Arrested development?

For the Week of May 31, 2021
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Zoe locked a chastity belt over Carter's you-know-what, but Liam faced a real lockup as he and Hope dickered over whether or not he should turn himself in for Vinny's hit-and-run! Find the key with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you have to explain your hormones? Did you set a timer on your son's life? Did you discover that potential jail time wasn't much of an aphrodisiac? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Walton-Buckingham-Fulton clan this week!

I sit corrected, Scoopers! Last column, I bitched that B&B was only focusing on one story at a time. This week, at least, they were able to cast the net wide enough to cover two sagas, and this pleased me very much. I kind of feel like Zoe's romantic reunion is rather stagnant, but boy, are things moving in terms of the levels of Liam's confession. Y'all ready? Let's Scoop about it!

Crimes of fashion

I've seen almost more complaints lately about the wardrobe characters are donning than the storylines the characters are actually in. Particularly this week, regarding Zoe's very interesting floral, lacy, blingy dress. But you know what? I liked it! I guess I'll keep saying it; B&B takes place in the fashion industry, and it's high time those in its employ showed it. But can we please jazz up what's in Ridge's closet? Please?

I was far more annoyed to see Zoe gushing over her reunion with Carter, though I admit it was nice to see Zoe and Paris bonding over it. Maybe I'm just not over how long she simpered and whimpered over Carter's dismissal. Or maybe I'm just not enjoying Zoe's moment of triumph because I know she's headed for another fall. I keep wanting to pull a Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost and say, "You in danger, girl!"

Thankfully, the walls and doors at Forrester Creations have decent insulation, I would suppose, because Carter and Quinn were unheard in the CEO office while talking about how they needed to forget their dalliance. "We can't keep whispering about it at the office," Carter warned. "It's dangerous." Don't you hate it when even the scriptwriters know characters shouldn't do something, but the characters do it, anyway?

I mean, how many people have had their secrets exposed by the opening of that very door? Quinn and Carter were aware of it but kept yapping regardless. "You were everything to me," Quinn sighed. That really seems like overkill to me. As I said in my last offering, Quarter seemed far more about sex than any kind of true romantic connection. Or, I'll grant, an infatuation.

Instead, Quinn sounded like she'd been catching all the feelings. I doubt there was really anything emotional about Quarter's romps, aside from Quinn alleviating her loneliness and Carter trying to get Zoe out of his system. Just as Quarter declared they were better friends than this week's Friends reunion, Zoe walked in, which Carter and Quinn themselves had predicted.

"What's going on?" Zoe wanted to know, as if she had reason to suspect something between her fiancé and newly minted bestie. But surprise! Zoe laughed that she just had wanted to be the one to tell Quinn about Zarter's re-engagement. On cue, Zoe waxed poetic about Quinn and how wonderful she was. I admit I quasi-tuned out for that. The "cryptic comments" device is too common and was on overdrive this week.

Laying down the law

Shauna sure has lousy timing, because she picked that moment to waltz in for a visit with BFF Quinn and ended up in a confrontation with WTF Zoe. Actually, it wasn't just Zoe. First, Zoe sounded like she was ready to get into it with Shauna in front of Carter and Quinn but then wanted to relegate things to a private "woman to woman" talk. Until Quarter decided Shauna and Zoe could take the gloves off in front of them!

Seriously, that was beyond not necessary. I know -- we have to contrast Zoe and Shauna's nonexistent conflict against Quarter's "oh s**t" glances. It just feels forced when soaps craft scenes in that way. The bow at Zoe's neck must have been tied too tight, because she wanted to know why Carter turned to Shauna so fast and just how did they end up in bed in the first place?

Can you say "bizarre"? Even Carter tried to throw Zoe off that scent -- yes, out of discomfort, but also due to the sheer inappropriateness of it. Zoe's own contention was, harking back to that Friends reunion, that she and Carter were on a break. So, it hardly matters who was zoomin' who. I do understand Zoe wanting to be sure Shauna was willing to walk away from her man, though.

