The Logan sisters got the cure for ED and loneliness

For the Week of October 25, 2021
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Houston, we have liftoff! One taste of Donna blasted Eric's libido into outer space. Thanks to Katie, Carter will soon be asking, "Quinn who?" Don't feel sorry for Quinn because a spot on Bill's pity-sex card might open up soon. Sheila and Deacon just faked the romance I never knew I needed. All you loners out there, take it from Sheila: stop whining and start making your own destiny. Let's scoop on some soapy tips on how to avoid the lonely void.

Think being lonely is scary? The real horror is all the lonely people in L.A.! For Halloween, B&B dragged out the dusty, creepy, cobwebby lonely folks and their haunting memories of past relationships. Well, it's not all bad; for one lonely pair, the memories were as sweet as honey.

For the most part, viewers were in tiny violin hell as characters whined about being lonely. First up was Bill, who did his seasonal performance of "I can't live without my Katie," complete with a reprise of "Brooke, can you help me despite being part of the problem?" Ridge really enjoyed it. It might have been the first time he didn't try to throw Bill out. The groveling was just that good.

Next up, Carter and Katie waged the battle of the lonely. It was hard to discern who won the most pathetic. It was pretty low rent of Carter to say he'd hooked up with Quinn just to get "a turn." A turn? With another man's wife? It's not a merry-go-round, Carter. Katie eked out the victory when she revealed that she is still -- even after receiving the red string of revenge -- jealous of Brooke.

Katie also wins most pathetic for buying Brooke's lunch while envying Brooke to high hell because men love her, and then turning around and eating yet another lunch just to spend time with an emotionally pulverized man. Katie was all, "I'm still hungry, Carter." Yeah, and thirsty, too. At least she isn't pathetic enough to run back to Bill -- yet. She sees that well has run dry.

In the world of medical miracles, we learned that Donna is to ED what InPen is to diabetes. Who knew? Brooke, that's who. Brooke pushed Donna to reveal her feelings to Eric, and the results were finger-licking good. Quinn won't take it lying down, or will she? Whose bed will she fall into now that Carter figured out that he was never in love -- with her or any other woman in his life?

Brooke got her way with Eric and Donna by making Donna confess her love, but will a fake profession of love get Sheila and Deacon what they want from their kids? Probably not, but I'm thinking that in the long run, Deacon and Sheila will be very pleased with themselves for faking this romance. Let's get two scoops deep into it.

Looks like another love TKO

As good as it was to see Don Diamont after many weeks away, I think Bill had better let it go. It looks like another love TKO for him and Katie. Will isn't around to guilt his mother into a reunion, and the nose-crinkling Brooke is too busy bewitching a long-overdue reunion for Donna. Can Bill woo his reluctant ex without Justin, Will, or Brooke's help? I doubt it, and here's why:

We all saw this breakup coming the moment Katie pulled a Quinn and showed up on Carter's doorstep, unannounced, to berate him for "Brooking" himself into Eric's marriage the same way that Brooke "Brooked" herself into Katie's. Just because Katie and Eric told Brooke and Carter to do it didn't mean that Brooke and Carter should have obeyed and done it, right?

Katie was a little too defensive of Eric for my taste. She was likely that way because she was haunted by bad memories of when she'd been sick and insistent that Brooke and Bill be together the way that Eric had pushed Quinn and Carter. Don't get it twisted, though. Katie eventually saw Carter's view, but it didn't help her see Brooke's or Bill's. Unless Katie can come to terms with Bill and Brooke's affair and leave it in the past, there is no hope for a Batie reunion. What's weird is Katie's willingness to fake a relationship with Brooke.

Wow, who expected Katie to backbite Brooke after giggling with her and offering to make prank calls with her? Sadly, Katie is still jealous of Brooke, calling her the center of every man's universe. I wonder if Ridge got that memo when he chose Caroline Senior and Taylor over Brooke and jilted Brooke for none other than Katie herself. Maybe Katie ought to take her own advice to Carter and stop thinking that the grass is greener on Brooke's side of the fence.

I'm glad Katie is ready to move on, but she and Carter might not be the best for each other mentally. Katie longs for a man who loves only her, but she's already ordering second lunch just to be with a man who is still in love with another man's wife. I won't even mention the fact that she dumped two men who loved her completely, Thorne and Wyatt. Oops, I just did. Oh, well. Right now, I see Carter as just another pizza delivery guy until Katie reunites with Bill.

Carter isn't any prize, either. He falls in love like a bee pollinating a field of flowers and attracts women who are entangled with others. If he is headed for a romance with Katie, that makes his third in one year. He's fast becoming the town donkey on which every woman gets a ride.

I'm not thrilled that Katie and Carter connected the exact same way he and Quinn did, either, by her showing up on behalf of Eric the way Quinn showed up on behalf of Zoe. Speaking of Zoe, if Carter was so desperate to get "a turn," why couldn't he forgive Zoe and start a life with her? That wasn't a better option than becoming a married woman's human sex toy?

If she and Carter are serious about finding love, I have a few tips that they and other characters can use to make sure they aren't hooking up just because they're lonely:

One, stop with the flashbacks. Life happens outside of your head. That includes flashing back to what the new person in your life said five minutes ago. Live in the moment, not in the past.

Two, if you want something new, stop doing the same old things. Stop falling for every woman that lands on your doorstep. Stop falling for sexy, unavailable people. Stop believing that every person who sympathizes with you is the one for you.

Numbers three and four, I got from Zende. Take it slow. Don't trust any- and every-body around your mate, even if it is your cousin. How does Thomas wind up living with his cousin's girl before his cousin does, anyway? That's sketchy, man.

