March of the April fools

by Tony
For the Week of April 1, 2013
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DAYS Two Scoops: March of the April fools
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March ended with a lion's roar on DAYS! There were slaps, bruises, deals with the devil, (proverbial) ghosts, and jaw-dropping surprises. As a result some Salem residents are looking like April fools... and possibly May, June, and beyond. Find out who came out on top and who deserves the dunce's cap in this week's Two Scoops!

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And just like that, another month ends and a new one begins. However, the start of April looks like it could spell the end of several schemes in Salem, thanks to surprise twists and returns last week. We have a lot to cover, so grab your leftover Easter goodies and let's discuss Salem's latest fools and foolish schemes.

Rafe and Kate are growing on me a little. I'm not ready to "like" them on Facebook yet, but they look like they're having fun, so why not. They don't offend me...much. The biggest red flag I see right now is the entire "Kate had Stockholm Syndrome when she was married to Stefano" thingy.

Sure, Stefano and Kate's love bloomed out of blackmail, but I watched State. They genuinely grew to care for each other. Hence, you're on notice, dear writers. Don't think I won't throw an Alex North Memorial Awards-sized hissy fit if you trash State just to prop St. Rafe. I mean, really, has ruining a well-liked character for the sake of propping Rafe ever really worked with viewers in the past? Methinks no. So move on, scribes.

Conversely, sans when Rafe speaks to Sami, I think Rafe is more likable right now. Slightly, of course. Granted, he's not "Rafe and Carrie likeable," but he's not "Safe loathable," either, so that's, uh, something. I like the idea that he knows he's doing something somewhat questionable. It's humbling him a bit. Although it is ironic that he was so quick to point out all of Sami's faults, but he's sleeping with Kate. Because, you know Kate has never been a bad girl. Then again, maybe Rafe realizes he'll never be able to push Kate around like he did with Sami, and he's just accepting her for who she is. Well, I can pretend he is, anyway.

Sonny knows about Rafe and Kate. Dude found out the hard way. Sorry, Sonny-K, but you can't un-see what you did. If un-seeing things were possible, I wouldn't still be having E.J. and Taylor scarf night terrors, but I digress.

Sonny isn't sure what to do with the info yet, but he's not ready to spill the beans to the masses yet. Still, I believe he should tell Will, since they're on this "no secrets" kick. For starters, your boyfriend telling you he shot somebody trumps pretty much everything. If they can survive that, they're golden.

With Will's family, hearing his glammed-out granny is sleeping with his former stepdad would be simple coffee talk, and Lord knows they drink enough coffee. However, I want to be present when Lucas finds out. Something tells me his reaction to Rafe possibly becoming his stepfather would be priceless.

Dr. Dan also knows about Rafe and Kate. At first, he kind of gave Rafe a judgmental scoff and walked away. You know, because Dr. Dan has never slept with Kate, or anyone inappropriate for that matter. Right. So, calm down, Dr. Judgy Pants. Eventually, Dr. Dan gave Rafe a hesitant thumbs-up and a few warnings. A prescription for whatever Dr. STDan gave Kate would have been a nice gesture, too.

And of course, Stefano might suspect Kate and Rafe are bumping uglies as well. He knows she has "officially" moved on. His Spidey Senses tell him she's seeing someone. Considering that Rafe and Kate are as subtle as teenagers passing notes in class, I think the Phoenix has caught on. This may spice things up, as long as it doesn't reduce Stefano to a chump. If that happens, I'll be mad.

I miss the days when henchmen were loyal. Neither Dr. Ralf nor Bart nor Marco would have betrayed Stefano, but this Sy guy seems to think he can extort more money from Kristen. I'll give the guy credit for his tenacity. I just hope Kristen gives him a free trip to the secret room.

