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 Two Scoops: July 12, 2010 columns
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Pine Valley: This place is Looney Tunes
For the Week of July 12, 2010
Normally soap opera nightmares are only spooky to the on-screen character having the dream. That wasn't the case last week. When JR was lounging at the beach house and had his vision of dueling love interests, I found the whole thing creepy. Marissa's "I love you so much" and I'm-gonna-hold-you-and-squeeze-you-and-love-you-forever-and-ever routine would have made me run for the hills. Then there was Annie, doing her slutty best with sexual innuendos and whispers. The only thing that was missing was an inflatable pool filled with Jell-O. Wrestling aside, to a certain extent, the dream reminded me of those old cartoons where an angel and devil would sit on a character's shoulder and tell them what they should do.


Aside from all of that, how fast did JR fall asleep? He lay down on the sofa and had his dream within three seconds. JR is obviously not a man who needs that glow-in-the-dark butterfly medicine we often see advertised during the commercials.


All hope has not yet been lost on Annie. I was kind of surprised when she had her heart-to-heart talk with Colby later in the week regarding Damon. I'm sure a lot of people watched Colby give up her internship in disbelief. While we might be inclined to think that this sort of stuff only happens on the soaps, I'm sure we all know someone who has done something stupid over a boy/girl. Still… what an idiot. Okay, okay. I'm being judgmental. There's no love lost between Annie and Colby, so it was somewhat gratifying to see Annie step up and warn Colby not to throw her life away for a boy. I know Colby hasn't had an on-screen love interest before, but she's acting like a 13-year-old. Stop whining and pull it together!


I'd have to imagine that if Adam were still around, he'd be the one giving Colby the talk. "Good heavens, Colby! That boy… is nothing but trouble," he'd probably yell. If you try, I bet you can even hear Adam saying those words in your head. Of course, there are no grownups in Pine Valley any more -- and those that are old enough to be grownups don't often act like it.


On the topic of grownups... congratulations, Tad! It's a boy! I need to brush up on my adoption facts because the whole process confused me a little. If Damon is really Tad's biological child, why does he have to adopt him? And why did they need Paul Miller's permission since Damon is over 18? I'm sure this was all explained somewhere in the course of dialogue, but it didn't interest me all that much, so I may have tuned it out. Hopefully Damon will come to realize that the Martin gang has welcomed him into the fold and he'll stop with all his badass shenanigans.


For those of you playing the home game, of the two new characters most recently introduced to All My Children --- one's a Martin and one's a Cortlandt (or a Cooney, if you want to be technical). It seems the writers have quickly figured out that randomly placed characters with no ties to anyone don't often go over well with the viewers. As previously mentioned, there's a new character coming in the weeks ahead named Asher Pike, who will figure into the Damon/Colby relationship. Do you think we'll go three-for-three and have Asher be related to someone already on the canvas -- or is he a nomad with no ties to anyone in Pine Valley?


It didn't take All My Children too long to find a new outdoor spot, did it? The ABC soap has found a new location for its remotes. It's not exactly the seashore, but I suppose it will do. It looks to me like AMC is filming those sequences in Griffith Park in Los Angeles, but I could be wrong. [UPDATE: Since posting this column, I've since learned that the scenes are being filmed in a park near Pasadena.]


It must have been a company-wide field trip because everyone ended up in the great out-of-doors. Let's see, there was Jack, Erica, David, and Caleb who were out there playing in the wilderness. Even Madison and Ryan got into the action with their best interpretation of a romantic comedy. I hate to admit this, but their short-distance calls were kinda cute, in a schmaltzy kind of way. I think the recent heat here in the East has fried my brain because I'm not usually this sappy.


But I'm not quite as cranky as Caleb. Can someone please do me a favor and steal that man's shotgun. That old Smith & Wesson gets more airtime than some of the show's contract players (Hello, Frankie!). I understand that the show is playing off of some of its classic storylines. It could have been amusing, but Caleb has become Pine Valley's version of Elmer Fudd -- without the speech impediment. It's not wabbit season or duck season, it's everybody season! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that what Caleb is really hunting is about 5'3" in heels with long chestnut hair.


I also love that Caleb still calls Erica "Dorothy." I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person that gives people new names.


Caleb's arrival booted David and Greenlee out of the South Beach version of Wildwind, giving David one more person to hate. I was a bit taken aback by David's claim that it would take "a couple of years" to build a new home for him and Greenlee. A couple of years?! That would have to be some house.


dan


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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