Claire-y Poppins

For the Week of June 3, 2024
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Claire's a nanny. Sally's step in time has made her a fashion designer. Michael has time to feed the birds because he's unemployed. Jill might need more than a spoonful of sugar to help her. And Chloe and Audra might need to learn to laugh. Check out the highs and lows in this week's supercali... well, you know, edition of Two Scoops.

Dear readers, sometimes the people in Genoa City make the strangest decisions. This one just made me howl. Consider this job interview:

Kyle and Summer: So, you want to be Harrison's nanny? What qualifications do you have?

Claire: Oh, I have no experience at all. I spent my whole life being homeschooled by a mentally unstable woman with a violent streak who taught me to despise the Newman family.

Summer: Right, I remember that you helped kidnap and poison my entire family.

Claire: Yes, but that was the old me. I went to a psychiatric hospital for two weeks, and I'm totally cool now.

Kyle and Summer: Interesting... What makes you want to be a nanny?

Claire: Well, while I was in the psych ward, I met a kid who liked to color with me, and it was really cool, so I decided working with kids is my life's true calling.

Kyle and Summer: So, since you have zero experience, a sketchy past, and a somewhat lame reason for wanting to work with kids, if we decide to hire you, anyway, what would you do with our kid?

Claire: Oh, wow. I am way ahead of you. I googled some shit and found out kids like to eat snacks, do art projects, and play games. So, I'll buy some brownies and crayons, and we're all set.

Kyle and Summer: Sounds like you've done a lot of research on this! We are sold. You're hired!

Readers, readers, readers... The Newmans and the Abbotts could hire freaking Mary Poppins as their nanny. The fact that they would hire Claire just because Harrison thinks she's cool astounds me. I mean, when I was a kid, I liked shady people, too. Before my Daddy found Jesus, he used to take me to the local bar, and I'd wander around talking to drunks who gave me quarters for the jukebox. I loved those guys. But none of them should have been my nanny.

This storyline feels like a setup. Is something terrible going to happen to Harrison? Is Jordan going to escape and kidnap them both again? Or is it instead the gateway for Kyle and Claire to fall in love? Let me just say that my husband was a divorced single dad when I met him. We worked for the same company, and we started out as friends. I babysat his kids after school because my shift ended earlier than his. Just a pal doing a favor for another pal... We have been married for 35 years now.

This isn't the only absurd happening in Genoa City right now. Nikki told Jack she wanted him to continue to be her sponsor. Readers, there is no twelve-step program on this planet that would advise someone to have a sponsor who went on a bender with them and nearly died. A quick Google search showed that a sponsor would be sober for a year. Jack is not. He's only been sober for about a week now.

First, let us remember that Victor threatened Jack's life if he ever saw Jack go near Nikki again. Do you think Victor knows that Nikki is over at Jack's, begging him to continue sponsoring her? Oh, wait, he's too busy stacking up bricks to hide his wine jail.

Although I don't enjoy listening to Diane screech at Jack for an entire episode, I agree with her logic. Jack sponsoring Nikki caused him to lose his own sobriety and nearly killed him. She was justified in taking a stand and giving him an ultimatum. She shouldn't have to worry every time he runs to Nikki's distress call that he might be leaving in an ambulance.

I feel like he gave in too easily. Nikki will still call him for help, he will still go, and nothing good will come from it. Victor will be furious, Diane will be furious, and it makes me wonder if a couple swap is coming. Victor met with Diane and asked her if she didn't feel betrayed by the fact that her husband spent the night with his wife and that the two of them partied together all night. He added that he pitied her, and his words got under Diane's skin.

Michael Baldwin walked in as Victor was leaving. Victor told Michael that Michael had betrayed him, and Victor informed Michael that he was fired. Diane witnessed this, and Michael said he had been fired by Victor many times before and probably would be many times again. Michael tried to warn Diane that the bond Jack and Nikki shared was deep and that those bonds wouldn't be easily broken. Despite the fact that Jack isn't going to be Nikki's formal sponsor anymore, the two have already made A.A. meeting dates together.

Will Diane and Victor be so furious and worried for their spouses that they begin to lean on one another? I am intrigued to see how this will all turn out. I think it will depend on whether or not Jordan is really, truly gone. If she's not, everything will spin out of control for many of our beloved citizens of Genoa City.

Meanwhile, in Paris, another storm is swirling. Audra is there, trying to steal Glissade from Tucker. Audra told Tucker that she'd believed in the oldest lie in the book, that her love could change him. But she realized now that he could never change. And she will never believe him again.

Tucker seems perplexed and doesn't understand why Audra is doing this. Hey, Tucker, it's because chicks don't like being led on, and you made plans with her a hundred times and canceled them if Devon or Ashley breathed in your general direction. Audra knows she isn't first in your life, despite your words telling her that she is. Also, while we have not seen Nate yet, I would bet money that he is either there now or will be showing up in the City of Lights soon.

Ashley is also in Paris, getting mental health help from Dr. Alan, whom I still don't trust. Tucker is there to stop Audra from stealing his company. Audra is there and furious about Tucker's devotion to Ashley. Tucker knows Ashely is in Paris, getting help. What could possibly go wrong?

