Sorry, Craig Wesley, but as Albert Collins once told Chris Parker and the kids when their adventures through Chicagoland brought them to a bar, "Nobody leave this place without singing the blues." And just like that, Craig got to croon his innocence as Salem's suspect du jour last week. Just don't count your hourglasses before they're, uh, hatched because if you had "Craig with the knife in the bedroom," you might be part of the Salem P.D. That is, "You're wrong."
Yes. Craig was accused and interrogated. Rafe even broke out the smug face. Doc Wesley denied, denied, denied, of course. We also know the truth, but let me tell you, Kevin Spirtas manifested menacing marvelously. I was a tad afraid of him. By "tad," I mean this man can pull off a Hannibal Lecter-level petrifying stare, and I may or may not have wanted to hide under a blanket and go to my safe place, but I digress.
I give most in Salem a round of applause for listening to reason. Sans Rafe and a few others, even folks who don't like Craig came to his defense. They realized there's a big difference between a conniving jerk and a killer. Logic prevailed. It was a nice twist.
I know. I know. I buried the lede! The big twist. That is, if you had "Clyde with the knife in the bedroom," you are a master sleuth. You should apply to Black Patch and ask for a sign-on bonus.
So! It was Clyde. Vanilla cologne-soaked Clyde Weston with the knife in the bedroom (and Titan office). I'm still soaking this one in, as it were. I'm sure it will make sense. Soon. Though, someone please tell Ms. Lennox she's on. I need Annie to tell me "Y-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye-e-eye-why."
Granted, Clyde can even have bad blood with a boutonniere, so there's always a reason for him to get worked up, but murdering Mrs. DiMera seems out of the blue. Ish. My kneejerk reaction is that Abs discovered some fresh dirt on him while digging into a story for the Spectator. Maybe that's it.
Clyde's also not the forgiving kind. He holds a grudge. Maybe he still blames her for Ben's "Necktie" streak. Again, maybe.
There's also the "Salem Factor" of it all. Was it really Clyde!? There's a mask for every occasion these days, and Clyde was in jail with Dr. Rolf. You see where this is going...
Perhaps Herr Wilhelm studied Clyde's face and made a mask for someone. As far as crazy grudges go, perhaps Vivian had one against Abigail for supposed crimes against Stefan and set up Clyde for kicks. Odious Orpheus was also in Statesville with Pa Weston and isn't above framing someone. Or killing people. There's that option, too. I'm still clinging to my former D.A. Charles Woods theory, too. Again-again, maybe.
Andre in a Clyde mask? Abs did martini shaker him to death. DiMera is Italian for revenge. Not really, but sort of. A four-time maybe.
Fortunately, based on the latest promo, it looks like we'll discover the "why!" next week as to, well, why Clyde or someone wearing a Clyde mask or a doppelgänger or an interdimensional version of Clyde from the DAYS-verse or a time-traveling Clyde from the Time Jump storyline that doesn't seem to be a thing anymore killed Abigail, but one thing is for sure: Chaddie's got a gun. His whole world's come undone. This is not good for Chad. I hope that Will rushes to help his friend because, as of now, he and Sonny Bear are the only two that know Chad knows, you know.
Oh! Jada knows, too. Credit where a lot of credit is due; she figured it out, as well. I guess Rafe's "fresh eyes" approach worked. I just wonder how many other eyes were on that evidence since June. C'mon, Salem P.D.! Again, I digress.
Congrats on cracking this one, Jada! I'd like to say there's a long career for detectives that solve crimes on the force, but there's also a long career for those who don't. So, celebrate this victory. Competent or not, it might be your last. With that, I'm slowly sliding a Black Patch application form your way, Detective Hunter. Jada! Don't worry. I'll distract Rafe with something shiny, so things don't get awkward. More awkward. Well. We'll get to that later. Eek.
Also something to celebrate, Emily O'Brien and Greg Rikaart's bestie chemistry is off-the-charts entertaining. I know I shouldn't enjoy Gwen and Leo as much as I do, but I do. Their scenes last week were amazing. From the snark to the smart, I couldn't get enough. Sure. Them patching things up would be best for them, but I kind of like their uneasy alliance shtick. It reminds me of when Kate and Sami teamed up. Their common goal came with a side of long history and sassiness. More, please.
Finally, the worst part of Clyde being the killer (we think!) is that it's going to kill Nancy. Not really kill-kill her -- I hope -- but make her sad. Hasn't she suffered enough? I hate that another man has manipulated her. Sure. She rushed into things with Clyde, and everyone who loved her sounded the alarm bells, but still. Shucks. I hate this for her.
I'm glad Nancy has Craig and the rest of her family's support. She'll need it. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but she'll certainly need Bonnie to bolster her spirits once again, and, while it's too soon to say, "I told you so," maybe Nance should start listening to Chloe, who is on one hell of a winning streak these days.
