Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining

by Tony
For the Week of April 15, 2013
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DAYS Two Scoops: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining
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It's all over for the Chlomeister! Dr. Dan called out his ex on her all her lies, but that doesn't mean that she's given up quite yet. Meanwhile, Kristen hustled to keep her schemes afloat, Kate told a few white lies in an attempt to stop Gabi, and Will, Sonny, Sami, and E.J. met up to figure out how to squash Nick like a bug. Will, April showers lead to May flowers? The answer blooms in this week's Two Scoops.

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I thought at first it was going to be a slow, aggravating week in Salem. I thought I'd actually have to go to town and slap some people around. As it turns out, I was wrong.

Last week turned out to be pretty dang entertaining! Heck, it even ended with a music montage on Friday. I'm a sucker for them, so score one for the Scooper. Liars tried to lie and were called to the mat; there was screaming, laughter, a visit from an old friend; and even Caroline Brady at a strip club. Yep, last week was an eventful Pre-Sweeps week, so let's jump right in and discuss!

Okay, this storyline isn't the main draw on DAYS right now. I know that. But I had to cover it first. I'm not sure if it's purposely or unintentionally hysterical, but I found myself laughing at it either way.

Laughing point number one, Cam is a stripper on the side. Okay, sure. Why not? And let's be honest, there are worse things to look at than Nathan Owens half-naked.

Second, Casey Deidrick is the real main attraction here. He was hilarious! Like, I was laughing at Chad all week, and usually I just feel sorry for him because he doesn't have a real storyline to call his own.

Third, Casey and Kate Mansi together are great. They cracked me up over and over. Chad and Abigail's banter and whimsical adventures sort of remind me of a little, seldom-mentioned couple from the past called Jack and Jennifer. I could get behind more of these misadventures starring these two.

Finally, it was just nutty, and sometimes nutty is good. Caroline Brady was in a strip club with dollars in hand, a drunken Anne was dancing in her chair, and Abigail was accosted by a dancing frat boy. I mean, really, if DAYS is going to do something silly, at least they're letting their actors flex their comedic chops and have a good time. That's fine by me. More so, we'll fret about this storyline later if it's still going on. We have others that are more exasperating...

I don't get to say this very often, but I'm proud of Dr. Dan! He finally wised up to Chloe's wily ways and called her out on her lies. Yes, yes, and yes, and can we please move on now?

Okay, before we do, I'll elaborate on last week's awesomeness. Dr. Dan was suspicious. He had every right to be. He started to get things on his own, but also phoned a friend. That being Rafers. In turn, Rafe phoned in a favor from one of his extra-special, super-secretive contacts and confirmed Nancy was in Brazil with Parker. Smart thinking, guys! I take back all most of the times I've called you clueless.

Of course, Dr. Dan also got a call from Nicole. She warned him about Chloe. He took that warning and Rafe's confirmation and ran with it all the way to Chloe. And then they had it out. And it was epic.

Dr. Dan called her out on all of her lies until she finally fell apart. I guess I should feel bad for Chloe, but she had it coming. After all, and you can say what you will about the man, Dr. Dan was honest with Chloe since she returned -- he's wasn't interested in her romantically. She took that to mean he was and ran with it the entire way to crazy town.

The only thing I feel bad about is that the Chlomiester may end up leaving Salem, broken and defeated yet again. That is a complete slap to the face to Nadia and Chloe fans, but let's be honest, this entire storyline has been. Besides, there's always hope that Chloe can return down the road, happier, healthier, and less psychotic. Well, here's to hoping anyway.

More than anything, Shawn Christian and Nadia Bjorlin both did an amazing job with the material. It was a vicious, everything ugly out on the table fight between Dr. Dan and Chloe, and the actors worked it. Applause, applause all around for those two!

However, the biggest round of applause goes to this storyline finally wrapping up soon! It's not entirely over yet, but it will be soon enough. If you've read Two Scoops before, you've read my laundry lists of why this storyline has been sucking my soul, so I won't go through that again. In fact, I don't have the energy or Scotch on hand to wash away the painful memories afterwards if I did. What I will say is this: it's ending soon. I'm happy. Thank the soaps gods and let's break out some bubbly.

Jennifer crying over Dr. Dan is about as tired as "Harlem Shake" videos. With that said, I didn't mind her blubbering last week as much because we got a little surprise visit from Laura! It was fantastic to see Jaime Lyn Bauer again. She looked great! Hint, hint - - seeing her more often wouldn't be such a bad thing either, dear writers, but I digress.

