Blurry vision

by Mike
For the Week of April 1, 2013
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Blurry vision
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Did a thick fog suddenly roll into Los Angeles? Because basically no one is seeing clearly there. Brooke made excuses for Bill. Caroline's snobbery reached epic proportions. Bill wrecked himself instead of checking himself. And that's just for starters! Get some clarity with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you go to a dinner party and find yourself served up? Did you change your relationship status in public? Did you get into a fully loaded car fully loaded? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

April Fool! Plot twists being what they are, it's Mike here, filling in for Allison. And lucky me, a whole week without a Leffy or a Lope in sight! However, almost everyone else was acting a fool, even though it wasn't actually April yet. At least Bill's fog was alcohol-induced. What was everyone else's excuse?

Let's start with the hot mess that is Caroline. Is this all this girl does -- parade around in lingerie and feel up her boyfriend at his place of business? (She must have watched old episodes of Brooke and Ridge.) She pouted because Rick actually had work to do. Poor baby. And for a girl who hates Dayzee's so much, she sure spent a lot of time there trying to put Maya in her place. Of course, Caroline wouldn't have been able to do that if Dayzee hadn't ratted Maya and Rick out to Caroline.

We barely know Caroline, so we could almost let her sudden switch to bitch slide. But Dayzee? What happened to the girl who encouraged Stephanie to look at life through a new lens? Even Marcus had to remind Dayzee of her seemingly forgotten spiritual point of view. The only real hint of motivation I saw was that Dayzee was afraid the Forresters would hold her responsible if Rick and Caroline tanked.

What does Dayzee think is going to happen? The Forresters will make Marcus divorce her? Take away Dayzee's? That she'll end up on the street again? It can't be the class thing, because Dayzee didn't seem to mind when Beverly (remember her?) took a shine to Rick. Dayzee agreed that being a Forrester was like being royalty. Surely she couldn't have gone from Skid Row to spoiled in less than three years? Because Dayzee's anti-"Raya" rhetoric was almost obnoxious, especially at the dinner party.

A very weird dinner party. Eric throws one, and the only familiar faces he invited were Taylor and Marcus? I admit Eric's always been very welcoming, but to have Carter and Maya along for the ride with absolutely no other family members there was just not very...Forrester. Especially when you consider the contrivances it took to get Carter and Maya there.

I knew when it was announced that Karla Mosley and Lawrence Saint-Victor were coming to B&B that we'd eventually find the former GL marrieds orbiting each other. And Carter was earnest and charming, the way he asked Maya out. But did you notice how Maya rebuffed him until he said he worked for Forrester? And then she said the date was to be nothing he brings her to the Forrester mansion, supposedly because if he didn't, he couldn't accept Eric's invitation. Huh?

It became apparent very quickly that the whole dinner party was conceived so that everyone could gang up on Maya and she could tell the story of what happened with Rick. Um, I saw it; I don't need a recap. And how many times are we going to see those damn Rodeo Drive flashbacks? At least they're not Leffy/Lope flashbacks, but for real, B&B: how short do you think my attention span is?

I felt really bad for Carter, since all Maya could talk about was Rick. Talk about sucky first dates. Then Eric encouraged Maya to talk to Rick at the Forrester guest house, where Caroline was announcing that she knew about Maya and playing a game of "anything she can do, I can do better." Naturally, when Caroline peeped Maya outside the window, she amped up her seduction to the level of soft-core porn. Hey, the original Caroline had a twin; maybe this one does, too. Because I don't know this chick!

Even Danielle seemed mystified when Caroline whined about not having been to a club for days. And then Caroline had the nerve to turn it around on Danielle and Karen, saying they spoiled her by raising her to appreciate expensive tastes! Danielle should have sent Caroline to bed without supper. Or at least cut up her credit cards!

Instead, Caroline got in Maya's face and called her a loser ex-con who couldn't move in Rick's circles. This pushed Maya to visit Rick to finally try straightening out their little identity crisis. "Life can be such a bitch, Rick," Maya observed. "Why would you want to waste a moment of it dating one?" Oh, snap! But before you could say, "Oh, no she didn't," Maya planted one on Rick's stubbled lips.

This would all be good if everyone involved hadn't gotten personality transplants. We've already covered Dayzee and Caroline, but what about Rick and Maya themselves? "She's nice," Rick told Caroline. Except two months ago, Maya seemed ready to go all Fatal Attraction about her baby. And even Taylor said, "You never know with Rick," who not long ago seduced Ridge's daughter for revenge! I wish Rick would acknowledge being on a road to redemption, but B&B isn't exploring that major beat.

