Cassadines are hard to kill

For the Week of April 15, 2013
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GH Two Scoops: Cassadines are hard to kill
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Stavros became the newest member of the Back-from-the-dead Club when it was revealed he kidnapped Lulu. Meanwhile, is Britt really pregnant with Patrick's baby? Plus, Michael and Brenda ended up in bed together, A.J. spoted Elizabeth and Nikolas in an embrace, and Scott leaned on Bobbie for support. Get ready to thaw out with this week's Two Scoops.

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Before I dive into this week's exciting twists and turns, I would like to take a moment to thank Ron Carlivati and Frank Valentini for honoring not only the iconic characters from General Hospital's illustrious past, but the very show itself, in such a loving, clever, insightful, and often witty way. Bravo, gentlemen, you have made this fan swoon day in and day out during GH's 50th anniversary celebration.

Okay, that's a lie. I've been swooning a lot longer than that. The Cartini team is proving to be exactly what the doctor prescribed.

Now, back to our stories...

This week, A.J. hit the trifecta -- A.J.'s words, not mine -- when Michael confessed to being caught in bed with Brenda Barrett by none other than Michael's she-devil mother, Carly. A.J. couldn't contain his joy as he imagined how Carly's head must have exploded when she discovered Michael in the bed of her nemesis. A.J. was right when he explained to Michael that Carly despised Brenda because both Sonny and Jax loved Brenda more than they had ever loved Carly.

I have to admit, I loved being a fly on the wall when Carly's eyes landed on Michael's confused expression after she ripped those covers off of the bed, expecting to see Sonny. I also applauded when Michael put his foot down by ordering Carly to leave, so that he could speak to Brenda alone. Carly sputtering with outrage, as she succumbed to Sonny's penchant for throwing barware and then slamming out of the room, was priceless.

I laughed when Carly accused Brenda of manipulating Michael, seducing him to spite Carly, and even drugging the poor fella. After all, Carly did each of those things, and more, to people like Tony, Bobbie, and A.J.

On a side note, how in the world does Metro Court make any money when the owner stands around harassing and attacking her guests on a regular basis? Although that catfight between Carly and Brenda was wildly entertaining and reminiscent of the epic scratching and clawing battles between Krystal and Alexis Carrington on Dynasty. Ah, if only there had been a handy-dandy lily pond for Carly and Brenda to have fallen into.

I realized how much I had missed Bobbie when she and Scott walked into the lobby to discover Carly screeching about "that slut." I loved how Bobbie calmly approached her harpy of a daughter and slowly but surely talked Carly down from the ledge. This is exactly why Jackie Zeman needs to stick around, because Bobbie brings out the softer side of Carly that almost makes Carly slightly tolerable to me. When I see Bobbie, I'm reminded that even Carly is someone's daughter and her mother loves her, warts and all.

I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that all of this nonsense about Brenda sleeping with Michael is going to turn out to be much ado about nothing. Brenda is acting more like a woman seizing advantage of a situation to push her rival's buttons rather than a woman who slept with the love-of-her-life's son. I am almost certain that we are going to learn that Michael and Brenda never had sex. By Michael's own admission, he was blind drunk and most likely incapable of undressing himself, much less having sex. Plus, I honestly can't see Brenda having sex with someone who was once her stepson. It just seems creepy and a bit incestuous to me.

Even though I abhor Carly on every possible level, I don't begrudge her anger. If I found my son, no matter how old he was, in the bed of a person that I despised, I'd probably be upset too.

The most important scene that came out of this fiasco was when A.J. cautioned Michael against drinking to the point of blacking out because of the family's history of addiction. It was a small but incredibly powerful moment. I myself am a child of a recovering alcoholic, so I've always been very aware of my own susceptibility to addiction. I've said almost the same exact thing to my own children that A.J. said to Michael. I fell a little deeper in love with A.J., too, because in all of that madness, he saw a red flag that needed to be addressed. That's what parents are supposed to do.

That brings me to the love triangle portion of my column.

I love A.J. and Elizabeth. My interest was piqued when Elizabeth patched up A.J. after he goaded Sonny into kicking his ass. I became an official card-carrying Quiz member during that powerful scene in front of the elevator when A.J. and Liz had an entire conversation with just their eyes. The chemistry between the actors is off the charts, which makes the characters sizzle on-screen. I agreed with Monica when she told A.J. that Elizabeth grounds him and makes him happy in an uncomplicated way.

