I am not a fan of waiting. I am not a patient woman. I skip to the end of books when the writer tarries too long describing leave on trees or the individual wrinkles of people's furrowed brows. I am more deeply in love with Starbucks since they introduced a phone app that allows me to order my coffee and it's sitting on the counter, waiting for me when I arrive and I don't have to stand in line behind people who have...questions.
You're probably saying to yourself, "What does this have to do with GH?" Or, if you're like me, you know exactly where I'm going. Hey, GH! Stop stalling! Pull off the bandage and reveal that Jake is Jason. Just do it! Is Billy Miller going to celebrate his one-year anniversary on GH before we find out? GH is doing a lot of dilly-dallying these days.
This week, we found out the HUGE news that Jake Webber is alive and well and living on Cassadine Island, which was a huge reveal that should have consumed the show for the rest of the week, IMHO. Instead, it was treated as a matter of fact thing that happens every day. Elizabeth didn't wake up Aiden and say "Come down here right now and meet your big brother!" or call Gram with the good news. Or call Carly and tell her that Jake didn't die to save Josslyn. Of course, I know why she didn't call Sam and tell her Danny's half-brother is alive...
Instead, Liz just found him some pajamas and let him stay up late to play with a guy she is dating like it was your garden variety Monday evening. (Okay, sure Jake is Jason and really Li'l Jake's daddy, but Big Jake has no idea.)
As of now, Hayden, Nikolas, Helena, Lucky, and Elizabeth all know that Jake Doe is Jason. I can't fault Lucky because, of course, Jonathan Jackson was just on loan and had to go back to Nashville. (That fact makes me sad because in my heart of hearts, I'm still rooting for an L&L2 reunion and for Liz and Lucky to ultimately find their way back together. But it has to be Jonathan Jackson; no other Lucky will do.)
I have to wonder if Nikolas' conscience will get the best of him. Now that Nikolas knows Jason's son is alive, can he keep Jake's true identity quiet? Of course, Hayden is rumbling, and she will blab as soon as she wakes up, but I'd rather Jake just remember on his own. When Jake Doe got that memory flash while playing with ,Li'l Jake, I got giddy thinking all of his memories would come flooding back and this would just be out. But nope! It was just another lousy tease.
There is a fine line in storytelling between building suspense and anticipation, and just boring the living crap out of people. Sadly, the GH writers have crossed the line into the latter, in my humble opinion.
Last year, they did the same with the Fluke storyline. Of course, the eventual payoff was rich, layered, bold and brilliant, but it just took so freaking long to arrive there that by the time the truth was revealed, half the people who saw the beginning of that story didn't stick around to see the end. I have been writing this column for over a decade, and as such, I have become quite chummy with some of my readers who have been writing to me for years. One of my readers has been a GH fan for years and used to send me hilarious fake scripts mocking the real scripts that made me spit out my beverages laughing. He quit GH during the Fluke storyline. It was just too much for too long, and he couldn't bear it any longer. I have tried to shame him into watching again for the end of Tony Geary's run on GH, but he stubbornly refuses to budge (or, is avoiding get sucked into the vortex again.)
But I digress. Jake is alive, Jason is his daddy; the waiting has gone on way too long. FREE JASON.
And now a discussion on what I call "The Jonathan Jackson Effect." Is it just me, or does it appear that everyone on the show ups their game when he's around? His scenes with Luke, Nikolas, and Elizabeth were all poignant, and moving. I think Mr. Jackson brings so much passion, skill, and depth to the table that it ignites the fire inside all of his fellow performers (who have been phoning it in for months) and makes them want to match his level of intensity. He brings out the best in everyone he performs with.
Not naming names, but some of my beloved GH actors have seemingly grown weary in their craft. I can tell because they have no light in their eyes anymore. You can tell they have resigned themselves to their fate in life and no longer burn with the fire that once made them sizzle on-screen. Maybe they are bored with their storyline, the repetitive nature of soaps where they say the same things for days, and are just basically uninspired by their current material. But when Lucky showed up, suddenly everyone in his orbit perked up and that inner glow was rekindled. I saw people who hadn't shined in months that started to engage with their whole hearts again. It was magnificent to see. Perhaps it's not just his acting, but also Jonathan Jackson's precious soul that inspires those around him. He is a light.
