Right Back Where We Started: General Hospital Two Scoops for the Week of September 8-12

There was no point in General Hospital choosing to shoot Drew Cain, except for us to wonder who shot Drew Cain. Considering the fact that he is just fine and as gross as ever, do we even care who shot him? At least nobody is pretending he was a good guy, not even Willow at this point — so again, what was the point?

Drew is still ewww

How many times do we have to type that sentiment? Not only did Drew not end up comatose or paralyzed, but he also didn't even wake reflecting on the kind of person he has been that someone felt the need to shoot him in the back twice. Nope, he woke as rotten as ever, ready to perpetrate revenge. He also woke asking for Willow. Not for his daughter, but for his nephew's ex-wife, with whom he is apparently obsessed.

In fact, Drew's obsession with Willow is bordering on pathological and is wholly terrifying. He is so single-minded, it's scary. Why does he need this woman in his life so much that he has convinced himself he is the only one who can save her, meaning get her kids back?

And Willow? Why has she convinced herself that he is the only one who can get her kids back? She certainly doesn't seem to want to be with him or around him, and isn't even putting on a very good act. Oh, she was so busy with work, she just didn't get around to visiting Drew until two episodes into his great awakening. Amazingly, Drew bought that excuse.

Alibis 'r us

We also have to wonder...did Willow do it? Willow is clearly the most obvious suspect, at least to the audience. First, the shadow over Drew's body had short hair like Willow's, and second, she had been acting stranger than anyone else since Drew was shot, and before Drew was shot. From stalking Daisy to her odd choices and disappearances, Willow has not quite seemed like herself. Perhaps Nellow did pull the trigger.

But again, isn't that just too obvious? With all the characters scrambling for alibis in this mess, everyone seems obvious. Michael paid Jacinda to be his alibi and went to great lengths to make it look as if they had slept together twice. Curtis asked Portia to be his false alibi. And Nina gave both herself and Willow an alibi by lying to the police by claiming she and Willow were out taking a walk in the rain, as people are apt to do.

Dante, Chase, and Anna don't actually believe any of these alibis. Well, except Chase, who insists on believing Willow is a delicate flower who can do no wrong because he is apparently living in 2018 and forgot she cheated on him while they were married.

Again, watching half the town scramble for alibis in the shooting of a character the audience universally hates falls flat when the victim has faced absolutely no consequence from the shooting, not even an extended coma. Even Days of our Lives' EJ DiMera got that much. He also woke wanting to be better (easier said than done, but the sentiment was there), unlike Creepy Eww Drew.

Spies like us

So, Croatia is over, and we are thanking the soap opera gods that one of the silliest "adventure" stories we have ever seen has finally come to a close. We still have no idea what Britt was really doing in that lab, and certainly still have no idea why Josslyn is a WSB agent.

We never saw any consequences for double agent Colette, we have no idea where Pascal is, and we were forced to watch Josslyn recover from her adventure with Vaughn in an Australian bed. Cause if Josslyn can't have sex after a traumatic experience, then who even is she?

The Britch is finally back (in Port Charles)

Even with one episode down, it's much more interesting to see Britt interact at General Hospital than it was to see her on some pointless resort set. It's her old stomping grounds where she was once chief of staff and where she even has a portrait on the memorial wall (that should probably be taken down).

Liesl's reaction to seeing her daughter alive and well was everything we could have hoped for, but the rest of the reactions fell a little flat. Dante and Lulu could only think of keeping Britt away from Rocco, and not the fact that a dead woman was standing before them.

Liesl took things to an unexpected place when she whacked Britt across the face for faking her own death and putting her mother through all that torture and pain, but at least it was interesting, so there's that.

However, one thing seems a little off and contrived with this story. Rocco has been living in Port Charles his entire life, including when Britt was living there last. We recall her making a passing comment to Maxie that the name Rocco was dumb, but otherwise, she rarely even thought about him or referred to him in any way. She certainly didn't call him Ben. Why did she pay him no mind for years and is suddenly so interested in him now? As a plot purpose, we guess. And not a natural one at that.

Just let NuCharlotte see Valentin

Charlotte is all grown up with an attitude to go with it, as well as a driver's license her mother took away. But that means our boyfriend Valentin is back. HOORAY! Okay, so he was only a mustached figure on a computer screen, but that's enough for us. It would probably be enough for a lonely Anna, as well.

We knew Valentin couldn't waste away in an international prison forever. What fun would that be? Valentin needs to be slinking around Port Charles, muddying things up. Or he needs to be with Anna. Or both. But we guess the first step is Lulu allowing Valentin to see her dad. Oh, and since she called him just that, does that mean we're done with the "Papa" nonsense?

Odd and Ends

Michael and Jacinda? Hmmmm... It could work since Sasha decided to skip town and Reach Across the Ocean Willow is off her rocker. Michael needs someone, so why not a prostitute who was ready to blackmail his rotten uncle? We're not sure if this is what GH has planned for Michael, but the show has to do something with him at this point. Is he going to be without a love interest like Jason was for nearly two years?

Where the heck is Ric Lansing? Yes, we know he is in Alexis' basement, chained to a gurney with a ball gag in his mouth, but why can't we see him? We are sick of just hearing about Ric's predicament. Where is the fun if we can't watch it play out?

So, Portia is done with Isaiah already and let him know it in her matter-of-fact Portia-like way. She doesn't have time for affairs, but just wait until this latest romp has a little dividend, cause we know that's coming, right?

Till next week, Scoopers, when Britt will have a whole lot of explaining to do to a whole lot of people

Catch all-new episodes of General Hospital weekdays on ABC and Hulu.