It is a cruel and unpleasant world

For the Week of June 4, 2012
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GH Two Scoops: It is a cruel and unpleasant world
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Two babies were born, but one might not survive. Will there be a baby-switch? Jason made a move against John, but at what cost? Kristina returned home, Maxie and Matt announced that they were married, and Mac started a new chapter of his life. It's time to find out what happened this week in Port Charles, so let's dig in to this week's edition of Two Scoops.

Todd Manning delivered the funniest and most prophetic line of the week when he desperately tried to stop his nephew from entering the world by telling the little peanut, "Hey, you in there...hey, hey, hey. Little Victor, it is a cruel and unpleasant world. There's really no need for you to join us."

I know that it was a serious situation, but Todd and Téa were absolutely hilarious, during those scenes when Téa was in labor in the back seat of the car, while stranded on the side of the road in the middle of a storm with Todd. I howled with laughter at Téa's reaction when Todd broke the news that the car was stuck.

"I don't care that the car won't move. Push it, pull it, move it with your mind! Just get me and my baby to a medical!" Téa screamed.

Yup, I could totally see myself uttering those very same words, if I had been in a similar situation.

Sadly, all that comic relief ended on a very sad note when Todd discovered that his little nephew was in crisis. The little boy apparently took a shallow breath, or two, and then stopped breathing.

Meanwhile, across town at the Rendezvous Motel, Sam's water broke while she was in John's room. Naturally, John and Sam's cell phones weren't working, because the cell tower that had kept Todd and Téa from calling for help, after it had fallen across the highway, also supplied a signal to the motel. What a coinkydink, huh?

I guess no one in Port Chuck has to worry about those pesky roaming charges from the other cell towers that allowed Jason, Johnny, and others to use their cell phones without any problem.

Back to the premature delivery at the motel. I confess that I was a bit confused about why Sam was so reluctant to let John drive her to the hospital, especially given the stillbirth of her first child, which she had made mention of. I know that the motel is on the outskirts of town, but Port Charles is not exactly in a third-world country. How far could the motel have been from the hospital?

That said, though, Sam easily gave birth to a little baby boy with strawberry jelly all over his little noggin. Sam immediately proclaimed that her son looked just like his Uncle Jason, which clearly portends yet another paternity reveal. However, first we have a predictable baby-switch to contend with.

I've been really impressed with Ron's writing since he joined GH, but I think that this is a cheap stunt that is doomed to fall flat. This storyline has been done to death, so it's difficult to get emotionally invested when we all know how it will end.

The only way that a baby-switch might have worked is if the viewing audience had been kept in the dark about it.

For instance, if both ladies had given birth in the hospital, and then, shortly after birth, one of the infants had suddenly gone into crisis and had died. Again, Sam's baby is premature, so no one would have been shocked if Sam's baby had died.

Down the road, we could have learned that Heather had slipped into the nursery at some point to switch the identification bracelets on Sam and Téa's sons, in an attempt to punish Sam for not passing along that letter to Steven Lars, by denying Sam the opportunity to raise her own child. The death of the baby could have just been an unforeseen, but added, bonus for Heather.

Keeping the audience guessing is part of why we tune in to soaps. The other part is to have our convictions challenged.

Johnny is a perfect example of this. I've always liked Johnny, because he was a reluctant mobster. He tried to live a straight life, but his loyalty and sense of duty to Anthony had made him putty in Anthony's manipulative hands. My heart bled for Johnny when he found out that those he had cherished most had lied to him his entire life.

Johnny hadn't intended to kill Hope and Cole any more than Luke had intended to kill Jake. If Luke can be forgiven, why can't Johnny? Granted, Johnny would have to take responsibility for what he did, not just be tortured with the guilt.

I don't think that Johnny is beyond redemption.

Sure, Johnny killed Anthony in cold blood, but I don't really hold that against Johnny. It's what Anthony deserved. Anthony was a man who had never hesitated to target the women and children of his enemies. Anthony had also done the most despicable things throughout his life, including using his teenage daughter as bait for a pedophile. He deserved what he got, and more. It seemed rather fitting that Anthony was killed by the one person that Anthony had cared about most in the world.

However, in death, Anthony is proving to be an endless source of amusement, especially in his scenes with Heather, who appears to have found time to steal the Gorton's fisherman's snazzy yellow hat and raincoat. That smile that Heather plastered on Anthony's face, just before the cop approached her car, is creepy, but downright funny.

While Heather was giving Little Victor CPR in a remote cabin that conveniently had a shovel and wheelbarrow to cart a dead person around in, Sam was waiting for John to return to the motel room. Unfortunately for Sam and the baby, Jason's thugs were busy sending John a message. I have a feeling that Jason is going to regret that move, in more ways than one, when Sam finds out that Jason was the reason that John hadn't returned.

I was talking to Soap Central's Dan J Kroll about GH with the other day, and I mentioned to him that John seemed so much more interesting and likeable to me on GH than he had been on OLTL, but I couldn't put my finger on why that was. Dan hit the nail on the head when he suggested that in Port Charles John has more complex characters, with richer criminal backgrounds, to interact with... and he's right.

John isn't dealing with the atypical mustache-twirling bad guys or people who made one bad mistake that usually are pitted against cops on soaps. Jason and Sonny are career criminals with redeeming qualities, who have loyal fanbases that don't want to see them go to jail, even though that's where they belong.

However, it's not right that the good guys are never able to solve crimes unless someone is being written off of the show. That's why characters like Alexis are pivotal to keeping the balance. The bad guys can do bad things, cops can solve the crimes, and the attorneys can use their legal prowess to keep their clients out of jail.

It's refreshing to see Jason and Sonny challenged. John, Dante, and, hopefully, Anna do that.

