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Nadia Bjorlin
Episode 2: The Family Feud
For the episode airing October 2, 2011

It's the second week, and I'm totally settling into my new Sunday night obsession. After the heavy drama of The Good Wife, I am enjoying slipping into something a little more light and fluffy. Dirty Soap is the perfect way to cap off my weekend.

This week, we met the fam. There were adorable kids, heartfelt goodbyes, and the most awkward flower arrangement in the history of television. Let's see what happened when the real family met up with our soap family.


KELLY
For someone who just ended an 18-year relationship, Kelly sure has a lot of girlfriends! Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm sure it's a testament to what a cool chick she is and/or how awesome her poolside dinner parties are. But, usually when people break up, they divvy up custody of the friends too. Not Kelly. It's clear that these ladies are like her family and showered her with the much-needed post-breakup attention. Good job, ladies!

Kelly's plethora of friends made her an even longer list of potential suitors. It was kind of like The Bachlorette, only none of the guys were there and they never actually went on any dates. Being the good sport that she is, Kelly vowed to get in touch with all of their publicists. Look out Ryan Gosling, Chris Cornell (who's married with kids, so he's off the list), James Franco, John Mayer, and Kevin Conley, there may be an end table with a date card and a rose appearing at your front door soon!


KIRSTEN
It's terribly sad that Kirsten doesn't speak to her parents anymore. I'm not sure what happened, but it's clear that Kirsten has a ton of regret over it. I do feel bad for her because anyone who has so much fame, so young, has to have some crazy life experience, and it can't be easy to find a "normal" in that life.

The one family member whom she does keep up with is her brother, Austin. But, he's leaving for flight school for a year on the other side of the country. I'm guessing Pensacola, Florida, since I know that's where a lot of trainings are. But, it might as well be the moon for his fiancé and two kids. I'm not sure why they don't move with him, but, selfishly, I'm a little excited.

The idea of Kirsten being the "honorary baby daddy" to Lyric and Kennedy is highly entertaining. She and Tiffani (the 80s child in me wants to spell it Tiffany) seem to have a good friendship. I hope we get to see this odd couple raise the kids together; and, if Lyric gets his way, Kirsten make tacos.


NADIA and BRANDON
I think Nadia's mom was just lovely. Yup. And considerate and kind. Oh, and how about that food? Ahhh-mazing! Anyone who would dare say that Mama Bjorlin could be Kate Howard's sensitivity coach would be off. Nothing about her demeanor resembles Ursula from The Little Mermaid meets Ann Coulter. Nothing!

Plus, she was so right about Brandon being a tool! That looser hasn't brought Nadia flowers, made her breakfast, nor given her a toast in front of all her closest friends in a whole week. Dude needs to step the eff up if he thinks he's going to be cool enough to hang with the woman who, by her own admission, has a dead soul. Oh, oops. That's right. Mama B did say that her soul had died. Okay, so that may be a bad sign.

Truth be told, I'm sure that Mama Bjorlin loves her kids and wants the best for them. And to her parenting credit, Nadia seems like a great, well-adjusted modern woman, who supports herself, has great friends and, thus, is capable of making her own decisions. Just check out the good job she did decorating that beautiful house and picking proper wine glasses*!


JENNA and GALEN
I wasn't thrilled with Jenna or Galen last week, but this week it didn't matter because the two other Gerings took over and thoroughly entertained me. Dillon and Jensen Gering are awesome. Left to watch the kids alone for the first time (really?), Galen promptly learned that two kids and one dad is not a fair fight. Dillon got himself sentenced to the worst of all penalties -- the time out. In the meantime, Jensen locked himself in his bedroom and "claimed" that he didn't know how to unlock it. (I feel there may be some evil genius at work here!) The next scene is Galen with a ladder trying to break in the unlocked balcony doors.

It's no wonder he presented Jenna with chocolate cake and wine when she came home. Obviously, Hallmark doesn't make a "Thanks for not making me spend extended period of time alone with our children" card, but if they did, Galen would have bought two. Good for you, Galen, for appreciating how hard your wife's job is!


J.P. and FARAH
J.P.'s mom came to visit, and Farah, bless her sassy heart, was freaking out about it. I really thought that she had a terrible 'tude…until I met Bambi. Granted, many people I know bring their own pillows when sleeping elsewhere, but Bambi brought a cooler with her own milk! Milk, people! That's like the second most common ingredient on every grocery list right after eggs and before bread!

She wasn't done there. After ordering J.P. to eat a piece of cheese before taking an Aleve -- which really is a mom thing to do, the lady literally stood over J.P.'s shoulder as he picked out his clothes -- which really is a crazy-person thing to do. Farah did the honorable thing and politely rolled her eyes in the other room. Halfway through the episode, I wanted to rush over to their house with a case of white wine as a peace offering so that poor Farah didn't have to stress anymore.

But her stress wasn't over as the will-he/won't-he dinner date was waiting. (Girl gets no breaks!) Farah and J.P. went out to a Mexican restaurant where Farah made a not-so-veiled attempt to get J.P. to put a ring on it or hit the road, Rex. J.P. responded by offering to make a seating chart and spoke of an open bar. He then dropped the grandmother of all confusing comments by saying that he wished Granny could have seen them get…ma...mar…marr. He couldn't finish the sentence, so Farah did it for him, "Married?!"

And with that we heard Mama Bjorlin let out a cackle of relief because she would not go down as this episode's villain. That honor would go to J.P. as the dude who teased his ladylove with the idea of a reception without the promise of a wedding. And to think, she spent $120 on a pillow for his mother!


RANDOM THOUGHTS:
*Sorry, Kelly, I don't support the wine glasses with no stems. Not only does the heat from my hand mess with the taste of the wine, but where am I supposed to put my cool Monopoly wine charm?

Bambi better hope that Super Farah Fan, Bianca, never finds where Bambi lives. Else, that woman has a strongly worded letter coming her way!

I'm with Nadia on the pillow obsession. Sometimes it's dangerous to get a glass of water at my house at night because all the pillows that were on the bed form this maze of booby trap landmines on the bedroom floor. But, hey, they look so pretty on the bed!

Any chance Kirsten, Kelly, and Farah will give away some make-up tips since it's clear that the three of them are pros? I'd read that blog!

In honor of Farah, I will only drink red wine while watching Dirty Soap. Who's a super fan now, Bianca?

What did you guys think? Are you enjoying our Sunday night delight? Did you want Jenna to spill her workout secrets immediately? And, who deserves the biggest hug after this week's parental control experience, Farah or Brandon?

I'd love to hear what you think so click here to share your thoughts with me!

Happy viewing,
Laurisa



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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com/soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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