In fact, let's start this section off right. Everybody all together now, "Let's go, Chloe! *clap clap clap clap clap* Let's go, Chloe! *clap clap clap clap clap*" What does "V-I-C-T-O-R-Y" spell!? If you answered, "Chloe," you're right!
I mean. Seriously, the Chlomeister for the win! Not only has she been a tough love-toting bestie to Nicole, in charge of Salem's brain for a while now, and able to shank an El Noodle, but now she can also add "Kristen Slayer" to her résumé. I loved that she saved the day for Brady, using smarts and determination. Sure, we'll have to endure more of Kristen going after her eventually, but I will savor this sweet victory in the meantime.
Also, yay! Brady won full custody (again, thanks to Chloe). I loved the hearing, but I'm glad it was short and sweet. Though, including Craig's stares, we're also adding "John Erupting" as one of the scariest things in Salem. His "You miserable bitch!" comment as he sprung from his seat was like watching Bruce Banner turn a shade or two green. Super scary, and "That's a fact." John's later comments were more funny than frightening, though.
Orpheus may not know that Cyclops isn't in the Justice League, but that burn was still funny. Sorry, Steve. Not so amusing -- him slowly killing Kayla, Doc, and Kate. Not cool, Orph. Not cool. Still, I'm into this storyline, especially based on the fall promo. It looks like a lot of Salemites (including former ones) will be playing a part in it. Yes, please.
I'm total Team Chad when it comes to Stefan. That's a big "No, thank you" for me, too. Also, Chad's reaction was as funny as it was furious.
E.J. wants to team up with Stefan. This is weird. Not weird-weird, as it makes sense, but weird as in watching E.J. and Stefan interact is weird. I can't explain it. It's like watching someone from Saved by the Bell interact with their counterpart on Saved by the Bell: The New Class. Can't we just focus on the original and send the sequel back to his coma?
The best part of the entire "Xander and Sarah Have a Fight" saga was Jack's "It's been 24 hours!" reaction. That was hilarious. The rest? Not as funny. Slightly confusing. A smidge maddening. And totally needed to be taken down a notch.
Sonny freaked the flip out on Alex. I get it. I've met Alex. Still, watching Sonny scream at someone is like a Care Bear becoming unhinged and roaring. Though the "roar" is more of a "squeak" or Pillsbury Doughboy giggle. Which pretty much means Alex is right. Sonny's not a killer, but he is a functioning human person. Alex should look into that. More so, what a team a Killer and a Care Bear would make for Titan. Steph's greatest achievement could be getting them to work together.
We had the following exchange between Nicole and Jada:
"Oh, Detective Hunter."
"I keep telling you, Mrs. Hernandez, please, call me Jada."
"And I keep telling you, Jada, to call me Nicole."
A quote from Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23's Luther can translate this one for us perfectly. He once said, "Bitch, please. Bitch."
I might not have strong feelings about Eric and Jada (and since it's a soap, she's surely hiding something, I bet), but I was there for her giving Nicole the what's what. You go Detec -- Jada! Ironically, it was when Jada showed up to return Eric's phone that they had this "I have your number" argument. Go figure. Anyway...
Nicole needs to shut it down. By "Shut it down," I mean she needs to choose which thing to do that with -- her feelings for Eric, her marriage to Rafe, her weird outburst, and so on. Nicole, if nothing else, has never been wishy-washy. She's always had a clear goal, be it a baby or a man or a martini. She knows what she wants. I think she does now, though she's just not ready to admit it, but this land of limbo and lunacy is not a good look for the otherwise fabulous Ms. Walker, err, Mrs. Hernandez. Whoops! Nicole.
Wow. I'm bad today. I've buried the lede again. Eric and Nicole admitted they had sexy time dreams about one another. Then he ran away. That checks. This storyline has me getting on my sneakers, too.
Let's C+C this last part. In "Things That Make You Go Hmmmm..." news, Marlena spoke with an agoraphobic patient named Michael. According to the fabulous fall promo, a certain Dr. Horton comes back to Salem. Coincidence!? "Hmmmm..."
McClain vs. O'Brien will forever go down as one of my favorite fights in DAYS history. Most have waited several years to watch Jennifer finally rage at Gwen, and damn, did she ever! It took some pills for Jennifer to lose her politeness, and while we worry about Jenny Bear, I mean, that scene was epic. Cady and Emily were both beyond brilliant. I'm thinking some wine and re-watching that one again. Cheers, Cady and Emily!
Please see the above rant about Nancy being played a fool again. It's not cool. At all.
LINE(S) OF THE WEEK
Roman: "You are in a horrible position. I know that, Kate. I got kids. Hell! I got Sami."
Chloe (to Kristen): "Good luck, Clarence Darrow."
Brady (to Kristen): "I hope you choke on your hypocrisy."