Moving on, this week also heralded the return of NuKristina. Kristina learned just how cruel and unpleasant the world can be when she found out that her mobster father had pulled some strings, via intimidation tactics, to get his mob princess into Yale. Kristina decided to retaliate by cutting off her nose to spite her face. She dropped out of Yale, and then agreed to do a reality show called Mob Princess.

Dear readers, what exactly about Kristina has changed, other than her appearance? Nothing, that's what.

When Lexi Ainsworth was let go from GH, rumors swirled that it was because Ms. Ainsworth didn't look mature enough for the kinds of storylines that they wanted to write for Kristina. GH's reps wisely refrained from commenting on the topic.

When it was announced that Lindsey Morgan had been cast as Kristina Davis-Corinthos, rumors stated that Kristina's face wasn't the only thing about Kristina that would be new. Fast-forward to this week.

Kristina appeared on her mother's doorstep with a chip the size of Mt. Everest on her shoulder. She immediately lambasted her parents, especially Sonny, for every wrong they had ever done, conveniently neglecting to mention her own transgressions, and then resorted to blackmail so that she could punish her parents for daring to make her dreams possible.

Kristina has the same spoiled attitude, vindictive nature, and hot temper that she always had. Nothing against Ms. Morgan, but those scenes could have easily have been played by Ms. Ainsworth. It really gives those rumors about why Lexi was fired credence. Shame on Disney and ABC for that. Women come in all different shapes and sizes. To suggest that someone who doesn't look like a centerfold isn't sexually appealing is a horrible message to put out there.

Nothing about Kristina's behavior this week endeared her to me. It was Kristina at her worst, and frankly, it made me wish that they had kept Lexi, because at least I liked her in the role. I don't know Ms. Morgan's work enough to say that I like or dislike her. As a result, I was rooting for Alexis and Sonny to call Kristina's bluff by tossing her out of the house, instead of caving in to her demands to let a reality show document their lives.

I was stunned by how viciously Kristina talked about Sam, Molly, Michael, and Morgan. Molly is still in high school and struggles with self-esteem. To have Kristina announce that Molly's father is a mob lawyer like their mother, and Sonny's half-brother, was like painting a big old red target on Molly's back for the school bullies to take aim at. Then there was that snide comment about Morgan being away at school, probably learning to become a sniper.

Lashing out at adults is one thing, but Molly and Morgan are minors. Kristina didn't mature at Yale. If anything, she appeared to digress into toddlerhood.

Dear Ron, please don't let this be how Kristina is going to roll from now on.

Elsewhere in Port Charles, Maxie and Matt got hitched. Spinelli, of course, is brokenhearted by this development, but I don't really feel all that sorry for him. He kind of put this ball into motion when he broke his promise to Maxie.

I know that Spinelli loves Maxie, and always will, but he really has no room to judge Matt, who killed Lisa in a drunken stupor as she was about to murder Robin. After all, isn't Spinelli's best friend a mob enforcer? Calling Matt a murder and then insisting that Matt pay the piper was just a tad bit hypocritical, given how many people Jason has killed solely on the orders of a mob boss. Where's Spinelli's outrage over that?

I liked how Mac viewed things. Mac wasn't happy that Maxie had married Matt, but he was grateful that Maxie was out of jail and that her legal troubles were behind her.

Speaking of Mac, I was initially upset that he was fired, but I can't say that it was a shock. For years I've read complaints on various message boards about how the cops in Port Charles never solved crimes. Mac and his police department were often compared to the Keystone Kops. They were a joke, and it was sad to see.

I want more for Mac than that. If it takes him leaving the force and embarking on a new career to regain the respect that he deserves, then I'm all for it. I'm not sure what the future holds for him, but I do look forward to seeing it unfold. I also look forward to Felicia repairing her relationship with Maxie, because it's long overdue.

Reader Spotlight

  • I'm a huge Liason fan - have been since 1999. Personally, I love hearing about what's going on with Jason and Sam. Their relationship is screwed up to say the least. They have done horrible things to one another since 2006 and why they're together is beyond me. They're toxic to one another. I've been irritated with the writers since they reunited them in 2009 and the way things are currently playing out between Jason, Elizabeth and Sam is crazy. Elizabeth is not a vindictive woman, but to have her being so supportive of Sam after the horrible things Sam did to her, Jason and the children is unwatchable. - Shannon D

  • I'm so done with Jason and Sam. He doesn't deserve to be with Sam if he can't at least try to accept the baby. When exactly was he raped? - Lisa H

  • I loved the scenes with Jason and Monica when she talked about what it was like when Alan brought home Jason. It was a great nod to this show's history, and a wonderful way to make Jason see that he's being unreasonable about the baby. I really want Jason and Sam to work this out, because they belong together. Tammy L.

  • I'm ready for McBam. Sam and John have great chemistry, and he at least treats her with respect. - Lynda

  • Where is Kate? They had such a good storyline going with her, and then suddenly she disappears into Shadybrook. - Lori G.

  • I really hope that Heather kills Olivia before Heather returns to Ferncliff where she belongs. Olivia is useless. - Toni K.

  • I thought it strange that the new Kristina appears to be Hispanic now. Sorry to see Anthony get shot to death. Love, love, love this actor. Please get rid of Tea. She is like nails on a chalkboard. - Marcia

  • What if the Mob Princess reality show has a one shot episode on ABC Family or another Disney-owned station? They could use it to promote GH as great daytime drama. What do you think? - Joseph G

That's all for this week. I love hearing from everyone, so please keep sending those emails.

Liz Masters
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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of Soap Central or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen and what has happened, and to share their opinions on all of it. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same point of view.

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