Dear readers, sometimes I ease into my column with a personal anecdote or a way I relate to General Hospital and why it keeps me tuned in after all these years.
But not today. Today I want to just get right to it. The serial killer storyline is making me CRAZY.
In this age of Ring doorbell cameras and home security, I find it impossible to suspend my disbelief as far as GH is hoping I will. I have home security through my cable company. It's $19.99 a month, and I have cameras in my house. What I typically use it for is to see what my dog is doing while I am at work, but the point is, I can at any time of the day or night click my phone and see what is happening in my house. So, if an average chick like me can do that for $20 a month, how can I accept that a hotel like the Metro Court or a major hospital in New York has no security cameras and no way to see a serial killer roaming the hallways, wreaking havoc? My disbelief cannot be suspended that far. Am I out of touch? Is it only here in California that people have home security?
From the moment that Ryan stabbed Lulu and she dragged herself out of her office, into an elevator, and into the Metro Court dining room, and then Ryan went blind and dragged himself out into the same corridor and onto the same elevator (how did he know which button to push?) -- there is NO security camera footage of either of these things?
Ugh. The last time I was this riled up at GH was when Ric Lansing had Carly held captive in his panic room and Elizabeth was staring at the button that opened the panic room door and wondered, "What is this big button for here on the bookshelf?" and I was screaming at my TV, "PUSH IT!"
It's absolutely maddening to me. I want Jordan to get fired after this all comes out and for Robert Scorpio to retire from the WSB and take over the PCPD. At least Jordan is a little resistant to buying the tidy package of evidence Ryan left for them and is considering the possibility that Franco was framed. Margaux, on the other hand, is ready to pounce.
Here's my main sticking point… GH has built a group of characters that are generally exceptionally smart and savvy, but suddenly, all those smart people are dumb as a rock. I don't like that. I have watched so many years of soaps, I can watch the evening news, see a real-life crime, hear the shady explanation of the suspect, and say, "He did it." I know you can, too. It's just so obvious that it's Ryan/Kevin. But the PCPD keeps calling him in to consult and having him hypnotize people, and he is stopping by Ferncliff to treat a patient who looks exactly like him, insisting he's not Ryan, and instructing staff to keep him drugged up -- and no one ever flinches.
Laura knows "Kevin" is off, has been acting strangely, isn't himself, and has had a mental breakdown in the past, yet with all of that knowledge, Laura still let him "hypnotize" Lulu? With NO ONE IN THE ROOM?? Ugh! Get a second opinion, for heaven's sake. Go to Mercy Hospital across town and find another shrink.
Which brings me to my next rant...Where did Ryan learn to hypnotize people while he's been locked up in a straitjacket at Ferncliff for 30 years? Is that one of the extracurricular activities taught at the psychiatric hospital along with art therapy and charades?
Could I just randomly decide to hypnotize you and sit down on a chair and tell you that some guy tried to murder you and you'd believe it?
Has anyone ever seen Franco in a suit, an overcoat, and dress shoes? Do Franco and Kevin really wear the exact same size of shoes and have the exact same brand of shoes? Hasn't the killer tried to frame two other people for his previous murders, as Elizabeth pointed out to Jordan? So many questions and inconsistencies! Maybe Liz should give up nursing and become a detective, since she is better at noticing clues and patterns.
The one thing that is making this tolerable for me is that Liz and Ava both know Franco would never hurt Kiki. If they believed he was guilty, I would be even angrier than I am.
Next up: Griffin... When Ryan signed up to give blood, I said to my husband (who was just casually in the room with me and in no way watching GH...) "No way Ryan is actually going to give blood because his blood might not match Kevin's." He was just there to eerily stalk Griffin and have the fun serial killer satisfaction of saying, "You're next" to him.
But the next part is another stupid plot point... "Hey, we want to honor Kiki with a memorial brick in the courtyard, and the best way to pick the spot is up on the rooftop of the hospital." Griffin asks no questions and goes along. 1) Have they done any memorial bricks for anyone else? 2) Has anyone ever asked Griffin to go on the roof to view the spot? 3) Why would Griffin be the person to choose, since they had only just started dating? 4) Wouldn't Griffin say, "Hey, I think we should ask Ava to join us, since she's Kiki's mom."? So many questions and inconsistences here, too!
Maybe they will send Franco to Ferncliff, and he will find the real Kevin and save the day. Maybe Ava will smarten up and figure out that her new boo is the killer. But no, she's on her way to apologize to him, thinking she has done him wrong. Did he already kill Griffin?
There are rumors that Matt Cohen is set to leave GH, but as yet, they are unconfirmed. If it's true, it's possible the writers will send him off in the serial killer storyline to make for a dramatic exit. I have to wonder what the writers' original intent was in bringing him to town? When we found out he was Duke's son, I thought maybe Duke was alive and would rise from the dead to meet his son. It never happened.
