The secret dark side of Labyrinth you probably missed as a kid

The movie Labyrinth is like if someone had a psychedelic fever dream and decided to make a movie about it. Anyone who watched it as a child remembers it to be a whimsical, cult-classic movie. But as an adult you realize it is a movie with a moody teenager trying to solve an elaborate puzzle in a Muppet maze designed by a flamboyant, glittery Goblin King.

You also realize it has a much darker theme, it includes abduction of a child, giving psychological trauma to a teenager (babysitting is a tough job), and most importantly, it has too many tight pants. Labyrinth stars the legendary David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, who loves to torment young children for amusement, maybe because he doesn't have any friends.

Labyrinth was produced by Star Wars legend George Lucas and directed by Jim Henson. It was based on conceptual designs by Brian Froud. It also stars a young Jennifer Connelly as Sarah Williams, who shows that kids in the 80s were also facing the same issues as kids today. They were also forced to be the second parents to their younger siblings.

The secret dark side of Labyrinth you probably missed as a kid

Labyrinth is about Sarah Williams, who can't take changing another dirty diaper of her baby brother Toby and just wants him to go away. Her wish comes true when Jareth the Goblin King actually takes Toby away, and Sarah realizes she wants him back because otherwise, Mom and Dad would have made her life hell.

As jolly and funny as the movie may sound, it has a darker side that will be explored here. So, buckle up and get ready to uncover the dark underbelly of Labyrinth.

1) The Goblin King is a villain in Glam Suit

Labyrinth (Image via The Jim Henson Company)

Jareth the Goblin King was played perfectly by David Bowie, who looked like what a five-year-old Bowie wanted to be when he grew up. He kidnaps a baby just because a 15-year-old said so in the heat of the moment. Instead of ignoring it like a normal adult, he indulges it and goes full Stranger Danger on the poor baby. He snatched the baby like a toddler snatches a chocolate off a counter.

For Sarah, it was a "careful what you wish for" moment that she quickly regretted. But her troubles had just begun. Instead of asking for a regular ransom, Jareth decided to create an entire episode of Takeshi's Castle for Sarah. He gives her 13 hours to solve a weird metaphor-maze; failure to do so would result in baby Toby turning into a goblin.

Imagine failing an algebra test, and the next day, your mom has turned into a hamster.

2) Sarah, the moody teenager

Sarah, just like any other teenager, just wants to have fun in life. Her hobbies include being obsessed with fantasy novels and cosplaying. And most of all, she hates even the thought of responsibility. She lost all her patience when asked to look after him for ONE night.

All she had to do was feed the baby and humor him for one night, but her patience gave out after 15 minutes, and she cursed him for eternal damnation. That's Sister of the Year, right there.

Also, she may have mystical powers. Everything in the Labyrinth is based on her bedroom. Her toys are the monsters, and the posters become characters. Either that or she ate expired yogurt and hallucinated a movie-like dream.

3) Hoggle the traitor

What is Hoggle? A dwarf, a goblin, or a stuffed toy that came to life. He is the perfect example of a double agent. He is the kind of friend who will tell you he has your back but will betray you for a sandwich. Also, why wasn't anyone concerned that he carried a potion that would make anyone forget their entire lives? That's dark.

4) Ludo and the Monsters

George Lucas produced Labyrinth, so it's only fitting that there would be hints of Star Wars in Labyrinth. They couldn't include anything from the movie, so they resorted to creating look-alikes. And that's how maybe Ludo was born. He looks and sounds like Chewbacca's second cousin.

In fact, he is a cross between Chewie and Thor; he looks like the giant beast but summons rocks like Mjolnir. It sounds cool until he and Sarah started raining down rocks on the goblins.

And let's not forget the Fierys. The Muppet-looking creatures who like to remove their heads and limbs for fun. They danced around a bonfire and sang catchy songs, all the while trying to decapitate Sarah. And who remembers Bog of Eternal Stench? The living embodiment of a farting swamp. If anyone steps in it, they will reek of butts forever. It's literally hell for germaphobes.

5) The Masquerade Ball of Terror

Thanks to Hoggle's memory erasing potion, Sarah forgets about saving Toby for a while and ends up at Jareth's masquerade ball. The ball is extravagant, with gowns, wigs, tuxedos, and loads of champagne. And somehow, a 15-year-old is roaming around with no one caring one bit.

The entire time, Jareth tells her what every 15-year-old wants to hear: abandon your responsibilities, and chill in this fantasy forever. Jareth tries his best to persuade Sarah, even going as far as preparing a full song for her entertainment.

Though it was flattering, let's not forget it was all a ruse for her to forget about saving Toby and turning him into a goblin.

So, there it is: Labyrinth is not just the whimsical cult classic movie you all know. It is the first draft of the Wizard of Oz that was rejected for being too gory. Just kidding! It is a lesson for people to be careful what they wish because a goblin just might make it come true.