Remember when Heather told Sam that Susan passed out following Jason's delivery and then gave birth to Jason's fraternal twin brother, whom Heather had promptly handed over to kooky Betsy Frank, the on-call nurse who had helped Heather? Well, those of you who were upset that Franco had been turned into Jason's twin brother can breathe easy and extend a great big thank you to Ron Carlivati and Frank Valentini for un-ringing that particular bell for you.
It turns out that the truth was far more twisted, and yet oddly more believable, than fiction. It seems that some nine months before September 14, 1980something, Scott and Heather were each having a terrible time of things. Laura had asked Scott for a divorce after returning from an adventure with Luke in Beechers Corners, and Heather had been languishing away in Shadybrook after Jeff Webber had committed her for having a few "minor" hallucinations. Despondent, Heather had made her way to town one dark, cold night and bumped into Scotty, who was nursing a broken heart and a bottle of booze.
As I listened to Heather tell her story, I couldn't help but hear the distant chords of Heart's All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You. According to Heather, she and Scott had shared a BLT and then "oh, so much more." They made a baby. Turns out, Heather's love of BLTs had nothing to do with Joe Kelly and everything to do with Franco's conception. Good luck with the mental picture that conjures up.
I'd like to take a moment to correct an error that I had made in my previous column when I mentioned that Paddy and Rose Kelly were Joe's uncle and aunt. Paddy was Joe's father and Rose was Paddy's much younger second wife. I think I temporarily merged Rose Kelly and Aunt Ruby into my crowded memory bank and created an Aunt Rose, so I apologize for the confusion.
Back to Heather and her scandalous secret one-night stand love child.
Heather claimed that she had hidden the pregnancy from Scott and everyone else because she was still very much in love -- and by that she means obsessed -- with Jeff Webber, so she scampered off to a New York City hospital and gave birth to Franco on the same night that her cousin, Susan, gave birth to the golden child, Jason. We just saw Britt and Maxie each have a baby within hours of each other, so it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility.
The reason that I can believe that Heather gave away Franco is because she did it before with Steven Lars. Additionally, she was still very much focused on being a family with Jeff and Steven, so I imagine that little baby Franco didn't fit in with those plans. Why would Jeff want to raise Scott's son with a mentally ill cheating wife? Plus, we have to remember that Heather is completely cray-cray, so she's notorious for making irrational choices rather than doing the sane thing.
I think that it was brilliant to make Heather and Franco mother and son. Their personalities are certainly eerily alike, and I love Roger Howarth and Robin Mattson's chemistry. Heather and Franco seem far more like mother and son than Heather and Steven Lars ever did. I also like Scott having a son. Perhaps now Serena and Christina can stop in for a long overdue visit with their father and newfound brother.
All in all, I'm pretty pleased with Heather's confession. It was a classic soapy moment with a twist that is sure to get more storyline mileage for everyone than if Franco had remained a Quartermaine.
However, a part of me is concerned. I can't help but notice that in the last few months, the Quartermaines have once again been decimated. First, Kiki became a Clay, which in all fairness didn't really break my heart because I don't like Kiki and didn't want her to be a Q. Next, A.J. was zapped into the ether to waste away behind bars. Now, Franco has been turned into a Baldwin. On top of that, Michael is running Pozzulo's, and Tracy is back in charge at ELQ, so there's nothing left for the Q's to squabble over, which I was really looking forward to with Thanksgiving fast approaching.
Let's face it, Thanksgiving without a Quartermaine brawl and pizza is like Christmas without all the pretty lights and Santa.
In other news, Sonny proved once again to be a very foolish man indeed by warning Max not to harm innocent civilians when Max and Shawn went gunning for Julian. It's rather like spraying bug killer at a wasp and hoping that all the dainty little ladybugs fluttering around said wasp won't succumb to the lethal fumes.