It's bittersweet that Laura had to get mixed up in this mess. I feel sorry for any character...and viewer...and Scooper, who's had to endure Chloe's schemes. They certainly hurt my head, but again, I digress. Moms are always the best remedy to a bad time. Well, unless said mother encourages you to kidnap your son and use him as bait to snare an ex back. Then, not as much.

These two beauties have a long history of being ugly with each other. Last week was no exception. They said some pretty horrendous things to one another, but I think Chloe really, um, won the prize by using Nicole's miscarriages as a weapon. Ouch, Chloemeister. Simply ouch.

The thing is, when this storyline started out -- what, nine or ten years ago? Oh, sorry, that's just how long it's felt like -- right! I'll get back on track. So, when this storyline started out, I felt Nicole was being a hypocrite by watchdogging Chloe. Yet, as it went on, I felt like Nicole has actually changed, thanks to Eric and her own hard work. I like this new Nicole who's more confident. You know, sort of like the old one, just less scheming and a little less drinking.

That being said, I can certainly see why some people think Nicole's the matching black pot to Chloe's kettle, but I don't think she is anymore. Nicole's learning her lessons. Chloe's still figuring which way to hold the book. I think once Chloe wises up, she may realize Nicole was right and even rekindle their friendship. That's something positive to look forward to, right? Then again, I think Chloe is going to wise up. I may be setting myself up for a fall there.

So, Vargas and Nicole went on a little dinner and drinking excursion to celebrate his first paycheck in ten years. Sure, sure. It was more of an excuse for Vargas to run into Nick, but I didn't mind. I like him and Nicole spending time together. And, well, he bought her cake. That was sweet. I like Eric, but booze and cake sound better than holy wine and communion wafers. Just saying.

Truth be told, if you've seen one Nick and Gabi scene, you've pretty much seen them all. She whimpers about something. He asks who's upset her. She cries on his shoulder. He promises her he's the only one who truly cares while looking scornfully over her shoulder at a perceived enemy. I gag a little. And so on and so forth.

The only thing that really makes their scenes amusing is waiting for them to out-ridiculous themselves with stupid statements. This week's winner was Gabi. She cried about how yet another person she trusted has let her down. Um, yeah. I'd always thought of her and Kate as besties, too. Then again, if Kate was really her friend, Gabi probably would have had her kidnapped by now. So, yep, I get it. I hate when trust is broken amongst friends. Poor Gabs.

Holy gratefulness, Batman! Will was actually nice to Sami for a hot second. It made me a little uncomfortable. I'm not used to that lately, but I liked it!

I also liked, maybe even loved, that Sonny is aligning himself with E.J. It finally proves that he does have a little Victor in him. Okay, sure, he had some reservations at first, but E.J. oozed so much charisma that he probably would have turned Mary Poppins to the dark side. Hence Sonny green-lighted squashing Nick like a bug. Yes. Please!

So, Sonny's in. E.J.'s in. Will and Sami are in. I'm in. Now we just need a plan and, perhaps, a Stefano.

Sadly, I think it's going to be a few more weeks until things get juicier. Whereas I'm not Celeste, I predict this plotting Nick's squashing process will happen around, say, May Sweeps. Hold up! Wait. I said I'm not Celeste. Does that mean my prediction will come true? I'm not sure how that works. What I do know are two things. One, this storyline is on its way to a Sweepsy boiling point. And two, Celeste is a terrible psychic.

Kate. Kate. Kate. Seriously, Kate? Always get your victims to a second location. She knows that Nick is a Gabi-obsessed creeper who barely lets her out of his sight, so I'm not sure why she didn't lure Gabi somewhere else to sign those papers. Kate could have taken her to Unicorn Highway or one of Salem's other gay bars because there's no way Nick would want to be where 'dem horrible homos are. Heck, they could have even used my place, but alas, she tried in the middle of the pub, and Nick busted them. Ugh.

Oh, no! There's trouble in paradise. Rafe's upset with Kate because she tried to protect her grandson/his former stepson without telling him what she was doing first. Silly Kate! The first rule of the Rafe Club is not talking about the Rafe Club. The second rule is Rafe is always right. Coincidentally, the third, fourth, and fifth rules are also Rafe is always right. Please ask Rafe if you have any more questions. He knows everything about, well, everything. Just ask him!

