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 Two Scoops: February 27, 2006 columns
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Peter Bergman
Unbecoming conduct
by Nita
For the Week of February 27, 2006
What Colleen wants, Colleen gets. And what Colleen wants is obvious to everyone with half a working brain.
What Colleen wants, Colleen gets. So she arrogantly insists anyway. And what Colleen wants is obvious to everyone with half a working brain. Fortunately for Colleen, that number doesn't include J.T. because many of us believe only about one quarter of his brain cells light up when tested. Despite all the lip service Colleen gives to her alleged care for her family, in actuality this conceited twit's main interests can pretty much be summed up in three words: Love (for J.T.), Dislike (for Mac) and, of course, Hatred (for Kevin). But despite her confident boasts, obviously Colleen had little faith her brains and beauty alone would be enough to catch the little J.T. fly in her Venus fly trap. Instead she crooned a tune even someone with two tin ears could appreciate. The siren song of the cash register cha-ching of cold hard cash. How pathetic that Colleen had to buy herself a stalker to draw J.T.'s attention. Colleen told Lily her little escapade proved the spark was still sputtering between her and J.T.. Probably it was just me, but I saw nothing in J.T. eyes when he gazed at her. Of course, I never see anything in J.T.'s eyes, so what do I know. Anyway, should her stalker story fail to cement J.T. to her side, what germ of an idea might her next surge of cranial activity produce? The decision to throw her immature self behind or in front of a two tone automobile a'la Diane Jenkins? By the way was I the only fan giggling at the less than believable sight of Camera Boy purportedly being frightened away by someone so physically unthreatening as lanky little J.T.? But Camera Boy's paid for performance had the desired effect. At the end of it, Colleen was able to fling herself into J.T.'s arms, uttering that unforgettable and cartoonish line (accompanied by loud gales of my mocking merriment, of course), "My hero". Actually, though I am quite enjoying poking fun at Colleen's efforts, I actually want her to succeed in her quest to bring down small game J.T.. Then I can see if Mac and Kevin actually have the kind of chemistry that might be worth watching. A pairing I would find much more palatable than the one made up of Mac and J.T..

While Colleen was manipulating the strings on her personal J.T. puppet, Mac was spending most of her waking hours dejectedly studying the bathroom decor in Coed Central. I found it just a wee bit interesting that up 'til now, Mac has unhesitantly followed Grandma Kay's J.T. advice to the letter, crossing every t and dotting every single i. And by heeding the voice of long and painfully won experience, this girl was able to win her guy. So why does Grandma suddenly not know best anymore? As most of us suspected she would, Mac has balked at telling her bedmate the real reason she's been looking a bit green about the gills of a morning. Not that he's shown all that much concern. Only in a soap world is someone's reply to the statement "I need to tell you something" consist of something along the lines of "hold that thought, I gotta go somewhere." And what was so all fired important that he had to attend to it right that minute? Hadn't he just come in the door? Why didn't he do it before he headed home? I know, questions like that will only have me galloping around the mulberry bush faster and faster until I fall on the ground insensible. Well here's another one. Unless I'm the one who's minus my marbles, didn't Mac and J.T. have a discussion culminating in J.T.'s promise to tell the truth about his future face to face encounters with Colleen? So why did he lie about where he'd been? And remember the lie came before Colleen asked him not to tell anyone what he'd done for her. Okay, I feel myself beginning to get giddy with dizziness. Time to move on.

To Kevin and his words to Colleen which sounded like the most beautiful of musical notes to my ears. "If you don't like the current company, prune face, slurp your coffee someplace else." Okay, so that wasn't exactly what he said, but that's pretty much what it translated to. So, was I the only fan who talked back to the onscreen Colleen when she told Kevin he didn't know the half of what was going on with the Abbotts? Saying something like, "on the contrary, little Miss Uppity, you're the one whose nose has been filled with New York smog all this time. Kevin knows much better than you what's really been going on." Yes, sigh, I know, I really ought to get a life of my own, huh? Anyway, Kevin got a hearty handclap from me if from no one else for verbally stuffing a sock in that know-it-all's mouth. For Kevin, he should just take the advice some of you might have heard your elders dispense. Handle that little hellion with a long handled wooden spoon.