Number five, if they want a love like Brooke has for Ridge, then Carter and Katie should learn forgiveness. Brooke's not still holding it against Ridge that he left her for Katie or for Shauna or that he kissed Quinn or dumped her for Katie. I suggest Carter and Katie stop being unforgiving to people like Zoe and Bill and remember that they've done similar or worse things themselves.

What's "up" between Eric and Donna?

Donna thinks she's strange. As it turns out, Erics likes "some strange," and when it comes to lifting off, he's turned on by the familiar. He could have saved a lot of money on doctor's bills if he'd known sooner that Donna carries around an ED first-aid kit in her purse and also has some tucked in her desk drawer. She probably even has a honey bottle in a hallway nook with a sign that says, "Break glass for emergency erections."

Donna also kept some honey at the mansion, and if Quinn had listened instead of tossing it out, she might have solved Eric's ED awhile ago. Or is it that Donna has the magic fingers? Apparently, she does. Heck, I'm a heterosexual female, and she cured me of the ED I didn't even know I had. I vicariously felt Eric's temperature rising through the screen.

B&B just brought sexy back. Big ups go out to John McCook and Jennifer Gareis for their explosive chemistry on-screen that made a single drop of honey sexier than any wall sex of Quarter's. The actors brought that same longing energy to the last scene they had together when Donna straightened Eric's tie just before his trip out of town. How could he not know even then how much Donna loves him?

Props to the writers for remembering what makes this show number one for romance: it's when history collides with the present and causes -- to borrow a word from Zaris -- "life-changing" results. Eric and Donna's past love solves his present crisis (we hope). Not only that, but how ironic is it that Quinn's meddling in Brooke's marriage brought about this ED challenge, but it's Brooke's meddling in Quinn's marriage that brings about Donna's honey-licious cure?

It's all speculation, but the climaxing background music hinted that something was up between Donna and Eric. What do you think? Did Eric have a breakthrough? Is it time for Donna to break out the naughty kitty costumes again, or should Eric keep having dry, dull martinis with Quinn?

Holy deceitful duo! Is Sheacon on the horizon?

Sheila claimed she wouldn't touch Deacon, not even to slap him. But desperate times call for desperate PDA, public displays of affection. She laid a big kiss on Deacon, hoping Finn and Hope would buy a relationship between their mother and father. What's Sheila's endgame? I have no idea, but I know what I want it to be. I hope Deacon and Sheila hate each other right into bed and discover that they can't live without each other.

Cons need love, too, and to the conman's amazement, the murderous Sheila spun a detailed and weirdly believable story for Hope and Finn about how Sheila and Deacon fell in love. It all started when Deacon wrote to Sheila to apologize for her being blamed when he'd shot at Quinn. From there, it was all love letters and conjugal visits until his release.

Are you about to lose your lunch? Well, Finn and Hope might be, too. From the looks on their faces, I can't tell if they feel shock, disbelief, indigestion, or all of the above. Sean Kanan and Kimberlin Brown have made me into a believer. I'm ready to ride this Sheacon train straight off the tracks, whether they are two disgruntled con artists faking an attraction, or they stun themselves by finding real love in each other's scheming eyes.

If you can't get enough of Deacon -- Or Casey Kasprzyk -- check out Sean Kanan's Bold Live.

In other happenings around town:

The week wasn't all lonely hearts, double lunches, and fake romances. Paris and Zende finally consummated their relationship during a romantic evening at the guesthouse -- a perfectly vacant place that Paris could be living in right now instead of with Thomas. Speaking of Thomas, the jury is onto him. He picked up some of Paris' stinky clothes and smiled. Yep. Still cray-cray.

If you wonder why Finn and Hope are spending so much time together, it's because Liam and Steffy came up with a way to date each other without breaking their marriage vows. It's called Mommy-Daddy dates with Kelly. These "dates" conveniently throw Steffy and Liam into each other's orbit while Hope and Finn navigate their way through Deacon and Sheila's parent trap.

Wasn't it mortifying that the hired stud got fired from his sexual duties, had his heart broken, and then was told by the impotent husband that he'll find love someday? Honey Fingers Eric really knows how to be cruel when he wants to be, doesn't he? But he wasn't half as cruel as his wife, who had the nerve to use the fact that she was married as an excuse to leave Carter. Umm, glad you finally remembered, Quinn, but you've been married the whole time. Just saying...

Guess who finally showed back up to work? Pam Douglas! She wasn't serving lemon bars, but her honey-guzzling Charlie was right beside her. Donna should really put a warning label on those honey bottles. I bet Charlie will yank Pam into a closet for sexy time before the day ends.

In a look ahead: Brooke's meddling game reaches Quinn-like levels

Next week, Brooke makes her move and urges Eric to leave Quinn for Donna. Brooke is back to interfering in Quinn's marriage. Will Brooke get more than she bargained for when Quinn finds out, or will Brooke finally stamp out the dark presence in the mansion?

Donna makes a selfless sacrifice for Eric. Don't tell me. She breaks the glass and takes out the emergency honey bottle. Donna, it's a dangerous job, but somebody's gotta help Eric run some diagnostics. Just look at it as one sticky step for man, but one giant boink for mankind.

I'm eager to know what you think of the new developments popping up in Eric's life. If Donna really has turned him on, will he be able to turn himself off and stay faithful to Quinn? Will he even want to? Do Carter and Katie have any business getting into a romance so soon after Carter's heartbreaks with Zoe and Quinn? Is Katie fooling herself to think it's really over with Bill? If it is, who's next for him? Maybe Shauna or Quinn?

Until we scoop again, stay bold and beautiful, baby!

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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