However, all that said, I understand that happily-ever-after is a death knell for any soap romance. There has to be some kind of conflict to keep things interesting and to challenge the relationship. Enter Nikolas Cassadine.

The minute that Nikolas opened his eyes and whispered, "Hi, Elizabeth," I was taken back to the time that I had rooted for Nikolas and Elizabeth. Yes, I know that their affair was tawdry and wrong, but I didn't care. There was something seductive about the way that Nikolas and Elizabeth looked at each other. It drew me like a moth to a flame. I was crushed when Nikolas left town to give Lucky and Elizabeth a chance and then furious when Lucky turned around and abandoned his kids to find himself in Ireland.

Lucky spent about as much time being a father to Aiden as Frisco did to Maxie and Georgie, and we saw how that turned out.

I was really happy when I heard Elizabeth confess, "I honestly believe, deep down, Lucky and I could never find our way back to the love we were supposed to have." It's a lesson that took Felicia twenty years to learn, so I was thrilled that Liz realized it much sooner. Liz showed real growth and paved the way for love to find her by letting go of her girlish fantasy that had led to years of misery. I am still rooting for Quiz, very much so, but I think that it will do A.J. some good to be reminded that Liz shouldn't be taken for granted. Liz made mistakes, but she's still a hell of a catch.

Speaking of catching things, it appears that Dr. Obrecht has caught the Rick Springfield fever.

Lately, GH has been chock full of funny moments, but hands-down, the two most hilarious scenes this week featured Dr. O. I know, I'm just as surprised as you are!

The first scene that made me giggle was when Dr. O was watching Rick Springfield's performance of "Jessie's Girl" during the Nurses Ball, which I have to say totally rocked. Dr. O's heavily German-accented "Finally, a performance worth watching" even had sourpuss Britt chuckling.

Until then, I would have guessed that the diabolical doctor's playlist consisted of dark, depressing classical music by angry German composers. However, I was wrong, as evidenced by the other scene that had me bursting out in laughter.

As Epiphany and her backup dancers, Monica and Tracy, performed an impressive rendition of the Pointer Sisters' "Jump (For My Love)," Dr. O danced her little evil heart out in her hotel suite while she watched the Nurses' Ball on TV. Folks, I will lose it if Dr. O starts singing about having twenty dollars in her pocket and going to the thrift shop to pop some tags.

So, dear readers, do you think that Britt is pregnant with Patrick's child?

At first I thought it was true, but then I recalled something that just might put a true soapy twist on this storyline.

After Maxie had miscarried, she had begged Britt to implant Dante and Lulu's last fertilized egg, but Britt had refused because Dante and Lulu hadn't consented. Eventually, Britt agreed to check Maxie's hormone levels to see if it was even possible, but the tests revealed that Maxie was already pregnant.

What if Britt had sex with Patrick but didn't get pregnant? Britt is exactly the kind of person who wouldn't think twice about implanting herself with a fertilized egg in an attempt to bamboozle a guy into thinking that she was pregnant with his child. As Maxie and Lulu's doctor, Britt would have had easy access to that fertilized egg, and more importantly, no one would have questioned her taking it.

I'm actually hoping that Ellie decides to dig a little deeper into Maxie's secret, even though she really doesn't have the right to. To be honest, I have several reasons.

It's become clear to me that Spinelli and Ellie are not going to last. The writing was on the wall when Maxie got pregnant with Spinelli's baby. An anvil falling on our heads would have been less subtle than the revelation that Spinelli has a strong desire to be a father, while Ellie absolutely refuses to consider the possibility of having children. Ever. Clearly, the baby is going to be the catalyst for a Spixie reunion. Meanwhile, Dante and Lulu are going to be left without a child, which won't be fair because they absolutely deserve to be parents.

Frankly, I'm not interesting in seeing Britt become a mother, much less one to Patrick's child. It has nothing to do with Patrick and Sabrina, because in all honesty, I am not invested in Patrick and Sabrina. I don't care who Patrick is paired with; it seems pointless to root for them, knowing that Robin is waiting in the wings to return. Robin is the love of Patrick's life, plain and simple, so the writers need to give Patrick true closure with Robin in order to make any pairing that he's in work.

Finally, Britt simply isn't the motherly type. Her character has much more potential without a child than with one.

