Something wicked this way comes

For the Week of August 1, 2011
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GH Two Scoops: Something wicked this way comes
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There's a chill in the air in Port Charles, despite the blistering heat. Evil is lurking around every corner, and I couldn't be happier. That's right. I'm embracing the dark side.

There's a chill in the air in Port Charles, despite the blistering heat. Evil is lurking around every corner, and I couldn't be happier. That's right. I'm embracing the dark side.

Garin Wolf has only been on the job a short time, but already there has been a wonderful shift in storylines, atmosphere, and pace. I haven't reached for the fast forward button all week! If I had, I might have missed the mysterious shadows at the Cassadine mansion, the expensive black shoes following Carly, the jewelry-clad arm of the unknown woman talking to Anthony, the cryptic note that Alexis read as the wind whistled and blew out a candle, and all the other harbingers that something wicked this way comes.

Helena Cassadine is back and plotting the demise of the Spencer clan; Anthony is knee deep in drugs, trying to get a foot in ELQ, and conversing with a mysterious woman who likes jewelry; shadows are creeping around the Cassadine fortress; drug dealers shot up Lucky Spencer; the Spencer kids are always one lighter flick away from arson; Nikolas has embraced his dark side; Jax wants his daughter back; and Sonny is breaking down doors. Yep, trouble is a-brewing all over town.

I'm a little concerned that Helena may go old-school Cassadine with a weather scheme of some sort to try to freeze the world again. She actually used the word "weathered" earlier this week, and there certainly has been a lot of talk about those coconut "blizzard" cupcakes. On second thought, that's crazy. Surely, Helena knows we're in the midst of global warming.

But I agree with Spinelli -- oops, Jackal P.I. -- those cupcakes aren't just cupcakes. I'm not sure what's in them: drugs, diamonds or clues, but if Anthony is involved, you can bet more than sugar and frosting is being whipped up at that bakery.

It looks like Mr. Wolf has a lot of mysteries brewing, from the groundwork laid this week. But he countered all the drama with romance, too, and a few shirtless men. Thank you! Jason and Sam are newly betrothed, and Robin and Patrick reconnected at the hospital. We actually saw some love in the afternoon. So, bring on the bad guys, Mr. Wolf, and all the mysteries you've planted. I believe that under this new regime, GH will remember that it's time the good guys win.


Lucky, if I were married to that shrill, combative harpy, Siobhan, I'd be reaching for some pills, too. It's clear that whatever happened to Siobhan, during surgery, has altered her personality. She's stalking Elizabeth and picking fights with everyone. If Siobhan's personality shift wasn't enough to indicate that something is wrong with this lass, the bleeding nose gave it away for sure.

Once again, I'm questioning my beloved Mac's judgment when it comes to his police department. Putting Lucky, the drug addict, on an undercover drug case is not the best move, Mac. Frankly, I wasn't sure all week whether or not Lucky had taken those pills or not. He had sweat on his forehead and kept caressing that bottle like a long-lost lover. Then, he nonchalantly tossed them in an alley for any kid to find. That seemed strange to me. Did he replace the pills with aspirin, or am I way overthinking this? Regardless, things ended badly for Lucky, as he was forcibly shot up on Friday. I'm not sure why Anthony is so invested in Lucky becoming drug addicted again, but I'm sure we'll find out soon enough.

Sonny is taking his breakup to Brenda so hard that he returned to his miserable childhood home and broke down the doors. At least he isn't breaking barware yet. I couldn't help but chuckle at that woman who tossed coins in Sonny's coffee cup when he was sitting on the stoop. Sonny is about to hit bottom again, I fear.

Is anyone else confused as to why newly dismissed Chief of Staff Steven Webber doesn't know anything about the pills missing from the hospital? It seems to me that he and new Chief of Staff Robin Scorpio Drake should be all over this.

