Chloe has suffered would do to me. When Delia was run down, I heard from many of you who have experienced such a loss, so I know that what the actress is portraying is real. She is doing it so well, that I want her to get treatment and reach some level of acceptance because I do feel her heartbreak.

Yet I also believe that we make a choice, whether conscious or unconscious, to hurt others because we are hurting. Definitely been there and done that, so I know that it is just as possible to turn pain and heartbreak into something that can help instead of hurt. We always pass on our pain, but it is our choice to make it spiteful, or to convert the pain into something positive.

I don't blame Chloe for being so angry with Adam, but I do think that she should be rational enough not to blame Chelsea for what Adam did and to accept that as tragic as Delia's death is, Adam did not deliberately run Delia down. And, as I've said many times, I think that ultimately, it will prove that someone other than Adam actually hit Delia.

Victor's scenes with Chelsea have been very warm and loving. I think that Victor has been showing his softer side this week. Even Jack acknowledged Victor's genuine love for Adam, and for a brief moment, the two archenemies connected. Victor, uncharacteristically, took advice from Jack when he retrieved Adam's nameplate from the trash and returned it to his bottom desk drawer. I often think what fantastic friends Victor and Jack would be if they could put aside the past.

Adam's hands, at least, are back on the canvas. While Victor and Chelsea grieve and plan a memorial service, I bet Adam will be skulking in the background and will no doubt be somewhere close enough to the service to hear his eulogy. I predict a lot of lurking and near misses before the new Adam is revealed.

The fashion show looks like fun, including the catfights on the catwalk. I'm ready and eager for some Jill Larson and Cady McClain, who should be taking over the Kelly role very soon. Cynthia Watros has been growing on me because she is such a talented actress, and I can see how she has been slowly developing this character. I truly hope that there is as much chemistry between Bergman and McClain as there has been between Bergman and Watros.

I was really starting to think that Kelly might help Jack get over Phyllis, and I am getting invested in the Kelly character. I like her feisty attitude, the way she stood up to Jack, and the chemistry she has with some of the other characters. According to Soap Central, McClain's first airdate is next Wednesday, but I swear that it is McClain's shoulder I saw in the preview with Jack at the end of Friday's episode. I guess I'll know on Monday! Watchers in Canada probably know now.

One thing that I would like to see more of is Jill and Nikki. They make terrific "frenemies." Now that Katherine is gone, they would make wonderful comrades, also. I can see them plotting and scheming and trying to micromanage all their friends and family and giving us some good laughs at the same time. It's for certain that one thing Genoa City could use more of is laughs. Has anyone thought of opening a comedy club? Maybe Nick's place could become "The Underground Clown."

Who knew that Avery was a gourmet cook? Not only that, she is good enough at it to get her own cooking show after only one recipe and a sweaty video. Along with that, she is also getting some unusual email, which indicates to me that Avery will soon have her very own stalker, just like Lauren had and Abby and Tyler have. The new number one hit on the Genoa City radio hit parade is: "Everybody Must Get Stalked!" I'm thinking that the writers need to develop a different approach to the "woman in jeopardy story," or maybe I have to accept that while the status symbol for some people is a personal shopper, in Genoa City it's a personal stalker.

Lauren "PREGGERS", CMEON...... she's at least 50!!!! if this happens, I'm leaving y&r forever. -- NANCEE

Tracey Bregman is 50 years and will be 51 in May. It's preposterous to have her character become pregnant. The writers of Y&R need a brain transplant. -- BRENDA

Really Y&R? Old ass Lauren is pregnant? Her going through menopause would have been much more believable. -- BRENDA

Finally, thinking the "baby" scare for Michael and Lauren is more like a much-needed story-line on menopause. Thinking a humorous play on this stage of life, particularly with Jill and Lauren, is an opportunity for a little comic relief. -- JAN

Lauren pregnant??!! Please...she's too old. She's probably going through the change. Pregnant...dumb writing. Just about as ridiculous as Victor giving Tyler pointers on boxing. Other than being just dumb, it was good for a laugh. -- COLLEEN

Idiot's Delight:

When is Sharon going to get found out???? I'm sick of her getting away with murder!!!! I think a lot of viewers probably feel the same way!!! Move on!!!!!! Nick is an idiot...he has turned into a complete punk! Move on!!!!! -- PAM!

(Looks like the writers are wiping out the last 10 years of Sharon's life and turning her back to the lovely innocent girl we all loved so. I wouldn't count on Sharon having to pay any higher price than Phyllis has had to pay for some of her shenanigans! -- BOONE)

Oh no, Sharon will be found out...trust me!! Nothing innocent about her...Nikki will vouch for that...Phyllis made her mistakes and she was very remorseful...Sharon was and still is a snake in the grass...get real!! -- PAM

Lily gets Hammered:

Lily and her husband need to get a life and get out of the "sack." That is all they do and it has gotten very boring with them. Mrs. Goody two shoes needs to quit thinking just about herself cause her stuff stinks too, she just doesn't see it -- MINERVA

PLEASE Y&R, can Lily keep her clothes on? I'm a little tired of her and Cane and their lovemaking all the time, hate it when they do it in the office. Has any one else noticed that they are very loud kissers? Hopefully, some of the clothes in the fashion show would be appropriate for work and a little longer than the ones Lily has been wearing and she will keep some of them. -- DAYZEE

Blue Light Special:

The sloppy cheap blue light porn scenes are disgusting and add nothing to the show. I'm fed up with displays of boobs and want more drama and good theatre not the crap as of late. It's tedious --DAVID & DIANE

Make it Stop!I wish Lily would get over it already! The constant sniping at Hilary is so unattractive and totally unprofessional -- who died and made Lily the moral compass of Genoa City? After all the stuff she's forgiven Cane, Kelly, Neil, even Colin to a degree, the endless sarcasm and inability to conduct herself as a supposed "manager" is really getting on my nerves! And apparently using her office for an office-hours quickie is okay in her books -- honestly, whenever she's on now I ff, make her stop! -- ANN

I would love to see Lily and Hilary get into a fight because I am tired of Lily acting like her crap don't stink! She is so self-righteous and whiney and it really plucks my nerves. -- KELLEY

Nick and Sharon Redo:After all these years, Sharon and Nick are still the hottest couple in daytime. Their chemistry is awesome. Great job Sharon and Josh. I am also anxious for this paternity story to resolve. -- CATHY

Sharon and Nick belong together more than Nick and Phyllis. Miss Michelle Stafford terribly and want to see her return, however she is too much woman for Nick Newman. -- JAN

Living on Tulsa Time:

Just wanted to mention that podunk town you are speaking of is Tulsa, OK. Not exactly podunk. Lots of business conferences in town. It stuck out to me in the episode because I am from Oklahoma. We did host part of the NCAA basketball tournament. I love your column every week! -- STEPHANIE

(Ouch! I owe Stephanie and all the people of Tulsa a big apology. I didn't hear the name of the city in that scene between Neil and Hilary, and I was too lazy to rewind. I couldn't imagine any sizable town, and that includes Tulsa, that would be so completely sold out of hotel rooms that Hilary and Neil would end up sharing a dingy motel room. "Podunk" was the only place I could think up. My sincere apologies to Stefanie and the upstanding citizens of Tulsa! -- BOONE)

Until next time, dear friends, sit down, relax with your favorite libation, and let the magic of soap opera transport your imagination from your imperfect past or present to the future perfect of your dreams.

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.