March madness

For the Week of March 23, 2009
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March madness
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It's official! Chloe is Mrs. Lucas Horton. Yet, her newfound social status is certainly not going to last long. Kate is going to do everything that she can to un-Horton Chloe.

March isn't an easy month. Just ask Julius Caesar. But despite the hangover leprechaun who visited me the day after St. Pat's day (not from the beer, but from the massive amounts of Reubens and potato soup I ate the day before), I had a pretty good week. I don't mean to brag, but I managed to go a whole week without blurting out my deepest, darkest secret in a room where the one person I wanted to keep it from could walk in and hear me. And, I saw a lot of things on Days that I liked, loved, and even loved to hate! Here's what happened in Salem:

It's official! Chloe is Mrs. Lucas Horton. Who would have thought that the grungy orphan side-dish to the "last blast" bunch would one day turn out to be a Horton? It's actually kind of cool. Kudos to Chloe for integrating herself into the Salem web without any prestigious pedigree of her own. Such a task is something that the writers rarely let happen. Yet, her newfound social status is certainly not going to last long. One look at Kate's face when she watched Luloe's wedding DVD will tell you that Kate is going to do everything she can to un-Horton Chloe.

First the things that I like... I like that the writers aren't having Chloe be mopey around Lucas all the time. I'm not saying that she didn't have her moments of reservations, but the basis of this storyline is that Chloe is in two very different types of love with two very different types of men. (Note: Even though the writers have done absolutely nothing to convince me that Chloe has anything but lust for Daniel, I'm going with the theory that Chloe is in love with Lucas and Daniel so that I can preserve my sanity for the remainder of this storyline.) And, is it just me or are Nadia and Bryan becoming more comfortable with each other as on-screen partners? They have an ease together that is coming through in their performances, well, at least for me. Nice job, you two!

And I LOVE that the real Kate is back. Yes, I know that she's no saint and she has no business judging other people. Yes, I know that she should let Lucas deal with his own mess. But what the heck fun would that be? I'm okay with her actions because I understand where Kate is coming from. If I witnessed someone cheating on my son, I certainly wouldn't take the time to consider all of my past misdeeds and ponder whether or not I'm morally qualified to stick up for my son. Of course, my move would be to march right up to Chloe and Daniel in the park and give them 24 hours to tell Lucas or I'd do it myself. But, I repeat, what fun would that be?

The only thing that I don't like is that it seems like Kate is planning on killing Chloe. The writers swapped the traditional wedding vow ending of "...all the days of our lives" for "...'til death do us part" just so Kate could repeat the ominous last statement as if she had just found a loop hole in the alternative fuels project contract. (Which reminds me, does Kate even know what Melanie is doing to Kate's other son?) But killing Chloe seems a bit too old-fashioned for a Kate scam. Kate tried that multiple times with Sami and it didn't work. I would have thought that Kate would have graduated to a much longer, albeit more complicated, form of torture. She doesn't just want the marriage to end; she wants Chloe and Daniel to suffer. But, I have a sneaking suspicion that something will keep Kate from killing Chloe. Remember, Kate would never hurt one of her kids....or grandkids....

No one likes a sore winner, and that's pretty much where I'm getting with Nicole. I could do without Nicole flaunting Sydney in Sami's face like Syd is the newest Gucci bag from the spring collection. Maybe if the writers would have Nicole take the stance that she saved EJ's baby from living in an orphanage; or even that Nicole was totally grief-stricken from her own miscarriage when she stole Sami's baby, I could get behind Nicole. But that's not the case. Nicole is acting like she's entitled to a baby because of all the hard work she went through and everyone else better respect that, damn it!

I guess Tony didn't get the memo. When Mia spilled the beans about Nicole losing her baby and adoption Mia's, Tony sprung into action. I wonder why he didn't go to EJ with the information rather than confront Nicole. They could even have gone to Lexie and had her do some testing since Sydney does have a hospital file already. But no, Tony ran straight to Nicole and threatened her. While I love seeing Thaao Phenglis get to dip into his sinister torture voice and I LOVED that at least one DiMera man finally saw through Nicole's BS, I don't see what he can gain from messing with Nicole. But, Tony's always had a bit of a hard time when it comes to his ego, so perhaps he just could wait to get the tormenting started.