I think things will be better all around if it turns out that Britt is carrying Dante and Lulu's baby. That way, Dante and Lulu get their baby, and Emma isn't subjected to that viper for the rest of her life. Hey, maybe Britt can help Stavros mend his broken heart over losing Lulu. Of course, first Lulu will have to thaw out.

Friday's show introduced us to the new Lulu. It was hard to get a read on how Emme Rylan will handle the role, since Lulu was unconscious and near death throughout the entire episode. I couldn't even get an idea of what Lulu's new face looks like because she was all gray and rather ghoulish-looking from having lingered in a fancy meat freezer called a cryo-chamber for an unspecified amount of time.

That Stavros. He's like a Weeble; he wobbles, but he doesn't fall down. At least not for long. My hat is off to Cartini for pulling off another unexpected twist. I didn't see a single solitary spoiler out there about Stavros returning, so I didn't have an inkling that it was going to happen. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw Robert Kelker-Kelly suddenly appear on my screen. I actually had to hit rewind on my TV because my mind simply couldn't compute what I was looking at. Sure enough, it was Stavros.

I loved how the writers answered all of the questions that had instantly raced through my mind when I realized that yup, Stavros was alive. Nikolas explained that Stavros' body hadn't been recovered from the shaft because that crafty and resourceful Helena had gotten to Stavros first. They also fixed something that had always bugged me. Nikolas revealed that the real reason that Helena had changed Aiden's paternity test was because she had been desperate to pull Stavros out of the near-catatonic state Stavros. That made so much more sense to me than Helena suddenly deciding to break the brotherly bond between Nikolas and Lucky.

Did anyone else catch what Helena had told Nikolas during the flashback when Nikolas had confronted Helena about Stavros' fixation on Lulu?

Helena: "Oh, anyway -- anyway, several consultations were still needed to treat Stavros. Oh, there was a brilliant German doctor. She took us to Switzerland to her clinic."

Clearly, Dr. O has been a busy little bee buzzing all around the world to find rich families with "dead" relatives. First, Faison, then A.J., Robin, Duke, and now Stavros. It makes me wonder who else is in that clinic in Switzerland, waiting to pop up out of the grave. *Whispers to herself, "Please let it be Stefan with an eye patch."*

I actually felt sorry for Helena in the end because she had done so much for Stavros, but he had repaid her by dumping her body on a slab then walking away. Pardon the pun, but that's cold.

A few things that tickled my fancy

(A few of the sexy men of General Hospital stripped down to their underwear during their performance.)
Epiphany: "What? What, that's it?! That's the striptease?! These boys are still in their underwear."
Olivia: "Yeah, well, keep it coming, guys! Lose the skivvies! Except you, Michael -- you keep your underwear on."
Epiphany: "Yeah, that's right!"

(After trying to attack Lucy on stage, a ranting Richard Simmons is carried out of the ballroom by half-naked men.)
Richard: "Let me just hurt her! I want to hurt her! I want to hurt her! I want to just -- hello, Bobbie Spencer. Say hello to Lesley. Hope you all enjoy the show. Bye! So long! Adios!"

(A.J. can hardly contain his glee when realizes that Sonny doesn't know that Michael spent the night with Brenda.)
A.J.: "You slept with Brenda, and now Sonny is gonna have to choke on it. Hey, do you mind if I tell him? Please?"
Michael: "You can't be serious"
A.J.: "All right. You're right. I -- what was I thinking? Oh, wait. Yeah. I was thinking that after all these years of Sonny stomping all over everybody, now he's finally gonna be the one getting stomped on. What can I say? Karma is a bitch, and there is no sweeter payback than you taking Brenda from Sonny."

(Nikolas tells Alexis that Stavros is alive.)
Alexis: "This does not make any sense. Luke saw Stavros die. He fell into this pit of nothing. There's no way he could have survived that."
Nikolas: "Cassadines are hard to kill."

(Alexis refuses to believe Anna when Anna tells her that Helena is dead.)
Anna: "You can't cheat death forever. Not even someone like Helena"
Alexis: "I would have to see her cold, lifeless, shriveled-up body with my own eyes, and even then, I wouldn't believe it."
Anna: "All right. Well, until that can be arranged, you know, the WSB, they identified another man leaving the ship."

Thank you for taking the time to read this week's column. I love to read your thoughts, too, so click here to send me an email or scroll down the page? to leave comments.

Until next time, dear readers, take care.
Liz Masters

Liz Masters
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