Sonny never fails to entertain. In the real world, Sonny would be dead or in prison, but in Port Charles, he's a smooth criminal who hatches cockamamie plans like assassinating a rival at an ex-serial killer's art opening that is attended by several of Sonny's key family members, an escaped mental patient who has more lives than a cat, and an ex-mobster who is protected by the WSB and/or a guardian angel. Whatever happened to snatching someone off the streets for a long drive to the Pine Barrens? Sonny's organization has really gone to the dogs since Jason died.
So, any guesses on who Julian's guardian angel is? At first I thought he might have been referring to Morgan, but Morgan seems to be more of a human shield rather than someone watching over Julian. It's possible that Julian had been referring to the WSB, but I seem to recall Robert mentioning that the WSB's deal with Julian would be kaput if Julian were to ever set so much as his big toe in Port Charles again. Could it be Sam? Perhaps, but I suspect he was thinking of someone who has far more influence and control over Sonny.
Could it be Mike? I seem to recall Mike leaving for rehab and then disappearing. What if it's Brenda? Or better yet, what if Julian has Jason? Now that would be a phenomenal twist!
I love a mystery, so my interest is definitely piqued.
Meanwhile, Michael's brain cells are slowly being leeched out by the succubus known as Kiki. I love Kristen Alderson, but I can't stand Kiki Jerome. Her name alone is annoying -- more so if she were to ever change it to Kiki Clay. Add to that her double standards, hypocritical ways, and self-entitled attitude, and you have a character that desperately needs an overhaul. Please allow Kiki to reinvent herself as Lauren, a strong, confident young woman who brings light into Michael's life rather than strife and upheaval.
What annoyed me most about Kiki this week was her request for Michael not to tell Sonny that Ava was Julian Jerome's sister. Yes, Ava is Kiki's mother, but Kiki has made it abundantly clear that she neither likes nor cares about her mother. Additionally, Kiki very recently kicked Morgan to the curb for keeping important information from her. It was wrong of her to expect Michael to do the very same thing to Sonny. It was even more wrong of Michael to agree.
It seems that neither of Sonny's two youngest sons are very loyal to him these days, Morgan more than Michael. As a result, Sonny has a far more dangerous enemy within to contend with than Julian. Morgan is in a unique position of being practically invincible against Sonny because Sonny would never kill Morgan, and Carly would not allow Sonny to hurt their son. For all of Morgan's claims that Sonny loves Michael more than Morgan, Morgan knows, deep down inside, that Sonny would die before he'd intentionally harm Morgan. It's Morgan's ace in the hole.
It's clear to me that Morgan is testing Sonny. Morgan wants to see how far he can push his father before Sonny breaks. Morgan needs some kind of tangible proof of Sonny's love and devotion because Morgan has convinced himself that his parents abandoned him because they didn't like him. Whether that's actually true or not doesn't matter. It's what Morgan believes, and it's what is driving Morgan to throw in with the Jeromes.
Morgan knows that what he did was beyond low and something that Sonny considers to be an unforgivable sin. That is why Morgan was moping around the art show even though there was all kinds of drama going down. Morgan knows that Sonny has forgiven only a few select special people for betraying him, including Carly and Brenda, so he's hoping to be part of that short list. However, even if Sonny does forgive Morgan, I doubt that it will be enough to satisfy Morgan because Morgan wants to be angry with Sonny right now.
There won't be any hope for Sonny and Morgan to work things out until Morgan is ready to let go of the anger and resentment. Sadly, some people never do.
On Spoon Island, Fred and Ethel Mertz (Cesar and Liesl) have been busy neutralizing poor Duke, who figured out that Liesl was not Anna when Liesl slipped into a German accent as she informed Faison, "Ve have vayz of making you talk." I have no doubt that Duke remains very much alive, so I'm pretty confident that he will soon be joining the cast of characters currently residing at Wyndemere, which is fairly bursting at the seams with houseguests, for a short stay until Robin formulates the cure. I'm eagerly anticipating next week because I'm hoping like heck Duke and Robin get to see each other and have a chat.