I was hard on her in the previous section, but I'm going to stick up for Nicole here. EJ is a Double-Standard Super Jerk-Face. Actually, it's even worse because Nicole didn't use EJ to get Brady's attention and then when that failed, settled for EJ instead. Nope, that's what EJ did to Nicole with Sami. First of all, EJ has no business telling Nicole who she can be friends with. Second, he looked like an absolute fool for stomping his feet over Brady being at Sydney's christening when he invited Sami. Oh, oh, and EJ didn't just invited Sami to the christening. He plopped Sydney right into Sami's lap and told her how "right" it looked that Sami was holding Sydney. Which brings me to my third point, EJ needs to stop using the "Johnny's mother" card and just admit that HE is the one who wants Sami around, just like Nicole comes right out and says that she wants her friend, Brady, around.

I am really enjoying this storyline. It has so many levels and the writers are doing an excellent job of involving a lot of different characters. You have your pick of pairs to enjoy in this one and I can't decide who my favorite is! (That's a lie. My favorite is totally Victor and Stefano, and any scene they might share.)

All it took is a little corporate espionage to bring these two crazy kids back together. Yeah! I'm still holding out hope for this pair. But, there are a few teeny little things that Steph needs to get straight before I go all out and fully support this couple again. First, Steph needs to decide if she likes Melanie or not. Steph broke up with Philip for how he treated Melanie but then she turns around and tells Philip that he shouldn't be taking Melanie's calls. Make up your mind, chick! Second, Stephanie needs to pull way back on the Victor bashing. The only thing it is going to accomplish is to eventually put Philip in the position to choose between his on-again/off-again girlfriend or his father who's supported him his whole life. Any guesses on who will win that one? Steph isn't really suited to be Philip's voice of reason. Actually, I'd prefer her as his boardroom/bedroom sidekick who takes Philip up on his work hard, play hard philosophy. But I'll settle for her to back off Victor.

Unlike with Steph and Philip, I'm enjoying watching Max rake Melanie over the coals every time she does something stupid like flood her car, leave her purse unattended on the bar, or steal the only remaining copy of the formula and give it to Tony DiMera with no guarantee in writing that the project will be complete. Molly and Darin have great sibling chemistry and it works beautifully in this storyline. Max has a long way to go with Melanie, but he did manage to crack the surface of his sister's hard immoral-candy coating. I was shocked when Melanie gave half of the money to Max. For a schemer who never takes her eye off a dollar sign, that move was down-right groundbreaking.

Quick- someone take a picture for the Kiriakis Christmas card! Three generations of gorgeous Greeks in the same room at the same time!! EEEEE!! Ok, back on track. Brady was right to get Bo in on the case. It's not like the Salem PD will be able to catch a cyber criminal (heck, they can't catch a flesh-and-blood criminal unless Bo accidentally shoots him), but I do like that Bo is involved since he is a Kiriakis and we all remember what happened the last time Bo had to help Philip out of a jam. I also liked that Victor brought up that Brady is a DiMera too.....hmmmm.....interesting foreshadowing? And, I even like that Philip is so conflicted over Brady. I'm not a big fan of watching Brady and Philip fight, but I understand where Philip is coming from. Philip never seems to catch the breaks that Brady does and eventually that's going to wear on you.

The truth of the matter is that Philip is right. Brady is the weakest link. Brady's shown no qualms about telling Nicole everything that's going on over at Titan. And, Nicole will run and tell EJ everything (and then some) that Brady said. I wish Brady would realize this, and soon! Nicole played Brady for a fool once before. The only thing that's different this time is that Nicole isn't doing it intentionally. But, I doubt that is going to make Brady seem much smarter in the end. Brady's plan to make Tony an offer is a good one. But, I worry that a certain blond might get in Brady's way.