Keeping it in the family, the Abbott family, that is, it's time to turn my sharp eyes in Ashley's direction. While I don't always appreciate many of Brad Carleton's qualities, his ability to verbally put Ashley firmly in her place is always worth an eavesdrop. Because no one can tell Ashley about herself better than Bradley. Of course, although his words often cut unerringly through the bull and stab straight into the heart of things, nothing has much of an effect on Ashley's colossal and extremely self-centered ego. So even though his words seemed to roll off her thick-skinned back like raindrops on a heavily waxed car, I still got an enjoyable kick out of hearing him say them. I found myself giggling again when Ashley began moaning and groaning to Victor later. NOW the fake old cow decides to feign a worry she never felt about the possible loss of her beloved daughter. NOW her little girl means everything in the world to her. Yea, right. Despite all Victor's encouraging words (a man who, in my opinion, should have quit playing the benevolent, supportive ex-spouse about three crises ago), Ashley is absolutely right to question her fitness as a parent. Take my word for it, Miss Ashley all the rest of your ex names Abbott, you are a lousy parent. There, now you know. And while I'm at it, despite all those pats on the back from her family and one friend, Victor, I also find her lacking as a dutiful daughter. Thanks to her ill advised attempt at self-sacrifice and determination to rewrite the past so the murder story would read the way she wanted, Daddy John is way worse off than he probably would have been wound up had he been able to go to court and claim self-defense.

Lastly, I can't leave the Abbott house until I put in my penny and a half about one other Abbott. The one named Jack. Believe me, my palm is not so sore from slapping Ashley around that it can't connect at least once with his smug face. Like a broken record, he can't seem to get the needle out of the worn out "It's all your fault, Michael," groove. Play a different song, why don't you? There's so many helpings of blame to go around on this one, Ms. Martinez would have to haul out the holiday platters to make room for everyone's portion. "One mistake colors everything" Jack was heard to say, drawing an explosive snort of derisive laughter from me. Come on, Jack, even you gotta admit, that one mistake wasn't exactly no tiny toe stub. Daddy killed a man. Whether he meant to or not is not the issue. I would say that one mistake of that size would definitely color everything after it a rather dismal grey. Do I believe John should go to prison for his criminal misdeed? Of course not. After all, why should he be held to higher standards than the rest of the attempted and accomplished murderers (Kevin and Phyllis, respectively), pyromaniac (Diane), sperm thief (you know her name), corporate bribery felon (Victor), Did he or didn't he, rapist (Paul). The list goes on and on, but I'm stopping there.

Because I want to have some scathing words left for Nick-a-louse and his tawdry carrot-topped sheet tart. Why do I call her tawdry, you might be asking right now? Several reasons. One of which are those flippant, uncaring comments she likes to toss out from time to time like she thinks what they're doing is one big joke and will have no human casualties. Most recently, her smiling reference to Nick's planned romantic anniversary dinner while standing in the middle of a hotel room feeding him provocative come and get it comments And I don't like how she uses Jack to get a rise (no, not that kind) out of Nick. He mentions the SUV he got Sharon and she takes a cell phone call, practically shouting out Jack's name to make sure Nick is well aware who she's leaving to meet with. Her little dig about Sharon having his phone, while she contemplated sending him a text message. And, no, my hard heart didn't soften a bit nor did I find myself touched to tears by all her little girlish, nail biting confessions while wrapped in a cheap, scratch hotel sheet. We did it again, she stated inanely, as if that's her favorite after the act line. I've never felt like this before, she whispers, eyes downcast like a freshly deflowered virgin. Just like she never felt like she felt before with Jack and Damon and Danny, just to name the main three. Sorry, but around the block Phyllis will never convince me she has a speck of innocence left in her rancid, scheming, old soul.

As for Nick the Sneak, whose new habit of commemorating extra special occasions with another bout of sheet wrestling with raunchy Red is even more deserving of my utter contempt. Does he already have a red circle around the day set aside for celebration of his wife's birth? Will he miss Noah blowing out his next burning birthday candles, because he tripped and fell in the sheets with Phyllis? Cute and sexy he might be (who can resist a man with those dimples and those blindingly white teeth) but I still think what he's doing is pretty disgusting, mostly because of his complete lack of any discernable guilt. The least he could do is show an occasional spark of remorse. Calling his wife with his fake sorrow at missing Noah's game and possibly their dinner with his mistress salivating over his shoulder.