As Shauna sputtered to provide deets from her supposed affair with Carter, Quinn returned the favor of Shauna claiming Quinn's telltale jacket as her own and ran interference for Ms. Fulton. Quinn, basically putting her words in Shauna's mouth, assured Zoe that what had happened with Carter was a mere fling and that Zoe need not worry, as Zoe was the only woman for Carter.

That should have been enough to sate Zoe. But then Miss Thing popped off with, "No other woman will ever have their hands on [Carter] again." Say what? And she had the temerity to mark her territory right in front of her territory! Couldn't you just feel Carter's balls shrinking down to nothing? She was indirectly, publicly, demanding Carter be faithful to her. Something about it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Turned out I wasn't the only one in discomfort, since Ridge decided to get into Carter's "hot romance" with Shauna, as well. Carter deflected all over the place, but didn't it appear weird to you, since not long ago, Ridge had his own "hot romance" with Flo's mother? Seemed to me Ridge was trying to live vicariously through Carter. And what the hell difference should it make to Ridge who "started" the "affair"?

Ridge also somehow didn't know Carter had made up with Zoe, despite claiming Carter as his best friend. Of course, Ridge had to take the opportunities to sing Carter's praises to him so we could see Carter feeling guilty for boffing Shauna. I'm more tempted to let this one slide because Ridge and Carter really have been best friends since at least 2015. We don't get continuity like that often.

There must be something in Buckingham DNA where territoriality gets triggered at the same time, because Paris happened upon Shauna and Quinn in deep discussion about Quarter's hanky-panky and Shauna covering for it, even though Quinn and Carter had just advised each other not to talk about that at the office. Oh, but Paris put Shauna on notice. "I'm watching you!" Paris announced in fair warning!

Why are Zoe and Paris acting like Carter has no control over what he does with his penis? You'd think they'd be going to him for assurance that he'd be faithful, not aiming wispy threats at whom they think is the other woman -- who wasn't even another woman, since Carter and Zoe were broken up. Paris should have been more worried about Carter saying "I need Zoe" with an air of desperation. Red flag!

Spencer for the defense

Bill may keep coercing Liam into keeping quiet about making roadkill out of Vinny and functioning in public as normally as possible to quell suspicion, but the Dollah isn't proving to be very good at taking his own advice. All Bill could do was blow up at Wyatt every time Wyatt asked a question, which only made Wyatt ping even more. Why did Thomas want sympathy about Vinny from Bill? Why would Liam bring up Vinny?

Bill didn't want to hear about "piece of garbage" Vinny -- or about Thomas -- after "what he did to our family!" But Bill is okay with Flo, who helped facilitate the baby switch that Thomas only lied about? Gah, what is it about Flo and everyone's tendency to forgive her? I know 50,000 reasons not to. Not only that, but I did not need three episodes of Wyatt and Flo talking about what was off with Bill.

I guess Flyatt had to do something, because Bill dashed out of his office like he was gonna be late for curbside pickup. Maybe he sensed that Liam was home at the Logan cabin, spilling every single bean about his part in Vinny's death to Hope! Yet Hope understood. It had been an accident, and Liam had nothing to be ashamed of. It was Bill who had turned that accident into a crime!

And I completely agreed with Hope, though I would have agreed with her even more if she hadn't said the exact same thing three times during the week. Hope also asked the operative question, "Who knows why Vinny was in the middle of the road that night?" And I think that's where the answer to all of this lies. I'll bet Vinny was either high or had already been assaulted -- or both -- by the time he met Bill's car.

Hope had just convinced Liam that the right thing to do was to try and explain things to the police when Bill burst in, demanding to know where Liam was going. If Bill wanted to keep things on the down low, why did he not try a more subtle entrance? And doesn't anyone on this show lock their doors when they get home? Los Angeles isn't exactly the safest place in the world, you know!

When Bill found out Liam's favorite number was about to be 9-1-1, Mr. Spencer pulled a Sheila Carter and growled, "You're not going anywhere." And just how was Bill planning on stopping Liam, anyway? At least Sheila could smash a vase over someone's head or hold them underwater. Bill really didn't have a leg to stand on, and Hope knew it. I loved how she stood up to him!