I appreciate that Robin is antsy to return to her husband and daughter and that time is of the essence because Patrick and Sabrina are about to skip down the aisle to wedded bliss, but Robert and Anna's lives are at stake here. I really wish that Robin had expressed a smidgen of concern for Robert and Anna's plight when she decided to skulk about the hospital and then proceeded to dart around in a panic whenever someone approached her, thereby drawing attention to herself.
I'm giving Robin a pass on always whisking off the mask, because it was rather creepy-looking and muffled everything that Robin said. I appreciated that Robin would take it off to let us see her expressions, but I was a bit puzzled as to why she didn't just put it on when Patrick was threatening to walk in on her when she was in the examination room. It seems to be that would be the perfect time to make sure the mask was firmly secured to my face.
If anyone deserves to be a bit selfish, it's Robin because she's been kept away from her family for months, subjected to countless drugs and electroshock therapy, and kept a prisoner in a small lab that can freeze people. However, she should be taking extra care at this juncture because she's about to be given everything that she's wished for. Now is not the time to rock the boat, especially with the lives of her parents on the line.
Then again, if Robin hadn't gone AWOL for a bit, we wouldn't have gotten that lovely awkward moment when Emma happily introduced Sabrina as her soon-to-be new mommy. Even with the mask on, I could see Robin wince. As a mother, my heart bled for Robin because that is something that no mother ever wants to hear her child say.
Luckily for Robin, she's returning just in time for Emma's boy-crazy years, which appear to have gotten an early kick-start thanks to a couple of young rascals named Cam and Spencer. Adorable Cameron Webber, the son of a bad boy, and handsome Spencer Cassadine, the son of a prince, are enough to set any young girl's heart aflutter. Emma is a lucky girl indeed with those options, but she might have a little competition from feisty Josslyn Jacks, provided that Carly can pry fair young Josslyn away from the bedroom and the Children of the Corn movie.
One of my favorite scenes this week was the little verbal smackdown between Elizabeth and Britt over Nikolas. I loved Liz being all catty and possessive over Nikolas and yes, I even loved Britt calling Liz out on choosing A.J. over Nikolas. Liz deserved that, but more importantly, Nikolas deserves to have Liz fight for him after he's been pining for her all of this time. A.J. is off collecting cobwebs in jail, so I want Liz to move forward, and if it's with Nikolas, then all the better. Liz, Nik, and Britt are all single. No one has made any promises, so all three free agents. However, with Rebecca Herbst's real-life husband, Michael Saucedo, slated to return as Juan Santiago, it's possible that Liz will end up being pulled into a completely different direction.
I have to confess that I'm not a fan of real-life couples being paired on-screen as love interests because their chemistry doesn't always translate. I liked Michael and Starr, but I think that Michael and Kiki are flat, which is odd because Chad and Kristen are now dating.
If Liz is pulled into Juan's orbit, then I hope it's to be hooked up with Julian.
A few things that tickled my fancy
Liesl Obrecht pretends to be Anna and issues a stern warning to Faison as Duke looks on
Liesl: (German accent) "Oh, you will tell us. Because we have ways of making you talk. And you will tell us everything and you will sing like a Nazi." (catches herself) "Like a nightingale."
Franco finds Diane in his hotel suite
Franco: "How did you get in here, Diane?"
Heather talks about the last time that she voted
Heather: "The last time I voted was for Justin Guarini and then Kelly Clarkson came along. Damn her. Damn her all to hell."
Heather reminds Scott about their night of indiscretion that resulted in Franco's conception
Heather: "Let me set the stage for you. Luke and Laura had just returned from Beechers Corners. Laura wanted a divorce, you were heartbroken, and coincidentally so was I. Jeff had just had me institutionalized for a few minor hallucinations."
Scott: "Right, you used to sneak out of there all of the time."
Heather: "I took furloughs, as I do now."
Franco tries to convince Carly that Derek, Ava, and Morgan are having a torrid threesome affair Franco: "Derek is making your son his inside spoon."
Franco compares Diane to the Tin Man because she lacks a heart Diane: "I have a heart -- somewhere. I also have zero tolerance for wallowing in self-pity."
Until next time, dear readers, take care.