Oh well, one thing about our favorite soap characters, what we once believe is unforgivable behavior is soon forgotten in the face of someone else's even worst or more despicable antics. And soon we learn to forgive and forget until we like or love them again. Case in point. Nick's harsh and less than endearing treatment of Victor made him unlikable but he easily found his way back in our my good graces once he got past his rage. Well, at least until he fell (literally) on top of Phyllis. So, I'm sure given time and his properly penitent attitude (heck at this point, I'd settle for his honesty in dissolving his current union before diving head first into this one), I will one day like him again. But not today.

And lastly, what is to become of the Abbott clan without John's guiding hands on the helm of the Abbott luxury liner? With Jack in charge, anything can happen and probably will. And what of Gloria? Without John to hold her back, she's going to be all over the place. I predict Jack will have as much luck influencing her as he's had with Phyllis. As for John, despite what is being widely reported, I don't believe shuffling off to prison is the last image we'll have of the Abbott patriarch. Though it's been widely reported he's gone for good, I don't buy that for a second. Because the reports have been equally widespread that his coming absence is only temporary. I guess time will tell.

Now that I've told how things look through my thick spectacles, some of the fans will say how they saw things. See you all next week and keep those great comments coming!

* * * * * * *


CONNIE - Hey I LOVE the two scoops!! Just wanted to add my two cents worth. I love Colleen and hope she and J.T. get back together. Mac and J.T. have no chemistry together whatsoever. And HELLO, can anyone blame Colleen for her feelings towards Kevin? He has always been a scumbag to me. Gloria has always been a gold digger! As for Brad and Victoria - YUCK! I hope he and Ashley decide to try it again for Abby's sake. I don't know WHAT THEY WERE thinking when they put Nick and Phyllis together - that's double YUCK. And I can't wait for the idiot Devon to find out he wasn't as smart as he thought he was when he kept that second letter from Lily. I don't really care about those two but I don't like when peeps play God with others lives. Thanks for letting me vent!

MARY G - I have noticed that, whenever some new information comes out about John being the shooter, Gloria has this look in her eye that says she is hiding something. Do you think that she was there when Tom was shot, or maybe that she really was involved in the actual shooting? Something in the way she reacts tells me there's more there. Have you noticed this?

