We'll always have Paris

Parisian waiters take Tucker's side, Nikki slurs and misspells texts, Phyllis and the Bug bicker over Danny like they are teenaged girls, and Daniel lies to Lily. It was a weird week in Genoa City. Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear readers, my husband and I had one of our biggest fights in Paris. On the Eiffel Tower. Seriously. No glasses were broken, and no chairs were tossed, but there was some extremely loud screaming. This was back in 1994, and I bet the echoes are still ringing out into the Paris sky. But both of us remember this fight. Neither of us had to fly back to Paris to confirm the details. It's the stuff of legend. We have acted it out for our family on holidays to gales of uproarious laughter! Here we were in the most romantic city on earth, standing on the Eiffel Tower, yelling at each other over a ridiculous misunderstanding.

My fight was way more entertaining than Ashley and Turtleneck Tucker's fight. But I have had to watch black-and-white flashbacks of two versions of their fight for a month and...why do I have to write about this again?

Ashley and Tracy jetted off to Paris so Ashley could grill waiters and then call them liars and accuse them of taking bribes from Tucker. So, she thinks that Tucker bribed the entire staff of a Parisian bistro to lie about a fight from two months ago rather than admit to herself that she might be wrong about what happened?

When the Abbot family confronts Ashley about this discrepancy and tells her that Tracy believes the waiters, I think Ashley will melt down. Like all the way down. Like when she thought the blanket was her baby.

The way things are going, Ashley might have Nikki as a roommate in the psychiatric hospital. Readers, I feel like Nikki needs more than rehab. Nikki's anxiety level after Jordan's escape is absolutely justified, but I don't think a few weeks in rehab can fix that. Jordan was behind bars and still somehow managed to escape after a suspicious fire at the prison. My favorite part was that Jordan escaped using a ride share. Would Uber really show up at a prison that was on fire and give rides to escaped inmates? How did Jordan get a phone or the Uber app to even book it? Or an ID? Or a credit card. Inquiring minds want to know.

As long as Jordan is Uber-ing around Genoa City, Nikki won't be able to stay sane and sober. Really, who can blame her? Which one of the Newmans is going to do Jordan in once and for all? My money is on Nikki driving drunk and plowing right over Aunt Jordan until she's a splat on the road and then being haunted about it for another year. Maybe then Adam can help Nikki learn to live with herself after running someone down with a car, and they can stop sniping at each other. A girl can dream, right?

In the meantime, Jordan continues to call Nikki and harass her with stripper music. Hey Nikki, here's an idea -- don't answer your phone! Don't pick up unknown callers. Block all the numbers she calls from. Get your phone company to implement spam blockers so she can't leave you a voicemail. Stop. Taking. Her. Calls.

Oh, and stop going to dive bars dressed in pearls and designer dresses. Are you begging to get robbed? Nikki is slurring her words and misspelling texts but is furious that Jack told Victor that he was her A.A. sponsor. Jack didn't have a choice. Nikki promised she would tell Victor and didn't, and when it became clear that she was getting worse rather than better, Jack made a tough call. Now, Nikki will have to find a new seedy bar to hide away in.

In other news of the strange, Abby asked Tessa to come and manage her restaurant. Do you think other pop stars have their friends asking them to give up their lucrative music careers to manager a local mid-range restaurant in their hometown? Ah, the perks of privilege. Abby wants her boyfriend to appoint her to be a board member and dump her business on a pop diva. Do you think this ever happened to Arianna Grande, Taylor Swift, or Miley Cyrus? "Hey Tay-Tay, I have this really great opportunity to be a board member at my boyfriend's company. Do you want to manage my diner and stop touring?" Taylor's laughter would be heard across the galaxy.

Meanwhile, Adam and Chelsea are not laughing at all, but screaming at each other in the coffee shop, bickering over Connor. The part of this story I liked the best was when Adam went to his brother Nick for advice and actually took it. I have hope for those two crazy brothers. I have heard that the adorable Judah Mackey is coming back to the show, so eventually, Connor will get his way. I wonder how his coming home will interfere with Chelsea and Billy or Sally and Adam? Step-parenting has its challenges, and anyone who is involved with Adam and Chelsea will have to factor Connor and his issues into their decision making.

A storm seems to be brewing at Chancellor-Winters. Teams are forming -- Nate, Devon, and Aunt Mamie vs. Jill, Chance, and Billy. Which family will prevail? Well, my money is on Jill. She's always been scrappy. Besides, I don't really trust Nate yet. He said no to Audra's proposition, but it wasn't a hard no. I think she could still persuade him or, better said, seduce him into her corner. She is cozying up to Tucker, but as soon as Ashley comes back, I predict the moth in Tucker will be drawn to the flame in Ashley, even if her memory is a bit wonky right now.

Speaking of wonky, Daniel and Heather's relationship is bugging me. Lily was Daniel's first love, and when Heather kicked him to the curb, Lily was there to pick up the pieces and help him find his way back. It bugs me that he's lying to Lily every time they speak. Don't hate me, but I wish Cane would come back, because I loved Lily and Cane Ashby together.

Mind you, I don't hate Heather -- she is trying to put her family back together -- but I dislike the way it is happening. Lucy and Heather giggling over their big, fun secret that will rock Lily's world, when they both supposedly like Lily, makes them both less likeable.

Speaking of unlikeable, Danny has grown weary of the Cricket and Phyllis wars and has asked them both to take a step back. Sometimes, the changes make my head spin. I would swear that Danny told Phyllis he was done with her and didn't want her in his life anymore, even as a friend, and then the next day, he was telling Cricket how special Phyllis was to him and being all smiley and flirty when Phyllis came around... Did I imagine that first scene? Did I miss the scene where they made up? It's highly possible. My dear mother-in-law passed away last week, and we drove from Florida to Ohio, so perhaps I missed an episode en route. Feel free to inform me if I missed the big apology scene.

Still, it bugs me that the writers choose to write two mature and accomplished women in their 50s like they are 20-year-old sorority girls tussling over the star quarterback. Good lord, can we please get a female head writer on this show?

One question has troubled me this week. When Diane asked Jack if working with Nikki has tempted him to start using again, he said no, but we saw him flashing back to things in the past. I worry that if Nikki does do something awful like kill someone, Jack's sobriety may be in danger. I pray I am wrong, but I feel like the writers wouldn't keep posing the question if the answer wasn't yes.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will the bistro in Paris put Ashley's photo up and bar her from going there again? Will we ever see Tucker's neck? Will Audra decide exactly whose bones she wants to jump on her quest for money and power? Will we ever see any of the people the Newmans fire without cause go to the HR department? Will Victor handcuff himself to Nikki to keep her from drinking? Will Cole and Victoria move Claire to a hospital in some other city, state, country, or continent to get her away from Jordan?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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