This is one of those weeks where I sit down to write and desperately hope the words just come. It's not only because I have limited time to write this before my children wake up from their nap and continue their tornado path through my home. It's because I really need to focus all my brain on something other than, well, you-know-what. And while the world is full of both fear and conviction to do right by humanity, I find myself welcoming any distraction. So, here goes.
Thursday was the first day of spring! What better time to look forward to the fashion trends and see what's coming up for Salem!
One of the trendiest looks for spring is brainwashing. Yes, the Essence...by Dr. Rolf trend of the winter continues into March and April.
Stevano doesn't even have to worry about trying to hide his essence anymore. He's out and
paining the town decorating Maison Blanche with the creepiest painting of two children I've seen since The Shining. *shudders*
Anyway, thanks to this Fauxnix, Chad and Marlena are both sporting the brainwashing trends. The Chad part is only mildly intolerable. Billy Flynn is doing a great job. And it gives Stephen Nichols and Billy Flynn a chance to share scenes. I'm not sure how likely that would have been before. Plus, it gave John an excuse to mention Chad's deceased biological mother, Madeline, which had to send my buddy Tony into a happy dance.
However, all Chad's managed to do is mimic the pose in the famous Stefano painting and kidnap Gabi and Kate (spoiler: the second biggest trend for spring). I'd much rather see him mix it up with Kristen and Tony than creepily stare at Kate.
The next on-trend person for spring is Princess Gina. Everyone kept saying Rolf would do the right thing. I did not share that sentiment. And as much as I love her, Kayla's claim that she watched Rolf really, totally, completely, for sure remove the chip doesn't hold a lot of weight. I don't think Hope's back. This is one time I need Julie to step in and deal with a situation.
Moving on to the second biggest trend, kidnapping is going to be all the rage!
Kate and Gabi are soon to find themselves in the DiMera tunnels. I sincerely hope they end up in the ones with snacks and Champagne. Good luck, ladies!
Next up, Baby David. He's on the run with his grandpa Orpheus. There's a lot to unpack there. First, Christian/Evan is Opheus' son. Marlena raised him for a brief time. (That sound you heard was Sami screaming from across the world, "Oh, sure! Two more kids she loved more than me!")
Second, from the looks of everything, Orpheus spent a few semesters at the Clyde Weston School of Parenting. Demanding his grown son still address him as "Sir" was strange, especially since Orpheus would go on to give an extended monologue about how there's nothing better than your child calling you "Dad."
Nicole got DNA samples from Mickey and Kristen. She probably plans to run a test, which surely won't get switched in Salem. Sigh. This is one of those soap moves we know will come back to bite her, but it makes sense in real life. You'd want proof before you go blowing someone's life up.
Xander and Sarah had a downright cute engagement. His speech about feeling what she's feeling was beautiful, and quite a step for someone who lived the life Xander had before. I still like these crazy kids. I hope they make it through this.
I'm a little shocked Kristen remembered any detail about what happened in the moments exactly after she'd given birth. Right after my son was born, the NICU had to come in because his oxygen level was low, and they worked on him for at least 30 minutes. He was and is completely fine. But I don't remember this at all.
I can handle Brady trying to tell most people how changed Kristen is. But Eric has every right to refuse to get chummy with her. He's forgiven her, at least enough not to be out actively trying to ruin Kristen's life. That doesn't mean he has to let her hold Mickey or really have anything to do with him. Brady needs to give up this fight.
I would watch a whole show of Shawn and Ciara. The two of them seem to have custody of the Salem brain. When they're not using it to solve crimes, they're helping some of the less mentally gifted Salemites feel better about themselves. Oh, and they make waffles. Waffles, guys. Shawn and Ciara are the best of us.
She may be the trendiest person in Salem because she's both brainwashed and kidnapped, but I don't find Marlena's storyline tolerable at all. No even a little bit. At the core of it, Stevano drugged her so he can do things to her without her consent. We're having to watch him find success after success. She's living in his house of horrors (seriously, that painting)! He's deciding what she wears, and he gives her massages. Marlena would agree to none of those things. I get that brainwashing someone to fall in love with you is a soap staple. But these are different times, and now these moves come off as tone deaf and super creepy.
LINE OF THE WEEK:
Orpheus (to Evan, about Sonny): " It's not his gender I object to, it's his spices. He's a Kiriakis!"
Orpheus = Woke Villain
Exchange of the Week:
Dr. Raynor: "Baby switches only happen on TV or in the movies."
Nicole: "I did it myself."
Dr. Raynor: "And you're judging me?!"
Nicole: "I'm not proud of it."
Bless Arianne Zucker's delivery. Any ounce of appeal left with Nicole is solely because the Lady Zucker is working her wonders. True, I've always loved Nicole, but it's hard to take standing in judgment of so many people. Can we get her a martini again?
Line of the Weak:
Kristen (to Brady): "Drop trou. That's an executive order."
Ha ha! Who doesn't love a comment poking fun at sexual harassment in the workplace? That's not off color right now at all.
Sarah's rocking a Fleabag jumper, and I am here. for. that.
The look on John's face when Kristen told him she was praying for Marlena and hugged him was amazing.
Christian is correct! 100.2 is not a fever. Any good toddler parent knows 100.4 is when things start to get serious.
Victor referencing Nicole to Xander as "that ex-wife of ours" was truly a sentence that could only exists on soaps.
I don't have the mental capacity to do the soap math on whether or not it checks out for Marlena to have spent time raising Sonny's ex. I'm sorry for those of you trying to do it now. It hurts!
Maggie's jacket reminded me a bit of something the white rabbit wore in Alice in Wonderland.
Rolf really is a skilled surgeon. He removed something from a patient's brain without having to shave her head or bandage her after!
Christian became every disgruntled teenager's hero when he retorted to Orpheus, "Maybe I should have just put everybody on a yacht and blown 'em up."
In the biggest reversal of my soap column-writing career, I'm suddenly thrilled that DAYS tapes so far ahead. The news broke this week that DAYS, much like most of America, is going on a time-out while we all do our part to flatten the curve. But, according to Ron, DAYS is taped through Thanksgiving. So, we'll have plenty of DAYS around for a while.
For real, someone's going to check on that missing parakeet, right?
That's it for this week! Tony will be back to see which cellar room Kate and Gabi get. Until then, I want to echo Tony's sentiments from last week and thank each and every one of you for reading, leaving feedback, and being part of this Soap Central family. At a time when the world must go virtual, we've got a massive head start on them. We've been doing this together for years. And, it's been one of the true pleasures of my life. I wish love to you all out there! (And I wish wine for all of you parents home with toddlers. Godspeed, friends. We can do this.)
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