In case you missed it, EJ and Stefano took a huge bribe/buyout from an oil company to squash the alternative fuels project. That explanation actually works for me. It seems appropriate that the DiMeras would have a hand in raising my gas prices! Teaching Melanie a lesson and ticking off Philip was just a side bonus. I'd still like to know why EJ wiped the entire Titan database, but perhaps he just really wants to make a point: Don't mess with EJ otherwise he will send cyber worms to come eat all of your homework. I'm just glad EJ reeled in those worms before they could take over the planet and we all had to rush to find Will Smith and/or Dr. Egon Spengler to save us.

The writers have an exceptional opportunity with Rafe. We like him, we really do. Galen is a total stud- both acting and looks wise- and he's lucky enough to be paired with the fan-favorite, chemistry-oozing, Alison Sweeney. We want to root for Rafe and love that there's a soft side to this tough guy. However, I sincerely hope that the writers have learned something from Dr. Charlotte Taylor and realize that having a new character take a hard left turn into Psycho Stalkerville is not something that we like. I'm just putting that out there.

Rafe's eye opening talk with Sister "Ida the cat lady from Desperate Housewives" Agnes brought forth several things. Rafe lived at the orphanage at one time. The most logical explanation is that he was sent there as a bratty, troubled teen and the sisters had to smacked some sense into him. But I fear that the sisters may have been privy to a later time in his life when Agent Hernadez gave up everything for a woman, only to have it blow up in his face. I'm assuming that Rafe didn't do anything criminal, since that surely would have hurt his chances of becoming and FBI agent. But, it's clear that some chick burned our beloved Rafe before- and it was bad.

What ever it was, it wasn't enough for him to swear off the girls forever. He's got a major crush on Sami and Grace, and he's not going to let the DiMeras take either one away from him. I'm not making a case for Sami, but baby Grace is such a cute little pork chop that I don't blame Rafe for falling for her. He sure does like using the term "we" when talking about Sami, huh? You'd almost think he and Sami talked about their kiss. But alas, it seems like Sami and Rafe are more open with other people about their feelings for each other than they are with each other. What's up with that?

I felt bad for Bo this week. He did exactly what Hope wanted and told her about his visions. Yet, she seemed pretty insensitive to them. Considering that she left Bo because he didn't tell her about her visions, she of ALL people should treat these visions with a tiny bit of respect. And, it's not like Bo is going all "EJ DiMera" on Hope and telling her who she can socialize with. He's being quite nice to her about the whole thing. In return, Hope should be a bit more conscious of his feelings and not walk arm-in-arm with men that she just invited out for coffee. I'm just saying.

But we may see where the visions are going soon. Still in bed with the mysterious black-watch man, Hope (care of Bo's new "talkie" visions) took off her wedding ring and proclaimed that she gave a great performance to Bo and faked the whole confession of love. DUN-dun-dunnnnn! I'm really leaning towards Hope being Princess Gina. I can't fathom a situation where Hope would intentionally cheat on Bo and then brag about duping him. Nope. My precious Fancy Face wouldn't do it.

I'm just going to say it. I do not like Will. Someone needs to teach him that he's not going to get anywhere in life by being a nosy busy-body, who's only mission is to suck the air out of every room he enters.

In all fairness, my real problem is with Sami and Lucas. Look, I get that Sami and Lucas did some crappy things to the kid when he was younger and they're probably dealing with some well-deserved guilt. However, they are completely forgetting that he is still a CHILD and still needs to be parented! The way he smarted off to Sami when she went to make a phone call and the way he refused to attend his father's wedding (because he just didn't feel like it) was unacceptable. Before you start in on the "Sami and Lucas don't deserve to be parents" consider one thing: If Sami and Lucas don't step up and start parenting Will, the only one who is going to suffer is Will himself. He will be left to wallow in his own emo pool of self despair for the rest of his miserable life.

