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 Two Scoops: February 20, 2006 columns
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Judith Chapman
A tangled web
by Nita
For the Week of February 20, 2006
Even the most enterprising pair of spiders working industriously in tandem couldn't weave a web as tangled as the one these Abbott deceivers have managed to construct.
I bet even the most enterprising pair of spiders working industriously in tandem couldn't weave a web as tangled as the one these Abbott deceivers have managed to construct. When all the threads of this tangled skein have been painstakingly picked apart, who will pay the price for the committed crime of murder? Will John actually be shackled wrists and ankles and forced to shuffle off to prison? And if he does, how long will he have to remain there? I can't swear to it in Wisconsin law, but here in Iowa there is a little thing called reconsideration. In short, it means a person actually goes to jail, but after 90 days, a decent lawyer can ask that their sentence be reconsidered, and should such reconsideration be granted, the gate of their particular tomb will swing open. Often called a shock sentence, their short stay as a guest of the State is supposed to convince unhardened criminals to take a more law abiding path in the future. Whether or not that will eventually be John's fate, however, remains to be seen. But just think of all the havoc that could be wreaked in John's temporary absence. Without John's solid body shielding her from her their arrows, Jack and Ashley can form a sort of tag team against Gloria, with Colleen stepping in to relieve them from time to time, when she's not busy scheming to steal J.T. out from under Mac. Of course, we've all seen Gloria in action; like Teflon, nothing has stuck to her yet, so it would likely take the combined efforts of all three of them to even put a scratch in her surface. And she's not without loyal troops of her own. Undoubtedly Kevin would step up without hesitation to lend her a helping hand and though Michael often grumbles about her, he too could probably be counted on to support her.

So, exactly what is Gloria's standing in the Abbott family? Since she wasn't divorced from Tom at the time she wed John, she isn't legally an Abbott. And yes, I remember she and John had that second ceremony, but it was only symbolic since she still wasn't divorced from Tom. And although the paperwork for the divorce was said to be started, I presume that pesky six month waiting period still applies and with all the furor over Lauren's kidnapping and everything that followed, there hasn't been time for a legal remarriage. Of course, that argument works well in theory, but in reality, legal or not, it would probably take nothing less than a crate of nitroglycerin to blow Gloria out of her padded window seat on the Abbott gravy train. I'm guessing digitally deleting Gloria from the Abbott family picture is going to take a lot more than the ineffective efforts of Abbott and Friends.

Jack is right though. Since Gloria blew like a gale force wind into the Abbott lives, she's done more to erode the family foundation than a team of termites could have accomplished. From the moment of Gloria's first conversation with John, lies have flowed like water from her lips. And even after seeing and living with the damage of all those fabrications, truth is still never a viable option for her. Her motto to live by must be something like: why tell the truth when a lie will buy you time to think up another lie.

But back to that tangled web. I'd like to slam DA Will for his refusal to blithely accept John's version of the truth. But after looking over his shoulder at the pictures in his sketch book (a pictorial journey that was not only an entertaining and enjoyable review, but also extremely close to the truth), I don't blame him for his bewilderment. Like fan Wanda said below, it's a wonder everyone on the premises wasn't lead out of that house in handcuffs. I especially got an amusing kick out of the part of his monologue where Paul received his dressing down. So often Paul is overly eager to play a rousing round of the blame game. But only as long as he's the one who gets to point the accusatory finger. For instance he seems to be having an enjoyable time trashing Michael to Lauren while minimizing Ashley's part in the drug planting plot. But the minute Lauren accurately advised Ashley was far from being a wee babe just birthed who perhaps didn't know better, but a grown woman with all her faculties (however faulty they often have proven to be) and equally culpable, Paul wanted to knock the game pieces from the board and put the game away. But I digress. In this particular conversation, Paul looked more than a little uncomfortable when Will implied he was the man who poured the mess in the pot, set it on the stove and turned the fire on low when he handed over the gun to John.