Another major beat B&B keeps skipping over is the actual problem in Katie and Bill's marriage. Right now it's all about Bill looking in Brooke's direction and Katie telling Bill what to do. But the real glimmer came when a disbelieving Bill said, "You don't trust me." This is a news flash, Bill? You plotted to kill your own grandchild! You were stepping out with Steffy! You faked an MRI and locked Katie in a tower to shut her up about it, then illegally got Deacon out of jail to wreck Hope's wedding. Why should Katie trust you?

Katie was right about that: nothing changes, and Bill just tells Katie to get over whatever it is. He says he can't take her judgment, but that's because she always gave him a free pass on his crap, and now she's calling him on it. The handwriting was on the wall when Katie found out about Deacon. It's the reason Katie doesn't want to sleep with Bill, and what pushed Katie into her postpartum depression. Why does B&B continue to ignore the potential for the real drama?

Bill Spencer is an insensitive ass, and all his "You make me a better man" speeches were either baloney, or at best self-delusion. Katie has forgiven him way too much, and it's time for the doormat to put on the boots and start trampling. And that doesn't mean telling Bill not to go to a press conference or telling Brooke not to text Bill. Katie knows her marriage is over, and she knew it long before Will was even born. Bill needs a beat-down, sweetie, and you're just the one to give to him -- in divorce court!

But let's back up to said press conference. It was strange enough to have one in Eric's office instead of in the Forrester showroom like usual. But why did Eric feel it necessary to out his relationship with Taylor? He had to have known it would take the focus off Brooke's Bedroom, which is what Forrester needs to beef up its bottom line. Plus, who taught him to air his personal business to the press -- Hope? Change your Facebook status to "in a relationship" and leave the public pronouncements alone!

But did Brooke care about being upstaged? No, because she was too busy assigning blame to Katie for the problems in Bill's marriage. You know it's a big deal when Donna accuses Brooke of being dense! Donna rightly commented that Brooke wouldn't have been so forgiving if she'd spied Ridge with a lingerie-clad woman. Instead, Brooke turned it around, saying Katie was passive-aggressive and that they'd tiptoed around her for years! Wow! Do a sister cold, Brooke!

What really said it all was the very cool montage of Brooke tossing and turning in her empty bed. Very primetime; I liked it. "I get it; Ridge is gone," Katie later observed, and Brooke certainly doesn't do well Ridge-less, as I pointed out last week. It isn't so much that Brooke wants Bill. It's that she can't function without a man, because then she'd have to take a look at herself. And I wish she would, because didn't she promise Stephanie she'd be a better person? Brooke certainly isn't acting like one lately.

Of course, since Bill ain't getting any from Katie, he's wanting it from Brooke. Hmm, isn't that what initially torpedoed Liam's relationship with Hope? He couldn't wait for sex, so Steffy started looking good? Like father, like son after all! Bill's fantasy kiss with Brooke left him hot and bothered, as it undoubtedly did the viewers who thought it was actually happening. Only more bothered than hot.

The next day, Bill's cruel "drinking game" with Katie got, for a few moments, into some serious real. Though it sounded like Bill was too interested in turning Will into a mini version of himself (and how did that go over with Liam?), Bill was very astute when he told Katie she shouldn't live in fear of her mortality. And was he on the verge of crying when he told Katie he missed her and needed her? Amazing.

But Brooke's text had Katie storming off, leaving Bill to marinate himself in his gift of Scotch. You know, Don Diamont plays a very good drunk, and it's becoming obvious that Bill does rather have a problem. I wish B&B would go full-on alcoholic with him so we could really delve into what makes Bill tick. Does he drink because of his non-relationship with his father? Or did Bill's not-yet-seen mother leave a deeper mark? Oh, the possibilities. Instead, Bill just got behind the wheel of his car. And no one drives drunk on a soap unless they're going to have an accident.

Which would have been fine! Show the dangers of driving under the influence! Take Bill down a darker path! Here's what you don't do: you don't set almost-lovers on the same road and have them narrowly avoid a head-on collision. Come on! Los Angeles is a town of seven million people! Are we really to believe that Bill and Brooke were on the same road at the same time? And, since they were both on their way over to see Katie, why were they driving in opposite directions? So stupid.

It really kind of marred an otherwise decent cliffhanger. Couldn't Bill have crashed his car on his own, and then, if Brooke had to be brought into it, have the barely conscious Bill reach for his phone and call Brooke for help? That would have made a thousand times more sense. Instead, we got an accident at the corner of Contrivance Boulevard and the Implausibility Parkway. Bill and Brooke may need roadside assistance, but I think they could use some assistance in the writing room of B&B. I'm available!

Well, as blurry as the week was, it did have its moments. And any week without Hope moping, Liam looking confused, and Steffy rubbing her tummy is a good one! One thing the "Brill" storyline is doing is generating strong opinions. Don't be quiet about it -- pop off here on the Soap Central message boards. E-mail us. Or leave a message with our Internet radio show, Soap Central Live, by calling 267.341.7627. Your thoughts could end up in a future column. Like these!