I can't believe Jason and Sam don't have Maxie outside his apartment day and night, looking for Sam's "flawless" engagement ring. Dropping that priceless, uninsured gem was one of the sillier things Maxie has done lately. Seriously, Sam has suffered physical consequences due to Jason's world, so she deserves some bling. I hope Maxie finds that ring soon. If Sam has to wear that hardware lug nut as an engagement ring much longer, I think Alexis will hyperventilate herself into a coma.

It was a tough week for Elizabeth again. First, Siobhan attacked her at every turn, Helena called Liz "a woman who wears desperation like some women wear perfume," Elizabeth found out Jason and Sam are engaged, and then Epiphany yelled at Liz for stopping an orderly, without a hospital ID, from entering the drug closet. (Sorry Epiphany, but Liz was right about that one!) I'd like to say things are going to get better for Lizzie, but considering where Lucky ended up on Friday, it's not looking good.

I do get tired of Robin lecturing Carly and Patrick, but this time she was justified. If I found my husband fork-feeding pancakes to a hot blonde who hates me, I think they both would have been wearing the syrup. "Inappropriate" indeed!

The Cassadines have always been creepy, but this week was especially strange. When Nikolas leaned in to kiss his grandmother -- what looked like full on the lips -- my jaw dropped. Eww! That was the strangest thing I've ever seen, even though he kissed her jaw. And who wants to take bets on the identity of the creepy shadow? Could it be Emily? Katherine Bell? Stefan? Stavros or Laura? I'm game for anyone at this point.

I've said it before, but it warrants repeating. Anthony is the funniest villain. His scenes with Jackal P.I., Johnny, Maxie, and Tracy had me howling. When he was "stalking" Tracy at the spa, bragging about his "excellent stamina," I laughed out loud. And for all those who e-mailed me, confused as to how Anthony was released from jail, well, just check out his explanation at the end of this column in the Best Lines of the Week. Priceless.

Speaking of Johnny... Did anyone else appreciate his towel-wrapped torso? Wow. I sure did. Thanks, show honchos, for the eye candy. We also got a shirtless Patrick this week. Good times!

It's too bad that Johnny didn't open the door to Ethan in only a towel, with Kristina in his house. I would have loved to have seen Ethan's reaction to that. In fact, I forgot how much I enjoyed Johnny and Kristina's scenes. More please.

No offense, but I stopped caring about the character of Shawn months ago, when he started lecturing Jax and tried to keep Jax from taking his own daughter home from the hospital. And that's a shame, because I was really excited when his character first came to town. I hate it when bad writing ruins a character.

What a great week of GH we had, Scoopers. I'm still pinching myself that Jason and Monica finally had a meaningful talk about how he left the Quartermaine family and took Michael into Sonny's world. And, wow, did Monica let Jason have it: "If you want to make life and death decisions, then you should have been the doctor you set out to be. Then, maybe we wouldn't be mourning the loss of a little boy!" Ouch. Preach it, girl! Even the usually stoic Jason seemed flustered when she called him out on removing Jake from the mob world, but putting Michael squarely in it. "I helped bring him back!" Jason defended, alluding to Michael's new job at ELQ. "I'm not done talking about this!" Monica stated, before marching out. Oh, I hope not, Dr. Q. These are long-overdue conversations.

If I never have to see Helena taunting Dante about his "weapons" again, it will be too soon. Those sexual innuendos were just creepy. He looks like a high school kid next to Helena.

I so love the old names that keep popping up in conversation: Ned, Dillon, Stefan, Laura, etc. With the Quartermaines, hopefully, taking center stage again, I'm begging the writers to please bring back Wally Kurth as Ned and recast Dillon. The time is right!

If you are one of the hundreds who have e-mailed me that you stopped watching the show and only keep up through these columns, then I'm begging you to tune back in. This is the perfect time, folks. New stories are being planted and old faces are appearing. This week was superb. Characters that rarely converse were intermingling. Jason and Liz had a great talk. Monica joked that she'd been to every medical convention on the planet. Coleman and Anthony were hitting on Tracy. Good times.

It's rare in a daytime drama for a character to get dizzy and for it not to have been an omen of a future illness or pregnancy. So, I'm a bit concerned that Kristina was dizzy this week. Did those head injuries from her beating do damage? Is she sick? Did Kiefer give her an STD? Is it withdrawal from Lisa's drugs?