EXCHANGE OF THE WEEK
Kate: "Nice to see you."
Chloe: "It is? What's wrong with her?"
Nancy asking Clyde if there was another woman or man cracked me up. I mean, you can't blame a gal.
I also lost it over Xander's description of Leo -- "a scam artist and a buffoon." He's SO not wrong.
At least Gwen was honest when she admitted she turned in Leo (mostly) out of spite.
Sarah stated, "I may have overreacted." Just a smidge, sweetie. Just. A. Smidge. Though, her brain went from Renée DuMonde to Pre-K Sarah then back to Original Recipe in a short time. I guess a little glitch in her matrix is going to happen from time to time.
Remember when Maggie and Marlena used to be good friends? Yeah. About that...
John's tear on the witness stand was a gut-punch. I'm not crying, too. You are!
Rafe and Gabi scenes make me happy.
Clyde complaining, "I'm tired of waiting around" to get married made me laugh. Muh dude. It's been less than 24 since you proposed. Chillax...and burn in Soap Hell for killing Abby and stabbing Sonny.
Update: Ciara, Ben, and Baby Bo are in Nova Scotia, digging for fresh clams. Mystery solved! Now we know the secret of where Brady heirs go and why the chowder tastes so good at the pub.
Another update? Sure! Kate spoke with Philip. He's doing well and going to therapy. No word on if he's made a ceramic "Dad" mug in arts and crafts, though.
Pills aside, that was a very sweet Jack and Jennifer moment.
That was clever that Sonny saw Clyde in the reflection.
Not to be nitpicky, but when did broke Leo get a car? If he's always had one, why did he worry about sleeping in the park!? A car isn't exactly the Salem Inn, but it's better than being out in the elements. And, you know, he'd never have been a murder suspect.
"A slow cooker raining Sloppy Joes all over Eric" is kind of talking teddy bear and elephant statue territory. As in, "We good." Let's let this one go, too.
Gina Gallego as the judge was kind of funny, given her last stint as Warden Smith was the complete opposite. She was a shady lady. Not only that, but Stacy Haiduk played the warden role first. So, we got two former Warden Smiths for the price of one scene!
Also, I wish Gina had a larger role. She's a great actress!
Also-also, Gina Gallego totally reminds me of Linda Ronstadt, and as Martha Stewart would say, "It's a good thing."
Speaking of Marthas, our Martha -- Madison -- crushed Belle's scenes last week. From her confrontation with Kristen to concern for Marlena, 'Tink was terrific.
Nancy told Chloe and Brady to go put on something nice. They already looked smashing. I'd be crushed and spin through everything in my closet after that.
I feel one step closer to being as cool as the Chlomeister. I have the same pineapple decoration she has on her desk. I mean, I should probably just put my résumé in at Basic Black and expect to become her new bestie. Oh, the fun working lunches we'll have (when not being threatened with letter openers)!
Clyde might be a scumbag -- sorry! -- murdering scumbag, but James Read can certainly be swoon-worthy when getting to show off his romantic lead side.
Jennifer is a beast. I know I shouldn't be impressed, but I cannot take a pill without water.
I can't get used to hearing "Nancy Miller." I'm so used to her married name, Wesley. Maybe Craig has a straight brother she can marry and regain the name once again.
Eric's white T-shirt and vest combo screamed "photographer on Melrose Place circa '94." Or something Alison would wear. Either way, that's not a complaint.
I loved that Nicole's dress had thumbholes in the sleeves. She also looked like she should be going to a "Cold Slither" concert circa '85. Again, not a complaint.
I kind of want to read the court stenographer's notes. She had the best seat in the house to all that drama. I bet she could sell that to the tabloids for a pretty penny.
Patrika Darbo's performances last week were pitch perfect. I suspect another Emmy in her future.
I get that the stakes were high, but Sonny handled the pressure of Chad and Will's "just relax" interrogation better than I would have, especially after being woken. I'm a mess for at least an hour after I get up. A second after lulling him, they basically began to yell. I would have turned into Chunk from The Goonies and started spilling everything.
Also, saying "stay calm" never works. Ever. I'm nervous just thinking of that.
The standing ovation for Billy Flynn needs to continue into week, well, I've lost track of the weeks, but his brilliance has certainly not been lost on fans! #we'renotworthy
Jack and Jennifer talked about Thomas' school having a fundraiser. I wonder if the SORAS machine needs an expensive upgrade. When the school states it's "K-12," it literally means that within a trip through the device, a small Salemite will soar a decade or two. See you at your grad school graduation in a few weeks, Tommy.
So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's it for September 26. I cannot wait for Laurisa's column next week! We know everything but the "Why!?" Clyde killed Abigail and went stabby on Sonny. Until then, I'm off to have a sundae night with myself because, you know, "Abigail would want that." As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."
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