This exchange between Luke and Lucky was especially sweet and paid tribute to Luke and Laura's love, family, and history. I don't know about you, but it was a crucial scene for me because I really need the writers to acknowledge Luke's past love and life.
Lucky: I got to grow up with Luke Spencer, the man who taught me to trust my instincts, to think for myself, to question authority, even his own. You never talked down to me; you never treated me like I was too young to understand. And when you did disappoint me -- and you did -- and I turned away from you, you took the full force of my rage and bitterness... ...and you brought me safe to the other side. I just -- I wish that you had had that. I wish...that you had had the kind of father that I have.
Luke: You know, I've heard it said that you get the life you deserve, but I don't believe that. My mother did nothing to deserve the life that Tim Spencer inflicted on her, and there are people all over the world in terrible situations who did nothing to deserve the lives they're living. No. I believe that you get the life that is the sum total of your choices, the good and the bad. And I have made some terrible choices. There's no doubt about that. But the good ones, the sweet ones... the choices that made me the happiest, they all had to do with loving your mother and raising you, my firstborn, the pride of my life. You know, son, watching you grow into a man has been the most exciting experience of my life. Truly. I mean, yeah, I like to think maybe I had something to do with it. Maybe I was a little bit of a teacher, but...there were so many moments when I was just a spectator in awe of the blinding brilliance that came out of you. All I could do was just watch you shine.
Lucky: That was a long time ago. I haven't seen you in what? Almost four years? I can tell you I haven't -- haven't done a lot of shining lately.
Luke: Well, that's okay. Nobody can shine all the time. You get burned out.
It's also been an amazing couple of weeks of acting for Dominic Zamprogna. Dante's descent into jealousy, suspicion, and revenge sex followed by deep regret and remorse have given him a real storyline to sink his teeth into, and he has acted the hell out of every scene. These past two weeks are his Emmy reels, and I'm sure he feels that, too. I think Dante has become the "Mac" of this generation -- a character that started out with an edge and in the forefront of storylines to being homogenized into "the nice guy." This storyline frees him from that mold and reminds us of what Dominic is capable of as an actor and of what Dante is capable of as a character. Dante is, after all, Sonny's son. He may hate Sonny's job, but he's got that crazy DNA in his blood and there is no escaping it! (That familial bond also pretty much ensures that Valerie is pregnant.)
Sonny, of course, is across town planning to make Carly his wife for the fifth time, and she is jumping right back in to mob central, bandaging up a bullet-wounded never-before-seen goon. Let's just call him Ensign Ricky. Sonny just got his baby girl back, and after months of calm in the Corinthos household, the gunfire is back. Shawn is in jail, Duke is dead (or maybe alive and living in Jamaica with Anna, you never know in Port Charles), Max isn't really the most lethal of bodyguards, and Jason thinks he is Jake Doe. Sonny has no real protection. In spite of Julian's claims to be out of the business, I think it's safe to say no one believes him.
Right now, he's otherwise occupied, playing naughty games with Alexis in the Metro Court Hotel. Readers, I must admit that I will never view the room service guy the same way again. What a fun scene. As they parted, Julian asked Alexis if she believed he was out of the mob, and she said yes, but she's smarter than that which means she will keep her eyes open.
The person I feel the most sympathy for in Port Charles right now is Nina Clay. Sic-Ric and his creepy crying baby phone app are trying to convince Nina she is descending into madness again. That's low even for Ric. Sure, he once locked Carly in a panic room, but at least then his motive was love and not money. This ugly side of him is so dark, it's hard to watch. Ric has always been a fringe character that is at times delightful and good and at other times shady, but he's never been so deliberately soulless before. He created a fake baby blanket? He's bedding Nina's absolutely gorgeous but lethal septuagenarian mom all to get his hands on a little cash? This makes no sense to me. He came back wanting to prove to Molly what a good guy and dad he was. He's not destitute. I can't justify the character I know named Ric Lansing to be doing such a despicable thing for money. I just plain dislike this storyline. Serial killer Franco is the good guy in this scenario. Will Silas come clean and admit he kidnapped the baby to save Ava? He'd better.