I'm sorry to say that Steve and Olivia are the most boring couple I've ever seen on GH. Olivia and Johnny were hot. Steve and Lisa were intriguing. But for some reason, this couple is a bust. Even a shirtless Steve can't save this pairing for me. Next.

Speaking of Olivia, I don't understand this woman anymore. She kept her own child from Sonny for his entire life, to protect him, yet she wouldn't step up and help Jax. All Olivia had to do was tell the cops that she saw the court-appointed mediator at Sonny's place, right before the mediator set up Jax.

I know Jax has lost his daughter and his reputation, but I don't want to see him lose his mind, too. This show has had enough characters go temporarily insane and act out, and I don't want him to join the list. Although, after breaking that picture frame and ripping Carly's photo out, it looks like it may be too late. Jax, go back to Rome and save yourself.

I was on vacation the week Jax was framed and when Brenda finally turned back into Brenda and called out Sonny for his tactics, so I didn't get to talk about it. Kudos to Ingo Rademacher for those fantastic scenes at the police station, when he broke down at the thought of losing Joss. And I was cheering Brenda on for finally saying what we all have been for years: Sonny could leave the mob if he wanted, to keep his family safe. I hate that Brenda's story ended this way, but the woman on my screen for the past few months was not the Brenda I always adored. So, Godspeed, Brenda.

I absolutely loved the Alexis/Jason/Sam scenes this week when Alexis visited to congratulate them on the engagement. I can only hope we have family dinners and holiday time with the Davis family in our future. Jason will be begging to go back to the Quartermaines.

Best Lines of the Week

(Tracy Quartermaine goes to dive-bar Jake's for a drink, and the bartender is shocked to see her.)
Coleman: "Well, hello there, foxy. Did your driver get lost on his way to the country club?"

(Attorney Alexis hugs mobster Jason and awkwardly congratulates him on his engagement to her daughter.)
Alexis: "I'm just so happy. (Clears throat.) And my throat is itching."
Jason: "Do you need something for that, a drink of water or something?
Sam: "A horse tranquilizer?"

(Anthony annoys Tracy at the spa, and she threatens to report him to his parole officer.)
Anthony: "I was given an outright release."
Tracy: "With your criminal record? That's outrageous!"
Anthony: "No, but it was expensive."

(Maxie tries to jog "Jackal P.I.'s" memory by telling him he once quoted beautiful love poems to her.)
Spinelli: "Limericks are more my thing: There once was a girl from Kentucky..."

Reader Spotlight

Thanks everyone for such great reader feedback the last couple weeks. Keep them coming! (Click the Feedback option at the top of the page, the email link at the end of the column, or by clicking here.)

  • Why has no one brought up Jasper Jax's crazy brother, Jerry, during the custody hearings? He is way worst than Sonny. If I recall, a few years ago, Jax had guards all the time around him for being a ruthless corporate raider. If Joss was living at Jax's, he would have had guards at his house too, to fend off Franco. (This was) just a terrible way to have written my loveable Jax off of GH. Very disappointing. -- Joyce

  • General Hospital's newly installed head writer, Garin Wolf, has made no secret of his belief that the show needed to bring back its core families and key characters. I really hope this is true... Fans have been asking for years, to bring back key characters, core families, romance, drama, the history of the show, and characters to be remembered. --- Slicia

  • Thank you for your positive comments in (a recent) Two Scoops regarding the upcoming romance of Kristina and Ethan. Some of us saw the sparks almost two years ago when they first met, have loved the friendship that the two have slowly and cautiously cultivated, and have been waiting for this inevitable romance to take off. (I) can hardly wait! And ditto on Ethan's new adorable haircut. -- Cia

  • I think it is time for Jerry Jax to come back and settle the score with Sonny for messing up his little brother's life. The only thing Jerry ever cared about was Jax and time for Sonny and his mob storyline to bite the dust! --- AJ

Jennifer Biller
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