So, are we to assume that Alan has a twin brother? Is Dr. Alan's twin like the one Dr. Kevin Collins had with Ryan Chamberlain on GH? One twin is a psychiatrist, and one twin is a serial killer. If so, that could be Ashley' trauma. She thought she was going to her pal Alan and instead got caught up with his evil twin, who attacked her in some way and caused her to fall apart? We haven't had a good evil twin story for quite a while. Unless you count the Sheila/Sugar crossover storyline on The Bold and the Beautiful.

I really want Tucker to come out the hero. I want him to be the white knight, to swoop in and save Ashley, to come back to Genoa City, carrying her into town like Richard Gere carried Debra Winger in An Officer and a Gentleman. If you're too young for that reference, here is my gift to you.

I am weary of Tucker being the whipping post for the entire Abbott family, Audra, whiny Devon, and snarky Abby. If he saves Ashley, I want that all to stop and for him to get credit where credit is due. I want Jack to say, "Thank you for saving my sister. Maybe I was wrong about you." I know it's unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream.

I also spent a lot of time dreaming about Sally and Adam reuniting, and they did! Adam asked Sally to move in, and she said yes. But how is that going to pan out when Adam and Chelsea are away visiting Connor on and off for the foreseeable future? Will Sally and Adam, and Chelsea and Billy all stay together through this? Will Connor get well enough to come home?

As I have mentioned in previous columns, my hope is for a happy resolution for all, but I don't know if my hope is realistic.

Billy is going to have his hands full at Chancellor-Winters. Now that Jill confided in him about her health problems, I suspect he will double his resolve to deliver the results his mother asked for, with getting rid of Mamie being at the top of the list. When Jill mentioned Snapper, I had a daydream that maybe David Hasselhoff would come back. Heaven help me, but I love the Hoff. I confess that my heart will always belong to William Gray Espy, the first Snapper I had a major crush on in my youth, but David Hasselhoff was a pretty great recast. I don't know if Mr. Espy acts anymore. I googled, but I don't see him being in anything since the '90s.

But I digress. I have to wonder if Jess Walton is getting ready to retire. We have mostly only seen Jill via Zoom meetings for a while, and this revelation of a health crisis where she had to go stay with her brother the doctor does not bode well. Will Billy Abbott end up as the king of Chancellor-Winters? There is a rumor circulating that Lily's plan to bamboozle Billy will backfire and that Billy will convince a restless Kyle to come to work as the CEO of Chancellor-Winters. It was actually quite a tender moment when Victor told Kyle he was the closest to being like John Abbott in the Abbott family. I really loved John Abbott back in the day, a kind, gentle, principled, honest, and decent man. The kind of man I wish would make a comeback.

But readers, weren't Kyle and Billy in a constant battle while they were at Jabot? Yes, but perhaps if they weren't in competition for the same job, they might make great allies. Only time will tell.

Readers, what revenge will Victor unleash on Cole and Michael for making him give up his Brussels sprout torture chamber and his vodka-laden prisoner Jordan? Victor is furious with Michael and Cole and told them they would regret crossing him. Does that mean Victor will try to thwart the budding relationship of Victoria and Cole? I'd bet money on it. He already fired Michael, so I am unsure what more damage Victor can do to him, but I know he will try.

When Michael and Cole confronted Victor, they tried to tell him that they know he'd be haunted if he let Jordan die. He bellowed out, "I am in charge of what haunts me!" I loved that scene. And now, he and Cole are building a brick wall around the jail cell in case Jordan tells anyone. A thorough inspector might move a few bricks and notice there is no mortar holding them down, but my guess is Victor will get away with it for now. Victor is surly and on the warpath, but he has to be somewhat civil to Cole and Michael to convince them to keep their mouths shut.

Another furious person is Chloe. Sally's decision to work at Marchetti and dissolve their company enraged Chloe. I don't understand why Chloe is fighting so hard for a company that was virtually bankrupt, had no clients, had no prospects on the horizon, and was a constant source of angst for both of them. They tried. They failed. I would think Chloe would say, "Thank God I don't have to worry about that anymore!" Is she really worried about Nick Newman's' money? I doubt it. I assume she is hurt because Sally made her decisions without looping Chloe in, and if Chloe knew Sally at all, that shouldn't shock her.

Sally is independent and jumps at opportunities that come her way. What will Chloe do now? As much as I like Elizabeth Hendrickson, and I really do, if I were the writers, I would cut Chloe loose and have her move out of Genoa City. They have gotten rid of her entire family -- Kevin is gone, Gloria is gone, and Chloe and Esther haven't had a scene together in years. If she's not part of Sally's world, her character has no anchor to keep her on the canvas. Her only role would be to say, "I told you so," if and when Adam and Sally fall apart again. I would rather cut Chloe to make room for Sharon or Chance or another character who has fallen off the radar.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Claire and Harrison see a butterfly they follow into the woods and run into a certain scary witch? Will Jack and Nikki go out for mocktails? Will Victor decide he likes building brick walls and buy a construction company? Will Sally re-do Adam's apartment, and when he gets back from seeing Connor, he will think he walked into the wrong place? Will Diane continue to be constantly angry at both men in her household? Will Belle escape and take Ashley on an excellent adventure in Paris? Will Michael become Jordan's new lawyer, since he's unemployed? Will Summer regret letting her guard down where Claire is concerned and discover she was right to be afraid?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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