"You two and your damned principles," Bill spat. Hope countered that Liam wasn't a criminal, yet Bill was treating him like one. This seemed to get to Bill, and Don Diamont gave a terrific performance as Bill tried to explain life's gray areas to black-and-white Hope, exploring Bill's own emotional gray areas and giving Bill a chance to get off of his one, angry track. "I'm not a monster," Bill insisted softly, and Hope gave a barely perceptible nod. Good stuff.

Realizing that barking orders wasn't getting him anywhere -- and seeing that Hope was beginning to understand what he'd tried to do in covering up Vinny's hit-and-run -- Bill tried a different tack and asked Lope to wait 24 hours before going to the cops. This was not an unreasonable request, and I rather liked this turn of events. Liam thought Bill was asking too much at first but eventually relented.

The jury is still out

Hope and Liam agreed to take Bill's allotted 24 hours and think about whether or not going to the police was really the best idea, but Lope seemed to vacillate between that and spending what could be "one last night" in romantic embraces. Hope even dumped Beth on Donna and let Thomas keep Douglas another evening. But during Lope's attempt to "celebrate us," they ended up not feeling like celebrating.

When they weren't having a non-conjugal visit, that is. Does that cabin not have a bed? Whenever Hope and Liam get busy in there, it's always in front of the not-needed-most-of-the-year fireplace or on the couch. After distracting myself from staring at Liam's chest, I heard Liam say, "Who are we kidding -- we don't need 24 hours." And this was true. Lope never really strayed from their plans to come clean.

Across town, Brooke suddenly showed up at Spencer Publications. It all seemed terribly random until later -- after this scene with Brill -- when Brooke told Ridge she had wanted to plan a reunion party for Lope with her ex-stallion. Wonder why Brooke never actually mentioned that to Bill herself? Instead, Brooke began to see that Bill was troubled and got nowhere probing him for reasons why.

Bill continued his recent pattern of dropping hints via cryptic comments, which there's been far too much of in the scripts lately. (Yeah, that's you, Carter. And that was you, Liam.) It was enough that Brooke reported to Ridge her feeling that something was going on with Bill. Brooke should know not to mention anything about Bill to Ridge. It just goes in one of Ridge's ears and out the other.

But both Ridge's ears were open the next day as a result of Thomas stopping by the office. Thomas was still torqued that Bill had said all these awful things about Vinny. Even Thomas hadn't been sure why he'd stopped by Bill's office outside of having had an impulse. (It's called "contrivance," Thomas.) Brooke, Ridge, and Thomas all had to discuss Lope's reunion, which led to a revelation from Brooke that Ridge had been waiting to hear.

With Thomas being so consistent about declaring he only wanted what Hope wanted, Brooke finally admitted she thought that Thomas was truly starting to change. This was music to Ridge's ears. I might have heard a few notes myself, but I did pick up a few off-key instruments that seemed to indicate Thomas might still have a chance with Hope. And I couldn't reach for my earplugs fast enough.

Baby did a bad, bad thing

Bill apparently woke up on the wrong side of the bed. No, scratch that. Because he was so cheesed off the next day that his bed must have hidden in the corner. Wyatt took the brunt of it, slighted that his dad was a dick to him as soon as he walked in the door. Noting Liam's repeated absence, Wyatt wondered if his bro even worked at Spencer anymore. Bill was not having any of Wyatt's questions.

It was a good touch that Wyatt asked if Bill and Liam were on the outs again, because it wouldn't have been the first time. But Bill really went nuts when the subject of Vinny came up again. Yes, Captain Obvious was in a tizzy, to the point he actually acted out a little two-step when Wyatt was sure Bill would dance on Vinny's grave. Vintage Bill, of course, but Bill is not doing himself -- or Liam -- any favors.