Sadly, Ms. Thang is making a big mistake for underestimating the scumminess of a scumbag like Sy. She denied him, so he called Mar Mar, which was sort of clever but could spell the beginning of the end for Kristen's scheme -- and for Kristen and Brady. It's not that this storyline doesn't need movement right now, but not knowing what's next for Kristen once her schemes are exposed is making me tense. I don't want her to go anywhere, be it jail, out of town, or to Dr. Danville since she hasn't been there yet, and every lady seems to get a complimentary trip there.

But there is a possible reprieve for Kristen. That is Stefano is home now, and would he really let his deviously delusional daughter's plans blow up? Come on, Steffi, don't disappoint. Limoncello on me if you squash Sy like a bug.

Well, what can I say? Brady went a few more rounds with John and Marlena, and John and Marlena went a few more rounds with each other. I've seen some conversations like these before. I just can't seem to remember when. Lemme think. Lemme think. Oh, right! I saw them two weeks ago, and probably the week before that.

Methinks it's time for something to happen. We know where everyone stands. At this point, this group needs to band together, because I won't accept them Forest Gumping their way into taking Kristen down. And since Marlena is enlisting God's help, as per Eric's suggestion, I definitely need movement. Stale water, even in the most interesting sea, is still stale.

I'll be honest. I don't mind what's going on between Nicole and Vargas. In fact, I think it's good for Nicole's confidence to help someone who's more messed up than she is. The fact that said more messed up person is handsome doesn't hurt, either, nor does their chemistry. I'd say this could be an interesting love triangle between her, Eric, and Vargas, but until God is out of the picture, it's more like a love quad, which is still interesting. Wow! Look at me liking this storyline.

I'm so nervous! Oh, no. Not about what Vargas will do to Nick. I'll drive the getaway car if the V-Man wants to run that bigot out of town. I'm more worried about what will happen to Vargas once he does what he's planning to do to Nick. And judging from the look on Nick's face when he saw Vargas and Vargas' wrench, things could get ugly. Let's just remember, dear writers, anyone can be redeemed, even more than once. So keep Vargas around. After all, you made me give up DiMera Henchman Marco, Andrew van Hottie, and Crazy Owen Kent, so let me have just this one bad hunk, okay?

Okay, I should probably feel bad for Nick. After all, he had a hard-knock life in prison, everyone. And he was addicted to pills before that, you know, when he killed Trent, framed Caroline, and then tried to convince Melanie she killed her sorta-father and then kidnapped her because he was obsessed. He spent, um, four long years in prison for those crimes. So, yeah, I should feel bad that he was roughed up in the pen and such.

But let's focus on "should" for a second, because whereas I know I should, here's a spoiler alert: I don't. Sorry if that offends, but I have a hard time coughing up sympathy for a bigot who's obviously not learned his lesson. Sure, he hasn't killed or framed anyone -- I feel that I need to insert a yet here -- so, yet, but he's still shadier than a spray-tanned, Axe body spray-smelling douche from the Jersey Shore, and that's pretty shady. So, sorry, Nick, I'm still on Team Whoever Can Bring You Down First.

As for Gabi, well, Nick's right. She does have pretty hair. There's that. It's just too bad there isn't a brain underneath that beautiful do.

On the topic of nice hair and no brains, Chloe has a new scheme. I said last week I'd like her to go completely bonkers. I guess I got my wish. I'm so lucky. Ugh. My Chloe goes crazy dream came true in a week, but I've still never won the lotto or woken up on Christmas morning with James Scott stuffed into a stocking. I guess some dreams aren't meant to come true, but I digress.

I could easily start and finish this entire section with the symbolism of Chloe breaking Parker's toy train. She caused a train wreck, not unlike this storyline. But in the spirit of Easter, I'll begin with something positive. Sorry, I'll begin once I stop laughing at this storyline.

Okay. I can say that Nadia Bjorlin is doing a great job with the material. I dig the way she's handling diabolical and delusional. I was also impressed with the speed with which Chloe pulled things together. Who knew a part-time music teacher had the funds to send her momma and baby boy to Brazil on a whim. And we're done with the nice portion of this section.