Although she was heard to exclaim more than once that family was the main reason for her return, family continued to be the farthest thing from Colleen's calculating mind, if family is even on it at all. Though many probably wonder why, J.T. remains the only subject she can give any serious thought to you. Yes, I hear you fans out there, the ones that are right now debating the truth of that statement. She's helping Lily, you're probably protesting, her former musketeer, her very best friend, to pull the wool over her warden parents' eyes, walking carefully atop her gal pal's footprints, to make it appear she's the one with the love jones for Daniel. And what a sacrifice Colleen is making. Forcing herself to lock lips with Daniel's, in a convincing match of tongue wrestling. Doing it all in the name of love interrupted, of course. Not! After first refusing to play the pretend dating game, Colleen suddenly changed her mind. But not because she couldn't stand seeing two lovers forced to remain at arms' length. But because she saw it as a way to win J.T.'s heart, not through his stomach, but through his hoped for jealousy. In her zeal to force back the cruel hands of time, she seems to have completely forgotten this is the man who hardened his heart to her crocodile tears and kicked her youthful behind to the concrete curb. Why she's so bound and determined to win back his affection is hard for me to fathom.

Okay, we all know Lily can't be trusted to do as she's told, but just the same, Dru and Neil are so getting on my last nerve with their constant surveillance, I almost find myself rooting for Daniel and Lily. Unfortunately, a new Lily hasn't altered my opinion much. I still find it hard to really care about these two. Just my opinion, I know many of you feel otherwise. Anyway, just last week I said Lily and Daniel had shown more sense than their elders by learning from their past costly mistakes. Well, this week I find I have to back away just a few steps from that assertive statement. Because as we heard the sentence straight from Dru's lips, not seeing Daniel is not only one of her parents' toe the line demands, but the Court's as well. Perhaps the teens ought to think twice about hiding behind a clump of greenery to kiss and cuddle. Not that I can fault only the kids for their unwise decisions. Given what happened before, perhaps it wasn't all that smart of Gina to let herself be coerced into playing a part in their little Romeo and Juliet play. And then there's Devon. He really needs to find a girl to admire that isn't his foster sister. I guess he's forgotten what happened to him the last time his teen hormones kicked up into overdrive. Neil kicked him out of the foster family circle.

Moving up a few years, there's an entirely different kind of drama being played out for the no longer teenagers. Once the most moral of maidens, for Mac, one compromise led to another, and then another, and then another still. Known by her closest Walnut Grove Academy classmates as the last Genoa City virgin in their midst, it was widely known that Mackenzie Browning was only unlocking her cookie jar for a man who had given her his last name. But that was waaay back then and this is now. First, with nothing even close to a commitment on his part, she offered J.T. as many of her cookies as he could stuff in his mouth. Then she moved him in Grandma's mansion and when both had tired of his creeping stealthily through darkened corridors, she moved with him back to Coed Central. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. Now the woman who decided not to hold out for marriage in case she wound up being one of those women who are always a bridesmaid but never a bride has somehow flubbed up her birth control and now has a little J.T. bun baking in the oven. Even Stevie Wonder can probably see what's coming next. Although it first appeared Mac would be taking Grandma's sage advice to give the father to be an immediate heads up about his short-term future, nothing in this twisted town ever goes according to plan, especially when it comes to prenatal notification. Not wanting to forever after be known as the woman whose man only trudged down the aisle because his future Grandma was blocking the only way out with a shotgun cradled in her arms, Mac is sure to keep her pregnancy news under wraps (which is probably where she should have kept the key to her cookie jar). In the meantime, a scheming Colleen will be coming up with plan after plan to place J.T. next to her in compromising positions that appear to be much more than they actually are from where Mac is sure to be observing. I don't think anyone has ever mistaken J.T. for someone particularly bright, so I don't imagine Colleen will have much difficulty turning his empty head. By the way, was I the only one who laughed derisively when Colleen slammed J.T. for his monogamous ways with Mac. Funny, but I don't recall ever hearing protesting peep from her pouting mouth when she was the only girl child in J.T.'s life. And should she succeed in convincing him the grass on her lawn is lusher and greener than Mac's, I expect she'll want him to be a one woman man to her. Just as funny was Colleen's other remark comparing an alleged Laguna Beach J.T. to Home on the Prairie Mackenzie. Because in my opinion Colleen is far from a Rodeo Drive seductress herself and in fact if stuffed into a homespun gingham dress would herself be a fine example of a little prairie girl herself. Unfortunately, with that cutting tongue of hers flapping complainingly, Colleen reminds me more of evil Nellie Oleson than wholesome Mary or Laura Ingalls.