MARERRA - I think YOU Nita are doing a fabulous job with the way you give us these increasingly intriguing "Two Scoops" commentary columns to read and I just want to wish you continued success with it all. Oh yes, hats off to Maxine, for catching the flubs of the producers, all I can say is, you are too good! I thought I was the only one who noticed the impromptu hairstyle and wardrobe changes during the same scenes. I guess only "La Y&R" can get away with such "screw-ups" and still managing to sink the other soaps in the ratings game, right? I absolutely love the show, all of the morality and unpunished murderers and attempted murderers aside. It is truly entertaining and keeps my stress levels from going into overdrive. I digress however I just want to mention the fact that it is unconscionable to see a fine upstanding citizen such as Mr. John Abbott facing a potential jail sentence! I mean the absolute unfairness of it all simply astounds and saddens me! I mean, how in the world is it that fine citizens such as Mr. Abbott undoubtedly has always given us proof that he is, get a shot at the guillotine while scum bags like the likes of Kevin Fisher and his dearly departed dear old daddy Tom Fisher, escape time after time, leaving a collection of shattered lives behind them? I honestly do not think that Colleen (By the way, this Abbott is certainly no angel. I think most would agree this new casting has lead to a true turnaround for the worse in this character) would be even a fraction as feisty and evil spirited as she is, if Kevin, had not attempted to end her life by locking her in the freezer of Gina's burning restaurant. By the way, I love this character and wonder why the writers refuse to give her a fully fleshed storyline of her own, it seems a waste, truly. Well I suppose, I will wrap it up here and of course there is SO MUCH more I could say about the last episodes in "Sweeps Week", they have been phenomenal but as I stated once before, I DO have to WORK unlike the Nick Newmans of the world who seem content to live off of the sweat, toil and tears of their forefathers and more directly "Mr. Victor Newman" and yes, I do agree with another of the viewers, its good to see "Daddy Warbucks" sporting a suit and tie again, I only hope it doesn't mean curtains for Phyllis' part in the venture because I can only imagine the repercussions if the other two should decide to give her the boot! She is already in position to seize their cheating son away from the nest, so one can only imagine what's next? I mean where does Nick get off telling a woman other than his wife that he has two words: "I've fallen?" I mean Nick Newman has certainly reached an all new low and I just hated the way that right after declaring his possible love for "Old Red" (Still adore the moniker by the way Nita!) that he gives Sharon tickets for a romantic rendezvous to gay Paris, none the less! Joelle - Girl, that was truly too good!! That rhyme about the two lovelorns in G.C., Jack & Jill! I agree with your observations and think that these two should get together for a little bedroom bingo too! It would be quite the improvement over the tremendously terrible two, Phyllis and Nick Newman. MY Gawd!! What in the world could this dude possibly be thinking about when he has the undying devotion of poor, pitifully clueless "Brainless Blondie" to light his days with her sickeningly sweet grin of na´vetÚ and warm his sheets in the wee hours of the morning? I mean, I personally think that Nick and Sharon were a fabulous pair and well, Phyllis, is just, a cheap, conniving scandalously snanky sleaze. How dare, she smile in the face of the unknowing Sharon, who has been absolutely wonderful to her and the son, who is indirectly responsible for her darling baby daughter's tragic demise? What a miserable lout and I am frantically counting the days until poor trusting Sharon comes to her senses and gets a whiff of the coffee that has been perking on the stove for far too long! I can just imagine what this will bring for the three in this tangled web of deception and it just looks like a whole lot of misery to me. Speaking of misery, why in the world is Victor-Victoria losing sleep over breaking things off with Bradski the opportunist? As far as I can see, that is the very best thing that could have happened to a girl, as far as I'm concerned. This man's love comes REAL cheap and I think she can do better, even if it means hooking up with the confused J.T. who is not good enough for sweet Mackenzie! I think the girl should have kept her goodies in the cookie jar, really, cause this lad is so far from deserving any such treats besides, she was the one person on this soap with any true morality, what do you think? Well my fellow soap fans, I must run along and return to the business awaiting me but before I run, I would like to wish everyone out there a wonderful week to come and more incredibly happy moments of soap watching! Nita, thanks much for posting my feedback, I appreciate it greatly that you are choosing to share others views about the soap we just adore!

EVE - Speaking as someone with law enforcement experience, I wish to high heaven that the writers would stay away from "mysteries" and "legal troubles" because they ALWAYS GET IT WRONG. In real life, most prosecutors do not have the personality of a warthog with shingles. In real life, when there's an APB on a suspected murderer, and the suspect gets shot dead, the shooter would never get sentenced to 7 years unless they were robbing a bank at the time. Even more important, in real life prosecutors DON'T TALK TO THE DEFENDANT. Much less threaten them. Everything's done via attorneys. And deals are cut all the time. In real life... Oh, I give up. I just wish the writers would. While I'm wishing, I wish that Colleen hadn't turned into such a whiny, treacherous little b***h, that Phyllis would quit counting (she's run out of fingers, which I assume means she's going to start on her toes), that Daniel would get a better hair style (I'm going to keep bringing this up until it happens), that Ashley would, just once, have to face up and fess up that she's just as much of a clueless sinner as anyone else (not to mention skank, considering the sperm stealing), that Dru and Neil would realize that grabbing a teenage boy and threatening him in public is no way to get him to do what you want, and that Victor would once again get a storyline. There, I've said it. I want the Moustache back front and center and mixing it up.

LON - Hi Nita. This is my busy season so I know you can guess what I do for a living (tax acctnt.) no time to watch but I read your column and the recaps during lunch break. Love your candor and thank you for keeping people like me updated. My biggest shout out this week is to Kevin. "If it bothers you so much to see me, then get your coffee elsewhere." At one time, I thought the chastising from Colleen would put Kevin back in the hot seat but I was wrong to even think that way. This was imminent, so hats off to Kevin, hand clap for Kevin, standing ovation for Kevin. Colleen so needed that, and I hope more is coming to her from the following people: J.T., Mac, Lilly and whomever else maybe her so call father Brad.