For starters, this plan is so flawed. It's worse than the time I thought swinging down the stairs on crutches after I had broken my ankle was a good idea. I ended up with a matching broken arm. I was also sixteen the time, well, technically seventeen as I broke my arm around midnight which made it my birthday. Anyway! Chloe is a moron making teenaged bad decisions. Here's why...

Ultimately, this plan could easily be blown out of the water. Sure, sure. Chloe has the birth certificate with the blank daddy spot. Okay, there's that. But Dr. Dan has DNA results and a little something I like to call Victor Kiriakis. With one call to his godfather, Little Parker could be swooped back to Salem in a hot second until that little matter is taken care of. So, make the call to Vic, Dr. Dan.

But first Jennifer needs to tell Dr. Dan what's what. Like, she needs to do this pronto. I think I'd give up all hope for Jennifer if she doesn't come out with the truth right away. Crazy Chloe needs to be shut down, and Jennifer needs to never have another conversation that jeopardizes her already deteriorating IQ. If she simply explains the scenario, things could be swiftly fixed, and we can all be spared from this storyline going any further. And here's why I think this could happen quickly...

Chloe was dumb enough to tell Jennifer that Nancy and Parker are in Brazil. Then she told her they're in Rio de Janeiro. I'm surprised she didn't tell Jennifer which hotel they were staying at, but I don't think Nancy would be that hard to find anyway. She's a little flashy and would probably stick out like a sore thumb, given that it's not Carnival, of course. Let's explore some ways she could be tracked down.

Dr. Dan and Jennifer could call Caroline, and she'll back-hack the IP address to the hotel. Ms. Brady's crafty like that. And if Caroline is unavailable because she's babysitting, stirring clam chowder, or, well, let's face it, babysitting, Dr. Dan could call his buddy Rafe, who seems to have endless FBI connections. Or, again, they could call Victor, or Jennifer could call bestie Kristen, who in turn could ask Stefano for help. Oh, oh! Or Jen could call CIA pal Billie Reed because, trust me, she's not busy, I'm sure. See this could have a swift and merciful ending.

However, any which way it ends, Chloe and Nancy's likeability are gone. Chloe could potentially be salvaged if she completely breaks down and gets help, but Nancy is the, uh, sane one who's placating her daughter's insane fantasy to land her ex who has said he doesn't and will never love her again. She's basically holding her own grandson for ransom until Mama Chloe seals the deal. It's rather sad and pathetic. Then again, nothing is more romantic than being blackmailed into reuniting with a crazed ex in fear of never seeing your son again. So, maybe Chloe's onto something. Or not.

Aw, EJami! Who would have thought you'd ever be one of the most stable couples in Salem? I like it. I like it a lot.

Hey, Hope! Nice to see you. Where's Bo?

Okay, this hurts me to say, but with all the time we see Maggie waving the "Nick & Gabi Are #1" foam finger, we better see her eat the entire plate of crow she'll be served once she finds out that Nick is actually a dick. Sorry to be vulgar, but that just rhymed too well not to go with it. Anyway, Big Red better have some apology cards ready for Will and Sami.

I love that Victor is doing what he has to do to ensure he'll be able to be there for Brady. And I can't wait to hear his not-so-subtle "I told you so." Something tells me that should be legendary.

Almost. Almost. Almost. Nope. I don't really care about Abigail and Cameron right now. Nor did I believe that Abigail was ready to hand over her V Card to Cameron. Sure, he's shady, but I haven't picked up that she's all that into him. She just seems bored, and he's there. Sort of like me and plain yogurt. I'll eat it if it's the only one in the fridge and I'm too lazy to go to the store, but if another flavor is available, sorry plain Cameron yogurt, but you're not going to be in my belly.

Extra Scoops

HOT (Part One)
Oh, oh! I saw Justin and Adrienne last week! I did. I did! I saw them. Maybe if they receive a "HOT" every time they're on-screen, someone may finally get the memo that we love seeing them. And by "someone," I mean the writers, thankyouverymuch.