Meanwhile, here are some letters from the readers!

    • "There may be more to Caroline's abrupt and bizarre change of personality. I seem to recall someone (maybe Thomas?) mentioning that she hasn't been the same since falling and hitting her head. I'm hoping there is some explanation for this new shallowness. B&B needs to be more consistent with its characters!" -- Julie

    • "Hi, Mike...just letting you know that the apartment above Dayzee's was there when the cafe was Insomnia -- Bridget used to live there when she was studying to be a doctor and waitressing at the cafe part-time. The things we remember!" -- Emma (EDITOR'S NOTE: That's right! I completely forgot about that! Thanks for the refresher, Emma. And how much do we miss us some C.J.?)

    • "I think Bill Bell needs to replace himself as Head Writer for B&B. The Liam/Steffy/Hope triangle is just ridiculous and they should all disappear until the baby has finished boarding school (2015-2016 in soap time). I know Caroline was a Barbie doll but did she have to become a Bratz too...Eric, take a cold shower and send Taylor back to Morocco...why have Brooke suddenly go after Bill, her sister's husband? Bill Bell is just creating a huge incestuous mess of a show...get it right or resign." -- Max (EDITOR'S NOTE: I agree, Max, but it's Brad Bell who's creating the mess. Bill Bell has been dead for quite some time!)

    • "I believe that B&B is just a circle, women going with each other's men they were married to, and Taylor going with Eric, give me a break...Rick and Maya need to fall in love and Caroline needs to get off the show period or her and Oliver need to hook up..." -- Esther

    • "I am so frustrated with this show. When I started watching, Rick was a scoundrel that was lying and cheating to get ahead, Thomas was a nice guy following the rules and Caroline was a do-gooder with a heart of gold. Now Rick is a saint, Thomas is a schemer with a violent temper and Caroline is a spoiled brat?...Bill was a misogynist pig trying to ruin Hope but now he's a misunderstood man?...I am so confused about what this show is supposed to be. I have been watching since OLTL was canceled and have not seen even a little bit of makes it hard to care about any characters as you never know who they will be in a month or even the next day. It seems to me that the writers are trying to drive viewers away." -- Denise

I'm feelin' ya, Denise. We long-time viewers have been scratching our heads, too. B&B wasn't always like this! Of course, radical personality shifts are de rigeur on soaps, but it usually takes some sort of loss or traumatic event to initiate one. Two years ago I would have agreed that B&B was trying to sabotage itself...not sure now, except to say that B&B used to know how to tell stories, and now it's a shell of its former self. It could sure use a reboot!

And perhaps better storytelling would reduce the amount of my Points to Ponder:

Bill was horrible to Taylor, but his asking if Taylor had addressed her "Brookaholism" in "one of [her] 12-Step meetings" was priceless... Why did Katie not mention that she'd already been through Bill's wandering eye with Steffy?... Seriously? Brooke was reading a book called Stallion? And how much more impact would that scene have had if Brooke had whispered, "God, I miss Ridge," or at least looked at his picture?

"We're so alike," Bill cooed to Brooke. Well, I haven't seen Brooke bug a psychiatrist's office lately... "Isn't this what got you in trouble with Ridge?" Katie remarked about Brooke's text to Bill. Touché, Katie!... "Are you serious?" Allison asked. "As a heart attack," Bill replied. Interesting, after Katie just reminded us that she may not be around much longer... Who knew that Forrester Creations had its own brand of bottled water? Or that Carter, who is only visiting from Texas, had business cards made up with a California address?

Why would Rick be looking over a design that was already in production? Oh, right, to have the flashback of Maya wearing it... How late did Eric's dinner party go on? They were still having dessert while Katie, Bill, and Brooke had already gone to bed!... "That doesn't sound like Rick," Marcus commented when Dayzee suggested that Rick had played Maya. Really, Marcus? Were you not there back when Rick was playing everybody? For that matter, Caroline wondered who would go after someone that was taken, when that's exactly what Rick did trying to take Caroline away from Thomas!

Maya suspected that Caroline had a daddy who gave her everything she wanted. "No, it's definitely not that," Rick said in a nifty reminder of Caroline's two mommies... How on earth did Taylor change clothes, freshen up, and get all the way to Beverly Hills from Malibu in the time it took for Katie to answer the question Bill asked right after Taylor left? And how did Caroline finish taunting Maya on one side of town and then get to the Forrester press conference right after the next commercial break?

Allison will be back with you next week, and I'll be back before you know it. In the meantime, keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold!

Mike (Adam-Michael James)
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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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