Ok, I've made myself a snack and now I'm ready to be nice. Thank goodness the writers kept Mia around for Will. The actors work very well together and the characters are very believable in scenes with each other. I'm absolutely positive that I do not want them immediately romantically involved, especially since little Miss Mia OBVIOUSLY moved too fast with her last beau. But an alliance/friendship would do both of them some good. Will needs to learn what real soap-opera teen problems are ('cause having your parents fight over you ain't it), and Mia needs to learn that not all people are as sneaky as Nicole and Dr. Baker. Plus, I could do with about a zillion more scenes where Caroline gives Will advice. Her "Get her a soda (nudge, nudge)" was so cute in a way that only a grandma can pull off.

Stefano has a new butler named Alfred! I hope Alfred finally lets Rolf out of the basement.

My hat' s off to Mary, who can look after a child with autism and a toddler with an ear infection, all while keeping the DiMera mansion spotless.

While in Switzerland, Will changed his last name to Horton. Did he get in a fight with Kate too?

Mia mentioned that she's has a cousin in Salem and an aunt in Japan. I'm pretty sure that was a cover up, but the fact that the writers keep toying with her family makes me believe that she's definitely going to be connected to Salem somehow. My guess is that Mia and Nicole have the same father. Paul Mendez was a mean, bad dude and fits the bill of Mia's absent/dead-beat dad. Plus, that would explain why Mia reminded Nicole of herself.

Sami and Lexie both saw and talked to Mia at the church. I'm sure that will come back to be important later. Maybe when Will introduces Sami to his new BFF...or when Mia gets sick and Will takes her to see Lexie... Any thoughts?

Extra Scoops:

I realize that there are mansions involved, but isn't it about time EJ and Philip move out of their fathers' houses?

Movie reference time!! Kate's buddy on the plane was none other than Edie McClurg, who stared in TV's "The Hogan Family" with Josh Taylor. BUT if you are a movie junkie like me, you'll also recognize her as the clerk at the car rental place, and thus Steve Martin's on-screen partner in one of the funniest scenes ever, in "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles".

I think it's cute that Stefano had a family christening gown, but who would have worn that? Tony? Zach? One of Stefano's six invisible brothers?

How cool would it be if Rafe turned out to be one of Philip's Marine buddies? I could buy a Marine turned FBI agent. Plus, I think it's absolutely criminal that the show doesn't draw more of Philip's character from the fact that he's done two tours overseas during war time. A visit from an old military buddy might just do the trick.

Sydney's baptism. Every great Italian mafia family, from the Corleones to the Sopranos, has this ironic devotion to formal Catholic traditions. But I enjoyed this one more than most. It started with Stefano making Sydney cry by shoving a camera in her face (how cute was she?!?). In the middle Tony FINALLY found out that Nicole had miscarried her own baby and talked Mia into giving up hers. My favorite part was when Tony thought they should call the police to let them know that Mia is hanging around the mansion. You know, since according to Nicole, Mia has turrets and is bipolar! (bwaaahahaha...I can't even type that without laughing). And, it ended with Lexie telling Stefano that she was glad to see that he didn't get struck by a bolt of lightening for standing in the church and EJ likening Stefano renouncing Satan to Keith Richards preaching about moderations. Ha! Well played, Lexie and EJ!

One. Green. Beer. One effin' green beer at The Cheatin' Heart. That's the only St. Patrick's Day celebration that we get. HELLO, WRITERS! You knew enough about the Brady family roots to have us spend the entire summer of '07 and the winter of '08 in Ireland, but you can't think to have Max and Caroline throw a party at the Brady Pub to celebrate the great Shawn Sr.?!?! It's one day. And, it's the Bradys! Heck, I'd even take Maggie giving one of her "Go Green" references because this time is would actually be meaningful and funny!

Kate (about Chloe): Oh yes, she considers herself a great opera star, when in truth, she lives her life like a sheep in heat. It was a crazy mean thing to say, but I loved how Lauren Koslow delivered the line as if Kate just came up with that description right off the top of her head.

And with that, I will leave you all in the capable hands of my dear partner Tony to lead you though the final week of sweeps. How will Nicole deal with this mess? Any guesses on what Mia's last name is? And, what kind of wonder travel steamer does Chloe carry with her? There wasn't a wrinkle anywhere on that wedding dress!! Finally, be sure to gather all your friends together and cast your votes for the all soaps Dankies.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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