There are worse things she could do than go with a boy... or two

For the Week of July 20, 2015
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There are worse things she could do than go with a boy... or two
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The week of July 20, 2015
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Oh, boy (or girl)! It's confirmed that Abigail has a bun in the oven, but just who's the baker -- Ben or Chad -- is the big baby dad question (stay tuned). In fact, last week, Salem set up a lot of summer storylines, so let's slather on the sunscreen and soak up the soapiness of it all in this week's Two Scoops!

Let's start with a survey. Did anyone actually think Abigail wouldn't get pregnant after sleeping with Chad and Ben so close together. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I didn't think so.

Ironically, I think the most shocked Salemite was Abigail, which worries me because she's a hospital employee in charge of an outreach program. Um, yeah. I know the budget is a little tight, but perhaps striking prophylactics off the must-have list was a bad idea.

More so, I know Abigail and Chad went to high school, and since Ben is in college, he has a GED at the very least. So, wasn't there some overzealous but well-meaning Sex Ed teacher with a cucumber and a condom somewhere along the way? Samantha Jones and Brian Kinney need to join forces and head to Salem to lecture on safe sex because this confused, "I don't know how I got pregnant -- I only had unprotected sex with two men" shock-face is kind of lame in 2015. Then again, I have a feeling our fair Salemites' heads would explode from the knowledge and they'd "ew" and "aw" much like the first people to see electricity did. But I digress. We know condoms don't exist on soaps -- the unicorns ate them all.

The actual, bigger reason Abs is upset is that she doesn't know whose bun she has in the oven. Yep, back by unpopular demand is another "Who's the Daddy" storyline. Either Ben or Chad is the father, unless they pull a Johnny/Allie twin type thingy and Ben and Chad both get to play house with Abigail. There's that option, too. Good grief.

I know this type of storyline is a soap staple, and Kate Mansi is doing a formidable job spearheading it, but I'm kind of exhausted by this one already. Ben just seems like a poor, hunky speedbump on the road to Chabbily ever after. He's sort of the Lucas in the E.J./Sami/Lucas triangle, or Roman in the John/Mar Mar/Roman one. Ben's just not made of the win it will take to keep him around in the long run, which is sad because I like Robert Scott Wilson, and he's doing a great job with the material. It's just the material for Ben that's the problem for me. He's part hair-trigger Hulk, part swoon-worthy perfect boyfriend, and a large part naïve chump who believes his abusive, child-molesting father over his sister's pleas that Clyde is not a reformed man. That makes him kind of hard to root for.

The one sure thing is that this storyline will be spinning its wheels for several weeks because Dr. Aunt Kayla said it's too soon to run a paternity test. I should have seen that one coming. I knew her pregnancy test results came back too quickly and there had to be a catch. But again, I digress.

Honestly, none of the participants in this triangle are guiltless of a few wrongdoings, but I have the most sympathy for Chad (which is totally a nod to Billy Flynn's performances). Chad did what he did because he loves Abigail and wanted to protect her, even if that made him the bad guy. Ben and Abigail, on the other hand, didn't have that strong of a relationship to begin with, which was due in large part to her wishy-washyness. At least Ben did try. But then Ben tagged her phone because he didn't trust her around Chad (and he wasn't wrong). Abigail tagged Chad because she wasn't committed fully to Ben. And, generally speaking, all three of them should have known the risks of having unprotected sex by now.

Ultimately, Abigail has done worse. I like to call Exhibit A, Austin Reed/pretending to sleep with a married man. Exhibit B, See: E.J. DiMera/actually sleeping with an engaged man. So, really, sleeping with two guys and not knowing who the father of her baby is? Abs, calm down, girl. You have (literally) everyone in your corner, and spoiler alert: your mother was married to a DiMera so she can't say much even though, yes, we all know she will. Just keep Julie and her big mouth out of the loop, and you'll be fine. Mazel tov, ho.

Take that, Nancy Reagan! J.J. just said, "Yes!" He's getting back into the drug-dealing game. Well, okay, he's going to be a narc, but I love it! It will be nice to see him do something other than pine for Paige. Granted, he's doing it for Paige, but I'm hoping that means he has to keep his distance from her in the meantime. If he can only avoid wooded areas, he should be good.