But Griffin was a priest in a crisis of faith, and that interested me... I think every soap needs one person who is the moral center, the stable, kind person to whom the town can confess their sins and get moral guidance. GH has had Lila Q, Emily Q, Laura, and others fill that role over the years. But Griffin was a man still wrestling with faith and flesh, and I was enjoying that journey. It doesn't matter, though, because he's probably gone splat on the sidewalks of Port Charles.
In other mysteries, Shiloh is holding a big Dawn of Day shindig on Valentine's Day. He really, really wants Sam to attend. That can't be good. Sweeps month and GH holiday parties always seem to end in mayhem and disaster.
Who is this mystery woman that Spinelli dug up, "Harmony," a.k.a. Lorraine Miller, who is partnering in Dawn of Day? Maybe another of Sam's former husband's kids? I'm so happy to see Bradford Anderson in town and on the GH canvas, but I'd like him to stick around a bit and have a real, meaty storyline. Let him break up with Ellie and come back to Port Charles full-time with baby Georgie (who isn't really a baby anymore, I guess). I love Maxie and Peter, so I am not suggesting a romantic reunion, but I would love to see Maxie and Spinelli interact. There is something so precious about their connection, I want to see them interact more.
But I digress from the matter at hand...Jason is heading to Beechers Corners to find Harmony. She's probably hiding in the Whitakers' barn. He should take Laura with him, as she knows that place inside and out. I love shout-outs to GH's past -- they also mentioned Jackie Templeton in this storyline (formerly Demi Moore's character on GH) -- so I can't help wondering if this current storyline is going to tie into something from the past. All I know right now is that one week after reuniting, Jason and Sam are fake breaking up, so we will be treated to multiple scenes of them fake fighting or stealing kisses, and before it's started, I'm already bored with it.
In other Davis girl discussions, as soon as Alexis started telling the guy at the bar all of her problems, I said to Jeff, "That's her new shrink." I was not shocked when she opened the door to find him because I had predicted it ten minutes earlier, and you did, too. Perhaps he will end up being a love interest for Alexis, since they refuse to reunite her with Julian. When the real Kevin is found and goes back to practicing, maybe Alexis can return to him and date Dr. Byrne, who is potentially a good match for her because he's smart and not a mobster (as far as we know right now).
I'm also having a bit of trouble suspending my disbelief about Liesl Obrecht being hired by the man she tied to a bed and tortured for months. Despite her claims that she was just "crazed by grief" and that "it won't happen again," if I were Peter, I would never hire her in a million years, no matter how clever her writing is or how big Maxie makes her eyes when she pleads with him for mercy for Liesl. And neither would you. No one would hire their torturer for a job at their company.
I want Liesl to out Sasha, anyway, and just end my misery. We know that Nina will find out. We know she will dump Valentin again. Maybe after they remarry in some Valentine's Day über romantic wedding? Who knows, I just know it's coming, and I hate it.
Sasha is being defiant to Valentin now and has her own ideas on how to be a fake daughter to Nina. I thought I saw a scene with her and Griffin for next week, but since I think Ryan pushed him off the roof, my eyes must be deceiving me.
Liesl can blackmail Brad, too, because she is the one person who knows that Nelle's baby is alive and well in Port Charles. She hinted as much to Carly, but Carly didn't bite on her bait.
Dr. Terry gave Oscar the encouraging news that his tumor had temporarily stopped growing. I have read some speculation that Oscar may perish in a car accident instead of from his cancer, which I hope is false. But the fact that Oscar got a car and the fact that he and Joss are determined to "live life to the fullest" until he can't anymore means they have made some questionable choices, and driving erratically might be one of the choices they make. How would you feel if that's the thing that takes Oscar's life instead of the brain tumor? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Dante come home to see his ailing wife, blow his cover, and bring a new batch of thugs to town? Will GH hire Jacob Young to come back as Lucky to check on his sister, Lulu, since he expressed an interest in returning? Will Aiden compete on MasterChef Junior or become an Olympic skating sensation? Will Anna adopt my life rule: "never turn down free champagne, no matter who offers it"? Will Willow (please) get in Ryan's way pretty soon and become just another driver's license?
Will Gail's will reading on April 1 shock the town, or are they just toying with us? Will Heather escape when she hears that a maniac is trying to frame her son for murder? (I'd take Heather winning in a fight with Ryan any day.) Will Lulu's previous brainwashing from Stavros pop up and make them doubt her brainwashing from Ryan? Will Scott Baldwin's stall tactic of getting Franco an MRI help or hurt his case? Will the smart people of Port Charles find their brains? Will any business in Port Charles sign up for security cameras when a serial killer is on the loose?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.
What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- and there are many ways you can share your thoughts.