What a terrible life this woman has had! She fell in love, got married, got pregnant, and then her husband cheated on her and her mother drugged her and put her in a coma for 20 years! After fighting her way back, losing her mind, kidnapping a baby, befriending a true lunatic (Heather), and finally coming out the other sidesomewhat stable -- Ric and Madeline are determined to drive her mad again. Oh Franco, I am rooting for you to be her savior with my whole heart! Plus I admit to having a little bit of a girl crush on Michelle Stafford.
However, I have very little sympathy for Valerie. In fact, I loathe her. She started sniffing around her cousin's husband from the minute she got to town and has never let up. Am I blaming her solely for what happened with Dante? No, of course not, they are equally to blame. But just like the first time he kissed her, she could have said no the second time, too, and walked away. She cannot justify her behavior. "Well, I thought my cousin was a whore so it was okay for me to sleep with her husband." Um, no. And to make matters worse, she went and confided in Dante's boss? Oh, please.
I have sympathy for her on the grief front. It's been tree years since I lost my mom and it's still hard, so I completely understand loss and pain. But...Fact: Grief therapy does not include sleeping with family members.
Of course, this problem is rampant in Port Charles. Morgan is sleeping with Kiki and also her mom/aunt. He just can't control himself! Of course, he has Sonny's DNA, too, so in soap logic, that's a perfectly justifiable reason.
Once Morgan and Ava/Denise are busted (and they will be), Kiki will go running back to Michael, but he's fallen for Sabrina, so maybe Kiki will bump into Dillon in the halls of the Q house and think she has a shot with him, but he will be busy tending to the brokenhearted Lulu who is weeping on his shoulder over Valerie's pregnancy and Dante's betrayal. And thus ends my glimpse into the crystal ball in my head.
One more bone to pick... (That's what she said.) Morgan and Denise had sex; can he still not tell that she is Ava? I mean, c'mon. He had sex with Ava like a million times; you'd think he'd recognize her body. My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, noted this week that Ava keeps adjusting her wig and tugging at it, but no one ever seems to notice. People with real hair don't pull at their head to straighten it out.
But, to be honest, I'm not too terribly invested in this storyline. The whole time that hot mess was on my screen I just kept seething because it was Friday and I still hadn't seen Li'l Jake, Liz, and Big Jake for three days. Stalling, stalling, stalling.
In my new award called the "EWWW Moment of the Week" -- the honor this time goes to the line, "Dante, did you change the sheets?" Ladies, I have been married 26 years, and I don't think my husband has ever changed the sheets. If he did, I would not thank him, I would become suspicious. That would be a huge red flag that those sheets contained evidence of some horrible sin. LOL
In spite of my impatience with GH, there were some very lovely moments this past week and one that really stood out for me was the Jake Doe and Monica Q scene where she lovingly told him about her son Jason Quartermaine. I have hope that with Billy Miller in this role, the new and improved Jason can be a hybrid of Jason Q and Jason Morgan. Maybe he can go back to medical school and instead of being Sonny's henchman, he can patch up the bullet wounds of nameless goons who get shot in Sonny's warehouse. Leslie Charleson had this beautiful motherly glow when she spoke of Jason; she was radiating love in each word, not knowing that he was sitting two feet from her. It was such a brilliant scene and hopefully a foreshadowing of things to come.
What will happen tomorrow? Will anyone remember that Ethan is still bleeding out in Canada and go back for him? Will Scotty Baldwin see Laura in town and ask if he can marry her for the third time? Will Valerie remind Jordan that she also hasn't been acting like a grown-up? Will Li'l Jake show any emotion whatsoever after having just discovered he has an entire family who thought he was dead and moving to a new continent in one day? Will Silas and Franco share a jail cell after the truth about Ava comes out? Will Scotty move critical evidence that could bring down two mobsters into a more secure location than his top desk drawer? Will any patients actually go to the A.J. Quartermaine Memorial Clinic when it's located inside a creepy house where several of people were murdered? Will I get what I really want before Tony Geary retires, which is an entire episode filled with a plethora of classic Luke clips that I can later buy on DVD?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
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