KISHA - I agree with you; I've always wanted Mac with Kevin. I am so mad the writers made her give it up to J.T. (I mean, has every teenager in that circle slept with him at some point, remember Rianna & Brittany) and even more upset they made her pregnant. Come on nah. I don't like Nick or Sharon; I do however want Nick & Phyllis to be together. And I'm a softie. John Abbott is the most decent man on the show; I really don't think he should go to jail. From what I saw when he had flashbacks, the gun went off accidentally. I love Michael & Lauren together.

STEPHANIE - I too am tired of the whole Abbott ordeal! I wish that Sharon would hurry up and find out about her darling husband. Perhaps then she could move onto Brad. She seems to have tried to do everything to tear him and Victoria apart. She must be ecstatic about their separation now! Also, Mac needs to dump J.T. since he's so confused and hook up with Kevin (of whom I believe is a better match!) J.T. seems so cocky and arrogant! And, finally, poor Gloria! Surely she must know that the end is near with Daddy Warbucks out of the picture. Woops! Forgot about Jill. Isn't she just a nasty little homewrecker who needs to find somebody and stay out of everyone else's lives. I love Y&R!!!!!

JENNIFER - I LOVE Nick and Phyllis together. Finally Nick is not so sulky and brooding anymore. I really like him as an actor, but lately he has been given nothing to work with. He and Phyllis really simmer. I would also like to see Brad dump Victoria and go for Sharon again. This time she might agree if Nick is moving on with Phyllis. I always hated Kevin, but I really wish Mac hadn't goofed up so that she could dump J.T. and get together with Kevin. He isn't so bad anymore and Mac has much more chemistry with him. The new Lily is all wrong in my opinion. She is not as elegant and cultured as the last Lily and she has really changed the character. I am sure boarding school changed her, but ick.

ANTOINE - I'm a little upset that Nikki called Nick to take her place for the "Spring Green" meeting. Nick has a 10 year wedding anniversary, and it didn't occur to her to send Victoria, Brad, or Victor. This reminds me too much of when Dru had to rush home and Brad had to fill in her place. I now know which couple I will be rooting for. Colleen and Kevin. These 2 hate each other, well Colleen hates Kevin; however they are extremely interesting and talented. They will have amazing fireworks like Nick and Phyllis. (Sarcastic). I like Nick and Phyllis, Okay let me take that back, I do not like Nick and Phyllis. I am sorry, but I don't like affairs, sex, sinful, lust. It is juvenile and sick. Maybe if Sharon knew, and Nick would get a divorce then maybe I will like them. But, even then, what do these 2 have in common? I know they can play Pac Man, but Phyllis and Nick can do that w/ their sons. Only leaving sex. These two can't have a complete conversation w/o mentioning sex. What's going to happen when that goes downhill? Would it be Nick and Kay? Phyllis and Noah? Both playing videogames, eating pizza, only leading to them both naked talking about how they both love each other on the sole reason of sex. Nick and Phyllis may be "hott", but "hott" does not have the potential to make a couple have longevity in a relationship.

DEE - There are soooo many things I LOVE about Y&R but there are a few things I just absolutely HATE! Two being the self-righteous characters of Neil and Dru! Arrgh! I remember when Dru was absolutely horrid and did more things than Lily would EVER dream of doing. Maybe that's why she has become such a witch but lately her and Neil's holier-than-thou attitude is despicable and absolutely gives me no reason to feel anything but contempt for these two. Trying to make sure your child is safe is one thing but trying to live their lives by intimidation and threats against, not only your child, but other people is quite another. I would be more than happy if Dru and Neil sailed off into the sunset somewhere FOREVER!! They would not be missed(at least by me). With regard to Colleen I think she needs a major attitude adjustment. She is so terrible, I can barely watch her scenes. Jack, Jack, Jack!! Again, I understand trying to protect your family but blaming Michael for everything that has happened to John is crossing the line. I just wish Michael (or someone - anyone) would punch Jack's lights out!! Make my day!! He never looks at Ashley (St. Ashley) and acknowledges that some of this (the biggest part) is HER fault! He is always ready to defend poor, pitiful Ashley and throw everyone else under the wheels of the bus! I would love to see him put in his place! I have watched this show for years and years and years! I love it and I appreciate the chance to vent!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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