The Abbott's personal problems have again placed Jabot in jeopardy. But thanks to the massive Chancellor Industries' umbrella over their heads, though they might get a little wet around the edges, despite Jack and Jill's portents of doom and gloom, there's no real reason to believe they'll actually drown in a sea of red ink. It's more likely that they'll have more trouble from inside than out. Because I doubt Gloria plans to sit quietly by the fireplace at home with no one to hound save Ms. Martinez. Especially if John is temporarily out of the picture. She's done about as much damage as can be done to the Abbott family dynamic. She's probably now ready to see how much of the business she can destroy.

Speaking of business, it was wonderful to see a suited and tied down Victor Newman back where he belonged, behind a desk. Of course, that sentiment's coming from a die hard Victor fan. I'm aware for his foes his return to work was not a day set aside for rejoicing. I'm just happy to know that finally we might get to see business actually getting done for a change. I have long tired of watching his kids focus more on the ups and down in their romantic relationship than strengthening their business ties. Of course, less than a day on the job and Victor also gave proved why he is so virulently hated as well. On one hand he showed his understanding by advising Phyllis not to be so hard on Jack in light of his extensive family problems. But then he almost immediately used the other to thrust a knife in Jack's gut by going in person to deliver the news of his failed injunction.

I think Nick should just go ahead and move his desk into Phyllis' office and save himself the time trudging up and down the hall. After all, it's not as if the space is needed for Nikki to work. Just as she did when her paycheck had Jabot's name on it, Nikki seems to always have something better to do than go to the office. But as for Nick, it's a good thing Newman doesn't actually have employees that show up regularly for work, else the whispers around the water cooler would be so loud, Jack would probably be able to hear them clear over at Jabot. I'm ready for Nick to sever the marital ties that aren't binding him a bit anyway and put me out of my misery. Then instead of having to watch them grin goofily at each other, he and his fiery feline could devour each other nightly. Behind closed doors. That's about all they would probably do together since it's not as if they have anything in common. Other than that they both like to play video games and trade sexual innuendoes. Could you imagine a three quarters naked Phyllis at Noah's basketball games, jumping up to scream her displeasure at a referee's bad call, her twins bouncing more than an out of bounds basketball? And wouldn't their dinner conversation be scintillating. How many ways can they say they want each other? And how long before Nick tired of repeatedly telling her how amazing she is.

Our Nick is quite the prince isn't he? Presenting his clueless wife with tickets to Paris for a Valentine's Day gift. How romantic. A trip to the City for lovers for Sharon and one of her business associates. Because I doubt anyone believes that he plans to be her companion. He just wants her far enough away so she can't turn up unexpectedly and force him to cancel one of his sex sessions with his flexible Phyllis doll. What about Noah, you ask? Well, he'd undoubtedly be shipped off to the same people he's been pawned off on repeatedly since Nick stepped up the pace of his infidelities. A school chum's house, whose parents by now must be wondering if someone forgot to tell them they'd become Noah's foster parents.

Okay, my turn at bat is over. Step up to the plate, faithful fans, and knock it out of the park.