HOT (Part Two)
Yes, yes, and yes! I'm glad Will wants to enlist Stefano's help to bring down Nick. Sure, it puts Will in a little bit of a gray place, but I don't mind. It will do wonders for his whiney streak. Heck, he already seems more confident. Plus, Sami seems to know how to handle Stefano, err, she thinks she does anyway. Regardless, Will was more likeable last week, and we're on our way to Nick's potential downfall. I'll count that as a small victory and move on.

Bad Nancy. Bad, bad Nancy. I'm very disappointed in her going along with Chloe's plan to keep Parker away from Dr. Dad. She managed to make some of Kate's wrongdoings seem like simply munching on a few grapes while shopping before you pay for the entire pod. More so, she's just as wrong as Chloe -- neither of them is doing the right thing for their child. As Jennifer would say, "It's disgusting."

Dr. Dan (to Rafe): "A happy Kate makes the world a much safer place."

Honorable Mentions
Sonny (to Kate): "Gabi's room. Really!? What's that all about?"
Chloe (to Nicole): "You're a loser, but I'm not."

I'm thinking about starting a new section in "Extra Scoops" entitled "Things I'd Rather Watch Than Chloe Scheming." This week's entry would be T, Sonny, and Will playing basketball.

Ka-ching! I have a new get-rich scheme. I'm going to market a Sami Brady piñata and sell them at Salem Place, Horton Town Square, and the Pub. Everyone is beating her up, anyway, so they might as well get candy out of the deal.

Harold thought he might have seen a red fox in the garden!? He may want to get that checked out.

Did KATE ROBERTS (yes, that's me yelling) actually say, "The one thing I can't handle is deception?" Just checking, because that's like Ronald McDonald saying the one thing I can't handle is creepy clowns.

E.J. is usually a business/business casual type bloke, but fella got game in blue jeans and a sweater. Hey, hey hotness. Just saying.

Speaking of hotness, Sami looked all shades of gorgeous in her black and white outfit last week. Another A+, Sami Gene. Keep going, and you'll officially redeem yourself from that nasty Alex North Award!

Uh, yeah. Why was Dr. Dan at the DiMera Mansion again? I would have traded a Chad scene for that one.

Is it sad that I like Cameron's apartment more than him?

Wait! Doesn't everyone keep a wad of cash and a gun under their bed?

Holy suggestiveness, Batman! From blooming roses to pencils being sharpened, DAYS was like Innuendopalooza last week.

Kate Mansi is unbelievably talented and deserves a much better storyline right now.

I mean, if the writers aren't going to use Chad, he can come hang out at my house. Just a suggestion.

I'd like to see another Sami/Sonny scene. Something tells me that could be fun.

I'm still a little confused as to when John and Mar got re-re-re-remarried.

Just in case the writers missed my subtle hint in the "HOT" section, does anyone want to join me in the chant of "Justin! Adrienne! Justin! Adrienne!..."?

Oh, girl, this hurts, but Kristen's outfit last week was a little, um, well, it looked like what would happen if Captain Jack Sparrow's wardrobe and most of Dynasty's fashion had a baby.

Yes! "Days of our lives" was worked into another toast. I'm a sucker for those moments.

Doesn't anyone take a stroll on the pier anymore? I miss that place. I had some good times there talking to myself aloud, plotting, and then making excuses to my loved ones that what they heard isn't exactly what they thought they heard.

Why I love Kristen Example 5,646: Even when Kristen is backed into a corner, she keeps her sarcastic streak intact. I'll give you an example. Kristen to Sy: "That's a sad story. You know, let me pay you what I owe you for the job you did, okay? Oh, wait! I already did that. Now get the hell out."

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the first week of April! If you haven't already, be sure to check out Part One and Part Two of Laurisa and my 10 Soap Clichés We'd Love to See Retired blog. In the meantime, we're keeping busy with Two Scoops and preparing an extra special blog for April, so stay tuned! And, "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading!

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving and all out randomness

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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