On topic, J.J. wasn't wrong when he said, "Get a brain, Paige." She is acting a fool for canoodling with Kyle just to spite J.J. But I also quite enjoy sassy Paige. So, it's sort of a draw made more complicated by her hilarious arguments and partings like, "...while you were sleeping with my mother," and "Say 'hi' to my mom for me." Like Neil Armstrong can trump any bragger by saying, "Yeah, I walked on the moon," Paige can almost win any argument by playing the "You slept with my mom card."

I enjoyed Eric and Eve's scenes a lot more than I expected to! They have a fun chemistry together, and the characters were refreshingly honest with each other -- though I'm still hoping Eve messes with Jennifer, which keeps Kassie DePaiva out of the kiddie pool. I'm also hoping that Eve continues to be honest with herself. Yep, those scenes were made of win. More, please!

The opposite of "More, please!" is "Oh, hell no!" which is what I think about Dr. Dan poising up to pop the question to Nicole. I don't even think a flow chart, shadow puppets reenacting storyline highs, and/or an "Idiots Guide" would help me understand the appeal of "Dancole" at this point. Then again, Monday begins a new week, and Dr. Dan isn't that consistent -- he'll probably toss Nicole out by Friday because she stated she loves oatmeal, but he's convinced she likes cream of wheat more and he loves oatmeal so she's cheating in her heart on his favorite breakfast food and is sure she really wants cream of wheat and how can they build a future on such lies? Oh, my head hurts.

I'll admit that Nicole and Serena fights can be pretty redundant, but last Thursday, I enjoyed their scenes a lot. They both gave well, but Nicole "The Survivor" Walker really came out to play, and I loved it. When she said things like, "You think that's my worst?" and "Clever, you're insinuating I'm a bad girl, too. Well, that's true..." I cheered. I love seeing that fight back in her. So to make it clear for the writers: Scrappy Nicole good; Apologetic Nicole bad. Got it? Good.

Justin and Adrienne's scenes broke my heart! They so need to patch things up. Those flashbacks confirmed it. So, sorry, Lucas, I wish you the best, but I want more for you than a neglected married woman. Go visit Tater Tot and check out Hayley. You're welcome.

Holy banana boat, Batman! Maybe I'm just well rested from not Scooping for a few weeks, or it's the Scotch. Okay, it's probably the Scotch, but nevertheless, Will didn't totally make me want to punch the TV screen last week every time he was on. I can't even remember the last time that happened. Again, that's probably because of the Scotch. But let's move on...

So, what were Will's not-as-short-as-usual-comings? First, I enjoyed his scenes with Abigail. He was kind and supportive. He was fully there for her. He didn't entirely make it about him, either, which was a bit shocking. Good on you, Big Willy.

Second, I didn't cringe (much) while he and Sonny were talking. In fact, I thought Will was supportive to Sonny's needs as he tried to help him cope with his parents' divorce. The fact that he did it with humor didn't hurt, either. Will nearly nabbed the "Line of the Week" with his "holiday management" comments.

Third, the Marlena/Will combo actually worked well last week. She didn't coddle her My Dear Boy. She told him straight out to deal with Paul being in Salem -- he's not going anywhere. Will even owned up to some of his bonkers behavior and wants to do better in the future. Friday's end-scene of Will wanting to say something else to Paul even has me a little cautiously optimistic that maybe he's going to extend an olive branch. Good. Crazy Will has got to go. That's not to say some of his paranoia about Paul isn't perfectly justified, but enough is enough at this point.

Finally, Will also cracked me up! When he commented on Paul, "The guy was in the closet six months ago and now he's the gay guru!?" I laughed. A lot. I think -- think -- Mar is getting through to him, but I'm on standby with electroshock paddles just in case.

Also, Marlena is right about Will and Sonny having more gay friends. Sonny used to have that posse before he married Will, and those guys were a riot. They need to reconnect. Mar Mar's also correct that they have plenty of babysitting coverage. So, see, go out. Have fun, boys! I hear it's Musical Monday Sing-Along night at Unicorn Highway. Get out those jazz hands.

Moral of the story: Will wasn't talking that much about Paul all week, thankfully. Sonny and Paul weren't playing their usual rounds of "Uh, I dunno, what do you want to do? I dunno, what do you want to do?" And those facts alone made this gang more bearable. Cheers to hopefully ongoing progress!