Okay, this storyline got a little Victor last week, which is never, ever a bad thing. Sadly, Victor got a lot of Maggie's righteousness and was convinced talking to Sy was a bad idea. Drats! I love Big Red, but lady's working my nerves lately. Anyway... Sy is scheming his way around town to collect some more money, but Brady worked his way through a mug shot book and spotted Sy amongst the sinners. Now Kristen is in panic mode. I'd worry more about her if Stefano wasn't home. The dude's came back from the dead thirteen times -- he can handle a freaking rogue mugger. However, I'm a bit worried about this storyline. With Sweeps around the corner, it lessens my concern a bit, but in general, I need to see something big happen. Near misses with Sy are new, but the fallbacks of Jarlena fights, Brady-bashing because he made a dumb decision, and more Jarlena fights are getting old.

I'm glad that Will is being nicer to Sami. With that said, I'm still trying to forgive him for working my last nerve with his whiny streak the past few months. If he goes and messes up EJami for me by planting suspicions into Sami's mind, I'm not sure if we'll be able to repair our strained relationship. You're on notice, Young William.

Speaking of EJami, I kind of cheered when they had their discussion about Stefano and his possible influence on E.J. Okay, the cheering came when Sami told him that she would get him and the kids out of the house if that happened. Aw, they really are in love this time. More, please!

I like that they're spending time together, but the writers need to give Lucas something better to do other dish out "I told you so's" to Jennifer. Methinks there's an entire epically large storyline involving, I don't know, his son being blackmailed by a bigot, that he could easily fit into. Granted, Lucas has every single right to despise Dr. Dan and even wave the Anti-Dannifer banner, but rubbing salt into Jennifer's wounds seems like a misuse of his time and kind of makes him look like an uncaring ass.

Extra Scoops

It's hard for me to imagine DAYS without Hope Brady. Even when she was plummeted into a vat of acid, I knew that wasn't the end. And it wasn't! Kristian Alfonso returned, and this April she's celebrating thirty years as Hope on DAYS.'s Dan J Kroll caught up with Kristian on last Friday's episode of Soap Central Live to discuss her iconic role. Click here to listen to the interview. Afterwards, be sure to Tweet Kristian with thanks and praises by clicking here.

My only complaint about Kristian is that she manages to look more beautiful each year, while time mercilessly marches across my face. Okay. That's not a complaint. That's jealousy! But seriously, Kristian is an amazing beauty inside and out, and a sincere class act. I absolutely adore her and always have. So, thank you, Kristian -- thank you for thirty years of Hope. And cheers to thirty more!

Okay, I support Rafe supporting Gabi. It's his brotherly duty and they can be sweet together. Yet that doesn't negate that I wanted to roll up a Salem Spectator and smack Rafe with it when he whined that Gabi has the right to spend every singly holiday -- ever! -- with her child. Um, first, Mama Hernandez has more medical issues than an entire season of Grey's Anatomy and isn't around, so, obviously a mother doesn't have to spend every holiday with her child. And second, what about Papa Hernandez? Sure, he's not around, either, but I'm not sure Rafe and Gabi really know how this father thingy works. Dads have every right to spend time -- gasp! Even holidays -- with their children, too. Dear Rafe, please shut up. You're not helping Gabi's case, or even your own.

Kristen: "Oh, come on, Sami. There're no secrets in this house. [laughs] I can't believe I actually tried to get away with that one. "

Abigail: "Have you seen Cameron?"
Chad: I've seen more of Cameron than I've ever wanted to!"

Loved, loved, loved the Ready for Love commercial with James Scott and Alison Sweeney!

I shouldn't scream, "Oh, my God, it's Abe!" every time he shows up. Methinks it's time to get this guy his own storyline.

There was a lovely bowl of fruit in Dr. Dan's apartment. I'm glad to see between being publicly humiliated and piecing together his ex's schemes, he had time to shop for healthy treats.

Salem has some pretty fancy strip clubs.

Nicole needed a "Hello, My Name Is: Totally Hot" nametag sticker last week.

Dr. Dan mentioned he was going to call Justin to help him ensure he's legally listed as Parker's father. Um, yes, please!

When did Nicole and Gabi become friends?

Why I love Kristen Example 5,647: Even when faced with one of her schemes blowing up in her face, she still takes the time to poke a sleeping dragon. Hysterically so, in fact! I loved her scenes with Sami and E.J. last week. More, please!

Being the DAYS-obsessed Two Scoopers we are, Laurisa and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate National Sibling Day on April 10 than by blogging about some of DAYS' most darling and dysfunctional siblings. Click here to see which Salemite sibs entertained us the most. Of course, with all the wild relationships and twisted family tree branches in Salem, it was hard to just stop at ten, so be sure to list some of your favorite siblings in the blog's comments section, or simply Tweet us your thoughts!

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of April 15! What storylines are you looking forward to see heating up this May? Leave us some feedback and also be sure to join Laurisa next week on the road to May Sweeps, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading!

Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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