* * * * * * *


SANDI - In the commentary last week, Nita, you mentioned the fact that Sharon has become this air hair (maybe not your words) about the fact that Nick is always found in the office of Phyllis and his mother when in fact these two people are NOT part of Newman Enterprises! Must be the new meeting place instead of Victor/Victoria/Nick's office down the hall. As a viewer, I can tell something is going on between Nick and Phyllis; other times Nikki and Sharon has been so on top of these things. I thought Nick and Sharon's 10th anniversary was also on Valentine's Day or is this another Writer's omit?

ANTOINE - I can not express how brilliant Lily and Daniel's plan was to keep quiet on their relationship. The moment that Dru and Neil would have found out that they were seeing each other Lily would have been on the first flight back to boarding school!! I also, have to express my disgust on how the Winter parents hate Daniel and Lily being together so much they send her to a "prison". I know it was to give the directors, and producers some time to find a new Lily, but still the thought of a parent doing that when they can afford to take care of their children is sad. I also LOVE the NuLily. I am on the message boards alot and alot of people say she definitely looks more like Neil and Dru's child. Which is true, and I feel she brings more out of Daniel, Devon, Sierra as well. Daniel is more of a man now with this Lily, because she "demands" it in her own way. Sierra and Devon put more in their character, in my opinion, and the whole teenage cast acts more mature. I haven't seen her with Colleen yet, but I hope it's safe to say that NuLily will bring more out of Colleens character too. I am also glad that Ashley stopped playing martyr. It is very noble, selfless, but the one who commit the crime needs to be charged.

WANDA - Will Bardwell should have arrested every one in the Abbott's living room on Friday (including Jack). All of the people in that room knew that Ashley didn't shoot TT. There are so many charges Will could file against the ones in the room that it makes me dizzy. I like Ted Shackelford a lot though. Remember when he was JVA 's (first Gloria) husband on Dallas? We've been looking for a SL for Jill. Wellllll, there it is. They would be perfect together. I really don't like Mac being pg. I have a feeling J.T. is so NOT ready for that. Nick and Phyllis remain my favorites right now. I love their flirting. I can't believe they are sooo brazen with it in her office though. No one is as dense as Sharon. EVERY time she goes looking for Nick he is in Red's office. Neil almost caught them even with the door closed. Did anyone notice that Neil laid the papers (that Victor sent) on the desk and Phyllis was sitting behind her desk on Thursday? Then on Friday, when Neil came in, she was in front of her desk and Neil handed the papers to her. Someone really screwed that up.

MAXINE - I am sorry but I disagree with most of you I think Nick and Phyllis are great together. I say they stay together and then Sharon and Jack get together it would be a perfect solution. If they don't lay off the air time of the Abbott's I AM GOING TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOELLE - Am I the only person that just wants everyone to perform one big ole' switcharoo? I want Sharon with Brad, Nick with Phyllis, Victoria with J.T. (nope I don't care about any of the supposed age differences - this is a Soap Opera!), Mac with Kevin, Daniel with Colleen, Lily with Devon, Nikki with Bobby (yes I know he's "dead"), Victor with Ashley (you know they deserve each other), and Jack with Jill (hey they already have a rhyme for their names! Jack 'n Jill went to the pool to have a little fling. They got down but now they've found Jill in Jabot's CEO seat.) I'm so sick of every established relationship on this show. Thank gawd for DVR's because I fast forward through every storyline I don't want to watch - which is pretty much all of them these days except when I see the aforementioned characters with my aforementioned "other-halves" for them! Tell me throwing the entire Y&R world upside down like this wouldn't give this show some much needed excitement and hopefully help the writers with some new ideas! Oh well, I know it's wishful thinking on my part and moreso then that I'm pretty certain I'm the only Y&R fan on the planet that wants to see those hookups, LOL! Guess I'll just keep watching (and fast forwarding) by my lonesome.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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