Extra Scoops
Yay! Romance is not dead in Salem. Call me a big ol' starry-eyed softy, but I really enjoyed Hope and Aiden's anniversary hotel date. I'm a champion of this couple, and since I know their shelflife seems to have a rapidly approaching expiration date, I'll take all the schmaltz I can get from these two. The one-year-later waltz was lovely. Aiden's sentiments were lovely, especially the part about her making him look forward to the next day. Her responses were honest and lovely. And their breakfast looked lovely, too, but I was also very hungry while watching. Anyway! It was all lovely. Cheers to you, "Haiden!"

So, lemme get this straight. The secret that we've been waiting forever to find out about -- Stefano's interest in Abigail -- is that she's set to inherit swamp land in Florida valuable land in Ireland once her former nanny kicks the bucket, and said land can be minded/developed once said former nanny dies because dying nanny won't let people develop it, so Chad needs to marry Abs, wait until the old woman croaks, and start digging to save the DiMera dynasty. Uh-huh.

Okay, nod to the writers for remembering Jennifer and Abigail's time in Ireland. There's that. I'll even sign off on a moment of silence for Colin Murphy. There's that, too. I'm also glad they remembered the DiMeras' strong Irish roots. Oh, wait. Right. If Stefano needs money that badly, he could easily sell one of his various compounds -- like that CASTLE in Europe -- or have a garage sale. I'm sure someone would pay good money for used brainwashing equipment and a guillotine. Ultimately, I smell an elephant statue. I'm a little worried. That's all I'm saying.

Serena (to Nicole): "You are to journalists what Kim Kardashian is to thespians."
Nicole (to Serena): "I can prove you're a medical journalist just like Paris Hilton is an actress."

Eric: "Thank you for the nice message. Guess there aren't cards for 'I'm glad you didn't die locked in a brutally hot crawl space.'"
Eve: "Actually... there was one, but I thought it was too sentimental."

If you haven't been following the DAYS Two Scoops' newest summer series, A Summers DAYS' Dream, now's a good chance to dive into the 50th Anniversary fun before the third installment drops! For Part 1, "Dream Girls," click here. Part 2 is all about those dreamy Salem men and you can click here to read all about them!

Oh. My. Dog! Sonny was wearing a t-shirt and not -- I repeat, "not!" -- a plaid button-down. Duck! The soapocalypse is coming.

Nope. There's no way Theresa and Anne's plan will fail. Not at all. Though I really don't care because I'd watch Jen Lilley and Meredith Scott Lynn paint an eggshell room ecru and sit there while it dries because I know they'd make it hilarious.

Anne in the Kiriakis mansion will never get old.

So Abigail talked to Bill! I would have loved to see that. Drats.

Of course Kate named a cologne "Vanquish!"

Good one, Clyde and Ben. Saying things like, "She's a woman, she has moods" is a surefire hit with the ladies. Next time she's upset about something, totally say she's overacting -- gals love that, too! Ugh.

Hmm. Sonny is still having shoulder problems due to his stabbing. My Spidey Senses are tingling. I believe this was brought up for a reason.

I chuckled that Ben kept saying (and even wrote down) "Hope Brady." Because there's a lot of Hopes in Abigail's circle, I'm sure.

Hope for the win! She said, "Diamonds are never too big."

I will never get tired of watching the following combos: Sonny and Chad, Hope and Jennifer, and Abe and Nicole.

On the topic of Abe and Nicole, I cracked up when she told him, "Now suddenly people care about my safety." Sans a few people, she's not that wrong.

I wonder if Salemites are more likely to get hired if they put "Lurking" on their résumé. If so, J.J. and Serena will land jobs in no time!

You know, maybe, just maybe, Kyle needs more gold chains to prove he's a bad guy (from an '80s movie).

Out of all those boxes of clothes, Nicole picked that shirt. Okay. It was like a pirate and corporate casual '90s wear got into a fight and Nicole lost.

Anne's response to Henderson's question if he can help her with something was hilarious. She said, "You can, silver top."

Speaking of Anne, A. I love that she has a tech guy. B. He's adorable. C. He clearly shops where Will does.

And speaking of Henderson, he really needs to write a tell-all.

I got nervous for a second when Aiden turned on the waltz. I thought Hope was about to have a Princess Gina flashback or throw on some dark lipstick. Hey, you never know what will trigger her memoires.

So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of July 20! Laurisa is heading to Chicago to check out Philip's newest facial transplant, so I'll be back next week for all your Scooping needs, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading!

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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