Liam spent his morning dodging Bill's obsessive phone calling and got a surprise when Hope started having doubts about Liam paying a visit to Chief Baker. "I thought we agreed," the head-scratching Liam pointed out. Hope wondered aloud whether they should sacrifice everything for Vinny! Although, to her credit, she felt awful saying it. I will also credit her for saying something that had been on my mind most of the week.

I'm surprised it never came up before, but Hope rightly mentioned to Liam, "Your father could go to prison, too." Like, yah! In fact, I'd think Bill would be more likely to do time. Though Liam can't prove it, he was unconscious when Bill pulled him into the passenger seat and left the scene of the crime. "All" Liam did was hit Vinny with the car. It's possible the police might understand that.

Along that line, Bill, Hope, and Liam were all certain that Liam would be arrested immediately upon confessing. I'm just not so sure about that. Again, Liam didn't commit the crime of hit-and-run, even if he was complicit in that crime later by staying silent. I still think Bill is in a world of trouble, and I liked that Hope feared what would happen to Will, Katie, and Spencer Publications if Bill himself got booked.

As Liam and Hope continued to struggle over whether Liam should tell all, Thomas and Douglas walked in. (Note to Brooke: buy a lock for the cabin door.) Even little Douglas picked up on the high level of tension between his "mommy" and Liam. Of course, Lope blew it off for the tyke's benefit, but Thomas wasn't unaware, and Liam had just gotten through saying Thomas would be around even with Liam in jail.

See what I mean about the implications of Thope? Please, B&B, let that one go. They are stepsiblings. And if Hope really got with Thomas after all the crazy things Thomas did to her, Hope would be even more insane than him. Douglas joined the Cryptic Comment Brigade by innocently asking if Liam would be at his upcoming ball game. Liam bravely said he couldn't commit to it then practically burst into tears before the Forrester boys were out the door.

Something Thomas did see. On top of Liam actually thanking arch nemesis Thomas for being there for the kids (in case I can't be, hint hint), surely Thomas knows something is wrong by now. Hope comforted Liam after Thomas left, still wondering if she wanted to risk losing Liam forever! Don't worry, Hope. No one on B&B ever goes to jail for their crimes. Just ask Bill. And Flo. And Thomas. And Taylor...

What does your conscience say, Scoopers? Should Liam tell the police what happened with Vinny, or should he continue following Bill's advice and keep his mouth shut? Is Zoe right to place a gag order on lawyer Carter's crotch? And is there actually something beyond ugly-bumping between Quinn and Carter? Do time in the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I feel so seen Mike!!!...Zoe was incredibly inappropriate with Eric, Ridge and Brooke. I truly believe [Zoe] has Borderline Personality Disorder. No wonder why Xander fled from London-LA to escape her, then back to London after the Phoebeth swapping scandal...none of the characters wear the same outfit twice except for maybe Ridge! So Quinn's maroon leather jacket wearing two days in a row was a lame ploy at Zoe busting her." -- "Dorinda's Pajamas"

"I actually liked the Quarter twist [of Shauna pretending to have slept with Carter], mainly because I didn't have to listen to Liam whine about his guilt and lying to Hope. The writers ruined it because now we have to listen to Quarter repeatedly talk about 'How this can never happen again and how no one can ever find out!'" -- "bikette"

"Completely agree, Mike! It's super painful watching the same dialogue scenes over and over again...I love Quinn and Carter together but it's such a labored storyline having Zoe act the way she does. It's not realistic! Her friendship with Quinn came out of nowhere and that part of the story just fell flat for me. It's too contrived and simply does not work!...[And] Brooke lecturing Eric about Quinn!!!...You have the town slut lecturing everyone else about morality and decency. WTF?" -- Kevin A.

So, Finn and Steffy are back next week, and they're going to reveal the gender of their much-touted baby. But I have a feeling Sinn will soon be embroiled in the saga of Vinny's death -- particularly because it was also Finn's future that Vinny messed with. I suspect that Mr. Liberty Bibberty had a hand in Vinny's dubious demise! Am I right? We'll soon see, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. Plus, protecting yourselves and others from a virus and getting vaccinated for it is always beautiful.

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