Daddy Dante's No Good, Terrible, Bad Week: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of May 5

General Hospital's Dante Falconeri didn't just have a super-bad week he'd likely like to forget; he's had a super-bad year that's just getting started. Dante was on a tear this week. Although we really just wanted him to shut his yap for about five minutes, we remembered what was to come from our favorite in-the-dark detective. Oh, what a tangled web one woman from Brooklyn weaves.

Dante, where do we even start? Oy vey

So, Dante let his son run wild and had no idea where he went after canceling a planned trip to a baseball game. Wait, no, he didn't. At least in the world according to Dante. That was Jason. Oh, that's right, it was Jason. But it was also Dante. Two high school-age boys went to a college party on the beach, but only one had to be rushed to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. That was Dante's son. Not Jason's.

But nope, you couldn't tell Dante that. Instead, all we did was watch Dante blame everyone else for not knowing where his son was or what he was doing. Dante's first "victim" was Gio, with his animosity for this kid he didn't even know was his, coming out of nowhere. Despite two teenage boys going to a college party and drinking, everything that happened became Gio's fault in a contrived plot that was so heavy-handed it made our heads spin.

Since when did Dante not like Gio and think of him as a spoiled, coddled kid who got away with everything? Never have we had any indication that Dante had a problem with Gio before this week. In fact, he has been a willing mentor for Gio. Never mind the fact that the entire Brook Lynn and Dante baby thing does not work with the entire GH timeline. Dante has been living in Port Charles for 16 years. Gio is 21. How did he watch the kid grow up when he left Brooklyn when Gio was 5? But we digress.

We tried very hard to be understanding of Dante's plight this week. He is still grieving Sam after Lulu was in a coma for four years. The idea of losing who he thinks is his only son became too much for Dante to bear. So, he spent the week shouting at people. Teens, college students, music managers, mob hitmen...it didn't matter to Dante.

Leave it to Rocco to set the record straight. Nobody forced him to go to the party. Nobody forced him to drink. He made these decisions on his own and owned up to his actions. Dante appreciated that, apologized to Lois, and then proceeded to take absolutely no blame himself.

We must hand it to Lulu, though, for putting the boys to work cleaning her house from top to bottom as punishment. That's exactly what this writer does to her teenage son whenever he becomes belligerent. Well done, Lulu.

Gio is our new best friend

How can anyone not love Gio? He spent a year as the violin-playing town crier, announcing all the soap-like news to anyone who would listen. Remember when he couldn't wait to tell Josslyn that her mother had sex with Sonny in Tracy's bedroom? (She didn't, but that's the story they were going with.) He also just had to spill the beans about Sasha's pregnancy because that tidbit was just too juicy to contain.

Now, his town crier days are over, and we are finally getting to know the real Gio. This week, we learned that Lois and the Cerullo brothers were always his fiercest protectors. We also discovered that Gio actually had a real college life before Port Charles and knew to get a bucket ready when your friend drinks too much. We can also guess none of his friends ever drank so much that they nearly died because he didn't recognize alcohol poisoning.

Perhaps the best discovery we made about Gio this week was that he has feelings. Dante truly hurt him, and it showed on his face and in his voice. His friendship with Emma is everything we need because it's real and honest, and we can't wait to see it develop into more as Gio becomes a fully fleshed-out character. We just have to know why it took a year for GH to truly do anything with this kid.

Brook Lynn and Chase have absolutely no clue

Meanwhile, soaps' healthiest couple, The Chases, are going through life completely oblivious to the whispered secrets surrounding them. They just want to adopt a baby and can't wait to get started. Oh, how innocent these two are. Just wait, Brook Lynn and Chase. If you think Lulu had been a problem before, just wait till she confirms who Gio really is and likely blurt it out at the Nurses' Ball.

It's like Jason...remembers...

Um, so how weird was it when Jason brought up AJ's teenage drinking and the accident that changed everything as if Jason was there for it? We know he technically was, but he was Jason Quartermaine. Jason Morgan told Danny the story of his Uncle AJ as if he had lived it, as if he remembered that fateful night when he tried to stop his drunk brother from driving and woke up a completely different person. We got chills as we willed Jason to say, "Wait, I remember that!" Our willing did no good, and Jason changed the subject, but man, imagine that moment if it ever does happen.

We're still not sure Jason's talk with Danny went far enough. Jason is also not sure. Yes, he needs Danny to check in every night by 9, but now Danny is on the honor system. Danny could be anywhere and just lie about where he is. That's something that hasn't occurred to Jason because his parenting skills are about as sad as Dante's right now. We can just imagine the hell Sam would give the both of them for how much they have screwed up this past week. At least Sam's mother is taking care of one of her kids, cause that other baby daddy...whoo boy.

Willow Waterford at your service

Nothing screams Gilead and moron more than Willow standing by Drew's side at a press conference dressed in a red version of Serena Waterford's teal Wife dress on The Handmaid's Tale. Or was that a Wife dress version of the Handmaid's dress? Either way, it was quite a jarring sight, but on par for our one-woman Cult of Drew.

Nina looks like she is about to give up on her dumb-dumb of a daughter and throw in the towel. Nelle is lookin' like a better option than ever now, huh, Nina? Too bad your superior daughter is dead — allegedly.

But seriously, this dingbat nurse who couldn't imagine how her cancer progressed to stage 4 when she refused to treat it, also doesn't know that vitamin infusions don't come in little glass vials placed in mini manilla envelopes. But Drew says it does! So, therefore, it must. Under his eye, indeed.

Leave it to Sasha to peg Willow's delusions for exactly what they are — a complete inability to admit when you are wrong. That's right. Willow blew up her entire life and family for the wrong man, and admitting it would turn her to dust. Willow sometimes feels like a microcosm of half a nation. Some fictional nation, of course.

Port Charles odd and ends

Yep, Kai and Trina are still nap-inducing. We thought we'd get that out of the way quick.

So, Brad is really gone, gone? Like, he bought a new pastel suit, quit the hospital, and just took off to parts unknown? We really didn't see that coming. We are going to assume he will be back someday, considering he got himself into bed with Drew (so to speak), and something is bound to go wrong with his newfound plans. Maybe his Aunt Selina will drag him back to Port Charles, although she seems to be MIA, as well.

OMG, Alexis, just tell Kristina you know what she did. Why let this stupid girl believe she is an innocent, precious flower just because she feels remorse for attempted murder? We also still don't understand why Lucky is protecting this nutjob from her own self. They never even shared scenes until this year, yet she suddenly seems to mean more to him than Elizabeth.

Emma HAS to be a WSB agent, right? She can't just be on a rogue mission of her own. If she is, then GH has missed a major opportunity because nobody would make a better super spy than the grandchild of soaps' premier super spies, Anna Devane and Robert Scorpio.

Till next week, Scoopers, when Emma discovers the dog ate her homework...or rather, Josslyn destroyed it.

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